daphne Posted April 9, 2022 Posted April 9, 2022 I recently started online dating after a long hiatus. 2 guys that I was emailing were unavailable within 1-2 days of their responses. I had gotten busy and when I got around to answering them the emails were gone and their profiles unavailable. One had given his full name and phone number and poof. But I can't get his email because he hid his profile. The other just disappeared. Is this new normal behavior to be that impatient? Or maybe it's just that they don't realize that if they hide their profiles you can't respond?
chillii Posted April 9, 2022 Posted April 9, 2022 (edited) l know some sites you can private/hide your profile for awhile or just to some contacts and stuff. But eh, you say you got busy for awhile, so does that mean you took awhile to answer then, they'd have thought to hell with her then if so and disappeared on you. Edited April 9, 2022 by chillii
basil67 Posted April 10, 2022 Posted April 10, 2022 (edited) It's not them, it's you. Is it the new normal to treat someone as an afterthought and expect them to be still available when you "get around to" contacting them? If you are interested in a person, take 30 seconds to send a reply. Edited April 10, 2022 by basil67
Alpacalia Posted April 10, 2022 Posted April 10, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, daphne said: Is this new normal behavior to be that impatient? Or maybe it's just that they don't realize that if they hide their profiles you can't respond? Online dating sometimes seem like "instant gratification" these days (just based on what people share). The process of dating and building relationships requires time, commitment, and effort. And patience. Having said that - if you are active on a dating website and then do not respond for several days at a time, this is a problem. People don't want to feel like their time is being wasted. Edited April 10, 2022 by Alpacalia 1
Author daphne Posted April 10, 2022 Author Posted April 10, 2022 Thanks for the response Alpacalia. One person hid after less than 24 hours, the other guy was 2 days. I was overwhelmed with work. Plus, to be honest it is hard to keep up with the number of emails when you first join an online site. I had thought about hiding my profile while I got through work but they popped up and I wanted to be thoughtful in my responses. Eh. I think it's short sighted because these things do take time before you prioritize someone into your life. It feels almost as if they made assumptions or took some things for granted, which might be negative traits in a relationship anyway. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt unless they disappear for a long time. 1 1
Alpacalia Posted April 10, 2022 Posted April 10, 2022 2 hours ago, daphne said: Thanks for the response Alpacalia. One person hid after less than 24 hours, the other guy was 2 days. I was overwhelmed with work. Plus, to be honest it is hard to keep up with the number of emails when you first join an online site. I had thought about hiding my profile while I got through work but they popped up and I wanted to be thoughtful in my responses. Eh. I think it's short sighted because these things do take time before you prioritize someone into your life. It feels almost as if they made assumptions or took some things for granted, which might be negative traits in a relationship anyway. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt unless they disappear for a long time. You're welcome.
basil67 Posted April 10, 2022 Posted April 10, 2022 2 hours ago, daphne said: I think it's short sighted because these things do take time before you prioritize someone into your life. It feels almost as if they made assumptions or took some things for granted, which might be negative traits in a relationship anyway. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt unless they disappear for a long time. Yes, it takes time for someone to get priority in your life, but that's a huge difference to composing a paragraph for someone you'd like to meet. If a guy wants a woman who's responsive (not a negative expectation in a relationship) it makes sense that he'd next someone who doesn't respond in a timely manner. I'm not sure how taking things for granted come into the equation.
Gaeta Posted April 10, 2022 Posted April 10, 2022 (edited) When you're interested in someone enough that you exchange full names then you don't dissappear 2 days. I don't care how busy you said you were, we all have time to take a minute to check our phone. That being said there are impatient weirdoes out there. Yesterday some guy sent me a long butt hurt message insulting me because l read his message and did not answer within an hour. One of them gave you his number so if you're really interested text him. Edited April 10, 2022 by Gaeta 4
Alpacalia Posted April 10, 2022 Posted April 10, 2022 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: That being said there are impatient weirdoes out there. Yesterday some guy sent me a long butt hurt message insulting me because l read his message and did not answer within an hour. Agree. OP go at your pace and pass on the impatient weirdos. Edited April 10, 2022 by Alpacalia
Wiseman2 Posted April 10, 2022 Posted April 10, 2022 12 hours ago, daphne said: I recently started online dating after a long hiatus. got around to answering them the emails were gone and their profiles unavailable. The best thing you can do is review your matching and screening criteria. For example, age, distance, other characteristics. That way you can prevents some burnout from unwanted contact. Develop a system. Respond to messages promptly from those who interest you. Avoid long drawn out conversations and focus on those who suggest meeting in person in a timely fashion. After a few messages, suggest meeting up for a brief lowkey coffee/drink at a mutually convenient time/place. Try not to focus on messaging. Those who won't meet are timewasters. Keep mind that dating apps are a sort of introduction to someone you would like to meet In Person. 1 1
Weezy1973 Posted April 10, 2022 Posted April 10, 2022 (edited) Women often think their options are limited to their inbox. I think a better system is to do a search yourself with the parameters that are important to you. Take note of profiles that interest you, and then check if you’ve received a message from any of those. Likely more efficient than just going through all the messages in your inbox. Of course If none of the men you’re interested in messaged you and you were only getting messages from men you weren’t interested in, you could always send a message first too. Edited April 10, 2022 by Weezy1973 1
Author daphne Posted April 10, 2022 Author Posted April 10, 2022 Wise and Weezy, Thanks for the great suggestions. I’ll work on a better system to narrow the field and focus on only those that I really want to meet. I don’t have time for 10 text buddies. I think I felt obligated to be nice to a couple of people that I wasn’t really interested in but were nice guys. That takes time. Also, I think that the next time I get super busy at work I’ll hide my profile until I have the bandwidth to plan my social life. 1 1
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