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Time to Call it Off

Otter2569

By Otter2569
in Dating

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Otter2569 Established Member

Otter2569

Posted
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Posted
19 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

You need to aim higher my friend.

Otherwise you're just going to keep falling back into the same patterns.

So true!  Even I knew it wasn't great decisioning...

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Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted (edited)
6 hours ago, Otter2569 said:

Its the age old answer: sex!  She launched into dirty talk, was sending boob pics and told me that she used to be a swinger. 

Okay... but what did you tell her when she asked for exclusivity?? Did you agree?

Casual sex is totally fine if it's what both people want and there is complete honesty about that... but in your case it sounds kinda scummy for you to carry on, tbh. It's like a woman accepting expensive gifts from a man she's dating when she already knows she doesn't want a relationship with him.

Regardless, I'm glad you've finally made a clean break with her (I hope....?).

 

Edited by Elswyth
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Otter2569 Established Member

Otter2569

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6 hours ago, Elswyth said:

Okay... but what did you tell her when she asked for exclusivity?? Did you agree?

 

I nicely told her that I wanted a more casual relationship and that my feelings haven't developed to the point of exclusivity.

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Otter2569 Established Member

Otter2569

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11 hours ago, Alvi said:

She is a very sexual woman. That is attractive in itself for quite a few men. I can't imagine men would want to brink her up to meet their mothers (or to marry her) but for a FWB relationship she is like a gold find. 

1000% correct!! 

introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Otter2569 said:

I nicely told her that I wanted a more casual relationship and that my feelings haven't developed to the point of exclusivity.

Did you let her know you were having sex with other women?

 

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Happy Lemming Established Member

Happy Lemming

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Otter2569 said:

1000% correct!! 

I rarely took any of the women I dated home to meet my parents.  Being nomadic in my youth helped (with a built in an excuse) as I wasn't always "local" to my parents, but there were very few women I introduced to my parents.

I made that mistake once (in my early youth), as I was dating this large breasted redhead.  We were going someplace that day and I just stopped by my parents to drop off some documents my dad wanted.  That day, my redhead was wearing "Daisy Duke" short cut off jeans and a tube top (no bra).  It was a quick stop in and hello... nothing formal.

Later that day, my mother called me and I got an ear full... Mom called her a sl*t and how dare she go out in public with her breasts half hanging out with no bra and then mom aired yet more of her opinion about the "Daisy Duke" shorts.

As a side note, Dad thought she was GREAT!!  I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...

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Otter2569 Established Member

Otter2569

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3 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I rarely took any of the women I dated home to meet my parents. 

Same.  Ive dated many women over the years and very few were ever brought to meet my parents 1) I am not looking for their approval 2) i waited until I thought they were family worthy.  I have had several out to get togethers with friends or dinner with my brother and his wife but I quickly learned how opinionated people are.  

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Otter2569 Established Member

Otter2569

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1 hour ago, introverted1 said:

Did you let her know you were having sex with other women?

 

Why in the world would I do that?

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Happy Lemming Established Member

Happy Lemming

Posted
Posted
23 minutes ago, Otter2569 said:

...but I quickly learned how opinionated people are.  

Yes, I agree...  At the end of the day, if the woman made me and "Little Lemming" happy, I didn't care what other people thought.

 

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Weezy1973 Established Member

Weezy1973

Posted
Posted

The correlation between casual sex and attractiveness goes in opposite directions in general for men and women.

 

Generally if a woman is interested in just something casual, NSA sex etc. she can get a guy who is considerably more attractive than she is. Whereas if a guy seeks something casual generally it’ll be with a woman less attractive. Therefore some guys will string a more attractive woman along allowing her to think a relationship is possible even if he just wants to keep it casual.

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
38 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Until there are wedding vows and a piece of paper, basically any relationship is casual. 

When the OP says "casual", he means that he's sleeping with other women at the same time.

I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure lots of dudes would be miffed if they found out that their girlfriend was sleeping with other men at the same time, even if they weren't married.

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Happy Lemming Established Member

Happy Lemming

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, Elswyth said:

When the OP says "casual", he means that he's sleeping with other women at the same time.

I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure lots of dudes would be miffed if they found out that their girlfriend was sleeping with other men at the same time, even if they weren't married.

I'm sure plenty of the women I dated "monkey branched" to new guys and I'm sure they slept with them to secure their new position as "girlfriend" prior to dumping me.  It happens and its just part of dating.  Some people find out... others don't but it happens all of the time.

Men and women can be miffed all they want, if you don't want to accept that fact... don't date at all.

 

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
Just now, Happy Lemming said:

I'm sure plenty of the women I dated "monkey branched" to new guys and I'm sure they slept with them to secure their new position as "girlfriend" prior to dumping me.  It happens and its just part of dating.  Some people find out... others don't but it happens all of the time.

Men and women can be miffed all they want, if you don't want to accept that fact... don't date at all.

Yeah, um... I think you're gonna find your opinion to be in the minority on that, lol. Sure, cheating happens (including in marriages/common law...), but most of us consider that to be, well, cheating. It's rare that you'll hear the weird justification of "we're not married so it's OK".

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Happy Lemming Established Member

Happy Lemming

Posted
Posted (edited)
24 minutes ago, Elswyth said:

I think you're gonna find your opinion to be in the minority on that

Similar to the signature on my account... my posts are based on my experiences.  And I've known quite a few women that I dated, who "monkey branched" and had sex with the next guy, prior to dumping me.  Some I didn't find out until months later, but it still happened. 

As for me, yes I'll line up the next woman and be having sex with her prior to leaving the current "girlfriend".  

Edited by Happy Lemming
poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)

@Otter2569I don't think you did anything "wrong" or bad; women need to take responsibility for their own emotional needs and mental well being, and frankly any woman who dirty talks you and sends you semi-nude pics of her breasts, and agrees to casual sex before discussing exclusivity shouldn't be surprised when the outcome (an exclusive relationship) doesn't go her way. 

I'm not sure it's your responsibility to take care of her emotional needs, she's a grown woman, if she desires an exclusive relationship then she needs to speak up prior to having sex and NOT be enticing you with dirty talk and nude pics. 

Bottom line, she attempted to use her sexuality to manipulate you into a relationship and it backfired on her.

That's all this is. 

JMO

 

Edited by poppyfields
Alpacalia Established Member

Alpacalia

Posted
Posted
18 hours ago, Otter2569 said:

So true!  Even I knew it wasn't great decisioning...

Okay.

So you initially said that you wanted to call things off because she is being rather clingy and you do not want to be exclusive.

Or, is it that you're hoping to continue having sex with both these women?

It's okay if that's the case, but you need to decide which one is your priority, because when you start sleeping with multiple people, it gets complicated for everyone involved.

introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
Posted
23 hours ago, Otter2569 said:

Why in the world would I do that?

Because it's the right thing to do.

Dating casually does not necessarily mean having sex with multiple people.  If for no other reason than sexual health, the right thing to do is to let any new partner know if you are concurrently having sex with others.

 

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Lisa Established Member

Lisa

Posted
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Posted (edited)

This thread has had a clean up of private conversations and some bickering.  Please note that the topic is about the OP's dilemma and not the personal lives of other posters.  

Edited by Lisa
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Agentra Member

Agentra

Posted
Posted

Please call it off like a mature adult. If you want to have casual sex, great, good luck, but don't string people along and hurt them simply because you're horny. 

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