beachchick2 Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 I wasnt quite sure where to place this questions but..... Do guys like a challange when it comes to getting a girl?? whats with all these games?? and this playing hard to get junk??? Do u like to work for a girl? do u like to play phone games and addtional things like that i just dont get it. why not just be upfront and serious and quit being dumb and immature if a guy asks if ur going to call him the next day to hang out and u say alright then why not answer?? or call back? or why even ask in the first place??? or why call some days and then dissappear for others??? why be all huggy kissy one day and the next never talk?? why cant things be consistant, everythings a mystery.
konfuzd Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 I wish I could answer your questions, but best I can do is join in your frustration. It blows me away how you can turn from "the coolest girl I've ever met" to not being worth as much as a phone call, without incident. This guy told me he's too old for the "thrill of the chase" and "3 days before a phone call" bullsh*t games other guys seem to play... but here I sit, a week after he left our last date at "let's do something tomorrow" with not so much as a phone call, and no reply to a text message asking if he wanted to hang out sometime this weekend.... Sorry you're getting messed around too, but there really is nothing you can do, joining in on the games will only sink you to his immature level, and you don't need that crap. I know I don't. Good luck. -Konfuzd
Adunaphel Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 I have reached the conclusion that when a grown-up, reasonably intelligent guy acts like this, he is not particularly interested, or he is dating other girls beside you, or both. (And I truly hate to say this, since a friend of mine whom I'm very interested in is giving me the impression of being playing this kind of games with me ) Of course, there might be exceptions. Very unsure guys - those who take twenty minutes to decide exactly how many sugar they will put in thier morning coffee-, very young people, guys who like to mess up with your mind just for the thrill of it, people who seek the feeling of "power"they get from having women wondering what they are up to, people who are tired of women who play games and have decided to give them a taste of their own medicine, men who have read the male version of the book "the rules" (assuming that anything like this exists! ) the list could go on and on, I suppose.
elijahBailey Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 as guys, we're brought up with the thinking that we need to work to get a girl. Our minds are conditioned and tuned to think that no women will want us if we make ourselves too available. Don't get me wrong. I don't think all this is BS. Think about it. If a guy comes hard onto you and reveals all his intentions and feelings to you too soon, would you .... 1. find him attractive 2. find him just like one of your girlfriends who's not in control of their feelings. If you say (2), I'd say you're delusional. Most often than not, I'd say you'd put him immediately in the friends category, no?
konfuzd Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 I am not delusional... I would be estatic if he would just lay it out on the table. When you're hungry, do you go get something to eat, or do you put an apple in the bathtub and bob for it??? What's the point in making it so difficult, and so dramatic? This apple is about to sink.....
noclobber Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 people who are tired of women who play games and have decided to give them a taste of their own medicine, men who have read the male version of the book "the rules" (assuming that anything like this exists! ) There u go!!!! u got the reasons!
noclobber Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 as guys, we're brought up with the thinking that we need to work to get a girl. Our minds are conditioned and tuned to think that no women will want us if we make ourselves too available. Don't get me wrong. I don't think all this is BS. Think about it. If a guy comes hard onto you and reveals all his intentions and feelings to you too soon, would you .... 1. find him attractive 2. find him just like one of your girlfriends who's not in control of their feelings. If you say (2), I'd say you're delusional. Most often than not, I'd say you'd put him immediately in the friends category, no? Right on Elijah!!! seriously, if the guy is too easy then u will call him a wimp and add him to your "just friends" harem!!!
RecordProducer Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 Learn to see the difference between: 1. Not interested; 2. Unreliable; 3. Playing a game. Don't be so sure it's always number 3. And if a guy doesn't call when he promised then he is definitely not reliable and is a bad relationship material. Let him know that if you had plans for something and he didn't call, you will not make anymore plans to hang out with him. No guy should get an image that you're standing on a hanger waiting for him to call you. If he says he'd call at 5 pm the next day, it has to be 5 pm the next day. Tolerating unreliable behavior is letting people walk all over you. You should have self-respect and not let men treat you like that. Remember this, when a man is interested, he acts interested - not as if he doesn't care about you one bit.
glittergurl Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 To be honest, I've noticed my male friends are ALL struggling with that. I'm trying to stay objective and understand the girl's side; especially as I'm a girl too. But I often realize I have no answers to give them. I do not understand girls who say one thing and do another; who give wrong impressions and then take a step back. I have always been very clear with guys; I either wanted to see them again or not. Anyway, I found the man of my life pretty quick and maybe it's because I wasn't being a little b?tch? My husband had been struggling with "those" girls for years too. I still have no answers.
elijahBailey Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Anyway, I found the man of my life pretty quick and maybe it's because I wasn't being a little b?tch? yup, that's it
RecordProducer Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 I have always been very clear with guys;My husband had been struggling with "those" girls for years too. This is not about her trying to play games; it's her trying to figure out if the guy is playing it and why. I take guys' actions for granted - if he said he'd call but doesn't, I assume he is either unreliable or not interested enough. I don't care if he is playing some stupid game to make me long for him. That's a huge turn-off for me anyway.
