Not sure if I should end it (threads merged)

[PotatoHead]

A little background, some might remember my other topic but I won't go in too much detail.  Almost a year ago, while going through some hard times, I found out that my GF had led on a coworker who started flirting with her.  It got as far exchanging some inappropriate messages one night when she had been drinking.  He tried to take things further in person but she put an end to it and they stopped talking soon after.  It boils down to, she was in a low place and was just enjoying the attention, but never wanted to take things further with him.

We have worked on all of the issues that led to this happening and are on the path to moving past it.  I don't believe she would allow anything like this to happen again.  She is very open with me about anyone she talks to or anyone who hits on her at work.  She generally stays away from male coworkers where possible.  Things have been going good.

BUT, she is setting off my spidey senses again, and I don't know if I am just being overly paranoid.  She has been getting along really well with one of her leads at work.  He is a bit older than us, maybe late 40's to early 50's, but she has said you would never know by looking at him.  I have no problem with them working together and talking about work stuff, but she tells me that they often tell each other jokes and talk about other things too.  To put me at ease, she says most of the conversations are about his wife and kids, or about me and things we do together.  They have shown each other pictures and videos of their kids, etc.   She hoped I could meet him at their work christmas party but that didn't happen.  She has mentioned all four of us (me and her, him and his wife) getting together someday.

This all makes it seem innocent, but at the same time most of this was also true with the last guy.  Not saying history will repeat itself, I'm sure their intentions are all good, but we basically agreed there was no need for either of us to have a friend of the opposite sex.  So I don't know why she is trying to justify it and saying it's fine with this guy.  In the back of my mind, I picture them getting close enough until one develops some kind of feeling or attraction, then it's just a matter of time and opportunity.  

I am trying to be understanding, not overly possessive or jealous about this.  I don't want to tell her she isn't allowed to talk to her male coworkers.  I just wonder is it really possible that they could sustain a totally platonic friendship indefinitely.

Edited April 4, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[glows]

It’s unlikely at that level or when so much is shared in your personal lives. It seems she thrives or chooses to pursue attention like this and it’s hardcoded in her character. Trying to change it is futile and you’re dating the wrong woman if this bothers you. It seems it does as you weren’t pleased when the previous person developed feelings for her and you’re continuing to question her motives or interests. 

This will be a neverending or cyclical problem if you’re not happy with who she is. 

[PotatoHead]

That is my worry, I've been trying to give them the benefit of the doubt though.  She believes he is different and would never come on to her like that or cross a line.  I don't think she pursues the attention, she specifically has said she shuts down any type of attention other than just work talk or basic chit chat.  At least with all of the other guys she has.  So I'm not sure why she is allowing more of it with this particular fellow and saying don't worry it's okay.

I honestly thing her motives and interests are pure.  But I worry that when she is just trying to be nice and it develops into a friendship, and then eventually more.  None of it being intended, just like it wasn't the first time.  Until suddenly you find you're close with someone or attracted to them, then one of them gets in a fight with their partner and becomes vulnerable.  

Edited February 16, 2022 by PotatoHead

[PotatoHead]

I did forget to mention, one thing that bothered me most.  Back on halloween she told me they were talking about their costumes and she showed him a pic of her and her kids in theirs.  Then he showed a pic of his and said he couldn't show his wifes because it was inappropriate.  He hinted at some things of a sexual nature which, while being about his wife, I still feel like he is trying to broach certain subjects.   But again I worry I am just being paranoid.

[glows]

1 hour ago, PotatoHead said:

I honestly thing her motives and interests are pure.  

Then trust her. Yes, you are running the risk of being paranoid if you can't reconcile your discomfort or unease around her or have conflicting ongoing issues and thoughts about your partner. You will have to make up your mind whether you're happy in this relationship.

[PotatoHead]

That may be part of the problem.  I want to trust her but I'm not sure I fully do, after what happened last year.   I can either let it continue and maybe find out that she is trustworthy, or maybe that she isn't.   Or put a stop to it before it has a chance to get that far.   I'd prefer to do the former, but not sure if I can keep my poker face on long enough.

I know she doesn't want to hurt me and she knows if something ever happened again it would probably be over.  If she also doesn't want to lose this guy as a friend, it makes me wonder if she would really tell me if anything did go too far.  Or just try to bury it like last time.

