do you see anything wrong with what I said

[max3732]

On this woman's Hinge profile she wrote something political that I agree with and I replied to it saying something like "That's how I feel too. How do you feel about X? I'm a huge supporter of his"

Her: I love X too. Think he's doing a fantastic job

Me: Do you follow politics closely? Is that something you're interested in?

Her: Not so much anymore since it gets me too upset

Me: I understand that and feel the same sometimes. What's a hobby of yours that makes you happy?

Next time I checked she unmatched me.

There are so many times I match with someone and respond to their prompt whether it's about this or a pet or vacation or whatever and then when I try to transition to another topic to try and learn more and also maybe setup meeting in person they unmatch me. Is there anything you see that's wrong with my conversation that I can learn from for my next match?

[dramafreezone]

27 minutes ago, max3732 said:

On this woman's Hinge profile she wrote something political that I agree with and I replied to it saying something like "That's how I feel too. How do you feel about X? I'm a huge supporter of his"

Her: I love X too. Think he's doing a fantastic job

Me: Do you follow politics closely? Is that something you're interested in?

Her: Not so much anymore since it gets me too upset

Me: I understand that and feel the same sometimes. What's a hobby of yours that makes you happy?

Next time I checked she unmatched me.

There are so many times I match with someone and respond to their prompt whether it's about this or a pet or vacation or whatever and then when I try to transition to another topic to try and learn more and also maybe setup meeting in person they unmatch me. Is there anything you see that's wrong with my conversation that I can learn from for my next match?

too much back and forth on the site instead of moving forward with planning to see her in person.  Also I would say don't get into politics at all when it comes to dating.  It's not fun to talk about politics, you want to come across as a fun guy.  Take it from someone that has made that exact mistake, it doesn't matter if you have the same views.

In OLD you are competing with her attention span.  In most cases you are barely hanging on to that attention by a thread.  If she has a lot of matches, and she is responding to you, you need to transition that interest to an in-person date as soon as possible.  If you have these extended texting conversations on the OLD site, then this will happen more often than not, she'll lose interest and move on.  

Maybe she just woke up and said nah I'm not feeling it.  Maybe she started seeing someone she liked more.  Maybe the unmatch has nothing to do with you but it's to your advantage to try to make the date ASAP so other factors that may derail things can come into play.

Edited April 7, 2022 by dramafreezone

[Alpacalia]

27 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Is there anything you see that's wrong with my conversation that I can learn from for my next match?

You never know.

You might have offended her by suggesting what makes her happy.

Maybe she was unable to come up with a response.

Don't worry about it.

Edited April 7, 2022 by Alpacalia

[glows]

What worked for me in the past was someone observing something from my profile and mentioning an experience he had and whether I'd be up for something on the weekend. I was attracted most to individuals who were attracted to the info I provided on my online profile, related to it and then invited me out to do something similar. 

Please don't beat yourself up over the unmatches. Sometimes people swipe so quickly that they don't realize what they're doing and then realize they're not quite attracted to the person or may be in the middle of meeting up or interested in a few other prospects at the time. 

I generally don't respond to a lot of questions and prefer someone ask to meet in person or ask if I'd be up for a phone call.

[Alvi]

 

44 minutes ago, max3732 said:

On this woman's Hinge profile she wrote something political that I agree with and I replied to it saying something like "That's how I feel too. How do you feel about X? I'm a huge supporter of his"

I  shy away from the profiles that lists anything political or controversial in them. A profile  should be light and funny not a topic of any political debates. Seeing a political statement of a prole makes me think that the person has a narrow minded my way or highway kind of thinking. For me seeing this on a profile would be a reallow flag. Me, personally, I would not message that person to begin with.

44 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Her: Not so much anymore since it gets me too upset

So she is not into politics but she lists some political statements? She must understand that she is going to be asked about what she put in her profile, lol

44 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Me: I understand that and feel the same sometimes. What's a hobby of yours that makes you happy?

This could be misinterpreted as you calling her unhappy or depressed. I know, you didn't mean it that way but maybe that's how she read this.

 

In any case, this may or may have nothing to do with you at all. If she is young and a little about average looking, she is going to be bombarded by hundreds of messages. So you literally have to compete with hundreds of guys for her attention unless you find a way to make yourself to standout from the crowd.  Don't sweat this over too much. All you need to find the one that would live you back, that's all. Perhaps next time skip all that meaningless chitchat and simply ask a woman out. 