lindya Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Learn to see the difference between: 1. Not interested; 2. Unreliable; 3. Playing a game. Don't be so sure it's always number 3....Remember this, when a man is interested, he acts interested - not as if he doesn't care about you one bit. Hi RP Agreed. Personally I operate on the assumption that if a guy seems to be/doing one of the above 3 things, then probably all 3 apply. By all means carry on dating him if you feel like it - but as long as he's blowing hot and cold like this, you'd be well advised to keep things light, protect your heart with some very heavy armour and steer clear of his bedroom. The last one is particularly important, because as soon as you sleep with him it's going to be far more difficult to protect your heart. I wouldn't particularly trust this guy right now, given the way he's acting. If you feel a burning desire to see him again, then be sure and reflect any casual approach he adopts towards you right back at him.
glittergurl Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 This is not about her trying to play games; it's her trying to figure out if the guy is playing it and why. I take guys' actions for granted - if he said he'd call but doesn't, I assume he is either unreliable or not interested enough. I don't care if he is playing some stupid game to make me long for him. That's a huge turn-off for me anyway. I didn't say I thought it was some kind of game; in fact, I have no idea what pushes people to be that unclear; because I don't understand what's so hard about being clear right from the start
RecordProducer Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 as guys, we're brought up with the thinking that we need to work to get a girl. Our minds are conditioned and tuned to think that no women will want us if we make ourselves too available. If a guy comes hard onto you and reveals all his intentions and feelings to you too soon, would you .... 2. find him just like one of your girlfriends who's not in control of their feelings. Girls, this is how guys reason! They like hard-to-get girls and they think they should be hard to get also. Ugh... women are from Venus and men FELL from Mars!
elijahBailey Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Girls, this is how guys reason! They like hard-to-get girls and they think they should be hard to get also. Ugh... women are from Venus and men FELL from Mars! hey I didn't say nothin' about liking hard-to-get girls. Easy is good for me. In fact, the easier the better Look at this way RP, when you first met your man, had he come hard onto you and fell head over heels for you and told you 'babe, I'm sooo in love with you and I can't do without you', would you.... 1. think he's such a stud 2. think he's an a$$clown if you vote for (1) I'll modify my behaviour the next time I go to the bar...... and you'd better wish me luck
RecordProducer Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 hey I didn't say nothin' about liking hard-to-get girls. Easy is good for me. In fact, the easier the better I am easy for the one I like . Look at this way RP, when you first met your man, had he come hard onto you and fell head over heels for you and told you 'babe, I'm sooo in love with you and I can't do without you', would you.... 1. think he's such a stud 2. think he's an a$$clown if you vote for (1) I'll modify my behaviour the next time I go to the bar...... and you'd better wish me luck He told me the very same thing once! (without giving me the options though) Hmmm... I think the right way of seduction would be to show interest, but in a cool way. The woman may not feel that you're desperate for love or sex, but she also may not feel that if it's not her, you'll easily switch to another one. While guys are hot for women who have many guys chasing them, most women don't like this feeling. If I know that my guy is a good catch, I can perfectly assume that many women would be happy to be with him. If I am not sure he is so wanted then I am not interested enough and he can't possibly raise my interest by playing games. In any case, a guy that is interested in many women is a big turn-off for me. Besides, if the game works, it keeps the other party on their toes, but sooner or later they will give their true colors away. Isn't it better to see who they really are as soon as possible? There's a saying: "If you want to see somebody's real personality, give them power!" People use this power to reveal their hidden nature. Making someone work hard around you is fun, but unnecessary. This "game" should rather be played in a long-term relationship later down the road. Just in the sense that we shouldn't act clingy and in the 24-hours-at-your-disposal way. Taking good care of yourself and letting your partner know that other people are interested in you can be a cute way to keep your BF/GF/spouse of five or ten years on their toes. They already know you love them, but it feels good for them to know that you still have a high value on the love market. For example, I know that some of my BF's exes would want to be with him and it does raise his price as in I realize if they have lived with him and want him back, he must be good to live with. But I am not jealous. If I were jealous of them, they would create unnecessary drama and mutual rejections. I want to be the only one for him from the beginnging of our story 'till the end. That's the only scenario in which I operate as a sweet, loving, and caring partner. The more he shows me how much he cares the more he (and I) benefits from our relationship. If you want to know the right dose of injection of the "love game" virus into the relationship at the very beginning, imagine Ricky Martin or Brad Pitt with a non-famous pretty girl. If he acts like he doesn't really care, she will think she is merely a one-night stand material. If he is all over her and sends her expensive gifts every day, she will probably start seeing him as a regular guy and will soon forget that he is a star at all. If he simply calls her when he says he will, takes her out a few times, and doesn't try to get in her pants right away, she will be very flattered that someone like him has shown interest in her. Now you may think you're not Brad Pitt, but will you ever be? Maybe you're better than him - at least you won't dump her for Angelina Jolie! See, this is the core of the game: if you feel that you should act differently because you're less worthwhile then you'll make a mistake. Always see yourself as who you really are and try to offer a woman what she wants to find in a man. Every woman wants a reliable, honest, and decent man. That absolutely doesn't make you unexciting - these two sides should go hand in hand and are not on the opposite ends. The best way to make a woman interested is to prove that you have the virtues that she has respect for, not to play with her insecurity. Moreover, when you make a lady play the hard-to-get game, it means she is interested in you. It means your qualities have made her consider you as a possible soul mate and now she doesn't feel like losing you. If you want the woman to chase you then you're looking for a woman who is worse than you, who doesn't deserve you. On the other hand, if you make a worthwhile woman feel worthless, she will feel bad and only negative feelings will she associate with your image. The secret of happiness in love, IMHO, is to find an equal partner - not better, not worse than yourself (whatever that means in your mind).