Edited February 16, 2022 by PotatoHead

[elaine567]

20 minutes ago, PotatoHead said:

I  know she doesn't want to hurt me and she knows if something ever happened again it would probably be over.  

Yet here you are again... She is chancing her luck, she knows how far to push it. She thinks you are a soft touch. She thinks she can get away with having this guy on the side...

Any woman scared to lose you, would be shutting all men down so as not to upset you, after what happened the last time.

I guess she is not truly monogamous, she maybe wants to be, but is failing when faced with the opportunity - she needs the attention. She includes you as she wants you to be ok with it.

 

[flitzanu]

this is going to continue in one path with this paranoia.  either you're going to (attempt to) control her having zero interactions with other men and she will resent you, or, you relax and understand that sometimes men and women will interact and have platonic friendships.

the previous incident sounds like she shut down any advances the guy made, and was simply talking to him, even if he was trying to hook up with her.  

and this one,  you're making some hasty assumptions, that this other guy is her boss, is married, and that he is willing to cheat on his wife and ruin his marriage just to hook up with your girlfriend.

 

do you trust your gf not to sleep with every guy that talks to her?  or do trust that every guy that talks to your gf has a chance to sleep with her?

 

[PotatoHead]

30 minutes ago, flitzanu said:

this is going to continue in one path with this paranoia.  either you're going to (attempt to) control her having zero interactions with other men and she will resent you, or, you relax and understand that sometimes men and women will interact and have platonic friendships.

the previous incident sounds like she shut down any advances the guy made, and was simply talking to him, even if he was trying to hook up with her.  

and this one,  you're making some hasty assumptions, that this other guy is her boss, is married, and that he is willing to cheat on his wife and ruin his marriage just to hook up with your girlfriend.

 

do you trust your gf not to sleep with every guy that talks to her?  or do trust that every guy that talks to your gf has a chance to sleep with her?

 

The previous incident, you are correct was just talking for the most part, they were work friends, until the time that it became more than that.  I don't think she wouldn't message another guy behind my back again.  It was the messaging that made it easy for him to come onto her, and she told him about things she liked in bed.  But yes, other than that any advances to meet outside of work were shot down, and then she realized her mistake and stopped talking to him.

I know things have changed for the better but what's hard is that this guy feels exactly like the last one.  When I am told not to worry about him, it makes me worry more.  I am given more details about their interactions this time at least.  I'm not saying either one is willing to cheat, but why put yourself in that situation.  I don't really know anything about this guy, but knowing a lot of men in general would probably take the opportunity if given by a younger and more attractive woman.  Every other man in that factory who has hit on her and propositioned her was also married or in a relationship.

To answer your last question, no I don't think anyone would be sleeping with anyone.  But I don't necessarily want this to lead to her flirting with another man or exchanging inappropriate messages again either.

Edited February 16, 2022 by PotatoHead

[smackie9]

On 2/16/2022 at 11:46 AM, PotatoHead said:

 

 Every other man in that factory who has hit on her and propositioned her was also married or in a relationship.

 

This should be unacceptable behaviour in the workplace. I know none of this would ever fly where I work at all. Every employee has to take a course on sexual harassment before even starting the job.

I would be more concerned that she accepts this as normal/OK. Has she even bothered to report this?

[salparadise]

On 2/16/2022 at 2:46 PM, PotatoHead said:

It was the messaging that made it easy for him to come onto her, and she told him about things she liked in bed.  But yes, other than that any advances to meet outside of work were shot down, and then she realized her mistake and stopped talking to him.

Every other man in that factory who has hit on her and propositioned her was also married or in a relationship.

Of course I don't know anything for certain, but... how many other men have hit on her and/or propositioned her? I take it there must've been several. Which begs the question, how do they feel there's even a remote possibility that such advances might be welcomed/successful? Men hardly ever hit on a woman who isn't sending smoke signals.

You already know that she likes [needs] that kind of male attention, and has a propensity for attracting it. It doesn't have to be overt or even intentional –– could just be eye contact, a subtle all-knowing smile, a little extra wiggle when she knows they're looking. But whatever it is, certain ones feel like it's enough of a green-light to give it a shot. And I bet she appreciates it too, even if she has enough inhibition to not act on it. Well, unless they're wily, persistent and gradually work their way inside her hula hoop.

