chillii Posted April 13, 2022 Posted April 13, 2022 1 hour ago, divegrl said: What does his ex say about the nanny? It’s crazy that you are hanging out with his ex at 2 months into the relationship? This whole situation sounds a bit off to me. Yeah , not wrong , 2mths and you've been around the ex and a lot , wth ! Ah well , knock yourself out.
Wiseman2 Posted April 13, 2022 Posted April 13, 2022 9 hours ago, wakeupcal said: . I just feel weird about the nanny telling me my place with out asking. Just observe. It's not your place to tell his employees off. It's your responsibility to yourself to step back and reflect on this situation. It's unwise to start a war with someone his children are close to. You may not have felt comfortable with her comments but she's been around a lot longer than you have and is more valuable to his children and his household at this point. 3
Gaeta Posted April 13, 2022 Posted April 13, 2022 11 hours ago, wakeupcal said: I enjoyed meeting her and we have been together a lot other then when he has his children. Under what circumstances do you spend time with his ex? What is your bf's dating history?
Mrin Posted April 13, 2022 Posted April 13, 2022 On 4/11/2022 at 7:54 PM, Ami1uwant said: I’m betting the nanny is hot the other women were jealous about her they tried to get rid of her naked mud wrestling ensued…. YESSSSSHHH!
Author wakeupcal Posted April 25, 2022 Author Posted April 25, 2022 So the last few weeks have been fineish I talked to him about what the nanny said and he stated he had words with her that same morning for telling him also not to let me move in (that was never something we were talking about) see nanny post. He sent me some emails between him and the nanny with him detailing what was acceptable. Seemed cut and dry, clear. He would keep her until summer and find a new nanny come fall. The thing is he could not stop brining the nanny up and the past ways she has gotten in between his relationship. I told him, let’s not talk about her anymore to the fact that there was no reason to discuss her. He just can’t stop, now he says I’m jealous of her and that’s why I don’t want to talk about her, it’s insane. I told him today I need time to figure out what I want in the future and if this situation would ever make sense to me. I guess it’s done. You meet someone you think is great and then realize there is so much drama. anyway back to single life. Thanks for all the last replies it did help me try to navigate what was happening. 3 1
Wiseman2 Posted April 25, 2022 Posted April 25, 2022 45 minutes ago, wakeupcal said: The thing is he could not stop brining the nanny up and the past ways she has gotten in between his relationship. I told him, let’s not talk about her anymore to the fact that there was no reason to discuss her. He just can’t stop, now he says I’m jealous of her and that’s why I don’t want to talk about her, it’s insane Sorry this happened. Yes, red flags all over be glad you dodged this bullet. Next time step back and observe for a while before intervening and getting a defensive reaction. 1 1
chillii Posted April 25, 2022 Posted April 25, 2022 Not really , he also has to think about he's kids to and their stability. They also might be fond of her at this stage all getting along and their routine all working nicely for school and stuff to. There could be a gap to in replacing her and the headache of dealing with all that to if he dumped her right now. But she def' sounds like too much nanny none the less. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 10 hours ago, wakeupcal said: The thing is he could not stop brining the nanny up and the past ways she has gotten in between his relationship. I told him, let’s not talk about her anymore to the fact that there was no reason to discuss her. He just can’t stop Something is really off about their dynamic. I would personally leave them to it, and find a man who doesn't come with a Life Baby-sitter. 2 1
Acacia98 Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 16 hours ago, wakeupcal said: So the last few weeks have been fineish I talked to him about what the nanny said and he stated he had words with her that same morning for telling him also not to let me move in (that was never something we were talking about) see nanny post. He sent me some emails between him and the nanny with him detailing what was acceptable. Seemed cut and dry, clear. He would keep her until summer and find a new nanny come fall. The thing is he could not stop brining the nanny up and the past ways she has gotten in between his relationship. I told him, let’s not talk about her anymore to the fact that there was no reason to discuss her. He just can’t stop, now he says I’m jealous of her and that’s why I don’t want to talk about her, it’s insane. I think you made the right decision. This is way too much drama... When you first started, it sounded like you were dealing with someone who was overstepping her bounds, a rude/inappropriate employee. But the more that you say, the more it seems to me there's