ericw899 Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 (edited) So for anyone following a couple of my threads...you can probably tell I've been struggling to figure this girl out, and well last night everything came to a head. Just a heads up this is a long one... As you may have read this girl asked me to write a recommendation letter for her, and I did. I wrote the letter, printed my ID for her and all I had to do was bring it to her so she could get it notarized. I figured while I was going out to see her (It's about a 45 minute ride from me) I would ask her out on a dinner date, and she accepted. So when she got in my truck, I asked her where she wanted to go for dinner, and she first picked a place in a pretty dangerous city (probably a top 3 most dangerous city in my state). I didn't love the idea and was willing to go, but she then decided to pick a restaurant in her town, which btw is not a very safe place either, but I was more comfortable there. When we get to this restaurant, I could already tell that it was no ordinary restaurant. There were security guards and bouncers all over the place, and had very much of a club feel. I was even patted down before entering, so I knew I was out of my comfort zone, but wanted to do something nice for her that I knew she wanted. When we finally sit down, I could tell that communication would be a nightmare. There was music blasting so loud throughout the whole dining area I could barely hear myself talk and trying to understand her was near impossible between the music and her strong accent/poor English skills. In between quieter songs we had average conversation, shared a few laughs and kind of just talked about the same kind of things we had the past couple dates; nothing special. We each started out with a drink, I had a beer and she had a margarita and we ordered our food and everything was kind of normal. I ordered a second and third beer while she ordered a second and third margarita. By the time dinner was over I told her, I was done drinking as well and was not getting another beer. Then the problems began... She ordered a fourth margarita, which was fine as I had no problem with her wanting one more drink, and mind you, she promised it was her last drink. I knew to keep an eye on how much she was drinking based on the fact that she drank a lot on our second date, and got absolutely pass out drunk on our third date. So she finishes her 4th drink, and I pay the tab, ready to go. I get my card back and all of a sudden she says she wants another drink. I was a little annoyed at this point as it was getting kind of late and there was really no reason for another drink as I had just paid the tab, and in order to order another drink you must place a credit card on file. She said don't worry this drink she will pay for, which I was hesitant but I really couldn't tell her no as she was talking to the waitress in Spanish and ordered one anyway. So I'm getting a bit impatient here as I'm getting tired, it's already past 1 in the morning and I can tell she has drank a lot and it was starting to affect her once again like it did on the previous date months prior. She all of a sudden decides she wants to dance on the dance floor as she saw a girl friend she knew out there dancing. I said whatever go ahead, and before I know it I see her no longer dancing with her girl friend, but with a random guy instead. And to be clear, I'm talking romantic Spanish dancing where they are holding hands and holding each other. As you can imagine, at this point I was hot! I waited for her to stop dancing with him and for her to come back to the table and I started to get up and go. She wanted to know where I was going and she said she wanted ANOTHER drink after already having five and being quite tipsy. I just ignored her and chased down the waitress to close out my tab and get my card back as I was leaving with or without her. She knew I was pissed at her so she starts to leave and then storms out the door, then is wondering where I am because I'm still waiting to get my credit card back. She comes back in and while I'm waiting by the bar, for my card I can hear her asking another bartender for ANOTHER drink. Thank god the bartender ignored her and I got my card, took her and stormed out the door. Thank god she was able to walk to my truck no problem, we jumped in and I begin to drive her home. She could tell I was angry and asked why I was. I told her I felt it was very disrespectful for her to be dancing with another guy while she was on a date with me. I didn't mention how pissed I was that she had drank so much to where she was drunk again, but looking back I wish I did. She pinned my anger down to me being jealous and I just ignored her because I didn't care what she thought as she was too drunk to think anyway. She told me to drop her at her nephews house because it was closer and she didn't want to be in the truck with me anymore, but I refused and drove her home instead. I got to her house and right before she got out of my truck she asked where the recommendation letter was. I hesitated for a minute and she just said forget it, and stormed out of my truck. I never gave her the letter and I'm really glad I didn't. I watched her to make sure she made it into her door properly, and I even offered to walk her upstairs, but she ignored me so I just left. So all in all last night was a disaster but in some ways was a great success for me. I was having a lot of thoughts about her, good and bad. I did really like her and was interested in exploring things further, hence the post about our cultural differences. I was leery due to her blacking out on our third date, but I figured I would give her another chance as it could have just been a situation of having a bad day or perhaps be on medication that had a bad reaction to alcohol. So looking back between three different dates of her drinking heavily I have come to the conclusion that she has a bad drinking problem, and is definitely an alcoholic. Last night is what I needed to see from her for me to know that I am 100% done with her. I never want to hear from her, see her or think about her again in my life. I wish her well and hope she gets the help she needs and I am happy to officially close that chapter in my life. Edited March 27, 2022 by ericw899 2
ExpatInItaly Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 Better that this one is done, OP. You are clearly not at all compatible with her, and it sounds as though she just wanted to get sloshed on your dime.