And then there's you... sensitive, possessive, hyper-vigilant, anxious.  I'm sure it's a tough place to be. And since you seem to be quite attached, it puts you between a rock and a hard place. Must be crazy-making. I'm tempted to say that you're just not a good match, but I know you're not ready to throw it away. Here's what I'd suggest... one more conversation. Tell her that the previous episode started out innocent enough too, and that you aren't going to live this way. Then back off and just give her enough rope to do whatever she wants. There is really no point in trying to prevent anything, because it's all up to her. But I'd also be ready to pull the plug, unless you're okay living your life always wondering what kinds of interactions your gf/wife is having with other men.

Edited February 20, 2022 by salparadise

[PotatoHead]

15 hours ago, salparadise said:

Of course I don't know anything for certain, but... how many other men have hit on her and/or propositioned her? I take it there must've been several. Which begs the question, how do they feel there's even a remote possibility that such advances might be welcomed/successful? Men hardly ever hit on a woman who isn't sending smoke signals.

You already know that she likes [needs] that kind of male attention, and has a propensity for attracting it. It doesn't have to be overt or even intentional –– could just be eye contact, a subtle all-knowing smile, a little extra wiggle when she knows they're looking. But whatever it is, certain ones feel like it's enough of a green-light to give it a shot. And I bet she appreciates it too, even if she has enough inhibition to not act on it. Well, unless they're wily, persistent and gradually work their way inside her hula hoop.

And then there's you... sensitive, possessive, hyper-vigilant, anxious.  I'm sure it's a tough place to be. And since you seem to be quite attached, it puts you between a rock and a hard place. Must be crazy-making. I'm tempted to say that you're just not a good match, but I know you're not ready to throw it away. Here's what I'd suggest... one more conversation. Tell her that the previous episode started out innocent enough too, and that you aren't going to live this way. Then back off and just give her enough rope to do whatever she wants. There is really no point in trying to prevent anything, because it's all up to her. But I'd also be ready to pull the plug, unless you're okay living your life always wondering what kinds of interactions your gf/wife is having with other men.

Thank you for the very thoughtful response.

You are correct, I am not ready to give up.  We have been together for going on two years and I would say we are a great match in every aspect of the relationship.

Yes, there have been several men.  Ranging from the more polite ones who just try to strike up conversations then ask her out, to the very crude.  She has told me about all of them and she has never let it continue with anyone aside from the one incident last year, but she has also never reported any of them to HR.  I think she is just afraid of causing someone to lose their job over it.

I wondered the same thing about why men come onto her, thinking she must be giving them reason to think it's okay.  We've actually discussed it and determined that she was just being too nice and it was being misconstrued as more.  Smiling, laughing at jokes, and yes she used to act silly and do little dances and things just because that is her personality.  None of it was meant to be provocative but she realizes now that it was probably taken that way, so she no longer acts like that.  She suppresses he urge to be overly nice or goofy when any guys are around as to not attract that attention and it hasn't been as much of a problem since then.  She claims some of it was completely unwarranted as well.  There has been a learning curve because this is her first time working in a mostly male environment.  Now if any of them talk to her, she just mentions me in the conversation and it ends it pretty quick.

To put it into a little more context, she works at a factory on 2nd shift and is one of very few females who work there. 

I struggle with it still only because I have been hurt in the past by unfaithful women.  Much worse than the one I am currently with.  She has been doing all of the right things and I think we can get past it.  We have already sort of had the conversation you suggested.  I told her that long term, I don't think it's going to work out between us very well if she continues working in this type of environment.  Like you said I am always going to wonder.  But for the time being, she really has no other choice to be able to make a decent living.

I am going to try not to worry about the situation with this other guy at work.  They don't work together very often.  Like you said, back off and give her enough rope.  Hopefully nothing ever comes of it.

[PotatoHead]

My gut feel is that, if I'm thinking about it this much, it's probably time.  I'm just having a hard time pinpointing a good reason to do so, or picturing myself any happier after the break up.  Maybe I am just in a poor state of mental health right now and will snap back out of it.

We've been dating over 2 years.  We were madly in love, thought we were perfect for each other in every way.  I picked up and moved myself and my kids half way across the country to be with her.  We spend every possible moment together, and if we can't be together we are messaging or talking on the phone.  We have a great time when we are together no matter what we are doing.  We've helped each other recover from emotional abuse in our past relationships.  We are both growing and learning to be happy with and to love ourselves, and also just want the other person to be happy.  She is my best friend and I've never been closer to anyone in my life.  We are compatible in just about every way, from our sense of humor to in the bedroom, it's incredible.