noclobber Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Every woman wants a reliable, honest, and decent man. That absolutely doesn't make you unexciting - these two sides should go hand in hand and are not on the opposite ends. The best way to make a woman interested is to prove that you have the virtues that she has respect for, not to play with her insecurity. RP if this is true then why is it so difficult to get a woman???? Most men that have an education and are in responsible jobs are decent and good people. But do they the girls? nope.. They are the victims of the games that women play!!!
RecordProducer Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 RP if this is true then why is it so difficult to get a woman???? Most men that have an education and are in responsible jobs are decent and good people. But do they the girls? nope.. They are the victims of the games that women play!!! Because we don't fall in love with men because they are honest, reliable, nice, and have good jobs. We fall in love with the whole personality, the charm, the wit, the intelligence first... but if they are ass holes we don't like it. Just because some women are not attracted to some men doesn't make anyone a victim. You can't love everyone and not everyone can love you - that's the way it is. Certain initial attraction and chemistry must exists and no other quality is likely to replace it, at least not at the beginning. You can't fall in love with someone only because he is honest; but you can stop loving them if you discover that they are not. Same with many other traits.
noclobber Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 Because we don't fall in love with men because they are honest, reliable, nice, and have good jobs. We fall in love with the whole personality, the charm, the wit, the intelligence first... but if they are ass holes we don't like it. You can't fall in love with someone only because he is honest; but you can stop loving them if you discover that they are not. Same with many other traits. Well said !! am getting the point!!! i guess all the good qualities like honesty, being nice, and good character r bonuses.
elijahBailey Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 If I know that my guy is a good catch, I can perfectly assume that many women would be happy to be with him. If I am not sure he is so wanted then I am not interested enough and he can't possibly raise my interest by playing games. Aha! Clarify this RP. Are you saying that you, too, wouldn't be interested enough if not many women want him? So, the more a guy is desired by other women, the more attractive he looks and the more you want him right? Tell me that's how it is with you so I can say you're shallow But that's precisely what I think is the dynamics behind attraction and seduction.
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 RP if this is true then why is it so difficult to get a woman???? Most men that have an education and are in responsible jobs are decent and good people. But do they the girls? nope.. They are the victims of the games that women play!!! Hmmm. From where I sit, it looks like the nice decent responsible guys DO get the girls...
RecordProducer Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 Aha! Clarify this RP. Are you saying that you, too, wouldn't be interested enough if not many women want him? So, the more a guy is desired by other women, the more attractive he looks and the more you want him right? NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!! What I was saying was completely the opposite. I said I don't want to see other women drooling over him. I know he is good and know that many women would be happy to be with him. If I don't see anyone interested it means he is not reporting them or he doesn't meet too many women. I don't want to fight for him with other women. I ant him to be only mine. The fact that some of his exes want him back simply tells me that it was good living with him (we're in a long-distance relationship so I have my li'l fears about the future - so it's something that applies in my case specifically). Anyway, this was only about me, I don't like my guy to be chased by other women. This is a little digression, but relates to this topic: people convict others of being insecure as if it's a crime. Most people are more or less. Women can be insecure about their looks, age, brains, tolerance, attention paid to them, etc. Guys can be insecure about their penises, hair, height, income, brains... It's so easy to trigger somebody's insecurity. Imagine if a woman told you her ex had a bigger penis and lasted for longer, wouldn't it make you feel bad? Why is humility appreciated, but insecurity (or its opposite - narcissism) condemned? Human nature is too fragile and in need of attention; IMHO, the games just make us more distant and kill the feeling of love being a warm refuge we crave so much.
elijahBailey Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!! What I was saying was completely the opposite. awww dang RP, I thought I got 'cha there Oh well, maybe the next time This is a little digression, but relates to this topic: people convict others of being insecure as if it's a crime. Most people are more or less.Women can be insecure about their looks, age, brains, tolerance, attention paid to them, etc. Guys can be insecure about their penises, hair, height, income, brains... It's so easy to trigger somebody's insecurity. yeah, I hear ya girl. I've gotta admit I've my own set of insecurities. Imagine if a woman told you her ex had a bigger penis and lasted for longer, wouldn't it make you feel bad? No. I'd explain that it's because her ass cheeks are so large I can't go all the way in :lmao:
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