Kota64 Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 I started working in a company and I met this colleague whose I felt since I met her that she is into me. She used to act nervous around me. She looks down when we make eye contact and catch her looking at me from the corner of her eyes. She complimented my physique couple of times. I always feel that she is nervous around me and can't maintain eye contact when she talks to me. I glance at her several times and she caught me many times. She definitely knows that I like her. Recently the HR who is pretty close to my crush teased me about it in an indirect way multiple times. My crush and I we don't talk that much but we occasionally joke and it is always with a group of people. I added her on facebook Recently and she accepted. I noticed that she became more open to talking and we have lingering eye contact with smile when we greet each other which we didn't have before. I asked her in facebook 2 days ago if she likes to hang out and she said that she just started seeing someone and she doesn't want to give the wrong impression. I overheard that she is single and I doubt much she is seeing someone Next day in the company we greet each other but what I noticed that she is checking me out and caught her multiple times. I feel like I asked her out too early and she was not comfortable and ready yet to go out with me? Any other explanation. Did I blow up my chances? Today and a day after I asked her out I had to talk to her something in regards to work and she could not look me in the eye she was talking to me with her eyes looking down all the time How to act around her in order to fix things up?
Wiseman2 Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 32 minutes ago, Kota64 said: she said that she just started seeing someone and she doesn't want to give the wrong impression she could not look me in the eye she was talking to me with her eyes looking down all the time Try to be more professional at work. Don't think of work as a singles club or dating apps. It's best to stop staring at her or acting in a way that could be perceived as creepy. Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women outside of work. Leave her alone and act professional. You're making her very uncomfortable and since HR knows, you need to stop before there's a sexual harassment issue.
Killian898 Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 You’ve just started working somewhere. Personally I would not compromise my career or profession by engaging with office romances because the chances of major fall out and/or complications leading to a tense atmosphere are very high, as you are now finding out. My own view would be to forget about her on any romantic level and just stay professional and concentrate on your work. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 56 minutes ago, Kota64 said: Next day in the company we greet each other but what I noticed that she is checking me out and caught her multiple times. I feel like I asked her out too early and she was not comfortable and ready yet to go out with me? Any other explanation. Did I blow up my chances? No, I don''t think that's it. I think she has either truly started seeing someone, or was using that as an excuse because she doesn't know how to directly turn you down because she's not interested. If she were even a little curious about you, she wouldn't have told you about some other guy. I'm sorry. I don't think you blew anything, because it doesn't appear that your crush is mutual. 1
Alpacalia Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 1 hour ago, Kota64 said: How to act around her in order to fix things up? Why don't you befriend another woman in the office. See if that works. 1
glows Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 5 hours ago, Kota64 said: I started working in a company and I met this colleague whose I felt since I met her that she is into me. She used to act nervous around me. She looks down when we make eye contact and catch her looking at me from the corner of her eyes. She complimented my physique couple of times. I always feel that she is nervous around me and can't maintain eye contact when she talks to me. I glance at her several times and she caught me many times. She definitely knows that I like her. Recently the HR who is pretty close to my crush teased me about it in an indirect way multiple times. My crush and I we don't talk that much but we occasionally joke and it is always with a group of people. I added her on facebook Recently and she accepted. I noticed that she became more open to talking and we have lingering eye contact with smile when we greet each other which we didn't have before. I asked her in facebook 2 days ago if she likes to hang out and she said that she just started seeing someone and she doesn't want to give the wrong impression. I overheard that she is single and I doubt much she is seeing someone Next day in the company we greet each other but what I noticed that she is checking me out and caught her multiple times. I feel like I asked her out too early and she was not comfortable and ready yet to go out with me? Any other explanation. Did I blow up my chances? Today and a day after I asked her out I had to talk to her something in regards to work and she could not look me in the eye she was talking to me with her eyes looking down all the time How to act around her in order to fix things up? When a woman tells you she’s seeing someone else, believe it. Try not to concoct ideas that she likes you. She declined going out with you so be respectful and mindful of that. If you’d like to “fix” anything fix your professionalism and stay professional with her and your other colleagues. Don’t gossip about her or embarrass yourself and make others uncomfortable around you. 1
smackie9 Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 Just because she likes something on the menu doesn't mean she's going to order it. You didn't ruin your chance...there wasn't one there. She turned you down. A woman doesn't turn down someone she's interested in. She was just checking you out, maybe likes the attention being desired. Anyways, it's done, she said no, move on. 3
dramafreezone Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 (edited) 5 hours ago, Kota64 said: I asked her in facebook 2 days ago if she likes to hang out and she said that she just started seeing someone and she doesn't want to give the wrong impression. I overheard that she is single and I doubt much she is seeing someone So sounds like you asked her out and she said no? Ok leave it at that then and move on. If she wanted to go out she would've said yes enthusiastically. Women can date 2-3 guys and still consider themselves "single" these days. In any event, it doesn't matter if she's telling the truth or not, she doesn't want to go out with you. Just be more upfront next time, and ask in person. But leave this one alone. Edited April 4, 2022 by dramafreezone
smackie9 Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 2 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: Dang man just ask her out and be done with it. If a woman is dating someone that doesn't mean she is "taken." These days women can date 2-3 guys and they're still considered single. Don't overthink this, if she likes you she'll agree to go out with you. If this wasn't a workplace setting I would agree, but this could be taken as harassment. The OP did ask her out...and she did turn him down. I think he should make himself less available to be more desirable...as they say we desire more what we can't have.
