2 years on, everything settled but I'm feeling lower

[smackie9]

21 hours ago, Ryan_B said:

I've tried, believe me I have. But this is my weeks schedule-

Monday- work 8-6:30

Tuesday-work 8-6:30

Wednesday- work 8-2:30 then have the girls from school pick up time,

Thursday- work 9:30-6,

friday- work 8-2:30 then the girls from school pick up till Sunday night.

So I really don't know how or when I can do anything else, in any spare time I have I'm either food shopping, I see one friend on a Monday evening (the only "social" part of my life that I have) and to be honest, I get so tired from my job (it's pretty physical most the time) I don't even know if I'd be able to cope with another job. I know it looks like I'm making excuses for everything, but I'm really not. I've explored any kind of possibilities that I can think of and can't come up with any answers! On the days I work 8-6:30, which is 10.5 hours, I only have one 15 minute tea break, no other lunch breaks or anything, so the thought of doing that and then having an evening job seems pretty tough going!

I don't like being so negative and down, I used to be one of the happiest people you'd meet, but things have changed and I just can't see how to get back to that happy me again!

 

 

Get a better job or do night school online (they have financing) and then find a better way to earn a living. If you are working 10.5 hours a day and can't make ends meet, you are either in need of asking for a raise or getting the hell out of there. You are being taken for granted. Since Covid, employers are screaming for workers, which gives an employee more leverage when working out an expected wage. My friend just got a new job and they found out she was thinking going for another company, they gave her a 2 dollar increase on the spot and a sign in bonus not to lose her. This sort of thing is happening everywhere. 

[Ryan_B]

4 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Get a better job or do night school online (they have financing) and then find a better way to earn a living. If you are working 10.5 hours a day and can't make ends meet, you are either in need of asking for a raise or getting the hell out of there. You are being taken for granted. Since Covid, employers are screaming for workers, which gives an employee more leverage when working out an expected wage. My friend just got a new job and they found out she was thinking going for another company, they gave her a 2 dollar increase on the spot and a sign in bonus not to lose her. This sort of thing is happening everywhere. 

I think it's slightly harder here in the UK. most companies only pay minimum wage and won't give people a raise as they know that so many people are looking for work that if one person thinks their pay isn't good enough, they'll just employ someone else who is happy to work for minimum wage instead. If you have past experience or qualifications then you'd be ok, but I only have college (known as A level) qualifications/grades in accountancy so no Ody would take me on in that line of work. I've never know any employer over here who would take someone on if they said they need every weekend off, aswell as leaving early on Wednesdays and Fridays and starting later on Thursdays, to cover my court order with the children

[chillii]

l'm sorry to say but life's often especially for the hub a complete rebuild after divorce and for many a very very hard period. We have our kids at odd times or during our only time of, finances and setting up we'd spent yrs doing are blown to bits, we usually don't get the house and paying rent somewhere with often still parts of the house and expenses to, basically it's all a real mess for a few yrs.Somehow one or the other seems to somehow land on their feet though but all depending l suppose, so many different situations.lt's a whole new start and your own new future to plan and build but it all takes time.

Good news is there are many women around to though with very little time or money left after everything and kids to but also missing things you are and willing to work together with what little time you can have together until things can be worked out later on if it turns serious.

 

 

[Calmandfocused]

7 hours ago, Ryan_B said:

I think it's slightly harder here in the UK. most companies only pay minimum wage and won't give people a raise as they know that so many people are looking for work that if one person thinks their pay isn't good enough, they'll just employ someone else who is happy to work for minimum wage instead. If you have past experience or qualifications then you'd be ok, but I only have college (known as A level) qualifications/grades in accountancy so no Ody would take me on in that line of work. I've never know any employer over here who would take someone on if they said they need every weekend off, aswell as leaving early on Wednesdays and Fridays and starting later on Thursdays, to cover my court order with the children

Sorry Ryan but the majority of what you’ve said right here is incorrect. Another reason why you feel stuck … but really you are not. 

Employee turnover is huge financial cost to a company. For this reason it makes sense to retain employees wherever possible which includes offering flexible working. 
 

No there are not a huge amount of candidates willing to work for minimum wage jobs. Employers are really struggling filling any position at the moment and competition for employees are high. It usually comes down to “who will pay the candidate more” to clinch the deal. 

And there’s plenty of Monday - Friday jobs about. 

So I disagree. You’ve got your mind set on; “I can’t get a higher paying job” and I’m telling you with confidence that you can! Without even expanding your current skill set … why not take a look? 

 

[Ryan_B]

3 hours ago, Calmandfocused said:

Sorry Ryan but the majority of what you’ve said right here is incorrect. Another reason why you feel stuck … but really you are not. 

