Conversation with Nanny - Updated

[wakeupcal]

I have been seeing a man for about 2 months now. Everything has been great today we had lunch at his place and his nanny was there and caught me off guard. She came up to me and said she wanted to get along (as he told me there had been previous conflicts with people he dated and the nanny). Anyhow she said I seemed nice and shouldn’t think about moving in anytime soon. 
 

Not that I’m planning to move in anytime soon but I was kinda taken back. I know she cares for his children but not sure how comfortable with her thoughts on how the relationship should progress. I told her we would see with time but I’m not sure if I should say anything to him. Or just let it blow over. Anyone have thoughts? We are both in our mid 40’s if that matters  

 

Edited April 26, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
merged threads

[FMW]

I would bring it up with him, see what he says.  She apparently feels entitled to weigh in on his personal life.  It's best to know what you're getting into.  

[poppyfields]

Is she young and attractive?  Nannies in my neck of the woods often are. 

Yes there's a reason why I'm asking, she may have a thing for him, which is not uncommon..

 

Edited April 12, 2022 by poppyfields

[Ami1uwant]

2 hours ago, wakeupcal said:

I have been seeing a man for about 2 months now. Everything has been great today we had lunch at his place and his nanny was there and caught me off guard. She came up to me and said she wanted to get along (as he told me there had been previous conflicts with people he dated and the nanny). Anyhow she said I seemed nice and shouldn’t think about moving in anytime soon. 
 

Not that I’m planning to move in anytime soon but I was kinda taken back. I know she cares for his children but not sure how comfortable with her thoughts on how the relationship should progress. I told her we would see with time but I’m not sure if I should say anything to him. Or just let it blow over. Anyone have thoughts? We are both in our mid 40’s if that matters  

 

I’m betting the nanny is hot

the other women were jealous about her

they tried to get rid of her

naked mud wrestling ensued….

Edited April 12, 2022 by Ami1uwant

[wakeupcal]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Is she young and attractive?  Nannies in my neck of the woods often are. 

Yes there's a reason why I'm asking, she may have a thing for him, which is not uncommon..

 

She is not young or attractive. I think she might have a thing for him but I also know she is paid well. 
 

[wakeupcal]

2 hours ago, FMW said:

I would bring it up with him, see what he says.  She apparently feels entitled to weigh in on his personal life.  It's best to know what you're getting into.  

Yes that is true, I didn’t even think of that. 

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, wakeupcal said:

 Anyhow she said I seemed nice and shouldn’t think about moving in anytime soon. 

I would have drawn the boundary right there, and kindly informed her that relationship matters will be discussed with your man. 

Something is off with this scenario. If other girlfriends have had trouble getting along with her, there is a reason. You're just getting a glimpse of what that reason probably is. I would ask him if she usually feels so at liberty to give direcion in his personal life. 

[basil67]

I'd tell him what the nanny said and ask him why she'd say that to you.  

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, wakeupcal said:

 he told me there had been previous conflicts with people he dated and the nanny.

Sorry this is happening. This is a huge red flag. It's only 60 days dating so consider cutting your losses.

She seems like a guard dog he has around to prevent anything but casual relationships.

Run

[Weezy1973]

8 hours ago, wakeupcal said:

She is not young or attractive. I think she might have a thing for him but I also know she is paid well. 
 

Yes, I’d tell him, but I don’t suspect it’s anything to worry about. You moving in threatens her job. She may be trying to sabotage that, but really you don’t have anything to do with her at this point. He should know and then speak to her.

[wakeupcal]

10 hours ago, S2B said:

He allowed her to go? Did the kids come too?

that’s weird! He may have wanted her there to assess you as a third party that would give him feedback.

eeeew, the dynamics seem really off and odd.

why can’t he take you out on dates without his nanny? Doesn’t he have a say about how things go in his own life? 
 

side note… even IF the nanny was his mom - it would still be SO odd!!! He’s a grown man! Act like it!!!!!

We do go out on our own. It just happened the kids were in school and we did lunch at his home.  I have met the nanny before, we are at each other’s houses a lot. 
He is very well off and the nanny, kind of also runs his house and does all the house chores and such. I don’t want to be the crazy girl confronting her or seeming to tell on her to him. I’m not used to the world if nannies I’m a different income bracket. 

[wakeupcal]

8 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I would have drawn the boundary right there, and kindly informed her that relationship matters will be discussed with your man. 

Something is off with this scenario. If other girlfriends have had trouble getting along with her, there is a reason. You're just getting a glimpse of what that reason probably is. I would ask him if she usually feels so at liberty to give direcion in his personal life. 

Yea I should have done this. I was shocked. 

[Gaeta]

I would interpret this as he has a bad habit of moving women in quickly, and the nanny is tired of having to deal with the effects that has on the children. 

[stillafool]

10 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

If other girlfriends have had trouble getting along with her, there is a reason.

Right, and as you can see the Nanny won because she's the one who is still there.  Caution!