The problem is that shortly after I moved to be with her, I found out that she wasn't completely honest with me.  She had been messaging a male coworker, and although she ended it and never let anything happen, it came close.  She claims she was having worries that I would never be able to move to be with her, or get away from my ex, and so she was in a really low place and just liked the attention.  She was incredibly remorseful and has done everything to ensure it would never happen again, we are completely open and honest now.  We talk about every interaction each of us has, she has given full access to her phone, etc.   But still, I struggle with this mentally every single day and I don't think I can ever look at her the same way again after feeling she was unfaithful, and then having caught her in other lies as well.

There are some days that I am happy with the way things are going and can enjoy our time together without worrying about the past or the future.  Other days I can't get it out of my head.  We are unable to move forward in our relationship because we both have kids, so moving in together is out of the question for a very long time.  I am unsure whether I would ever want to get married again, but I know she wants to.  Some days she gets upset because I prioritize my time with my own kids, or don't make an effort to get them all together with hers.  I am just not ready to get them involved, as I am trying to focus on my relationship with my kids, as well as my own wants and needs.  Having just gone through a divorce, this is also my chance for a fresh start and yet I feel my life already revolves around this new relationship and what she wants.

With all of this on my mind, and the fact that we don't get very much time together because we work opposite shifts, things have gotten hard.  There is no longer the excitement when we get to see each other like there once was.  Some days I don't even feel much like talking on the phone.  It feels more like having to make an effort to get intimate rather than barely making into the house like it used to be.  Just kind of feels like it's dying out and there is too much weighing on me for this point in a relationship.

However, like I said starting all of this off, we are great together and there isn't a specific reason to end things right now so I'm beside myself.  We've worked so hard together to get through everything that's happened.  We were on and off again for a little while last year and I assured her I wasn't going to give up.  She's always needed that assurance that I will stay by her and work through anything, so I've given her that and now I would feel absolutely terrible if I took it all back.   Not sure what to do.  I worry that I am just focusing on the negatives and would be even less happy when I am alone.

Edited March 23, 2022 by PotatoHead

[BrinnM]

Sounds like the new relationship excitement is wearing off. This happens to most couples, though. Just not that soon, i guess??
The Q is - do you think you’ll be happy long-term, if you stay together? It doesn’t sound like you’ll be moving in together anytime soon (kids), so it’ll be more of the same for the foreseeable future. And I feel like you guys need to bring the relationship to the next level, if you want to have a successful relationship. You’re kind of stagnating right now, and maybe that’s what’s causing you to feel lukewarm. 
I don’t understand how you “relocated” yourself and the children for her. That’s kind of a big deal and a big commitment. Why did your ex-wife allow that, or is she not in the picture? (Custody?)

As far as the lying, that sucks, of course. You either get over it or you don’t. She is being pretty transparent right now, but it doesn’t seem to be enough for you. I don’t know if that’s ever gonna get better. Maybe couples counseling? I kind of understand her excuse/explanation. She never thought you’d ever move close to her, so she wanted to distract herself. If it was a big move, like really long-distance, yeah, I get why she had doubts. 
 

Not sure what I would do. You gave up a lot. Maybe make some future plans with milestones. Like 1 year from now we want to get engaged, 2 years from now, we’ll look for a home together, stuff like that (while prioritizing the kids, ofc). Maybe a vacation with all the kids. Maybe throw some counseling in as well.
 

But if you’re already lukewarm about calling her, and you’re not excited for sex, etc., that could mean deeper-rooted problems. The loss of the “early relationship excitement” is not unusual, but your R isn’t that many years old, either, so I don’t know why it’s already fading. Maybe you have too much going on after so many drastic life changes. 

 

[glows]

Lack of trust will affect intimacy in the long run. 

Are you feeling guilty about being a single dad? Your kids need your attention but you seem burnt out.

[PotatoHead]

I think I could be happy long term, to an extent.  I don't know how long her mistake is going to be haunting me, it's been a year now, and as long as it does I think I am going to have my guard up and not be ready for any big steps.  She has lost my trust and I'm not sure how she can earn it back, but I think she is doing all the right things.