dramafreezone Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 1 minute ago, smackie9 said: If this wasn't a workplace setting I would agree, but this could be taken as harassment. The OP did ask her out...and she did turn him down. I think he should make himself less available to be more desirable...as they say we desire more what we can't have. yeah I just re-read and saw that he asked her out. I edited to say let it go, I think he blew it by being too hesistant and not direct. 2
Ami1uwant Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 7 hours ago, Kota64 said: I started working in a company and I met this colleague whose I felt since I met her that she is into me. She used to act nervous around me. She looks down when we make eye contact and catch her looking at me from the corner of her eyes. She complimented my physique couple of times. I always feel that she is nervous around me and can't maintain eye contact when she talks to me. I glance at her several times and she caught me many times. She definitely knows that I like her. Recently the HR who is pretty close to my crush teased me about it in an indirect way multiple times. My crush and I we don't talk that much but we occasionally joke and it is always with a group of people. I added her on facebook Recently and she accepted. I noticed that she became more open to talking and we have lingering eye contact with smile when we greet each other which we didn't have before. I asked her in facebook 2 days ago if she likes to hang out and she said that she just started seeing someone and she doesn't want to give the wrong impression. I overheard that she is single and I doubt much she is seeing someone Next day in the company we greet each other but what I noticed that she is checking me out and caught her multiple times. I feel like I asked her out too early and she was not comfortable and ready yet to go out with me? Any other explanation. Did I blow up my chances? Today and a day after I asked her out I had to talk to her something in regards to work and she could not look me in the eye she was talking to me with her eyes looking down all the time How to act around her in order to fix things up? this depends greatly on what sort of job thus is and your roles? is this a career job for you? For her? What sort of level are you two? Are you at the same level or are you much more senior to her? what’s employer rules on dating coworkers? my rules in work place dating— I work fir a large employer so I don’t have a problem dating a co-worker as long as we aren’t regularly working together like working in the same group/ division where you are working with them daily, or they are part of a different group you are regularly working with. You share the same 2 nd level supervisor. from a family tree and invest you don’t date someone who share the same grandparents or closer. If you happen to have met because (a) you represent your office on a large corporate committee to do something ( b) you might have worked with this person on a special project but it’s now done so your paths don’t cross, or (c) you might have met this person randomly at workplace like if the place has a cafeteria/ lunch spot or coffee spot in the building.
Wiseman2 Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 7 hours ago, Kota64 said: I started working in a company and I met this colleague If you just started, it's especially unwise to start hitting on coworkers. Be friendly and professional with everyone, but date outside of work. 1
mark clemson Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 (edited) It's quite possible she finds you attractive and nice to think or even fantasize about, but doesn't want to actually go out with you for some reason. She may even have simply been looking for the validation that you would ask her out (but again not be actually interested.) In line with what many above are saying, you didn't blow it, you responded appropriately to the "hints" she was throwing and asked her out. Take her rejection at face value. There are any number of possible reasons why she might be doing this, but not be interested in taking it further. As one example (in a multitude of possible ones) she might have an STD/STI and not wish that info to come out at work or some other problematic illness that isn't readily apparent. She may plan on leaving the country soon. Her parents/culture/personal beliefs may forbid her from casually dating. The possibilities are nearly endless. IMO you need to let her go, NOT focus on her romantically, and look for the next interested woman who you'll hopefully have a bit more luck with. IF she comes back around and hints HARD that she's changed her mind, then you might consider another go at this. There is a only remote chance of this, perhaps on the order of 2% or less. Since it's so unlikely, suggest you don't waste your time "pining" or thinking on her romantically. Many people won't date coworkers as a matter of principle and I can see the wisdom of this approach, as a certain % of relationships do not end amicably and this can cause LOTS of problems in a work context. Something for you to think about... Edited April 4, 2022 by mark clemson 2
LuckyM Posted April 9, 2022 Posted April 9, 2022 This does not look promising. If she liked you, she would at least make nice eye contact--unless she is too shy. Does she smile? It is too soon to say what will happen. Try talking again, if she backs away, then you should too. "The I have a boyfriend" excuse may be true or just a put off. I don't remember a female ever saying she doesn't have a BF, directly. They won't admit it to you.
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