do you see anything wrong with what I said

[poppyfields]

3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I'm experienced with online dating and I said it many times. There is NO magic talk, no magic subject, there is no structure of sentence that will make a woman like you, it's all about how she is attracted to your pictures, YES it is that shallow but that's how attraction works. 

I agree Gaeta, about their pic being important.

And that does NOT mean they have to be classically handsome or beautiful.   It only means that something has to stand out for ME (or you) and as I said in previous it's based on a feeling, a sense, that somethin somethin that just cannot be defined imo.

It's so subjective, I have been physically drawn to certain men whom my friends found average at best.  100% truth.   

But because of that somethin, I found him HOT and after that it really didn’t matter what he said, whether he asked me what makes me happy (or whatever); in fact such a question coming from a man I found hot wouid be totally endearing to me! 

Another men whom I did not feel that somethin somethin, the question might bother me and he gets nexted. 

Makes absolutely no sense!  I own that.  Becsuse it's based on emotion, not logic.

I am in a relationship now but when single I WISH I were one of those women who could pin-point the exact reason I wasn't attracted., it would have made things a lot simpler. 

He didn't ask me out soon enough or asked too many questions, for example. 

All very logical and tangible reasons, my attractions don't work that way however.

BUT everyone is different.

I believe that's the point max.  Every woman IS different and will be drawn to certain things and others not so much.

That's why when things like this happen, you gotta let it roll off.

As @AngryGromit and Gaeta said, there is no magic formula, no 'one size fits all.'

Simply keep going, continue chatting, interacting, meeting women and something will click eventually. 

Try and stay positive!

 

[dramafreezone]

2 hours ago, Eternal Sunshine said:

Back when I did OLD, I hated any kind of canned talk/questions. Asking her what makes her happy is like asking her where does she see herself in 5 years, what she is passionate about etc etc. Just doesn't feel organic. I usually unmatched too because those questions bored me.

Everyone is different but what got my attention are usually guys that ask to meet at some cool place very soon (even as a first message). Like check out this new coffee shop X, or this cool new wine bar Y or a gallery showing that weekend. I sometimes went just for the fun activity, even if I didn't like the guy's pictures (lol). A message like that got my attention and stood out from boring "how was your weekend?", "how is your week going" etc etc. You do have to read a profile and sense what she would be into doing.

Just remembered that second thing that got my attention was very articulate and longish first message that doesn't ask me any questions. Just kind of a guy telling me a bit about himself and giving me more sense of who he is than what's in his profile. If that is witty too, I would always reply unless pictures are horrible. I really dislike being asked questions and prefer what feels more organic: he shares a bit, then I share a bit in a free-flowing way and let it evolve.

Thank you for this answer.  I do think that no one particularly cares for canned answers and it doesn't really ever work in the guy's favor.  That said attraction conquers everything.

I think that if you read the profile and thought that this guy stood out amongst the others and checked every box, and THEN he came with a canned answer you may be a bit more forgiving as he has all of the other things going for him.

But as is the case with most matches, if it was a case of "uhh I guess I'll swipe right" and he came with the canned answer, then he's out of there.  Bottom line is every guy doesn't get the same treatment or the same number of chances to mess up.  Some guys get one strike and they're out, some get 10.

But a creative response never *hurts* you, which is what I get from your take.  But a creative, organic type of conversation can change from person to person too because every woman is different.  I know some women would think the guy was being too forward if he asked right off the bat to meet up, even if they liked his profile.  I don't think there is a response that will work for everyone, which mirrors life, you can't please everyone so guys should just go with a response that fits their personality and let the chips fall where they may.

Edited April 8, 2022 by dramafreezone

[Weezy1973]

This is why OLD is a numbers game. It’s kind of like cold calling in sales. You’re going to get a lot of “no” before you get your “yes”. 
 

Make sure your pics are recent and update them as regularly as you can. There really is no formula, and there definitely is no concrete reason why a woman loses interest. And I’d highly recommend not even thinking about that. Just move on. However, if you get no dates at all, then it may require a deeper look. 

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

However, if you get no dates at all, then it may require a deeper look. 

The key phrase being a "deeper look."