It was a complicated situation.  My ex and I were separated but not through with the divorce yet at the time, and still lived in the same house.  We all relocated together.  Location and jobs were also big factors in the move.  But, the worst of what happened with her coworker was right after I had already moved.  When we were finally getting the chance to not be long distance, and I was given no indication that she was struggling so much.  Which is why I have a hard time trusting and not thinking she was just lured into it once and that it couldn't happen again.

For right now, I am just not ready to make commitments to milestones like you suggested.  We have to go at a pace that the kids are comfortable with.  Things are definitely stressful right now and just fighting to make time to see each other could be a part of it.  It's not that I'm not excited, so much as there are more days when she'll have an excuse or it just seems played out rather than spontaneous like it used to be.  And I have days where I just get into a funk, feeling hurt and depressed where I start to pull away.

[PotatoHead]

12 minutes ago, glows said:

Lack of trust will affect intimacy in the long run. 

Are you feeling guilty about being a single dad? Your kids need your attention but you seem burnt out.

Not sure exactly what you mean.  I very much enjoy my time with my kids, and being single vs. married.  My life has improved in every way since the divorce.

I just sometimes feel like I am not getting as much benefit from this relationship as it is a burden on my newfound freedom.  I feel that she wants me to devote time to both her and bonding with her kids, one of which has special needs and will probably never be able to take care of themselves.  There are other small issues like when I go to her house, I cringe at the mess she allows them to make where there will be food left out and things spilled, I would never let my house be like that.  I could see it being a problem down the road if we ever moved in.

Edited March 23, 2022 by PotatoHead

[ShyViolet]

1 hour ago, PotatoHead said:

The problem is that shortly after I moved to be with her, I found out that she wasn't completely honest with me.  She had been messaging a male coworker, and although she ended it and never let anything happen, it came close.  She claims she was having worries that I would never be able to move to be with her, or get away from my ex, and so she was in a really low place and just liked the attention.  She was incredibly remorseful and has done everything to ensure it would never happen again, we are completely open and honest now.  We talk about every interaction each of us has, she has given full access to her phone, etc.   But still, I struggle with this mentally every single day and I don't think I can ever look at her the same way again after feeling she was unfaithful, and then having caught her in other lies as well.

This part here sounds a little irrational to me.  So she was messaging with someone before you had moved to be with her?  Messaging someone, that's it?  How long ago was this, two years ago?  I don't see this as a reason to consider breaking up with her now.  It's in the past, it was never actual cheating, and it's over now.  You should be secure enough in the relationship to let this go and move on.

As for the other stuff, it sounds like the normal trajectory of a long-term relationship.  The honeymoon stage always wears off and it's not as exciting as it once was, things become more mundane and routine.

I am usually advising people to break up if they are on here making a thread about it, because usually if you're feeling like you want to break up then you should.  But there's something about your post that just feels like you are being too hard on her.

[glows]

3 minutes ago, PotatoHead said:

Not sure exactly what you mean.  I very much enjoy my time with my kids, and being single vs. married.  My life has improved in every way since the divorce.

I was responding to this: 

Quote

Some days she gets upset because I prioritize my time with my own kids, or don't make an effort to get them all together with hers.  I am just not ready to get them involved, as I am trying to focus on my relationship with my kids, as well as my own wants and needs.  Having just gone through a divorce, this is also my chance for a fresh start and yet I feel my life already revolves around this new relationship and what she wants.

Do you feel guilty being a single dad as in splitting or taking them away from their previous home to be closer to this woman, finding happiness in a new relationship. You're not exactly single or divorced if you are traveling to be closer to someone for a relationship.

I do think you seem to have taken on too much too soon and in the process also affected your children's lives (new home, new location, new school etc). On the one hand you seem focused on being a good father and yet moving them away from what they're used to seems very inconvenient both to you and them. It seems conflicted. Doesn't make sense but perhaps you did it for work or to be closer to family and not just for this woman. Do you have family in this new city/area?

[PotatoHead]

7 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

This part here sounds a little irrational to me.  So she was messaging with someone before you had moved to be with her?  Messaging someone, that's it?  How long ago was this, two years ago?  I don't see this as a reason to consider breaking up with her now.  It's in the past, it was never actual cheating, and it's over now.  You should be secure enough in the relationship to let this go and move on.