Employee turnover is huge financial cost to a company. For this reason it makes sense to retain employees wherever possible which includes offering flexible working. 
 

No there are not a huge amount of candidates willing to work for minimum wage jobs. Employers are really struggling filling any position at the moment and competition for employees are high. It usually comes down to “who will pay the candidate more” to clinch the deal. 

And there’s plenty of Monday - Friday jobs about. 

So I disagree. You’ve got your mind set on; “I can’t get a higher paying job” and I’m telling you with confidence that you can! Without even expanding your current skill set … why not take a look? 

 

I don't know where to look in that case! There was a new discount store that opened up in my area recently and I read online that there were 28 jobs going (all at minimum wage) and over 260 people applied for those jobs, so it seems that in my area atleast (in Norfolk) that there is a big pool of people looking for work! I think I could have found something better if I was able to just apply for a normal monday-friday 9-5 job or whatever, but I just haven't been able to find anywhere happy to accommodate someone starting late and finishing early on different days etc. This is where I'm "lucky" at the minute as when I start late on a Thursday, I can then sometimes stay late in the evening to make up my hours as I have a key to our workplace, but if I went elsewhere, I probably wouldn't have that benefit. I've looked online and in the papers etc, but there really doesn't seem to be anything about!

[Calmandfocused]

9 hours ago, Ryan_B said:

I don't know where to look in that case! There was a new discount store that opened up in my area recently and I read online that there were 28 jobs going (all at minimum wage) and over 260 people applied for those jobs, so it seems that in my area atleast (in Norfolk) that there is a big pool of people looking for work! I think I could have found something better if I was able to just apply for a normal monday-friday 9-5 job or whatever, but I just haven't been able to find anywhere happy to accommodate someone starting late and finishing early on different days etc. This is where I'm "lucky" at the minute as when I start late on a Thursday, I can then sometimes stay late in the evening to make up my hours as I have a key to our workplace, but if I went elsewhere, I probably wouldn't have that benefit. I've looked online and in the papers etc, but there really doesn't seem to be anything about!

Really? 
 

I’ve just done an indeed search for retail jobs in Norfolk and there are loads of vacancies. 
 

You’d earn more as a warehouse operative than what you’re currently earning. Alternatively register with an employment agency. You can negotiate your hourly rate, how you get paid and can pick and choose the hours you work. 
 

As I said; you are focusing on all the reasons why you can’t… sorry but you can Ryan; you just don’t want to help yourself and you’re more comfortable with making excuses for yourself. 
 

What you also don’t realise is that making positive changes in other aspects of your life will raise your confidence and help you in your journey to move on from the ex. However something’s telling me that even though you’re currently unhappy, you’re unmotivated to help yourself. 

[Ryan_B]

3 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said:

Really? 
 

I’ve just done an indeed search for retail jobs in Norfolk and there are loads of vacancies. 
 

You’d earn more as a warehouse operative than what you’re currently earning. Alternatively register with an employment agency. You can negotiate your hourly rate, how you get paid and can pick and choose the hours you work. 
 

As I said; you are focusing on all the reasons why you can’t… sorry but you can Ryan; you just don’t want to help yourself and you’re more comfortable with making excuses for yourself. 
 

What you also don’t realise is that making positive changes in other aspects of your life will raise your confidence and help you in your journey to move on from the ex. However something’s telling me that even though you’re currently unhappy, you’re unmotivated to help yourself. 

I am a warehouse operative haha, that's my job title! I do want to do "better" in my life, I really do. But I've just had so many false dawn's in my life where I think things are finally improving and then they come crashing back down, that I'm scared of making those changes. It's simple things aswell, like the fact I found out today that my ex, her partner and the girls went for a professional photo shoot last week as a "family shoot". Things like that upset me even, as he's not their dad, but he acts like he is (he's even told me in the past, in quite an aggressive manner Infront of others, that I was "weird" and wrong for telling my own children I love them) and just things like that upset me, as it's almost like he's trying to claim the girls as his own. I'm just stuck in a spot where I'm totally unhappy, but I'm scared of changing anything as I just do t see it getting better!

[Trail Blazer]

Any chance you'd consider working a roster of time-on / time-off?  Would you be open to working on an off-shore oil rig?  It might sound like an absurd suggestion initially, but hear me out!

I know this might be a long shot, but if you could at all see yourself being able to work for one month and then have one month home, you could have a pretty amazing life.

I'm a "single dad" who started working in the oilfields of West Texas and now California a number of years back.  It was life-changing for me and I am so grateful I took the opportunity when it was presented to me.

