mark clemson Posted April 3, 2022 Posted April 3, 2022 (edited) 6 hours ago, Killian898 said: I can’t help feeling that if the situation was reversed and it was my GF who had signed up for 12 weeks of personal training with some hot / fit bodybuilder guy, and I was on here complaining, then plenty of people would be (1) calling me insecure, jealous / controlling and (2) saying that it was a major red flag and that she should dump me etc. You might be right. 1 and 2 are not the same though. Also people (fairly or not) tend to make assumptions about men and women's relative likelihood of cheating AND how "risky" of a partner controlling behavior makes them. At any rate, WRT to your GF, the "major red flag" is (would be) an assumption about future behavior. It might be right, but you seem to indicate she's normally not jealous at all. So, quite possibly it's just the (somewhat extreme) "hotness" of this specific person and the whole "being physical" together in PT aspect of this that has her worried/threatened. If insecurity were par for the course here and this one just one of many examples, THAT would indeed be a red flag. However, you indicate that isn't the case. People, myself included, tend to project/make predictions based on personal experience. However we have a rather limited sample size. Overall, I'd say that one incident isn't a pattern. IF it becomes a pattern, IMO then it would be time to take a 2nd look at her as a partner. Edited April 3, 2022 by mark clemson 1
Weezy1973 Posted April 3, 2022 Posted April 3, 2022 It’s bad judgment by the OP. The truth is you’ve only known your girlfriend for 6 months so you wouldn’t know if this is something that might make her jealous. I would be very aware of the possibility and therefore would just hire a trainer that couldn’t be perceived as a potential threat to the new relationship. Why you didn’t even think of this prior to hiring the trainer to me shows you perhaps aren’t ready for a relationship. 4
Alpacalia Posted April 3, 2022 Posted April 3, 2022 (edited) 19 minutes ago, mark clemson said: You might be right. 1 and 2 are not the same though. Also people (fairly or not) tend to make assumptions about men and women's relative likelihood of cheating AND how "risky" of a partner controlling behavior makes them. At any rate, WRT to your GF, the "major red flag" is (would be) an assumption about future behavior. It might be right, but you seem to indicate she's normally not jealous at all. So, quite possibly it's just the (somewhat extreme) "hotness" of this specific person and the whole "being physical" together in PT aspect of this that has her worried/threatened. If insecurity were par for the course here and this one just one of many examples, THAT would indeed be a red flag. However, you indicate that isn't the case. People, myself included, tend to project/make predictions based on personal experience. However we have a rather limited sample size. Overall, I'd say that one incident isn't a pattern. IF it becomes a pattern, IMO then it would be time to take a 2nd look at her as a partner. His other thread mentioned how she kept mentioning how hot Jude Law is or something to that effect when they first started dating. So it seems they both seem to have a history of this sort of behavior. Edited April 3, 2022 by Alpaca 1
mortensorchid Posted April 3, 2022 Posted April 3, 2022 She's clearly jealous of the trainer but you must establish that this is a business relationship between you and her, nothing more.
