ericw899 Posted March 22, 2022 Posted March 22, 2022 I'm American, however I have found myself going on dates with many different Latina girls, many from Ecuador. I was seeing the one girl on and off for quite a few months, and she just recently came back into my life as I messaged her because I missed her. Things ended about 2 months ago, as she said she wasn't sure if she wants to be in a relationship, but now she seems interested in trying things out again. Thing is though, she has some tendencies that I feel is a bit rude and I kind of recall that when we were dating. For example, when we text, if I try to make a date and I say "are you free Friday?" she will just say no and nothing more. She will even sometimes take almost 24 hours just to respond to one question. She also will sometimes say statements that don't really make sense, but what I make of it, I would consider it to be rude if an American said it to me. She asked me to write her a letter recommendation, and when I asked her what it was for she said "that means you don't want to help me" which was not the case I was just curious. Thing is though, outside of text she is sweet as pie. She even made me a huge homecooked meal the last time we were together. This is a girl I really liked, and whether we do go out again, I don't know. But I want to give her another shot, I just want to make sure she is not being disrespectful to me. Is it possible for the way some cultures speak to come across disrespectful and rude when speaking in English?
glows Posted March 22, 2022 Posted March 22, 2022 Insecurity and limited language ability can come across as curt or rude. I didn’t read her response to you “that means you don’t want to help me” as disrespectful. She was trying to gauge whether you were willing to help or even questioning herself and whether she might have asked that question. For it to work between cultures and different languages you both need to be more open minded and willing to see from the other side. If you’re constantly worrying if you’re being disrespected or can’t sense that she’s sincere, don’t proceed. Trust your instincts. 1
Amanda92 Posted March 22, 2022 Posted March 22, 2022 Replying in 24 hours is rude in every culture. It seems she doesn't treat you seriously.
Wiseman2 Posted March 22, 2022 Posted March 22, 2022 (edited) 6 hours ago, ericw899 said: , when we text, if I try to make a date and I say "are you free Friday?" she will just say no and nothing more. She will even sometimes take almost 24 hours just to respond to one question. You're just not compatible and backtracking is usually just going to go sideways again. "Are you free?" isn't rude exactly but it's nosy and roundabout rather than asking for a date. Try to improve your communication skills in general. You may lack some cultural awareness. However the main problem is backtracking and poor communication. Be clear rather than asking vague questions. Edited March 22, 2022 by Wiseman2
flitzanu Posted March 22, 2022 Posted March 22, 2022 yeah these examples don't seem rude or culturally charged, they just sound like poor communication or misunderstood communication.
BrinnM Posted March 23, 2022 Posted March 23, 2022 On 3/21/2022 at 10:21 PM, ericw899 said: I'm American, Well, having dealt with Europeans (all regions really) and South Americans (only very few), I have to say that here in America people are much more flowery in their language than in other parts of the world. Much more guarded. Careful. Apprehensive. Many cultures are way more direct, we’re just not used to it, and many languages and accents and the way people express themselves often sound harsh and curt. Rude, even. Even if they’re not rude, and never meant to be rude. That’s my general observation. As far as not replying for a day or two, well, that’s just inconsiderate. But replying with a plain and simple “no”, after you ask a yes or no question - not necessarily rude. 3 1
Author ericw899 Posted March 24, 2022 Author Posted March 24, 2022 22 hours ago, BrinnM said: Well, having dealt with Europeans (all regions really) and South Americans (only very few), I have to say that here in America people are much more flowery in their language than in other parts of the world. Much more guarded. Careful. Apprehensive. Many cultures are way more direct, we’re just not used to it, and many languages and accents and the way people express themselves often sound harsh and curt. Rude, even. Even if they’re not rude, and never meant to be rude. That’s my general observation. As far as not replying for a day or two, well, that’s just inconsiderate. But replying with a plain and simple “no”, after you ask a yes or no question - not necessarily rude. I suppose, it’s just frustrating. It’s always one or two word short answers with no substance and always takes hours upon days to answer me. I get so frustrated with her it overshadows what we actually could have together
BrinnM Posted March 24, 2022 Posted March 24, 2022 On 3/21/2022 at 10:21 PM, ericw899 said: I was seeing the one girl on and off for quite a few months, and she just recently came back into my life as I messaged her because I missed her. Things ended about 2 months ago, as she said she wasn't sure if she wants to be in a relationship, This may not be due to cultural differences though. She might give you the slow fade, because she isn’t interested in you romantically. She probably just likes you as a friend, hence the home cooked meal, and she also needed a reference letter from you, so there’s that. I hate to burst your bubble, but I think the issue here is that you want more than she does. 1
Author ericw899 Posted March 24, 2022 Author Posted March 24, 2022 25 minutes ago, BrinnM said: This may not be due to cultural differences though. She might give you the slow fade, because she isn’t interested in you romantically. She probably just likes you as a friend, hence the home cooked meal, and she also needed a reference letter from you, so there’s that. I hate to burst your bubble, but I think the issue here is that you want more than she does. Oh I’m not disagreeing with you, there’s no doubt that I have more interest in her than she does in me. She has said though that she wants to go out with me again, and she even offered this past Friday night. I had to decline as I had a family party to go too, and she has been more distant than ever now perhaps because she was annoyed I couldn’t make Friday night.
chillii Posted March 24, 2022 Posted March 24, 2022 Of course there's differences in ways and words and actions in all sorts of ways. However with this one yeah you obviously don't get ea other very well but that takes time with two different cultures, often yrs. This though more sounds like a combo but the main issue is of low interest on her part tbh and she's already pretty well ended it once. She's half halfheartedly come back and asked you a few things to but her heart really isn't in it. lt's pretty obvious your wasting your time with her.