smackie9 Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 You could have avoided wasting your time/money on this if you had heeded our warnings months ago. When you give people like this more chances, you lose opportunity meeting someone else that isn't a crap show. 1
Wiseman2 Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 It's important to date people you trust, respect and get along with. 1
Alvi Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 (edited) 11 hours ago, ericw899 said: she asked where the recommendation letter was. I am curious, why would you write her a recommendation letter? You only know her for a very short period of time. You've only been out with her in person few times, that's all. So, where the recommendation letter fits into that? Why would she ask you and why would you agree to give her one? Were you her employer at some point prior to this? What can you recommend her for, I wonder. Why would you do any favor for a virtual stranger? She must be that hot, I don't have any other explanation. Also, why did you ask her in a truck where she wants to go for dinner? That is very strange. Why didn't you come up with some plan about your date and not expecting her to do planning on her feet, or so to speak. She suggested something that she was familiar and comfortable with. You didn't like anything, but you can't blame her for you not liking the place that she chose. It may have gone better if you have planned ahead. How hard would it be for you to say, "Hey, how about we go to XYZ restaurant" instead of expecting her to come up with something fast. Also, why did you think it was a date. It sounds like more like a business transaction. You gave her a letter, she gave you the "pleasure" of taking her out for a dinner. You could've left at any time if you didn't enjoy yourself (and you should have). But you stayed and got very mad instead. Was she aware it was an actual date? Not saying you should date her, definitively not, but well, you chose her. I bet she is just that hot that you cannot say no to her. Edited March 27, 2022 by Alvi 1
Alvi Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 17 hours ago, ericw899 said: She told me to drop her at her nephews house because it was closer and she didn't want to be in the truck with me anymore, but I refused and drove her home instead. Why did you refuse to drop her off at her relative's house? So you forcefully held her in your car and drove her to whatever place you wanted her to be? It's not like she asked you to let her off in a middle of a Sahara Desert. You are lucky if she doesn't press any charges against you but seriously, that was a very bad decision on your part. No, makes no difference whether she was drunk or not. She asked you to let her go and you would not. Again, it was her nephew that she wanted to go to, not some random guy who was strolling down the street. Did you ever consider that that might be a terrifying experience for her? No wonder she didn't want your letter after all. 3
Author ericw899 Posted March 28, 2022 Author Posted March 28, 2022 2 hours ago, Alvi said: Why did you refuse to drop her off at her relative's house? So you forcefully held her in your car and drove her to whatever place you wanted her to be? It's not like she asked you to let her off in a middle of a Sahara Desert. You are lucky if she doesn't press any charges against you but seriously, that was a very bad decision on your part. No, makes no difference whether she was drunk or not. She asked you to let her go and you would not. Again, it was her nephew that she wanted to go to, not some random guy who was strolling down the street. Did you ever consider that that might be a terrifying experience for her? No wonder she didn't want your letter after all. I think you're missing the point. She had no problem with me driving her home to her house. She never mentioned her nephew, it was only when I told her I was upset by the fact that she was dancing with another guy that she said to drop her off there because she was mad at me in that moment. I would have took her there but for starters I didn't know where he lived and she was in no condition to give me directions. Also, it was almost 4 o'clock in the morning, so her showing up unannounced while being very drunk didn't seem like a good idea, and I even said that to her. When I did she dropped the idea of me taking her there. I felt like it was best for all parties for me to take her home, because if she showed up to her nephews house at 4 o'clock in the morning, coming from being with a guy I think I could have put myself in danger. She was already mad at me for making her leave the bar and me being "jealous" so she could have spun the story any way she wanted and charges may have been pressed against me by her nephew.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 28, 2022 Posted March 28, 2022 (edited) 14 hours ago, Alvi said: Was she aware it was an actual date? I wonder that, too. It doesn't sound like she sees you in a romantic light, OP. I have a feeling she obliged your request for dinner less because she is interested in dating you, and more because she felt she might have "owed" you for providing her with a reference. 14 hours ago, Alvi said: I am curious, why would you write her a recommendation letter? You only know her for a very short period of time. You've only been out with her in person few times, that's all. So, where the recommendation letter fits into that? I am also curious about this. A recommendation letter for what, exactly? Edited March 28, 2022 by ExpatInItaly
Calmandfocused Posted March 28, 2022 Posted March 28, 2022 You were unwise to give this another chance. You knew the score, you didn’t need a forth date to prove that to yourself. When you see the writing on the wall, read and believe it the first time. The words won’t change at will. You ignored what was smacking you in the face from the get go. Have higher standards for yourself.
Wiseman2 Posted March 28, 2022 Posted March 28, 2022 On 3/26/2022 at 11:38 PM, ericw899 said: So all in all last night was a disaster Ok, you can close this chapter now. That's the first step in screening better to find women to date.
glows Posted March 28, 2022 Posted March 28, 2022 14 hours ago, ericw899 said: I think you're missing the point. She had no problem with me driving her home to her house. She never mentioned her nephew, it was only when I told her I was upset by the fact that she was dancing with another guy that she said to drop her off there because she was mad at me in that moment. I would have took her there but for starters I didn't know where he lived and she was in no condition to give me directions. Also, it was almost 4 o'clock in the morning, so her showing up unannounced while being very drunk didn't seem like a good idea, and I even said that to her. When I did she dropped the idea of me taking her there. I felt like it was best for all parties for me to take her home, because if she showed up to her nephews house at 4 o'clock in the morning, coming from being with a guy I think I could have put myself in danger. She was already mad at me for making her leave the bar and me being "jealous" so she could have spun the story any way she wanted and charges may have been pressed against me by her nephew. You made the right decision. Move forwards and put this firmly behind you.
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