[Alvi]

It seems like women come and go out of his life but the nanny is a constant figure there. What does it tells you? No idea but at least it gives you some clue of what he is like.

16 hours ago, wakeupcal said:

 Anyhow she said I seemed nice and shouldn’t think about moving in anytime soon. 

Maybe she tried to warn you about him. Perhaps the problem is that he introduces way too soon every single woman that he dates to his children and his nanny. And maybe he expects every woman that he dates to play the role of the mommy to his kids and moves her in as soon as possible.

It is strange, no doubt about it. But this is definitely something that you need to look into.

[Weezy1973]

Yes in reading the additional posts, I suspect she was warning you not to move in so early. Very wealthy men tend to get a lot of attention from women so perhaps he has difficulty committing long term and she doesn’t want a revolving door of women creating instability for the kids. 

[Wiseman2]

19 hours ago, wakeupcal said:

he told me there had been previous conflicts with people he dated and the nanny

Is he widowed/divorced? Where is the children's mother?

They are attached to her and he is certainly attached to his children, so when a 60-day GF comes along the weakest link is going to go.

He's already aware of his nanny and issues with previous GFs, so discussing this when dating just 60 days seem premature.

Right now is the "observe" period of dating, not the question-his-parenting period.

[wakeupcal]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is he widowed/divorced? Where is the children's mother?

They are attached to her and he is certainly attached to his children, so when a 60-day GF comes along the weakest link is going to go.

He's already aware of his nanny and issues with previous GFs, so discussing this when dating just 60 days seem premature.

Right now is the "observe" period of dating, not the question-his-parenting period.

Mom has children every other week. 
This is the beginning and in no way am I ready to meet the kids and I have expressed that even though he has invited me out with the ex and the children, and to some of the kids events.I have have meet his ex and a lot of his friends.  
 

Im just worried about what would I be getting into if this works.  I want someone that makes there own decisions not checking in with someone else, nanny included. I could see and have more consideration with the childrens mother  saying something. 

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, wakeupcal said:

 I want someone that makes there own decisions 

That's observing things. That his decision is to have the nanny and exwife around a lot. It seems to be a package deal. Perhaps take note how many women departed since his divorce.

Edited April 12, 2022 by Wiseman2

[SingFish]

20 hours ago, wakeupcal said:

I’m not sure if I should say anything to him. Or just let it blow over. Anyone have thoughts? We are both in our mid 40’s if that matters  

 

Sounds like the nanny has really got overinvolved in the family rather than seeing it as a job! If she's good with the kids/household she's probably highly valued.

I've done live-in work and the people say stuff like you are 'one of the family'. Really you're not though, it's a job and best to be professional!

Creates for weird dynamics though! I would ignore her at this stage, also not be getting attached to his children either. It's too soon. 

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, wakeupcal said:

 even though he has invited me out with the ex and the children, and to some of the kids events

That's the answer. Two months in and he already wants you playing step-mom. This guy will not pass the test of time. You have to slow him down. If he runs, let him run. Don't be one of those women that will have participated into turning his children's lives into a circus. 

[SumGuy]

I'm guessing the nanny butting in like that is why there has been problems in the past.   Don't give her power by letting her rudeness tank the relationship.  The nanny is way ahead of herself and if the day comes you do want to move, suspect the nanny will be gone.

I'd let him know.  Personally I'd be looking for another nanny (know it is easier said than done) as that kind of behavior is over the line and can poison the kids.

[chillii]

3 hours ago, wakeupcal said:

Mom has children every other week. 
This is the beginning and in no way am I ready to meet the kids and I have expressed that even though he has invited me out with the ex and the children, and to some of the kids events.I have have meet his ex and a lot of his friends.  

 

What the , he's invited you out with ex and kids , Jezuz , and you met her , pretty full on for so early. And the kids , why does he even have you around his kids so soon somebody so new shouldn't be near the kids for a long time yet.

On the nanny thing l'd just tell him/ask.whatever , just keep it non confronting as such though.

 

 

[wakeupcal]

2 hours ago, chillii said:

 

What the , he's invited you out with ex and kids , Jezuz , and you met her , pretty full on for so early. And the kids , why does he even have you around his kids so soon somebody so new shouldn't be near the kids for a long time yet.

On the nanny thing l'd just tell him/ask.whatever , just keep it non confronting as such though.

 

 

I have not met the kids. I think it’s great he has a healthy relationship with the ex. I enjoyed meeting her and we have been together a lot  other then when he has his children. It is too early for me, to meet his kids. I agree. 
 

I’m comfortable with meeting the ex the nanny, not the children. I just feel weird about the nanny telling me my place with out asking. It’s kind of a red flag this is the first person I have dated and liked in a long time. 
 

[divegrl]

What does his ex say about the nanny?  It’s crazy that you are hanging out with his ex at 2 months into the relationship? 
 

This whole situation sounds a bit off to me.