Wiseman2 Posted March 24, 2022 Posted March 24, 2022 7 hours ago, ericw899 said: I had to decline as I had a family party to go too, and she has been more distant than ever now perhaps because she was annoyed I couldn’t make Friday night. Then why did you ask her when she was free? Why not tell her when you are free and suggest a date? Overall this seems like poor communication and too much frustration for both of you.
ShyViolet Posted March 24, 2022 Posted March 24, 2022 17 hours ago, ericw899 said: Oh I’m not disagreeing with you, there’s no doubt that I have more interest in her than she does in me. If there is no doubt that you have more interest in her than she does in you, why are you even giving this woman this much thought? You should be putting an end to this and not wasting any more time on someone who is making it clear she's not that interested in you.
glows Posted March 24, 2022 Posted March 24, 2022 17 hours ago, ericw899 said: Oh I’m not disagreeing with you, there’s no doubt that I have more interest in her than she does in me. She has said though that she wants to go out with me again, and she even offered this past Friday night. I had to decline as I had a family party to go too, and she has been more distant than ever now perhaps because she was annoyed I couldn’t make Friday night. Then let her know that you don’t see this going any further and don’t drag things out. Anyone would be turned off if you decline without any alternative plan. Your heart is not in it either, she is disappointed, responds sparsely and you get annoyed again. It goes on and on. It’s time to let go if you’re not feeling it.
smackie9 Posted March 26, 2022 Posted March 26, 2022 She is sweet as pie only when she wants something from you, like a favour. In her mind she does something nice for you, you shouldn't question her if she asks you for something. That isn't cultural, that a type of survival thing some people just do. She's not romantically interested in you, she just wants you to do stuff for her and do what she tells you to do. If you don't fall into her control, she punishes you with putting you on ignore. Run away as fast as you can. She's a manipulator.
Wiseman2 Posted March 26, 2022 Posted March 26, 2022 On 3/21/2022 at 10:21 PM, ericw899 said: I was seeing the one girl on and off for quite a few , I just want to make sure she is not being disrespectful to me. On/off relationships are not that satisfying. It often means incompatibilities, poor communication combined with over attachment and lack of other options. It doesn't seem like she is disrespectful or using you. Who contacted who about dating again? 1
Calmandfocused Posted March 26, 2022 Posted March 26, 2022 Agree with others This is not about cultural differences. It’s everything to do with her not being into you.
Els Posted March 26, 2022 Posted March 26, 2022 Yes of course it's possible, if you have ever traveled internationally I'm sure you will come across situations where YOU are perceived as rude/strange by the locals as well. It's normal. I don't think YOUR specific problem is a culture thing, though. The crux of your issue sounds like she's just not that interested in you as a person. People who are interested in you will want to spend time with you and talk to you - and this applies to every single culture that I've seen. 1
mortensorchid Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 Cultural differences can and do come into play with people of different cultures. Period. When it's a working / business relationship is one thing, on a personal level is another. Honestly, you can and will find out rather quickly that you are not compatible when you have these differences as work. One should not go there, you find out.
Author ericw899 Posted March 27, 2022 Author Posted March 27, 2022 On 3/21/2022 at 10:21 PM, ericw899 said: I'm American, however I have found myself going on dates with many different Latina girls, many from Ecuador. I was seeing the one girl on and off for quite a few months, and she just recently came back into my life as I messaged her because I missed her. Things ended about 2 months ago, as she said she wasn't sure if she wants to be in a relationship, but now she seems interested in trying things out again. Thing is though, she has some tendencies that I feel is a bit rude and I kind of recall that when we were dating. For example, when we text, if I try to make a date and I say "are you free Friday?" she will just say no and nothing more. She will even sometimes take almost 24 hours just to respond to one question. She also will sometimes say statements that don't really make sense, but what I make of it, I would consider it to be rude if an American said it to me. She asked me to write her a letter recommendation, and when I asked her what it was for she said "that means you don't want to help me" which was not the case I was just curious. Thing is though, outside of text she is sweet as pie. She even made me a huge homecooked meal the last time we were together. This is a girl I really liked, and whether we do go out again, I don't know. But I want to give her another shot, I just want to make sure she is not being disrespectful to me. Is it possible for the way some cultures speak to come across disrespectful and rude when speaking in English? So basically everyone in this thread was correct. Follow my new thread all the answers were revealed by her
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