[basil67]

I agree with @Eternal Sunshine .  While there was nothing technically wrong with what you said, the segue was sharp and abrupt.  I would have made the comment about feeling the same sometimes and let her reply.   Or talked about feeling the same and then saying (with a smile) "let's change topics".  

Back to the actual question, if you couldn't arrive at it organically, I would have phrased it with a softer "what do you enjoy doing in your down time?" while making sure to acknowledge anything that has already been listed on the profile.  

[basil67]

4 hours ago, poppyfields said:

It's so subjective, I have been physically drawn to certain men whom my friends found average at best.  100% truth.   

But because of that somethin, I found him HOT and after that it really didn’t matter what he said, whether he asked me what makes me happy (or whatever); in fact such a question coming from a man I found hot wouid be totally endearing to me!   

Max, to give an example of how different women are, I am quite different again to what Poppy wrote.   Back when I was dating, I too found I was attracted to men who look like an ordinary bloke.  I didn't look for HOT.  Rather, I looked for KIND.  A warm smile and kind eyes.   Discussion which flows organically is important....but I'm also very chatty so would have been asking half the questions which really helps the chat along.  

And this takes me back to your original discussion about what you said.   Technically, it was her turn to ask you a question.  Good conversation flows when both people are proactive in promoting it, taking turns with questions and adding their own thoughts.   Don't be afraid to leave a gap in conversation for someone to fill.   And if they don't fill it, then they aren't interested in talking to you or are a poor conversationalist.   So it's no loss.  

 

 

[Alpacalia]

Agree.

I think this particular woman just had a bug up her butt.

55 minutes ago, basil67 said:

 And if they don't fill it, then they aren't interested in talking to you or are a poor conversationalist.   So it's no loss.  

 

 

[ccas93]

I remember not that long ago I matched with a cute young botanist on Hinge. She had a beautiful instagram full of plants connected to her profile. On my profile I mentioned that I like plants, and actually have a tropical greenhouse in my backyard, so I gave her profile a like.

She matched with me, wrote me first and said: "isn't so cool how venus flyraps are native to North America? I always tell people that and never believe me."

I replied "yes, and so are sarracenia pitcher plants and sundews! it is really cool what's actually native here! Your Instagram on your profile is beautiful btw!"

and I was excited for her next reply. Except, she responded by unmatching me. Maybe it's not special when she can connect with someone over her passion. Maybe she's got a ton of other options who are more handsome who can hold an informed conversation about plants with her. Maybe she doesn't like compliments on her photography. Who knows. Oh well. 

It happens, OP. 

Edited April 9, 2022 by ccas93

[Alpacalia]

34 minutes ago, ccas93 said:

I remember not that long ago I matched with a cute young botanist on Hinge. She had a beautiful instagram full of plants connected to her profile. On my profile I mentioned that I like plants, and actually have a tropical greenhouse in my backyard, so I gave her profile a like.

She matched with me, wrote me first and said: "isn't so cool how venus flyraps are native to North America? I always tell people that and never believe me."

I replied "yes, and so are sarracenia pitcher plants and sundews! it is really cool what's actually native here! Your Instagram on your profile is beautiful btw!"

and I was excited for her next reply. Except, she responded by unmatching me. Maybe it's not special when she can connect with someone over her passion. Maybe she's got a ton of other options who are more handsome who can hold an informed conversation about plants with her. Maybe she doesn't like compliments on her photography. Who knows. Oh well. 

It happens, OP. 

Carnivorous plants frighten me, but they're cool.

I enjoy knitting and metal-smithing (I know, it's not exciting, but I love colors, yarns, and patterns) and when I was asked to knit a blanket for him, I said only if I could weld a proddle stick to zap him in the butt.

I think I frightened him after that one. 

 

[Ami1uwant]

53 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Carnivorous plants frighten me, but they're cool.

I enjoy knitting and metal-smithing (I know, it's not exciting, but I love colors, yarns, and patterns) and when I was asked to knit a blanket for him, I said only if I could weld a proddle stick to zap him in the butt.

I think I frightened him after that one. 

 

especially ifyou have a 50 shades of grey reference around….