Eggzmango Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 I have fallen for my friend but we can’t talk often I met my friend online. He immediately showed interest in me romantically, but it took me a little longer to feel the same way about him. He’s the sweetest most genuine person I’ve ever met. He’s so caring and kind and puts everyone in his life before himself. Recently, he started working at a new job on top of his old one. He works every day and barely has time to do anything but work, sleep, and eat. He responds to my texts when he can and I’m understanding about his situation. The problem I’m having is that I’ve fallen in love with him and I’m having trouble with anxiety because I can’t talk to him much. He’s become someone I rely on emotionally and it’s so hard to go about life knowing that he’s there but I can’t talk to him constantly. I have really bad abandonment issues and ptsd surrounding them so when I don’t hear from him for a while I start to panic thinking that he’s left me. I want to show my love for him. And I’ve told him how I feel and I know he feels the same. He’s told me that right now isn’t a good time to pursue a relationship because it wouldn’t be fair to me. I respect him for that. We wouldn’t be able to hang out or call or do couple things because he works most of the day and barely gets any sleep. I know that all I have to do is wait until he doesn’t have to work as much and has time for me but it’s really hard and I’m having breakdown after breakdown over him. Any advice? What would you do?
Wiseman2 Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 3 hours ago, Eggzmango said: . He’s become someone I rely on emotionally and it’s so hard to go about life knowing that he’s there but I can’t talk to him constantly. I have really bad abandonment issues and ptsd surrounding them so when I don’t hear from him Have you met in person? Go to a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Discuss the anxiety and other issues. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness. Step away from the screen. This chat buddy is not a therapist.
Author Eggzmango Posted March 27, 2022 Author Posted March 27, 2022 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: Have you met this guy in person? 11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Have you met in person? Go to a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Discuss the anxiety and other issues. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness. Step away from the screen. This chat buddy is not a therapist. We haven’t met in person. We used to FaceTime regularly. i have a therapist and a psychiatrist, I’m aware of my mental health issues and I’m working towards getting better. I’m also on medication to try and help them. stepping away from my phone might be my best bet, thank you 2
smackie9 Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 6 hours ago, Eggzmango said: We haven’t met in person. We used to FaceTime regularly. i have a therapist and a psychiatrist, I’m aware of my mental health issues and I’m working towards getting better. I’m also on medication to try and help them. stepping away from my phone might be my best bet, thank you You know this situation getting involved with someone via internet is toxic to your mental health right? Girl do not go there. I suggest you go find things to do in real life, like, visiting friends, family, finding a hobby, join a club, do volunteer work. It will give you a feeling of self worth, and value. This will prevent you from having a dependency on internet relationships.
Gaeta Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 Online romance are like addictions, they are extremely hard to end but it needs to be done. Your time and love should be given to people in your real life. You've put this man on a pedestal without truly knowing him. What you see is what he's willing to show you. It's easy to appear sweet and genuine when you're behind a screen. 1
ShyViolet Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 You need to recognize that this entire situation is toxic and inappropriate... you're having "breakdown after breakdown" over a pen-pal from behind a screen who you've never met in person. I'm glad that you're already under the care of a therapist and psychiatrist. But you also have to recognize when you are following toxic behavior patterns, and do the work to address them. You seriously need to just cut off contact with this online pen pal, because you're not able to see it objectively or maintain emotional boundaries, and it's detrimental to your mental health. 1
poppyfields Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 (edited) I agree with others, your attachment to this person is dysfunctional and toxic but I suspect it would be the same in a "real life" situation as well, not just because this is on line and you never met. On line intensifies everything because there is so much unknown and so much fantasy, but when one has abandonment issues, trust issues, codependency issues, anxiety and insecurity, these issues surface in all romantic relationships, on line and in real and if you hope to someday have a healthy one, my advice is find a good qualified therapist who specializes in such issues and take steps to resolve before embarking on any relationship. I don't envision this one working out, I'm sorry to say, I know it hurts to hear. Edited March 27, 2022 by poppyfields
stillafool Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 15 hours ago, Eggzmango said: i have a therapist and a psychiatrist, I’m aware of my mental health issues and I’m working towards getting better. Do they know that you have an online crush? Have they told you not to get online?
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