Time to Call it Off

[Alpacalia]

She's not bargaining with sex.

She's drawing a boundary.

[Tullyseptember]

If you are having sex with someone else, tell her this and that should tell her you are not serious about her. 

Her feelings will be hurt and I hope she doesn't put sex back on the table to try and make you chose between her and the other person. 

[Otter2569]

19 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok then end it diplomatically. She is dating, you had sex so perhaps wants to be exclusive and you do not. So stop having sex, level with her and game over.

That is it in a nutshell.  She made her desire for exclusivity known after date 4 but its not for me...not with a young kid and only getting together once a week for 4 hours.  I want fewer limits on my being - not more.

[Otter2569]

7 hours ago, Tullyseptember said:

If you are having sex with someone else, tell her this and that should tell her you are not serious about her. 

Her feelings will be hurt and I hope she doesn't put sex back on the table to try and make you chose between her and the other person. 

This morning i got several sexy pics from her showing me the new lingerie she bought 

[Otter2569]

15 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Agree, or she should just wish HIM well and forget this "pulling back" on sex, it's a bad approach and not likely to render what she's aiming for anyway. 

Last weekends relationship talk was a real buzz kill (we did not have sex). I pretty much said i want something casual, our lives are in different places and that I respect her as a mom, I am not looking to meet her young child.  That conversation is what made me realize I needed to put an end to things.

[ExpatInItaly]

20 minutes ago, Otter2569 said:

This morning i got several sexy pics from her showing me the new lingerie she bought 

You need to break it off with her as soon as possible, OP. 

[Happy Lemming]

2 hours ago, Otter2569 said:

...not with a young kid and only getting together once a week for 4 hours.  I want fewer limits on my being - not more.

Am I correct in remembering that your kids are grown??  If so, then avoid dating women with minor children or children at all.

That has been my number one deal breaker since I was a young man... no kids.  I did try to date a divorced mom, once (many, many years ago) and it was a disaster.  I was much happier in my dating, once I put that rule in place. 

[dramafreezone]

17 hours ago, Alpaca said:

While some are upfront, others don't speak until the need arises. Usually this is the time when one desires progress or clarification. 

And if that is their current phase of relationship (as it sounds like it is), then she is not bound to continue having sex with him.

Well she can end the relationship if she doesn't want it to continue in a romantic capacity.  I of course have no issue if she no longer wants to be in a relationship with him as none of us should be in a relationship if we don't want to be.  The removal of that one element (sex) without a compelling reason (health related for instance) is what makes it come across as manipulative. 

To me I interpret it as "So you mean to tell me the only reason you were having sex with me was as a means to an end?"

[glows]

3 hours ago, Otter2569 said:

Last weekends relationship talk was a real buzz kill (we did not have sex). I pretty much said i want something casual, our lives are in different places and that I respect her as a mom, I am not looking to meet her young child.  That conversation is what made me realize I needed to put an end to things.

And how did she respond to that? 

[jspice]

4 hours ago, Otter2569 said:

That is it in a nutshell.  She made her desire for exclusivity known after date 4 but its not for me...not with a young kid and only getting together once a week for 4 hours.  I want fewer limits on my being - not more.

When she said she wanted an exclusive relationship on date 4, did you tell her you wanted it casual? Or did you keep quiet and let the sex continue until date 6?

[Alpacalia]

23 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Well she can end the relationship if she doesn't want it to continue in a romantic capacity. 

Agree.

Her sex with him seems to have ceased after he said he wanted casual relations:

3 hours ago, Otter2569 said:

Last weekends relationship talk was a real buzz kill (we did not have sex). I pretty much said i want something casual, our lives are in different places and that I respect her as a mom, I am not looking to meet her young child.  That conversation is what made me realize I needed to put an end to things.

OP, you're both seeking different things.

We can't make her walk away by commenting on your thread.

It is clear at this point that she desires a relationship, and that you do not.

You only have one choice: end it as diplomatically as you can.

Never apologize or feel bad about taking care of yourself, and taking good care of yourself is always valid.

 

[Otter2569]

2 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

Am I correct in remembering that your kids are grown??  If so, then avoid dating women with minor children or children at all.

Yes my kids are young adults and pretty self sufficient.  Most women in my age range have grown kids.  I am an easy going dude but I just can't go back to dealing with someone elses pre teen children.  In most of my relationships the other persons kids were the undoing.