Edited April 7, 2022 by Alvi

[Ami1uwant]

54 minutes ago, max3732 said:

On this woman's Hinge profile she wrote something political that I agree with and I replied to it saying something like "That's how I feel too. How do you feel about X? I'm a huge supporter of his"

Her: I love X too. Think he's doing a fantastic job

Me: Do you follow politics closely? Is that something you're interested in?

Her: Not so much anymore since it gets me too upset

Me: I understand that and feel the same sometimes. What's a hobby of yours that makes you happy?

Next time I checked she unmatched me.

There are so many times I match with someone and respond to their prompt whether it's about this or a pet or vacation or whatever and then when I try to transition to another topic to try and learn more and also maybe setup meeting in person they unmatch me. Is there anything you see that's wrong with my conversation that I can learn from for my next match?

You did nothing wrong here.

 

in initial conversation I’d ask them about something on their profile and let the conversation go.

 

 

[smackie9]

You engaged, she then checked out your profile, didn't like and blocked you to say "I'm not interested". Basically she's not out to waste your time and that is a good thing. Try someone else that's all you can do. 

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

On this woman's Hinge profile...

Maybe get off of the on-line dating apps and go meet women out in the real world...

I'll bet you'll have better luck!!

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

Her: Not so much anymore since it gets me too upset

Sorry this happened. Sounds like she would rather have been invited to meet than discuss politics.

The other thing is that people are hit-or-miss on dating apps so could have been anything.

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Sounds like she would rather have been invited to meet than discuss politics.

The other thing is that people are hit-or-miss on dating apps so could have been anything.

from my experience, if the first thing you say is here is my number call me or immediately say when you free to date will likeky not get a reply.

[SumGuy]

Looks like perfectly normal conversation to me.  Asking about hobbies think would be a great way to transition to asking to meet, as a hobby could be an idea for an outing.

Who knows why she ended it, sometimes people get very judgmental rather quickly, quick to make assumptions based on who knows what. 

[ShyViolet]

There was nothing wrong with anything you said.  It sounds like she simply decided she wasn't interested.  Maybe she went and looked at your profile and then decided she wasn't interested, and that's when she unmatched you.

[Brian1223]

5 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

Maybe get off of the on-line dating apps and go meet women out in the real world...

I'll bet you'll have better luck!!

It amazes me your perspective on how easy you believe it to be meeting people in the real world in the current day and age.... a lot has changed since you were single. LOL  

In regards to the OP, online dating can be quite brutal, and you didn't necessarily say anything wrong. As per everyone else's comments, she just wasn't interested for whatever reason. 

[Alpacalia]

7 hours ago, Alvi said:

This could be misinterpreted as you calling her unhappy or depressed. I know, you didn't mean it that way but maybe that's how she read this.

I had the same feeling, and that is why I originally mentioned it.

I don't think he meant anything by it but she might have interpreted it another way.

We don't know. It might be anything. 

@max3732 you showed an interest in learning more about her.

It's not like you attacked her political choices or hobbies or asked her a gagillion questions.

Putting her political views on her profile ought to have been expected to get a reaction from others or spark a discussion and hopefully lead to a date from there.

She doesn't even need it on there if talking about it makes her so upset.

 

 

 

Edited April 7, 2022 by Alpacalia

[chillii]

 

l don't think you really did anything wrong as such , not really , but it all just sounds to much like questions and answerish, interviewish or something. My guess is she probably just felt a bit too much that way.

 

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, Brian1223 said:

It amazes me your perspective on how easy you believe it to be meeting people in the real world in the current day and age.... a lot has changed since you were single. LOL  

 

Although, I've been in a 10 year relationship I still talk to people (including women) every time I'm out and about.  I have no doubt that some of the women I talk to would say "yes" to a date (if I asked them).

From other posters comments, I am accepting the premise that women get inundated with messages from guys on these on-line dating apps. I am also making the assumption that the OP has been "passed over" by these women for other guys.  He has documented this in other threads, as well.

If the OP wants to increase his odds (of dating a woman) logic would dictate that he do something different, thus I suggested he attempt to meet women in "real life" situations.

 

[max3732]

1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

Although, I've been in a 10 year relationship I still talk to people (including women) every time I'm out and about.  I have no doubt that some of the women I talk to would say "yes" to a date (if I asked them).

From other posters comments, I am accepting the premise that women get inundated with messages from guys on these on-line dating apps. I am also making the assumption that the OP has been "passed over" by these women for other guys.  He has documented this in other threads, as well.