I see more of my kids than I ever did working 9-5 and I earn more money than anyone else I know.  I'm going to buy a house, a modest one, but still, if I'd wished I could go bigger.

I'm not saying it's easy, but if you were keen, I can tell you for a fact that drilling activity in the North Sea is about to boom again.  The U.K. Government will be making available new leases for oil and gas production this year.

If you were open making your own way to Aberdeen, they may be happy with taking non-locals.  Likewise, the work is hard, but the dollars, man! 

I'd be more than happy to give you advice or suggestions on how to get the ball rolling.  Most of the large operators are global companies with centralized HR depts.

I work for one of the largest oilfield services companies in the world and I have access to the global employment database.  If you are keen, I could peruse our portal for upcoming roles and get you onto the right people.

The world is full of opportunities.  The only person holding you back is you.

[Ryan_B]

7 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

Any chance you'd consider working a roster of time-on / time-off?  Would you be open to working on an off-shore oil rig?  It might sound like an absurd suggestion initially, but hear me out!

I know this might be a long shot, but if you could at all see yourself being able to work for one month and then have one month home, you could have a pretty amazing life.

I'm a "single dad" who started working in the oilfields of West Texas and now California a number of years back.  It was life-changing for me and I am so grateful I took the opportunity when it was presented to me.

I see more of my kids than I ever did working 9-5 and I earn more money than anyone else I know.  I'm going to buy a house, a modest one, but still, if I'd wished I could go bigger.

I'm not saying it's easy, but if you were keen, I can tell you for a fact that drilling activity in the North Sea is about to boom again.  The U.K. Government will be making available new leases for oil and gas production this year.

If you were open making your own way to Aberdeen, they may be happy with taking non-locals.  Likewise, the work is hard, but the dollars, man! 

I'd be more than happy to give you advice or suggestions on how to get the ball rolling.  Most of the large operators are global companies with centralized HR depts.

I work for one of the largest oilfield services companies in the world and I have access to the global employment database.  If you are keen, I could peruse our portal for upcoming roles and get you onto the right people.

The world is full of opportunities.  The only person holding you back is you.

To be honest, I'm not really sure if it's for me. It's a great suggestion and I'm really grateful for your advice etc, but I have a court order which states the days, tines and routines that I have my children which will stand for years. Also, the fact that it'd mean the girls living with my ex and her partner for entire months at a time would worry me as it already feels like her partner is trying to make them almost believe he's their dad, I think it'd confuse them even more by not seeing me for weeks on end, not to me ruin the fact they'd not see any of my family (their grandparents on my side) would also hurt them. I see how for many people these shift patterns can be beneficial, but not for me, unfortunately

[Trail Blazer]

4 hours ago, Ryan_B said:

To be honest, I'm not really sure if it's for me. It's a great suggestion and I'm really grateful for your advice etc, but I have a court order which states the days, tines and routines that I have my children which will stand for years. Also, the fact that it'd mean the girls living with my ex and her partner for entire months at a time would worry me as it already feels like her partner is trying to make them almost believe he's their dad, I think it'd confuse them even more by not seeing me for weeks on end, not to me ruin the fact they'd not see any of my family (their grandparents on my side) would also hurt them. I see how for many people these shift patterns can be beneficial, but not for me, unfortunately

Understood, bro. 

It's certainly not a job or a lifestyle for all.  Having said that, I was in the same boat as you, sans my ex-wife having another partner, but I took the leap and made it work.

Granted, we had a custody arrangement which was verbal rather than through the courts, and she certainly wasn't going to stand in my way as it meant more child support for her anyway.

The job has been life-changing for me and I'd never look back!  Having said that, for everyone person that starts, only one in every two or three stick at it beyond a year.  The North Sea would be brutally cold in winter.

Anyway, if it's not for you, then keep plugging away and try to find something else that you can work towards.  Even if all your efforts amount to is creating hope - you can run on that until you finally get to where you want to be.

Any chance of utilizing the time you don't have with your kids by enrolling in a training course or two?  I'm sure there would be many training organizations in the U.K. that do remote learning, especially since Covid.

Better still, if you could go to college (University) or even a community college (or whatever the British equivalent is) you could really up-skill and become a lot more employable if you put your mind to it.

I don't want to sound condescending, but life isn't always easy, man.  Many of us started with nothing, were raised by a single mom, and made poor life decisions (having kids early and marrying the wrong person) which set us back. 

But, you've just got to keep fighting or you guarantee yourself that you will get nowhere.  Right now, there's very little advice anyone here can give.  However, I refuse to believe there aren't plenty of opportunities in your part of Britain.

Good luck, my friend.  All the best.

Edited April 17, 2022 by Trail Blazer