[jspice]

12 minutes ago, Otter2569 said:

Yes my kids are young adults and pretty self sufficient.  Most women in my age range have grown kids.  I am an easy going dude but I just can't go back to dealing with someone elses pre teen children.  In most of my relationships the other persons kids were the undoing.

So why do you keep saying women with kids? How are you expecting the relationship to go? 

[Otter2569]

1 hour ago, glows said:

And how did she respond to that? 

It was awkward as I tried to tactfully navigate that minefield.  I am not sure: She said she would try to find another babysitter and or bring her kid over so we can be together more (I shot that idea down).  It basically heightened our different position on our relationship...IMO.

[Ami1uwant]

34 minutes ago, Otter2569 said:

Yes my kids are young adults and pretty self sufficient.  Most women in my age range have grown kids.  I am an easy going dude but I just can't go back to dealing with someone elses pre teen children.  In most of my relationships the other persons kids were the undoing.

Not true. Everyone is different when theyhave kids.

 

its about stages  in life and if you are at the same place.  Thus should have been an initial screener before even dating.

 

your kids are off to college so your line is ptprobably kids finishing high school in a yror two where there isn’t a need to take care of them and need a sitter.  This should be known early on befire evendating.

[glows]

30 minutes ago, Otter2569 said:

It was awkward as I tried to tactfully navigate that minefield.  I am not sure: She said she would try to find another babysitter and or bring her kid over so we can be together more (I shot that idea down).  It basically heightened our different position on our relationship...IMO.

Then you’ve already been clear with her. There’s nothing else to do other than distance yourself and be honest that you don’t want the same things.

You already have another casual partner for sex so why drag this out. Keep the drama to a minimum and don’t see her anymore. 

[poppyfields]

7 hours ago, Otter2569 said:

This morning i got several sexy pics from her showing me the new lingerie she bought 

This^ is manipulative.  She's using her sexuality (or attempting to) to lure you into a relationship, while simultaneously cutting off sex. 

Big next on this one Otter and no need to feel guilty about it.

Say your piece directly and succinctly and be done. 

Edited March 24, 2022 by poppyfields

[introverted1]

 

7 hours ago, Otter2569 said:

That is it in a nutshell.  She made her desire for exclusivity known after date 4 but its not for me...not with a young kid and only getting together once a week for 4 hours.  I want fewer limits on my being - not more.

Ok, so on date 4 she asked for exclusivity but she knew prior to this that you were dating and having sex with someone else?  Or have you allowed her to think she is the only woman you are being intimate with?

I'd be surprised if a woman who knew she was sharing you sexually wouldn't be primed to hear that you don't want a relationship.

[vla1120]

7 hours ago, Otter2569 said:

This morning i got several sexy pics from her showing me the new lingerie she bought 

Oy vey. End this immediately. You probably should have ended it after date 4, when she let you know she wanted something more exclusive. Just simply tell her that you are looking for different things and you want casual only. I can only imagine that if she knows you're sleeping with other women, she'll exit stage left without much of a problem. I do recommend dating women with no kids, if you don't want to get drawn into that scenario.

[Els]

On 3/24/2022 at 9:21 PM, Otter2569 said:

That is it in a nutshell.  She made her desire for exclusivity known after date 4 but its not for me...not with a young kid and only getting together once a week for 4 hours.  I want fewer limits on my being - not more.

So why on earth did you even agree to date 5 and date 6 with her? What did you tell her when she asked for exclusivity on date 4???

[Otter2569]

On 3/25/2022 at 10:50 AM, Elswyth said:

So why on earth did you even agree to date 5 and date 6 with her? What did you tell her when she asked for exclusivity on date 4???

Its the age old answer: sex!  She launched into dirty talk, was sending boob pics and told me that she used to be a swinger. 

[BrinnM]

30 minutes ago, Otter2569 said:

Its the age old answer: sex!  She launched into dirty talk, was sending boob pics and told me that she used to be a swinger. 

How is that attractive?

[Otter2569]

15 minutes ago, BrinnM said:

How is that attractive?

I will defer to Happy Lemming on that one.  ps she is attractive ...and well endowed 

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Otter2569 said:

Its the age old answer: sex!  She launched into dirty talk, was sending boob pics and told me that she used to be a swinger. 

You need to aim higher my friend.

Otherwise you're just going to keep falling back into the same patterns.

Edited April 1, 2022 by Alpaca

[Alvi]

46 minutes ago, BrinnM said:

How is that attractive?

She is a very sexual woman. That is attractive in itself for quite a few men. I can't imagine men would want to brink her up to meet their mothers (or to marry her) but for a FWB relationship she is like a gold find.