If the OP wants to increase his odds (of dating a woman) logic would dictate that he do something different, thus I suggested he attempt to meet women in "real life" situations.

 

I've attempted to do just that but haven't had any success yet. As I posted about before I reached out to a couple that had moved away and moved back and met them for lunch. I don't really know how to make plans again with them or if his wife would consider introducing me to someone. She's very social and I was kind of nervous meeting them again.

I also signed up for a beginner class and almost all the people there already knew each other and there were some married couples there as well. I felt a bit like a 3rd wheel. Afterwards I met a bunch of other people there and that was fun, but I wasn't interested in any of them (almost none were single women) and I don't really know how to go from meeting these people to finding or asking someone out I'm interested in. 

 

[Happy Lemming]

30 minutes ago, max3732 said:

I don't really know how to go from meeting these people to finding or asking someone out I'm interested in.

The vast majority of women I have dated I've met at bars/pubs.  I have met some women in other places, here is just a few examples, do any of these sound interesting to you??  Perhaps pick a few and give it another try.

(1) College

(2) Co-ed Sports

(3) Friend’s Party

(4) Long Bank Line

(5) Used Computer Parts Show

(6) Food Festival / Pub Crawl

(7) Through mutual friends

(8) Worked in same office building – different company

(9) Used book store

(10) Ice Skating

(11) Art Gallery (private exhibit opening)

(12) Apartment Complex Pool – current girlfriend

[chillii]

14 hours ago, glows said:

What worked for me in the past was someone observing something from my profile and mentioning an experience he had and whether I'd be up for something on the weekend. I was attracted most to individuals who were attracted to the info I provided on my online profile, related to it and then invited me out to do something similar. 

Please don't beat yourself up over the unmatches. Sometimes people swipe so quickly that they don't realize what they're doing and then realize they're not quite attracted to the person or may be in the middle of meeting up or interested in a few other prospects at the time. 

I generally don't respond to a lot of questions and prefer someone ask to meet in person or ask if I'd be up for a phone call.

 

l'm really surprised about that , it's just such standard all over the internet and forums advice, it's even in the help sections on date sites. To me that stuff would be like hmmm, very original , not, been reading the manual l see. But eh if that's what you liked good for you l'm not knocking it , but they've just been my thoughts with all the standard advise all over the net l see about.

And , l suppose that's just what the op did so there ya go , if it worked for you it's probably not so bad after all.

 

 

 

Edited April 8, 2022 by chillii

[AngryGromit]

21 hours ago, max3732 said:

Is there anything you see that's wrong with my conversation that I can learn from for my next match?

There's no formula that you can follow that will yield results with dating. Some woman want to get to know you better first with chatting and exchanging photos and emails before they would even consider meeting you in person, others if you not asking to meet her within the first 5 minutes of online chatting or by the 3rd email, she might write you off as not confident enough and move on to other prospects. I've dated several women that we had sex on the first date and another after 2 months of dating, it just wasn't the right time yet.  Some woman are submissive and like's when a guy takes charge of ordering the meal for both of you at dinner, another woman might see this as a controlling ahole, better run now while I can. Religion or Politics should never be discussed early in a relationship, but if you feel strongly about a particular issue,  like abortion for example, you should make sure your both on the same page before you get too involved with a relationship. When I was dating, I interacted with a lot of matches before one resulted in a date. Your success rate is  going to be heavily governed by the type of woman your looking for. The 20 or 30 somethings with no kids are going to have a lot higher standards, then a single mom in her 40's with a couple of kids.   

Edited April 8, 2022 by AngryGromit

[Gaeta]

I'm experienced with online dating and I said it many times. There is NO magic talk, no magic subject, there is no structure of sentence that will make a woman like you, it's all about how she is attracted to your pictures, YES it is that shallow but that's how attraction works. 

Now, if someone messages me and he recognizes where my pictures were taken I will reply to him <yes indeed> then he'll tell me he visited this spot and it's beautiful and I'll agree with him and exchange a few words EVEN if I don't like his pictures! 

So, when people on here say to talk about something in her profile.....big *meh*. Talk to the women that have *like* your profile FIRST.

ETA: When men like my profile first and I'm not sure I like them I'll like them back so we can communicate. I shouldn't do that but there are so much pressure on women to talk to ANY men, and to not limit ourselves to men we are attracted to that, yes we will do that, talk to someone we're not sure about. My history is full of those stories.

Edited April 8, 2022 by Gaeta

[poppyfields]

23 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Maybe she just woke up and said nah I'm not feeling it.  

