LoveComplexity Posted April 5, 2022 Posted April 5, 2022 In my other topic I explained my situation, basically we had a relationship but sometimes she had to leave for 1-2 months, so it was hard etc... so now she kind of lost the feelings and connection and says she doesn't want this relationship anymore, but wants to stay friends because she doesnt want to lose me, wants to keep talking to me etc.. I said that we can't be friends because it would be unfair because I want her romantically and we had a lot of history together romantically and lots of deep stuff said... that I can't see it possible for us to be only friends from where we were before. So then she said she needs time to think about it... now after 2 weeks we will be meeting, she said she thought things through.. So basically what if she offers friendship again what do you advice? Obviously its not a good idea but in what way should I tell her so it comes off best? And in general what would you advise me to tell her and how to think about the whole situation?
Alpacalia Posted April 5, 2022 Posted April 5, 2022 (edited) Maintaining a platonic friendship so soon after ending a romantic relationship is very difficult. What exactly motivates you to want to remain friends? Having lingering feelings for her or hoping that she might want to reunite with you makes it impossible for you to be her friend. Make a clean break and be open to resuming your friendship at a later time if that's something you choose to do. By that point, you'll likely have moved on and dated others and it will no longer interest you. Consider also when you start dating again. The presence of lingering ex-partners is not something most people are okay with. If you feel like you have to reply, just a simple: "No. Being friends doesn't work for me." Edited April 5, 2022 by Alpacalia
glows Posted April 5, 2022 Posted April 5, 2022 (edited) Why are you meeting with her in two weeks? I'm not sure why she would respond that she's thinking about it. There's nothing to think about and quite manipulative of her to drag this out for longer than it needs to be dragged out. Your heart is in pieces as she checked out and she is showing no decency whatsoever in being considerate towards you. When the dust clears and you've healed properly you'll see for yourself that this woman has no respect for you nor is she interested in anything or anyone else but herself. Keep the above to yourself however and say this: "I prefer privacy going forward and don't want to be contacted. Wishing you the best." Then leave it and walk away and don't drag it out. Try to realize that you're making your issue worse by responding to her or meeting with her - that's a problem or habit you need to break if you want to move on. Don't always expect the other party to do the right thing or play fair. Take care of yourself. Edited April 5, 2022 by glows 3
stillafool Posted April 5, 2022 Posted April 5, 2022 If she says she wants to just be friends, get up from where you're sitting and tell her you will always remember her but this is where it ends for you. Wish her the best for her life going forward and tell her you will no longer be contacting her and ask her not to contact you. Then walk off and start your new life without her. 4
Wiseman2 Posted April 5, 2022 Posted April 5, 2022 1 hour ago, LoveComplexity said: So then she said she needs time to think about it... now after 2 weeks we will be meeting, she said she thought things through.. Be carefully not to get strung along. If she "lost feelings" and you don't want the friendzone, don't let her decide how long she's going to "think about" anything.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 5, 2022 Posted April 5, 2022 2 hours ago, LoveComplexity said: I said that we can't be friends because it would be unfair because I want her romantically and we had a lot of history together romantically and lots of deep stuff said... that I can't see it possible for us to be only friends from where we were before. So then she said she needs time to think about it... Think about...what? She has already decided that she doesn't want the relationship anymore. You (understandably and quite rightly) don't want to be friends. So what exactly does she need to think about? I sincerely hope she isn't exploring another romantic interest while she keeps you on the hook in case it doesn't work out. I read your other thread. And the more you post about this break-up, the more I wonder if there's someone else on her radar.
Calmandfocused Posted April 5, 2022 Posted April 5, 2022 Reject the offer. It’s insulting. A booby prize. It’s also a very selfish proposition. The person doesn’t have to deal with that pain (or inconvenience) of losing that person from their lives. Win/ win for the dumper. Lose/lose for the dumpee. Tell her she’s either all in or all out. There is no in between. You respect yourself way too much. 3
dramafreezone Posted April 6, 2022 Posted April 6, 2022 22 hours ago, LoveComplexity said: In my other topic I explained my situation, basically we had a relationship but sometimes she had to leave for 1-2 months, so it was hard etc... so now she kind of lost the feelings and connection and says she doesn't want this relationship anymore, but wants to stay friends because she doesnt want to lose me, wants to keep talking to me etc.. I said that we can't be friends because it would be unfair because I want her romantically and we had a lot of history together romantically and lots of deep stuff said... that I can't see it possible for us to be only friends from where we were before. So then she said she needs time to think about it... now after 2 weeks we will be meeting, she said she thought things through.. So basically what if she offers friendship again what do you advice? Obviously its not a good idea but in what way should I tell her so it comes off best? And in general what would you advise me to tell her and how to think about the whole situation? I think what you said in paragraph 2 was perfect. What is *she* thinking about though? About the two of you getting back together romantically? If she comes back with the friend thing restate what you said in paragraph 2, again its perfect. Be cordial, dignified, and wish her well. Don't be the guy that's bitter or spiteful. 1
Helicon5 Posted April 10, 2022 Posted April 10, 2022 (edited) Keep in mind if you still have feelings for her and she only wants friendship you'll have to sit back and watch her go out with other guys. Is that something you can deal with? It's great for her all around. She can use you as a friend to make any new guy she dates jealous if he ticks her off and keep you on the hook as a backup because she knows you still want her. Date someone else and say adios. Edited April 10, 2022 by Helicon5
salparadise Posted April 10, 2022 Posted April 10, 2022 (edited) Even if she says she will continue the relationship, what will you have? A girlfriend who has said she doesn't want you as a bf, who is so ambivalent that she may end it any time... and probably will the first time some other guy pays her some attention. If you were to resume under these conditions it's just a matter of time, and you will have wasted your effort, emotion and given away your dignity. She killed it. It's time to show her you have the cajones to do what's best for you. Cancel the meeting and ask her not to contact you. Edited April 10, 2022 by salparadise 1
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