As for the other stuff, it sounds like the normal trajectory of a long-term relationship.  The honeymoon stage always wears off and it's not as exciting as it once was, things become more mundane and routine.

I am usually advising people to break up if they are on here making a thread about it, because usually if you're feeling like you want to break up then you should.  But there's something about your post that just feels like you are being too hard on her.

The messages had turned sexual, and this happened after I already moved.  Other than that it was just some flirting when they worked together.  I would have never known about it, but I felt something was off and went through the messages a month or two after it happened.  We had already been together long distance for a year and everything was going great as far as I was aware, so yes the fact that she was one message away from giving this guy the green light to come over on multiple occasions and was stringing him along has been hard for me.  My partners have been unfaithful in every one of my past relationships and absolutely devastated me, and she knew that from day one.  

 

[PotatoHead]

2 minutes ago, glows said:

I was responding to this: 

Do you feel guilty being a single dad as in splitting or taking them away from their previous home to be closer to this woman, finding happiness in a new relationship. You're not exactly single or divorced if you are traveling to be closer to someone for a relationship.

I do think you seem to have taken on too much too soon and in the process also affected your children's lives (new home, new location, new school etc). On the one hand you seem focused on being a good father and yet moving them away from what they're used to seems very inconvenient both to you and them. It seems conflicted. Doesn't make sense but perhaps you did it for work or to be closer to family and not just for this woman. Do you have family in this new city/area?

 

Okay thanks for explaining.  I do not take time away from my kids for my GF or for her kids.  I have my kids 50% of the time, and I am with only them during all of that time.  I only have my GF over maybe once a week when I have my kids overnight and they are sleeping, they might see her for an hour or so.  They are still adjusting to our new life, new home, etc and yes I do feel bad for having to relocate everyone, but my decision to move was just as much financially motivated.

[glows]

After all you've written this is probably not the best time to be in a relationship like this. You both have preexisting commitments and you seem pressured on all sides.

If each day is a daily struggle you may be taking on too much.

You also mention you suspect she wants to get married. You both need to clarify this with one another early on. You're both old enough to know whether this is in the cards for the either of you. If you know it's not for you be clear about it and tell her you won't be changing your mind either way. Be the bigger person if you sense the other one is in denial. 

Hanging on out of companionship or fear of loneliness is not the way to live. Set yourselves free to focus on your other areas you need to focus on. At the very least your kids deserve a dad who is strong and has clarity, knows what he wants, what he doesn't.

Edited March 23, 2022 by glows

[BrinnM]

23 minutes ago, PotatoHead said:

The messages had turned sexual, and this happened after I already moved.  Other than that it was just some flirting when they worked together.  I would have never known about it, but I felt something was off and went through the messages a month or two after it happened. 

Thanks for clarifying. Well, that’s disappointing for sure, especially after making such a drastic move/relocation, and giving up so so so much. Everybody would feel resentful about that. I don’t blame you one bit.
 

I honestly think some distance might help. Have a conversation with her about all of it. Explain where you’re coming from and where your distrust is stemming from. She may think everything’s in the past and forgiven, while you’re still dwelling on it every now and then.
 

Also, like @glowssaid, you have a lot on your plate, and should probably take some time for yourself without a romantic relationship. Focusing on you and your kids might be enough for now. This whole situation seems so draining, and your kids certainly would appreciate an energetic, focused, positive dad. 

[PotatoHead]

Thank you both @glows and @BrinnM for the input.  It's something I need to seriously think about.  I think you're right that I may have too much on my plate at the moment.  From navigating coparenting with my toxic ex, still helping the kids adjust to our new location and focusing on being the best father I can to them, while working on myself as well.  Having a relationship with someone who wants long term commitment to her and her kids, while feeling this worry and resentment towards her.  It's just a lot and I think the stress has been wearing on me.

Breaking it off wouldn't be easy by any means.  After over two years, our lives are quite inter-twined.  She depends on me heavily and although she didn't have to relocate, she has just as much vested in this relationship as I do.  I know we would both be okay.  I just worry about the feelings of regret, knowing that maybe we could have been great if the timing were just better.  But I know that if I break things off again, it will be done for good.

[glows]

How do you mean she depends on you heavily? That stood out to me. Is the father of her kids in the picture?