Alvi Posted April 7, 2022 Posted April 7, 2022 I was talking to this guy on-line about 7-8 month ago till he stopped answering me one day (ghosted me). I was a bit disappointed as I did like him but oh, well, life goes on. I completely forgot about him till he contacted me this past Sunday. He came up with the excuse about being busy at the time, career change, blah, blah, blah. Anyhow, against my better judgement I got sucked back talking to him. He asked me when I was free to meet yesterday and I told him, and poof, never heard anything from him again. I don't know what the moral of the story is, I just want to went. I wasted my time on him again. Silly me. 1
Happy Lemming Posted April 7, 2022 Posted April 7, 2022 Sounds like he fished out his pond and was going to try to talk to people he had previously rejected. I'm guessing someone else took the bait and he threw you back, again. Me, personally... I never wanted to be someone's "Justin Case"... just in case it doesn't work out with this other person. "Past behavior is a useful marker for future behavior." - various sources. 4
Wiseman2 Posted April 7, 2022 Posted April 7, 2022 23 minutes ago, Alvi said: I was talking to this guy on-line about 7-8 month ago till he stopped answering me one day (ghosted me). He asked me when I was free to meet yesterday and I told him, and poof, never heard anything from him again Sorry this happened. You dodged a bullet. He seems like a flake. Maybe the moral of the story is: no recycling when it comes to OLD. 3
dramafreezone Posted April 7, 2022 Posted April 7, 2022 (edited) 32 minutes ago, Alvi said: I was talking to this guy on-line about 7-8 month ago till he stopped answering me one day (ghosted me). I was a bit disappointed as I did like him but oh, well, life goes on. I completely forgot about him till he contacted me this past Sunday. He came up with the excuse about being busy at the time, career change, blah, blah, blah. Anyhow, against my better judgement I got sucked back talking to him. He asked me when I was free to meet yesterday and I told him, and poof, never heard anything from him again. I don't know what the moral of the story is, I just want to went. I wasted my time on him again. Silly me. Flaking is part of the cost of doing business in the dating world unfortunately. It happens to both men and women and tends to happen with the ones we like the most. If people have multiple options, invariably some of those options will get flaked on as they can't date everyone. I guess ideally people shouldn't ask about a date if they can't guarantee that they'll follow through but it happens all the time. I've seen the other side of it when a previous flake comes back around and actually follows through on the date. Can't take it personally. Edited April 7, 2022 by dramafreezone 2
Alpacalia Posted April 7, 2022 Posted April 7, 2022 45 minutes ago, Alvi said: I was talking to this guy on-line about 7-8 month ago till he stopped answering me one day (ghosted me). I was a bit disappointed as I did like him but oh, well, life goes on. I completely forgot about him till he contacted me this past Sunday. He came up with the excuse about being busy at the time, career change, blah, blah, blah. Anyhow, against my better judgement I got sucked back talking to him. He asked me when I was free to meet yesterday and I told him, and poof, never heard anything from him again. I don't know what the moral of the story is, I just want to went. I wasted my time on him again. Silly me. This the same man?
poppyfields Posted April 7, 2022 Posted April 7, 2022 (edited) Alvi, my advice is take on line with a grain of salt. Have fun with it! Chat with guys, sometimes you will fall off, sometimes they will, they might circle back later or you might. Or not, it doesn't matter, it's on line, it's best (imo) to simply have fun with it and not take it too seriously or personally. Every once in a blue moon you will find a man you truly connect with, who you will meet in person and go the distance or attempt to which makes it ALL worth it! Try and remain positive about ALL of it versus viewing it as a "waste of time." Honestly I never viewed any of my on line interactions as a waste of time, I learned and took away something valuable from all of them even when they didn't result in an in-person meet. That positive attitude and energy will serve you really well. It tends to have a snowball effect, meaning the more positive you are, even when people flake or whatever, it will reflect in the energy you project and as a result you might experience less men flaking, and more men, the men YOU want to meet, wanting to meet you as well. People are so down about on line, many have become bitter, jaded, disillusioned and those they meet (on line or in real) will sense that negative energy and be turned off by it. Not suggesting you do, actually you sound pretty cool about it, c'est la vie. That's the right attitude to have imo. Good luck, soldier on and have fun! Edited April 7, 2022 by poppyfields 1
smackie9 Posted April 7, 2022 Posted April 7, 2022 You are being way too nice...be more prickly when it comes to those who ghost/are rude/bail on you, etc. IMO first impressions count. Don't give anyone the benefit of a doubt when it comes to being treated that way. Actions speak louder than words. 4
ExpatInItaly Posted April 7, 2022 Posted April 7, 2022 1 hour ago, Alvi said: I don't know what the moral of the story is, I just want to went. I wasted my time on him again. Silly me. Keep this in mind if he pops back up again. Ignore people who behave like this and come back with BS excuses. 2
Ami1uwant Posted April 7, 2022 Posted April 7, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Alvi said: I was talking to this guy on-line about 7-8 month ago till he stopped answering me one day (ghosted me). I was a bit disappointed as I did like him but oh, well, life goes on. I completely forgot about him till he contacted me this past Sunday. He came up with the excuse about being busy at the time, career change, blah, blah, blah. Anyhow, against my better judgement I got sucked back talking to him. He asked me when I was free to meet yesterday and I told him, and poof, never heard anything from him again. I don't know what the moral of the story is, I just want to went. I wasted my time on him again. Silly me. my educated guess… you weren’t the only one he talked to. He pooped you to focus on dating someone else. I guess after 6 months it’s over, now he’s up to dating again, so he contacted you. he did this with other women and I guess the first response gets to date him. Edited April 7, 2022 by Ami1uwant
Author Alvi Posted April 7, 2022 Author Posted April 7, 2022 5 hours ago, Alpacalia said: This the same man? Nope, it's a different guy. But the story is almost the same. I did manage to go out twice with that first guy, but we didn't feel much in common. After him, I told myself that I am never going to talk to a person who flaked or ghosted on me ever again. But I relapsed. The thing is that internet dating is not easy. Guys talk a good talk but never follow up. How am I supposed to meet someone if people keep ghosting me or canceling our date last minute?