something this guy's not telling you. First of all, the fact that she has done similar things to his previous dates/relationships and he has not taken any action to end that problem once and for all tells you he has been tolerating this problem for a long time. So why has he been tolerating it? Is it because she's so good with his kids? If yes, why not conduct his dating life away from home and her interference? Why not send her out on leave when the kids are away and he wants to bring you over? A straightforward guy would have found a way to create and reinforce boundaries the very first time this happened. This guy seems to enjoy the conflict and drama, even as he pretends to be helpless (in my opinion). The fact that he's showing you his communications with her is pretty messed up. You're not her employer. You're not the kids' mother. It's a boundaries issue. Ultimately, that he went on to accuse you of being jealous of her convinced me that he had had a sexual relationship with her, and it was probably still ongoing. That's the sort of thing a man says when he's juggling two women and one becomes suspicious and he's trying to gaslight her... If they have had sex, that explains her territorial behavior and fits the general boundaries issues you have observed. It really is too much of a mess. Glad you've had enough and are moving on. 1 1
Author wakeupcal Posted April 26, 2022 Author Posted April 26, 2022 16 hours ago, S2B said: You asked him not to talk about her - yet he continued = disrespecting you. and he obviously didn’t find it crossing such a boundary that he let her go now… he said end of summer = he’s not a man of action… he’s a man who delays and delays the tough decisions. not my favorite qualities in any man! It got more nuts he texted today that the nanny wrote me an email and he forwarded it to me. Not even sure why this is still happening. So twilight zone.
Wiseman2 Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 1 hour ago, wakeupcal said: It got more nuts he texted today that the nanny wrote me an email and he forwarded it to me. So twilight zone. Delete and block him if you broke up. 2
SumGuy Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, wakeupcal said: It got more nuts he texted today that the nanny wrote me an email and he forwarded it to me. Not even sure why this is still happening. So twilight zone. Nanny accomplished her mission, sounds like she got you out of his life. Not surprising he wants to talk about this as the nanny is f'ing with his life and in a way she has hostages, his kids. Finding a good nanny is not easy, or even good child care frankly, unless you are very wealthy. I'd keep in mind that a lot of what you may find weird is because he is putting his kids and their needs first, and likely having to choose between the lesser of two evils. Think of all the advice people are so ready to give when they don't have to implement it and face the fall-out when it comes to workplace BS. From somehow assuming HR is your friend, that rationality can work and quitting and finding another job comes with zero major potential consequences. It's easy to sit back and say how someone else should navigate a difficult set of choices when they don't have to live the consequences. I'd keep that in mind when judging what is going on and not let yourself get sucked into the nanny's game. Ignoring a meddler like this nanny is the most powerful thing you can do, she thrives on the drama. In away it is not much different than a meddling and difficult ex. It's still happening because he is trying to smooth the waters here and come to some resolution. The nanny will never let that happen, and she is working overtime to drive a wedge between you two (which by all accounts is working very well). The counter to the nanny is for you and him to be on the same team, just discuss what the nanny is up to etc. (forewarned is fore armed) but as a team put the nanny off, make her think her meddling is being heard, but just go on while the process of finding a new nanny begins. The secret to dealing with people like the nanny is to not play their game, to not let them push your buttons. Edited April 26, 2022 by SumGuy 1
bene Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 4 hours ago, wakeupcal said: It got more nuts he texted today that the nanny wrote me an email and he forwarded it to me. I think there is something they’re not telling you. Nobody in their right mind would let an employee overstep personal boundaries like this and certainly wouldn’t forward e-mails back and forth between a new girlfriend and a nanny. Whatever is going on there, I’d steer clear of this mess. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 26 minutes ago, bene said: I think there is something they’re not telling you. I agree. OP, I would not stand for this. I would be gone.
bene Posted April 26, 2022 Posted April 26, 2022 Just a thought - are you sure that this nanny is in fact the nanny and not the actual ex-wife herself?
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