Peachxplay Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 So I feel like the best way to lay everything out is with a timeline of sorts end of February- broke up with my boyfriend of over a year and got into the dating scene again. beginning of march- met this guy and went on a few dates. We really clicked and we went on several more dates in that same week. Also I’m the week we officially started dating. here’s where it becomes a mess. While he did warn me his job would pick up I didn’t expect it to be like this. I ended up spending a couple nights at his house and we even went and did a few things over the weekend and all was good. Even for a couple days after all was normal. We talked normally and everything seemed fine. That’s why I’m just very confused. A couple days after I spent the night at his place he started to only text maybe 1-2 times a day and it has been a couple weeks now this has been going on. He hasn’t made any attempts to see me and I’ve even mentioned that we should hang out but he says he is super busy with work. (He is an engineer who’s supervisor just quit so I don’t doubt it).luckily he has communicated for the most part exactly what is going on with his work.I understand his job is very busy considering he is working on a big solar panel project atm. But his big change in behaviour and going from practically begging for me to hang out w him multiple times a week to barely having contact is what it bugging me. I don’t want to say anything about this odd behaviour just yet bc I don’t want to seem like “that” type of person or super needy or anything. what should I do? Am I overreacting? He always had good communication before but now it’s the opposite and it’s getting to me.
stillafool Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 Well did you have sex with him when you spent the couple of nights at his house? If so, more than likely he got what he wanted and is fading out.
Author Peachxplay Posted March 27, 2022 Author Posted March 27, 2022 (edited) 18 minutes ago, stillafool said: Well did you have sex with him when you spent the couple of nights at his house? If so, more than likely he got what he wanted and is fading out. Yeah we did have sex and I definitely thought of that. But here’s where it gets more complex I feel. But while yes he don’t talk that often, when he does he’ll ask about specific things I told him were going on in my life and at one point he even told me he’d lmk when he got a free day and we could try to organize something. So that’s where my doubts of it just being for sex arise. Even for the next couple days after he would talk abt the next time we would go back to the particular city we went to for a day we could do xyz thing are we could go xyz place in the future. Edited March 27, 2022 by Peachxplay
Alpacalia Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 (edited) Give yourself time to clear your head about what's going on before you say or do something you'll regret. Is he a good guy to you? How do you feel about yourself when you’re with him? These answers may help you decide how to proceed. Meanwhile, ramp up self-care behaviors focused on you. Do something to distract yourself from him. Take a walk, do yoga, get a spa treatment - anything healthy for yourself. Having said that, having a casual relationship is okay, but if you wish to have a serious relationship, you need to decide whether the expectation is reasonable. Did you discuss this beforehand? Not sure. You can ask him how he is doing in a few days if you still feel distant. It is your responsibility to accept where he is and go out in search of what you want. Edited March 27, 2022 by Alpaca
ShyViolet Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 This is a guy you just met literally less than a month ago. If you can feel that things are cooling off with him already, that's not a good sign. Stop chasing him, and see if he makes an effort to talk to you and spend time with you. Stop texting him and stop suggesting to hang out, and see if he comes to you. If he doesn't, then you will have your answer. Never, ever chase someone who isn't sure about you.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 Step back and try to keep some perspective, OP. You have only known this guy a few weeks. He's still virtually a stranger to you. You can't assume that how someone is in the first 1 -2 weeks (always excited to see you, in close contact) is how things are going to be from then on. He is showing you where his interest is - and it might not be what you initially hoped. My hunch is that this is burning out quickly for him. A change within a matter of a couple weeks is not great. See how the next week or two unfolds, and observe. Give him the opportunity to take initiative to actually see you. Even busy people find time to connect with people who are important to them. If he doesn't, then you will have to concede that this one has hit the skids and it's best to move on. In the future, maybe slow things down rather than diving right into offically dating. Get to know the guy better first. People will show you who they are and where their priorities lie, and it's usually wiser to then decide if you want this person in your life in a more "official" capacity. 1
chillii Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 (edited) So you were only out of a 12mths relationship a wk probably not even and your straight back into some so called dating scene and straight into the sack with this guy, ahhhhh ??? l'm sort of , sort of , sorry to say but yeah l agree with others , he's had his fun anything from here is just work bla bla excuses and niceties on his way out the door Edited March 27, 2022 by chillii
Wiseman2 Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 He's a rebound. Are you still talking to your ex? You've only been dating a few weeks, so this is casual at this point. Step back, try not to come on this strong.
smackie9 Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 (edited) You just met this guy and you are getting anxiety over it? Girl it's time to let go and move on. He's not invested at all and tbh why should he when you barley know each other. He pretty much told you, he's gonna be scarce. Now mind you he could just be ghosting you. But whatever, you had some fun, keep dating other men. So to answer your question....yes you are overreacting. Edited March 27, 2022 by smackie9
Gaeta Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 (edited) 12 hours ago, Peachxplay said: beginning of march- met this guy and went on a few dates. We really clicked and we went on several more dates in that same week. Also I’m the week we officially started dating. A couple days after I spent the night at his place he started to only text maybe 1-2 times a day and it has been a couple weeks now this has been going on. You've learn a very important dating lesson here. You did not take the time to get to know him and already you're playing bf/gf. There was no courting phase, not building up the attraction phase, no 'can't wait to see her again phase. You offered yourself on a silver platter, he took it, now he's not hungry anymore. I suspect you did this because you're freshly out of a relationship and you wanted that feeling of being in a relationship, without doing the work of 'building' up a new relationship. If you pursue him he'll run away. Your only chance here is to let him get back to you. If he doesn't you'll be just fine and you'll move on. After a breakup it's normal we have a few 'transition' boyfriends. Edited March 27, 2022 by Gaeta
BaileyB Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 You’ve known this guy for a month. You are not so invested in the idea of a relationship that you fail to heed the warning signs - and dropping out of your life as quickly as he entered your life is a big warning sign. Warning - proceed with caution. Lower your expectations.
stillafool Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 14 hours ago, Peachxplay said: Quote when he does he’ll ask about specific things I told him were going on in my life and at one point he even told me he’d lmk when he got a free day and we could try to organize something. This just means he has a good memory. It probably gets him far with women. Quote So that’s where my doubts of it just being for sex arise. Even for the next couple days after he would talk abt the next time we would go back to the particular city we went to for a day we could do xyz thing are we could go xyz place in the future. He said in the future, not tomorrow, this weekend, next Tuesday...blah, blah, blah. 14 hours ago, Peachxplay said: what should I do? Don't contact him. Wait until he contacts you and asks for a date. Until then just move on and live your life.
Recommended Posts