Yup, this^ exactly.  No rhyme or reason, she just wasn't feelin it, as they say.

And by "feelin it," I don't mean any sort of 'deep connection' heck you only just began chatting!

But rather a sixth sense based on nothing more than a gut feeling and sense we get about someone.

Not what's written in your profile, not anything you said in text exchanges. 

Just a feeling. A sense.

That was my experience on line.. Women I associate with attested to same. 

I know I confused and frustrated many guys because they needed to have a definitive tangible reason, like you're doing max.

Did I say something to offend you?

Should I not have mentioned politics? 

Did I ask too many questions? 

Should I not have asked you what made you happy? 

Max, seriously, you said nothing wrong or offensive.

You could analyze all the "maybe it was this, maybe it was that" till the cows come home and you'll never have it figured out. 

Why? 

Because that gut feeling, that sixth sense we get about a situation or person and whether or not they're right for us or why we are attracted (or not) cannot be figured out. 

Let it go. There will be plenty others. 

Edited April 8, 2022 by poppyfields

[Eternal Sunshine]

Back when I did OLD, I hated any kind of canned talk/questions. Asking her what makes her happy is like asking her where does she see herself in 5 years, what she is passionate about etc etc. Just doesn't feel organic. I usually unmatched too because those questions bored me.

Everyone is different but what got my attention are usually guys that ask to meet at some cool place very soon (even as a first message). Like check out this new coffee shop X, or this cool new wine bar Y or a gallery showing that weekend. I sometimes went just for the fun activity, even if I didn't like the guy's pictures (lol). A message like that got my attention and stood out from boring "how was your weekend?", "how is your week going" etc etc. You do have to read a profile and sense what she would be into doing.

Just remembered that second thing that got my attention was very articulate and longish first message that doesn't ask me any questions. Just kind of a guy telling me a bit about himself and giving me more sense of who he is than what's in his profile. If that is witty too, I would always reply unless pictures are horrible. I really dislike being asked questions and prefer what feels more organic: he shares a bit, then I share a bit in a free-flowing way and let it evolve.

Edited April 8, 2022 by Eternal Sunshine

[glows]

38 minutes ago, Eternal Sunshine said:

Back when I did OLD, I hated any kind of canned talk/questions. Asking her what makes her happy is like asking her where does she see herself in 5 years, what she is passionate about etc etc. Just doesn't feel organic. I usually unmatched too because those questions bored me.

Everyone is different but what got my attention are usually guys that ask to meet at some cool place very soon (even as a first message). Like check out this new coffee shop X, or this cool new wine bar Y or a gallery showing that weekend. I sometimes went just for the fun activity, even if I didn't like the guy's pictures (lol). A message like that got my attention and stood out from boring "how was your weekend?", "how is your week going" etc etc. You do have to read a profile and sense what she would be into doing.

Just remembered that second thing that got my attention was very articulate and longish first message that doesn't ask me any questions. Just kind of a guy telling me a bit about himself and giving me more sense of who he is than what's in his profile. If that is witty too, I would always reply unless pictures are horrible. I really dislike being asked questions and prefer what feels more organic: he shares a bit, then I share a bit in a free-flowing way and let it evolve.

Completely agree.

[Alvi]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Because that gut feeling, that sixth sense we get about a situation or person and whether or not they're right for us or why we are attracted (or not) cannot be figured out. 

You know what, you are right. It is about a feeling or a six sense sometimes. But I try to rationalize that six sense and I see a pattern. I am talking about myself here as everybody is different. I had many instances on-line where I talk to a guy and just like that, I get a strange weird feeling and stop talking to him. So, I thought to myself, why is that? I came to conclusion that in may instances (not all as some are quite warranted) for me it is about a intimidation, a fear of being rejected. I see a very good looking, accomplished guy and think about why on earth would he ever want me. Don't want to go into my childhood, but it is coming from there. Also, I realize that while I want a relationship, I am afraid to open up and get attached to someone, basically afraid to get hurt again, so fear it is. So, majority of my sex sense is about a fear of a guy leaving me once he gets to know me and about being intimidated by a guy. Not very rational, I know. There are instances where I honestly don't envision myself with that one particular guy or don't see a future with him, just a feeling. But when I take a closer look at his profile, I usually find some things that would not make us very combatable. A  phycologist is probably going to say that I try to self sabotage myself before I even start. So in some cases, while a guy might be scratching his head trying to figure out what he said wrong to me, he doesn't realize that this is not about him at all.