Author Alvi Posted April 7, 2022 Author Posted April 7, 2022 5 hours ago, poppyfields said: People are so down about on line, many have become bitter, jaded, disillusioned and those they meet (on line or in real) will sense that negative energy and be turned off by it. Oh, am almost there, lol. I am not bitter yet but may become one very soon. I don't know how else to meet guys since I am very shy and men hardly ever talk to me first in a rael life.
Author Alvi Posted April 7, 2022 Author Posted April 7, 2022 4 hours ago, smackie9 said: You are being way too nice...be more prickly when it comes to those who ghost/are rude/bail on you, etc. IMO first impressions count. Don't give anyone the benefit of a doubt when it comes to being treated that way. Actions speak louder than words. You are right. I tried to give few guys a benefit of a doubt and each and every time it blew up in my face. You are right, people always tell me that I am too nice, sometimes a lot nicer than I should be.
Author Alvi Posted April 7, 2022 Author Posted April 7, 2022 5 hours ago, dramafreezone said: I guess ideally people shouldn't ask about a date if they can't guarantee that they'll follow through but it happens all the time. I've seen the other side of it when a previous flake comes back around and actually follows through on the date. Can't take it personally. Yes, I think you are right. Why ask about a date if you don't want to follow up with it? I can see both sides. Oh well, on to the next.
Author Alvi Posted April 8, 2022 Author Posted April 8, 2022 Oh Brother! He just messaged me, one sentence, wishing me to have a good day. That is is. I honestly don't know whether to laugh or to cry. It is clear now that he is not that interested but wants to keep me on the hook, ready and available just in case. Obviously I am his plan B or C or maybe Z. I am going to block him now. Games, games, so many games when it comes to on-line dating. Thanks everybody for your responses! 1
Alpacalia Posted April 8, 2022 Posted April 8, 2022 (edited) 27 minutes ago, Alvi said: Nope, it's a different guy. But the story is almost the same. I did manage to go out twice with that first guy, but we didn't feel much in common. After him, I told myself that I am never going to talk to a person who flaked or ghosted on me ever again. But I relapsed. The thing is that internet dating is not easy. Guys talk a good talk but never follow up. How am I supposed to meet someone if people keep ghosting me or canceling our date last minute? I appreciate the clarification. Oh good. He wasn't the same man from your other thread. Then we don't have to beat you over the head with a silly stick. If I may ask, how much time do you spend talking to them before agreeing to go on a date with them? I realize online dating has inherently tricky aspects, and you do not need to share if you do not want to, but I simply am curious. Irrespective of silly stick jokes, don't let people flake on you. Avoid them. There are certain men for whom this may be a blessing in disguise (I know that's hard to imagine right now). If they can't even follow through, what sort of quality relationship can you expect to have with that person? That's what I'm sayin'. Edited April 8, 2022 by Alpacalia
Author Alvi Posted April 8, 2022 Author Posted April 8, 2022 2 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: If I may ask, how much time do you spend talking to them before agreeing to go on a date with them? Usually a week or two the most. If they don't ask me out, I get tired chit chatting and eventually drift away. Anything longer than two weeks (unless a guy is on vacation or something) I consider too long. I'd rather meet sooner than later. But I've been using Poppys's suggestion about taking to a guy first for a bit longer, getting to know him and feeling his vibe before meeting. 1
Alpacalia Posted April 8, 2022 Posted April 8, 2022 (edited) 21 minutes ago, Alvi said: Usually a week or two the most. If they don't ask me out, I get tired chit chatting and eventually drift away. Anything longer than two weeks (unless a guy is on vacation or something) I consider too long. I'd rather meet sooner than later. But I've been using Poppys's suggestion about taking to a guy first for a bit longer, getting to know him and feeling his vibe before meeting. That's why I asked. I've mentioned it many times in the past on here from my own dating experiences about talking a bit first before meeting... Interesting, huh? Edited April 8, 2022 by Alpacalia
Happy Lemming Posted April 8, 2022 Posted April 8, 2022 49 minutes ago, Alvi said: I don't know how else to meet guys since I am very shy and men hardly ever talk to me first in a rael life. Are you putting yourself in social situations where guys have a chance to meet you and ask you out?? Can you describe your average week and what you do to "put yourself out there"?? Clubs, friend's parties, organizations, art walks, volunteering, etc.?? I met one woman at an art showing. I had gone there to help support the artist (who was a friend of a friend). I found myself staring at one piece (he had painted) and a woman asked my opinion of the piece. We struck up a conversation, walked the rest of the art show together, then I invited her out for drinks (around the corner). We ended up dating for a while. It was not my intention to meet someone that night, it just happened. The woman put herself in a situation to meet guys and met me.
