Why would a guy compete for a woman's attention [UPDATE Should I ask if he has a girlfriend]

[PinkxoxCandy]

I met this guy at a store where he works seven years ago. We would talk whenever I would see him at the store. A couple of years ago we went out on a date and had sex once. He was in a relationship at the time. After we saw each other once he said he thought we shouldn't see each other again. Then a year after we hooked up the first time he told me he wanted to see me again. And that his girlfriend was leaving him in six months. I didn't meet him the second time.


Sometimes I'll leave things for him at his work. This is something that I've done for years. Initially, when I started doing it he told me he liked it so it's something that I continued doing. A few times I've discreetly left him provocative pictures of me. The people at his job are ok with me leaving things for him Obviously they don't know what the items are.


A couple of months ago I asked him if I could give him a massage. I went to massage therapy school a couple of years ago and wanted to practice on him. He said he would love to but that he didn't think it was a good idea. And that he was trying to be a good boy. Basically saying he didn't want to cheat again So I left him a note telling him to call me when he's single.

But I decided to try and be respectful of his relationship and not flirt with him anymore. And I befriended another guy who works at the store who is his coworker. When he saw me talking to the other guy. He came over and started talking out of the blue. He saw me and the guy talking and he overheard the guy say something. And then he came over and started talking. I don't understand why he'd do this when he has a girlfriend.

Edited October 12, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
merged threads

[ShyViolet]

I don't understand why YOU'RE doing this when he has a girlfriend.

The guy is not available, so stop playing games with him.  Stop talking to his coworker in an obvious attempt to make him jealous.  Go find someone else who is actually available.  [ ] 

Edited October 12, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[Alpacalia]

So you're going to his place of business and harassing him, essentially.

2 hours ago, PinkxoxCandy said:

A few times I've discreetly left him provocative pictures of me.

2 hours ago, PinkxoxCandy said:

A couple of months ago I asked him if I could give him a massage.

2 hours ago, PinkxoxCandy said:

So I left him a note telling him to call me when he's single.

 

[PinkxoxCandy]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

So you're going to his place of business and harassing him, essentially.

 

Harassing him? You missed the part where I’ve been talking to someone else and not him. If he thinks I’m harassing him then why is he interrupting me when I’m talking to someone else?

[PinkxoxCandy]

On 4/6/2022 at 12:44 PM, ShyViolet said:

I don't understand why YOU'RE doing this when he has a girlfriend.

The guy is not available, so stop playing games with him.  Stop talking to his coworker in an obvious attempt to make him jealous.  Go find someone else who is actually available.  [ ] 

 I’m not talking to his coworker to make him jealous. I’m not sure why you assume this. I befriended the other guy when he wasn’t around. I actually enjoy talking to the other guy. I’m minding my own business he’s the one interrupting my conversation with someone else. 
 
Me talking to the other guy isn’t me trying to make him jealous at all. He has a girlfriend he shouldn’t be jealous.

Edited October 12, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Alpacalia]

7 minutes ago, PinkxoxCandy said:

Harassing him? You missed the part where I’ve been talking to someone else and not him. If he thinks I’m harassing him then why is he interrupting me when I’m talking to someone else?

Until he does not have a girlfriend and is properly courting you, then you are not available.

[PinkxoxCandy]

3 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Until he does not have a girlfriend and is properly courting you, then you are not available.

You aren’t understanding what I’m saying. I said I am talking to someone else.

[Alpacalia]

11 minutes ago, PinkxoxCandy said:

You aren’t understanding what I’m saying. I said I am talking to someone else.

Why can't you date someone who's not a coworker of his?

 

[PinkxoxCandy]

4 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Why can't you date someone who's not a coworker of his?

 

I never said I was dating the guy. He and I are only friends. But why does it matter that he’s his coworker? He has a girlfriend what I do with his coworker shouldn’t be an issue. 
 

But you’re saying I’m harassing him. Yet he said he likes when I leave things for him.

Edited April 6, 2022 by PinkxoxCandy

[Brian1223]

On 4/6/2022 at 3:03 PM, PinkxoxCandy said:

I never said I was dating the guy. He and I are only friends. But why does it matter that he’s his coworker? He has a girlfriend what I do with his coworker shouldn’t be an issue. 
 

But you’re saying I’m harassing him. Yet he said he likes when I leave things for him.

Don't you think its completely inappropriate for you to leave things, even if he says he likes it? 

[ ]  He has a girlfriend.. How would you like some girl poaching your boyfriend, regardless of his response. Leave him alone. 

Edited October 12, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[Alpacalia]

6 minutes ago, PinkxoxCandy said:

I never said I was dating the guy. He and I are only friends. But why does it matter that he’s his coworker? He has a girlfriend what I do with his coworker shouldn’t be an issue. 
 

But you’re saying I’m harassing him. Yet he said he likes when I leave things for him.

Your self-reflection is not honest.

You like this man, and you still want him.

Trying to seduce him while he is already with someone else compounds the problem.

Initially, he welcomed the idea.

However, that's no longer the case.

As soon as he said he didn't want to do it again, you made friends with his colleague. Now you're stuck in this mess when you could have avoided it by choosing another store.

I'm not suggesting he is an innocent party, not in the least.

Regain your self-esteem and get out of this mess.

