Wiseman2 Posted May 17, 2022 Posted May 17, 2022 Sorry you ran into her. Do you all live near each other? Try not to discuss the breakup with her people. The best thing you can do for yourself is delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 17, 2022 Posted May 17, 2022 You don't need to justify or explain yourself to her sister, OP. Who cares if she gets mad? It's not her relationship and you owe her nothing. Don't engage in any further conversations about it, should you happen to run into her again. It's not her business. She can help your ex join friend groups, if she's that desperate for her to have friends. 1
Author Lovesick2112 Posted May 17, 2022 Author Posted May 17, 2022 (edited) Where I feel bad is that everything was going pretty good again. If I wouldn't have asked that 1 stupid question everything probably would be ok right now. I also don't understand how her sister can suggest that I "do whatever I can to let go", but at the same time tell me to "keep the door open"?!?! It sucks when you're in these situations you get all wrapped up in it. From the outside It probably looks completely different. Edited May 17, 2022 by Lovesick2112
basil67 Posted May 17, 2022 Posted May 17, 2022 (edited) @Lovesick2112 asking her why she wasn't available wasn't a stupid question. This isn't a woman you barely know, it's a woman who you've got an established relationship history with. If she'd been serious about getting back together with you and had something else on, she would have replied with "I'm sorry I can't - I've got XYZ on that day". Her non-answer plus letting you go so easily showed that there really was no future here. And do not engage with her sister if you see her again. You're better off out of it all Edited May 17, 2022 by basil67 1
Author Lovesick2112 Posted May 17, 2022 Author Posted May 17, 2022 Well... her sister called me and asked me if I spoke to my (ex) girlfriend. I said, no. Her sister acted kind of mad. I ask why, and she said it wasn't her place to say. Then after a brief conversion, I guess when the two talked my girlfriend did tell her that she wanted to leave me. I guess her sister told her she'd better tell me that because I need to know that. It's the right thing to do. Well like I say my (ex) girlfriend hates all confrontation... that is why she disappeared, and why her sister is so curious, she's actually looking out for me. None of that was a big shock since her disappearance pretty said everything, but hearing this was the final dagger. I was extremely upset, and very emotional (And I'm a dude). I hate breakups, I hate them. Now I'm alone. I don't know what happened to cause my ex to lose interest, but it happened.
Wiseman2 Posted May 18, 2022 Posted May 18, 2022 11 hours ago, Lovesick2112 said: Well... her sister called me and asked me if I spoke to my (ex). The best thing for you is to delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Stop talking to her sister. Break-ups hurt but you'll recover. The healing begins when the contact with her and her family ends.
Logo Posted May 18, 2022 Posted May 18, 2022 On 5/17/2022 at 1:34 AM, Lovesick2112 said: Where I feel bad is that everything was going pretty good again. If I wouldn't have asked that 1 stupid question everything probably would be ok right now. I also don't understand how her sister can suggest that I "do whatever I can to let go", but at the same time tell me to "keep the door open"?!?! It sucks when you're in these situations you get all wrapped up in it. From the outside It probably looks completely different. It’s okay. It’s not your fault! That feeling you have right now, is part of grief. You’re bargaining “If only …..”. I say that from experience. It’s not your fault. You tried to communicate. She didn’t communicate. You can’t walk on eggshells and be happy all at the same time. It hurts. It hurts a lot. I know. The problem is, once you start chasing, they start running away. It’s already too late. But you didn’t do anything wrong. My ex and I took a break, but later I woke up to realize that sometimes a break is either one of two things: (1) trying to gauge your interest (2) breaking up but wanting to do it slower, so there’s no sudden loss and finality to it. 1
glows Posted May 18, 2022 Posted May 18, 2022 21 hours ago, Lovesick2112 said: Well... her sister called me and asked me if I spoke to my (ex) girlfriend. I said, no. Her sister acted kind of mad. I ask why, and she said it wasn't her place to say. Then after a brief conversion, I guess when the two talked my girlfriend did tell her that she wanted to leave me. I guess her sister told her she'd better tell me that because I need to know that. It's the right thing to do. Well like I say my (ex) girlfriend hates all confrontation... that is why she disappeared, and why her sister is so curious, she's actually looking out for me. None of that was a big shock since her disappearance pretty said everything, but hearing this was the final dagger. I was extremely upset, and very emotional (And I'm a dude). I hate breakups, I hate them. Now I'm alone. I don't know what happened to cause my ex to lose interest, but it happened. When you're depending on someone else, a third party, to relay important information in your relationship you know something is seriously wrong. It's been dysfunctional for awhile, possibly since the very beginning. The more you keep letting this kind of thing in the worse you'll feel so stop whatever you're doing and rethink things. Change any negative, destructive habits like pleasing her sister or pleasing your ex. You don't owe them anything else anymore. Have some good boundaries in place yourself because that doesn't just happen. You actually have to create them and enforce them especially around people who have no clue how to respect that.
Author Lovesick2112 Posted May 19, 2022 Author Posted May 19, 2022 (edited) Looking back it's kind of interesting though. Last time my ex was here, she was very kissy, and and saying I love yous. But when she said she was leaving, she just stood by the door. I was thinking... are you leaving?? I didn't say that, but I was thinking that. She was just standing there, so I gave her another kiss. I wasn't sure what she was thinking? Then when I turned around, she walked out the door. At the time I thought it was kind of weird, but looking back?? I wonder if she knew she wasn't coming back. She was just giving me one last day. Edited May 19, 2022 by Lovesick2112
ExpatInItaly Posted May 19, 2022 Posted May 19, 2022 This sounds like a relationship that needed to end, not one that was built to last. Stop talking to her sister about it. Take space from all of them. Her sister is weirdly over-involved and it's making things worse for you and your healing.
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