Author Alpacalia Posted April 1, 2022 Author Posted April 1, 2022 2 hours ago, flitzanu said: i'm probably the other end of most spectrums. if/when i'm asked, i usually offer way too much information, point them to blog posts, journals, etc., so they can have all the info they want, and therefore nothing can be said that i'm hiding anything. i like to live on the edge!
Lotsgoingon Posted April 2, 2022 Posted April 2, 2022 Well ultimately I tell partners pretty much everything. Alpaca's question was about the when. I just think you don't have anything to explain or justify, Alpaca. So disclose when you feel like disclosing. Emphasis on YOU, not on the person at the other end. 2
NuevoYorko Posted April 2, 2022 Posted April 2, 2022 In your case, I would certainly not try to hide that your last relationship was your engagement, in case you were asked. Imagine how awkward it would be to attempt to conceal that. Beyond the fact, I don't think the details are necessarily any of his beeswax. You well might, though, get into a conversation about your respective emotional lives. In that case, it would seem natural to share that you were not emotionally ready for a relationship since your engagement broke off until now. 1
mortensorchid Posted April 3, 2022 Posted April 3, 2022 Unless you are both in middle / high school and neither of you has dated ANYONE in the past before you met, I assume anyone and everyone has some kind of a past. After trial and error, I have determined that I will not talk about my past to anyone upon the first few meetings / get togethers. Some have accused me of being a blank slate, others have praised me for keeping to myself. So you can't win either way. Sometimes I will talk about general things in the past, but otherwise I keep my mouth shut about the past. 1
Author Alpacalia Posted April 3, 2022 Author Posted April 3, 2022 On 4/1/2022 at 7:18 PM, NuevoYorko said: In your case, I would certainly not try to hide that your last relationship was your engagement, in case you were asked. Imagine how awkward it would be to attempt to conceal that. Beyond the fact, I don't think the details are necessarily any of his beeswax. You well might, though, get into a conversation about your respective emotional lives. In that case, it would seem natural to share that you were not emotionally ready for a relationship since your engagement broke off until now. Being engaged is never something I would hide. Romantic relationships don't really appeal to me these days. A few years after my engagement ended, I found myself intrigued by a romantic relationship for the first time. Ultimately, it didn't work out, but that was kind of the clincher.
NuevoYorko Posted April 3, 2022 Posted April 3, 2022 6 hours ago, Alpaca said: Being engaged is never something I would hide. Romantic relationships don't really appeal to me these days. A few years after my engagement ended, I found myself intrigued by a romantic relationship for the first time. Ultimately, it didn't work out, but that was kind of the clincher. If you are not currently interested in getting into an intimate romantic relationship, you are in no situation where your prior relationships are anyone's business. It's a non-issue. When dating, I cared about people's prior relationships. How they spoke of their partners, the relationships and why they ended was important to me. If there was a lot of bitterness and blaming, I would not go forward with that person. 3
Author Alpacalia Posted April 3, 2022 Author Posted April 3, 2022 1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said: If you are not currently interested in getting into an intimate romantic relationship, you are in no situation where your prior relationships are anyone's business. It's a non-issue. When dating, I cared about people's prior relationships. How they spoke of their partners, the relationships and why they ended was important to me. If there was a lot of bitterness and blaming, I would not go forward with that person. Thank you. I'm sure it might all change if it's with the right person but I also know that I have to be in the right frame of mind too. But agree with everything else you said.
poppyfields Posted April 3, 2022 Posted April 3, 2022 (edited) 17 minutes ago, Alpaca said: I'm sure it might all change if it's with the right person but I also know that I have to be in the right frame of mind too. Darn, I thought you may have found him Alpaca, the on-line guy you were chatting with mentioned in your previous thread? It sounded like you were really into him! Is that still going on? If not, I'm sorry, it seemed promising. But agree, the attraction, your readiness and frame of mind, the sun and stars all aligned lol, for it to flow and work. Edited April 3, 2022 by poppyfields
Author Alpacalia Posted April 3, 2022 Author Posted April 3, 2022 31 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Darn, I thought you may have found him Alpaca, the on-line guy you were chatting with mentioned in your previous thread? It sounded like you were really into him! Is that still going on? If not, I'm sorry, it seemed promising. But agree, the attraction, your readiness and frame of mind, the sun and stars all aligned lol, for it to flow and work. Yes, we are still in contact. Aha ha ha - I feel like I need the gods of the Aztecs to speak to me and give me their blessing before I decide what I want to do. 1
poppyfields Posted April 3, 2022 Posted April 3, 2022 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Alpaca said: I feel like I need the gods of the Aztecs to speak to me and give me their blessing before I decide what I want to do. I hear ya, I may start my own thread but sometimes it takes a crises of sorts or a major shake up to elicit an "awakening" of what you want or what you both want. For me, this happened with my now boyfriend; it involved a medical emergency I was experiencing and he was with me all the way. It was quite bonding and solidified everything that had been happening between us up until that point. And we are now exclusive by mutual agreement. Apologies for hijack about me but thought it relevant to your sitch. Good luck with it... Edited April 3, 2022 by poppyfields
Author Alpacalia Posted April 3, 2022 Author Posted April 3, 2022 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: I hear ya, I may start my own thread but sometimes it takes a crises of sorts or a major shake up to elicit an "awakening" of what you want or what you both want. For me, this happened with my now boyfriend; it involved a medical emergency I was experiencing and he was with me all the way. It was quite bonding and solidified everything that had been happening between us up until that point. And we are now exclusive by mutual agreement. Apologies for hijack about me but thought it relevant to your sitch. Good luck with it... Sometimes it does. When you asked me about my four-year relationship with the man mentioned in Gaeta's thread, and I responded, that was what I was alluding to. In a similar fashion, he was there for me and we flourished from there. But I'm glad to hear now that a similar thing happened for you too! 1
Author Alpacalia Posted April 3, 2022 Author Posted April 3, 2022 On 4/1/2022 at 5:48 PM, Lotsgoingon said: Well ultimately I tell partners pretty much everything. Alpaca's question was about the when. I just think you don't have anything to explain or justify, Alpaca. So disclose when you feel like disclosing. Emphasis on YOU, not on the person at the other end. I love your advice. Feel much better. Thank you! 1
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