Lotsgoingon Posted April 3, 2022 Posted April 3, 2022 I don't think affairs begin because the teacher/trainer/swim coach/nutritionist is good looking. Never crossed my mind. Most of my doctors are women. I have activity leaders and teachers and coaches are women. I didn't screen them out based on good looks. Never occurred to me to do that. And I don't expect any partner to do that for me. My partner has to avoid a hot doctor? Or my partner has to avoid a hot swimming coach? Absolutely no way. BTW: in my experience extreme attractive professionals go out of their way to block all inappropriate energy when they meet people. And same from the other side. If I'm turned on by a doctor's good lucks, then I've got the wrong doctor and my purpose isn't serious. 4
Weezy1973 Posted April 3, 2022 Posted April 3, 2022 As an aside, while you may not cheat you could leave your current girlfriend for the trainer. I’m not saying it’s a possibility - but you do find her attractive (in your own words). Part of being in a relationship is being aware when we find other people attractive and making sure we don’t put ourselves into situations where that attraction may grow and develop into more problematic feelings. You didn’t do that in this case. Again, it may speak to you not being in a place to be in a long term relationship right now. Your instinct was to hire the attractive trainer. And that’s the wrong instinct if you’re serious about the relationship. 3
Wiseman2 Posted April 3, 2022 Posted April 3, 2022 (edited) On 4/2/2022 at 9:42 AM, Killian898 said: However after a few days she told me that privately she is actually in fact a bit upset and very uncomfortable about the whole thing. She started asking me lots of questions about why can’t I find a male personal trainer etc She should not be micromanaging your health/fitness professionals. Hey, attractive people are allowed to work in the health and fitness industries. This seems to be a power struggle on many levels. Is it worth to you to have to explain who you can or can't employ as a trainer or whatever? What if you need a checkup or the hospital? Is she going to tell you you need ugly or male nurses next? Rethink this, since it's relatively new anyway. Edited April 3, 2022 by Wiseman2 1
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted April 3, 2022 Posted April 3, 2022 (edited) I don’t think you did anything wrong. Why did you show your gf the trainer’s website? You specified she looked at all the pictures. Perhaps she was just curious or wanted to maybe get her own trainer? it made me think about something. My first job out of college was in a office. The manager and head of the business was married. He hired a new receptionist who was gorgeous. I remember him mentioning that his wife asked what the receptionist looked like and he downplayed it or said she wasn’t attractive. Anyway, the wife was incensed when she met the receptionist, which was sure to happen. She felt her husband lied to her. The receptionist looked like a model, was super tall and had a great body. I don’t think the wife’s jealousy and insecurity reflects well on her, and I don’t think the manager hired the receptionist with plans to cheat at all. Obviously he was worried about his wife’s reaction so he lied and said she was a plain Jane, which created an issue. No idea what the history was in their marriage but just sharing something that I remember. Edited April 3, 2022 by ClearEyes-FullHeart
Lisa Posted April 3, 2022 Senior Moderators Posted April 3, 2022 (edited) We have done a clean up of posts which are debating or argumentative. It's clear that many posters have differing views and we thank you for sharing them. However, we ask that you respect the views of others and refrain from derailing the thread with debates/disagreements of opinions which you don't agree with. Edited April 3, 2022 by Lisa 1
vla1120 Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 (edited) On 4/2/2022 at 5:12 PM, dramafreezone said: Maybe the OP can even invite the GF to take part in the training, that way they're bonding, doing something great as a couple, and she's there to see that she has nothing to worry about. Trainer gets another client, everyone wins. THIS is a great idea. Personally, I wouldn't have thought to be jealous of my boyfriend selecting an attractive female trainer, but we all have different triggers and part of a relationship is learning the triggers and respecting our partner. That being said, inviting your gf to participate is a great way to smooth over the situation. Edited April 4, 2022 by vla1120 3
Alpacalia Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 My guess is that OP is not really looking for solutions given he's barely interacting or commented on any of the posts. 1
smackie9 Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 (edited) I see it from both sides...He has a great trainer/ she has great qualifications so why not hire her. The GF knows he gets to have an eye full when he is training. I know men and ya can't deny he's enjoying the view. This would make any new GF/BF a tinge jealous/uncomfortable. It's normal for anyone to feel that way, but it's not normal to force them to change trainers. The GF didn't wig out in a rage, she pulled him aside and communicated to him how she felt. Fine, all the OP has to do is to explain to her that's not why he hired her. Sure she's attractive but so are a lot of women that work at or go to gyms...makes sense right? He can't avoid women just because she's feeling a little insecure. She just needs a little reassurance, a hug, and acknowledgement in how she feels that's all. If it become the topic in arguments going forward then this needs to be a deal breaker and to end the relationship. Edited April 4, 2022 by smackie9 1
Helicon5 Posted April 10, 2022 Posted April 10, 2022 Honestly, are there things that you do or say that would give her a reason to feel that way? Check out other women in front of her, flirt, don't give her enough attention, etc? Distrust doesn't always stem from someone being screwed over by their past. Usually it comes from things the person you're with is doing to give off the impression that you're not trustworthy.
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