Alpacalia Posted April 8, 2022 Posted April 8, 2022 Also what kind of screening process do you have OP? I'm not really sure if you were just looking to vent or get advice but not sure if that's something you do.
poppyfields Posted April 8, 2022 Posted April 8, 2022 (edited) 5 hours ago, Alvi said: Oh Brother! He just messaged me, one sentence, wishing me to have a good day. That is is. I honestly don't know whether to laugh or to cry... Update to my previous post. Alvi, in this case, first have a laugh, then block, delete, next. I thought that at least he had been engaging you and you were having somewhat meaningful conversations or simply having fun chatting, but now agree with you and others, when a guy tosses you a crumb like he did, don't bother even responding. On to the next. Plenty more where he came from, again, try to not take it personally, or allow it to get to you. I know it's hard sometimes but try to always remain positive, it's not you. Keep smiling... Edited April 8, 2022 by poppyfields
Amanda92 Posted April 8, 2022 Posted April 8, 2022 It's not a surprise. I was texting with a guy and we even schedule a meeting. We had a time, but no place. I had plan to do some errands in his city, so I told him that at 4 pm I will be done. We texted in the morning and then he just disappeared and stood me up. After 6 months he texted me "I'm so sorry... I wasn't ready to date and you are an amazing girl. Could I get another chance?" - it was a very long message. I texted him that if he will come to a restaurant near my home - that's okay, we can meet. He texted me all the time and was very nice. And what? He sent me the last message 2 hours before the meeting and he stood me up again! But on the other side, once I ghosted a guy and I really reached him out again when I was ready and it worked.
Wiseman2 Posted April 8, 2022 Posted April 8, 2022 9 hours ago, Alvi said: He just messaged me, one sentence, wishing me to have a good day. It's confirmed then! Total clown and timewaster. Delete and block him. Life is too short to waste time on nonsense. What anyone does with their time is important. That means cutting losses sooner rather than later. 2
Gaeta Posted April 8, 2022 Posted April 8, 2022 They always come back. I have been online for 8 days now and I got contacted by 4 men already that we had some type of communication in the past. Like @poppyfields said you have to handle this lightly, play with it, don't put any hope in any of these online men until you meet and it's established you will continue seeing each other. Also like someone mentioned sometimes we're exchanging with someone and for some reason the communication drops. I am not talking about being ignored here but just communication dropping so when they come back you use your judgement. Among the 4 men that contacted me there is one I spoke to last summer. Him and I both can't remember why we stopped talking, I didn't tell him but chances are I just met someone and forgot about him. It doesn't mean I'm a player or a bad person, I met someone and concentrated on him. On the other hand, this other guy sent me a hello, last time him and I spoke I was asking him a question and he never replied....that one I kicked to the curb and told him sorry buddy not interested. 1
Author Alvi Posted April 10, 2022 Author Posted April 10, 2022 Another guy, who flaked on me in August, contacted me about wanting to go on a date with me. This is the guy who actually managed to set up date/time/place for the date but kept pushing the actual date to later twice. I ended up blocking him. Perhaps I was too harsh on him, don't know. But I found the fact that he had to reschedule our meeting time twice pretty rude and inconsiderate. There must be something in the air this time of the year. Or maybe they run out of other (primary) choices.
Happy Lemming Posted April 10, 2022 Posted April 10, 2022 41 minutes ago, Alvi said: Perhaps I was too harsh on him, don't know. No... you were not too harsh on him. If he can't bother to show up at the original time for a date, then he is just playing some sick twisted game or you were Plan B or Plan C. Either way, delete, block and move on to the next guy. I can't remember ever re-scheduling a first date...
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