 

[PinkxoxCandy]

On 4/6/2022 at 3:09 PM, Brian1223 said:

Don't you think its completely inappropriate for you to leave things, even if he says he likes it? 

[ ]  He has a girlfriend.. How would you like some girl poaching your boyfriend, regardless of his response. Leave him alone. 

I have left him alone yet he’s interrupting me when I’m talking to someone else. Am I the blame for that too? 

Edited October 12, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[PinkxoxCandy]

5 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Your self-reflection is not honest.

You like this man, and you still want him.

Trying to seduce him while he is already with someone else compounds the problem.

Initially, he welcomed the idea.

However, that's no longer the case.

As soon as he said he didn't want to do it again, you made friends with his colleague. Now you're stuck in this mess when you could have avoided it by choosing another store.

I'm not suggesting he is an innocent party, not in the least.

Regain your self-esteem and get out of this mess.

 

You keep saying I’m trying to seduce him. But not acknowledging that I am now talking to someone else. What mess? There is nothing wrong with me talking to his coworker. He has a girlfriend he shouldn’t be in my business. What about the fact that he’s interrupting when he sees me talking to someone else? That’s not inappropriate?
 

 

[basil67]

It doesn't sound to me like he's interrupting.  Rather, he's coming to join you.

And as comparison goes, I don't understand why you are bothered about him joining a conversation, but were fine with the cheating.  If we're talking about inappropriate, the choices the two of you made when he was cheating were far more significant than what he's doing now. 

Edited April 6, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[Alpacalia]

15 minutes ago, PinkxoxCandy said:

He has a girlfriend he shouldn’t be in my business. 

 

Right. He has a girlfriend so leave him alone.

Tell him to do the same.

 

Edited April 6, 2022 by Alpacalia

[PinkxoxCandy]

8 minutes ago, basil67 said:

It doesn't sound to me like he's interrupting.  Rather, he's coming to join you.

And as comparison goes, I don't understand why you are so bothered about him joining a conversation but you actively encouraged him to continue cheating with you.   If we're talking about inappropriate, the choices the two of you made when he was cheating were much more significant than what he's doing now. 

He saw me talking to the other guy. He was standing in the the same aisle further down. He heard the guy tell me he went on a tour. He ran down got in between us and said how was it? While he was kneeling down acting like he was counting items. That’s not interrupting? 
 

Yeah, he doesn’t want to cheat but he wants to interrupt me when he sees me talking to other men. Shouldn’t he be minding his own business? 

[PinkxoxCandy]

3 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Right. He has a girlfriend so leave him alone.

Tell him to do the same.

 

Talking to someone else is me leaving him alone. 

[basil67]

8 minutes ago, PinkxoxCandy said:

He saw me talking to the other guy. He was standing in the the same aisle further down. He heard the guy tell me he went on a tour. He ran down got in between us and said how was it? While he was kneeling down acting like he was counting items. That’s not interrupting? 
 

Yeah, he doesn’t want to cheat but he wants to interrupt me when he sees me talking to other men. Shouldn’t he be minding his own business? 

There's nothing you can do to change his choices, so if his behaviour bothers you, shop where he doesn't work.  Or during times when he's not on shift. 

Edited April 6, 2022 by basil67

[PinkxoxCandy]

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

There's nothing you can do to change his choices, so if his behaviour bothers you, shop where he doesn't work.  Or during times when he's not on shift. 

I did the other day when he wasn’t there. 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, PinkxoxCandy said:

I met this guy at a store where he works seven years ago. . A couple of years ago we went out on a date and had sex once. He was in a relationship at the time. 

Can you shop somewhere else? Just leave him alone and try not to compete with his GF. 

Perhaps it's time to get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting single available men.

[PinkxoxCandy]

44 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Can you shop somewhere else? Just leave him alone and try not to compete with his GF. 

Perhaps it's time to get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting single available men.

I’m trying to compete with his girlfriend? You missed the part where I said I’ve started talking to someone else. And he interrupts when he sees me talking to another guy. I’d say he’s the one who needs to stop interrupting my interactions with another guy.

I actually do have dating profiles and I talk to other men.

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, PinkxoxCandy said:

 he sees me talking to another guy. 

It doesn't seem like he is jealous. Employees have to be nice to customers.

[PinkxoxCandy]

12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It doesn't seem like he is jealous. Employees have to be nice to customers.

Being nice to a customer and interrupting a conversation are two different things.

Edited April 6, 2022 by PinkxoxCandy

[PinkIceCream]

I befriended this older lady (I do not know her age) I was sitting out in public on a bench at my local village (it’s a place where there are different stores). And she sat down next to me and started talking. She talked for about 10 minutes. Then she walked away I saw her again that same day. And we ended up having dinner together. 

She was telling me about how she’s going through a divorce and about other things. A lot of things that I thought it was kind of strange because I don’t know her.  We exchanged numbers and I texted her the other day asking if she was going out eat. And she said no and that she was waiting on her check. Then she texted me again the same day asking if I wanted to meet up. She asked me if I had Facebook I said yes and she asked me to add her. I did and now she’s messaging  me again today asking if I want to meet up for dinner. I don’t really know what to think about this situation. 

[glows]

It’s not unusual for strangers to make friends but she does seem a bit lonely or eager to connect. If you’re not available or don’t feel like it just let her know you’re busy. Limit your Facebook profile so she doesn’t see all your info or posts.