Carol Lyn Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 I have a wonderful boyfriend who I love very much. We've been together for 6 months. He recently got divorced and has a 3 year old son. We agreed to wait for me to meet his son for a while, because his ex hadn't gotten over him yet and we didn't want to hurt her by having her son go home and say my name after meeting me. But now I think we've waited long enough. We have a long distance relationship and I'm thinking about moving in 6 months so we can be together, but I think its important for his son and I to get to know each other before we make such a big step. Every time I ask to meet him he makes an excuse as to why its not a good time. The excuses make sense and I understand when he's telling me, but when I leave I feel hurt. I don't want to be pushy, but I feel like I should get to know the most important person in his life. Should I continue to ask, or should I wait to meet his son on his time?
HokeyReligions Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 IMHO six months is not a long time - especially since this is a long-distance relationship. He may not want his son to be confused if the relationship doesn't work out - or want his son to become too attached to you in case the realtionship doesn't work out. Or he might not want his son to hate you because you are a new addition to the family dynamic. He has to put his son first and only he and the child's mother can decide if its too soon. If you move closer and continue dating for another few months then you will both be more confident in the relationship and all parties will have more time to adjust to the changes.
allaboutchoices Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 Good point, Hockey. Are you sure he is divorced? -A
Naive Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 I think he is doing a smart thing. His son is only 3 and meeting lots of different women cannot be good. I do not mean he is not taking you serious, but he probably wants to be sure about you before he introduces you to his son and he does not feel like your relationship is at that point. He is just looking out for his son, I think (which is good). If I where a single mother I would definitely not introduce my kid to EVERYONE I was seeing even if it was exclusive. I would not want him to be confused or have a bad image of me when he/she grows up. I think until I found someone who I really am serious about (to the point of possibly marrying) then I would let him meet my child.
Author Carol Lyn Posted October 23, 2005 Author Posted October 23, 2005 Yes I'm sure he is divorced. I know why you asked that though, thanks for the concern. I hear what ya'll are saying and I guess I am moving things too fast. I just want everything to be right before I make such a big step by moving.
Lishy Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 He is so doing the right thing and it proves he is a decent person and a GREAT dad! He is taking his ex's feeling into account too which may seem horrible to you now but it says an awful lot for him. You have met a great guy i think and you should not mention meeting his son again - He will know when it's the tight time and if you keep bringing it up he may feel pressured and back off - Dont lose him he sounds great!!!!!
RecordProducer Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 Leave it to him. If you push him to do something he is not ready for, he will resent you for that. When you start talking seriously about you moving in with him, he will suggest it himself. Be happy he is not one of those fathers who say "If my child doesn't like you, I won't marry you." Now that would suck. In any case, it's his son and nobody can tell him what to do about it. IMHO, both of you have some good reasoning regarding this matter, but the decision has to be his. My BF insisted on meeting my kids four months into our long-distance relationship. I thought it was too early. Since then my ex-husband has been making a lot of problems to me, because he is jealous of my BF. And he was the one who dumped me 5 years ago! Your BF wants peace, he knows his ex-wife well, and he knows that his son won't keep a secret. If you make him introduce you to his son and his ex starts giving him a hard time, it will be YOUR fault. Whether or not he is divorced or serious with you, you should be able to determine from other aspects of your relationship.
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