As8988 Posted March 21, 2022 Posted March 21, 2022 I went on a really good first date with a guy; he didn't seem overly sexual at all and we had a nice, normal conversation. A few days later he messaged me to come over after a night out, so I went (I know, I probably shouldn't have). As he had been drinking he struggled a bit with "performing". I was going to stay the night when he suddenly came back from the bathroom and decided I should leave. I took offence and assumed he wasn't keen so I told him I got the hint and was pretty cold to him. I was a bit triggered because I have dealt with lots of shitty post-sex behaviour and to be honest could have acted differently but I'm not convinced the outcome would have been any different. When I got home I noticed he had blocked me on Instagram!! Why would someone do this?! I've had guys ghost me after sex before but never actually block me. Like it just seems a bit mean and unnecessary? We were still matched on the hinge, so i sent a message to explain that it was s*** way to treat someone etc. because I've recently decided not to let guys get away with this kind of behaviour, to hopefully somewhat "break the cycle". He unmatched me a couple days after but hey at least I know he saw it. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2022 Posted March 21, 2022 Maybe he was embarrassed by his performance issue. Or maybe he just wasn't feeling the chemistry and didn't have the stones to be mature and mindful about it. The way he went about this was unnecessarily harsh. 36 minutes ago, As8988 said: . I took offence and assumed he wasn't keen so I told him I got the hint and was pretty cold to him But can you elaborate on this? What did you say? 36 minutes ago, As8988 said: I was going to stay the night Had he invited you to stay over? I realize it's sometimes a given after sex, but I would operate under the assumption that there won't be a sleepover unless you're actually asked. Unforuantely when it's this early, you don't know the person and don't know what sort of behaviour they're capable of. It's a risk we take getting intimate with a virtual stranger. It can be fun and enjoyable, but comes with the caveat that you can't predict what will happen next. 1
Author As8988 Posted March 21, 2022 Author Posted March 21, 2022 I think he was definitely embarrassed! He told me to stay, then went to the bathroom and had completely changed his mind! I told him that he didn't need to talk to me and I got the hint. And then pretty much just left. Yes that is true - he probably just got what he wanted and didn't want to deal with the aftermath
Wiseman2 Posted March 21, 2022 Posted March 21, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, As8988 said: .When I got home I noticed he had blocked me on Instagram!! ,so i sent a message to explain that it was s*** way to treat someone etc. because I've recently decided not to let guys get away with this kind of behaviour, Sorry this happened. Take your time with dating. Don't do in-house dates until you get to know each other a bit. Definitely never respond to drunk calls/ texts or booty calls. Be glad he blocked you and it's over. There's no point communicating with someone like that further. After a drunken whiskey wand experience he just wanted it over. Who knows maybe he vomited in the bathroom from being drunk. Asking you to leave wasn't the crappy thing to do, drunk texting you for booty call was. Don't bother lecturing or having relationship talks with men who drunk dial and just want booty calls. If you don't want men to "get away with this type of behavior", just say no to booty calls. Edited March 21, 2022 by Wiseman2 4
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2022 Posted March 21, 2022 39 minutes ago, As8988 said: He told me to stay, then went to the bathroom and had completely changed his mind! And what did he say, exactly?
Author As8988 Posted March 21, 2022 Author Posted March 21, 2022 He said I think it's best if you leave. Then said it was because he had to be up early for work and wasn't very reassuring etc.
introverted1 Posted March 21, 2022 Posted March 21, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, As8988 said: Why would someone do this?! I've had guys ghost me after sex before but never actually block me. Perhaps he didn't need to block you on instagram but maybe he (rightly) thought you'd be reaching out again and wanted to avoid contact. The thing about ONS is that the emphasis is on "One." 3 hours ago, As8988 said: We were still matched on the hinge, so i sent a message to explain that it was s*** way to treat someone etc. If you want to be treated well, don't succumb to drunken booty calls from strangers. Edited March 21, 2022 by introverted1 2
stillafool Posted March 21, 2022 Posted March 21, 2022 3 hours ago, As8988 said: he probably just got what he wanted and didn't want to deal with the aftermath Well if he couldn't perform he didn't get what he wanted. Was something off or did something happen that turned him off? I wouldn't be quick to go to a guy's house late at night for a booty call. They end up treating you as such and don't shos much respect as you can see. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2022 Posted March 21, 2022 2 hours ago, As8988 said: He said I think it's best if you leave. Then said it was because he had to be up early for work and wasn't very reassuring etc. I see. I'm sorry it turned into such an unpleasant experience. Chalk it up to a lesson learned (never know what you're getting when you don't know the person), and keep moving. 1
glows Posted March 21, 2022 Posted March 21, 2022 5 hours ago, As8988 said: I went on a really good first date with a guy; he didn't seem overly sexual at all and we had a nice, normal conversation. A few days later he messaged me to come over after a night out, so I went (I know, I probably shouldn't have). As he had been drinking he struggled a bit with "performing". I was going to stay the night when he suddenly came back from the bathroom and decided I should leave. I took offence and assumed he wasn't keen so I told him I got the hint and was pretty cold to him. I was a bit triggered because I have dealt with lots of shitty post-sex behaviour and to be honest could have acted differently but I'm not convinced the outcome would have been any different. When I got home I noticed he had blocked me on Instagram!! Why would someone do this?! I've had guys ghost me after sex before but never actually block me. Like it just seems a bit mean and unnecessary? We were still matched on the hinge, so i sent a message to explain that it was s*** way to treat someone etc. because I've recently decided not to let guys get away with this kind of behaviour, to hopefully somewhat "break the cycle". He unmatched me a couple days after but hey at least I know he saw it. Unfortunately this exposed him for what he is. There was not much substance to the interaction then. While it’s sad and feels like a waste of time, take your time getting to know someone. Avoid late night calls and drunken meets. You were angry with him but he was trying to run away from the situation and pretend it never happened. Now is that someone you’d like connected to you in any way, Instagram or whatever? No. No explanations needed. You’re not his teacher, momma, etc. Dust yourself off and carry on. Don’t let this thing dull you or bother you. 2
Alpacalia Posted March 21, 2022 Posted March 21, 2022 (edited) I'm sorry you experienced that. Being blocked, especially immediately after having been physically and/or emotionally intimate with someone, must be jarring - so it's okay to feel slighted, angry, or rejected by it. Put it out of your mind and move on. Anyway, he's a bit of a twit, so be glad he's out of your hair. It happens to almost everyone at some point, even to men. If you're not okay with the possibility of it just being a hook up, don't sleep with them when you first meet. It takes time to build a relationship. Good luck with it all... Edited March 21, 2022 by Alpaca 1
SumGuy Posted March 21, 2022 Posted March 21, 2022 9 hours ago, As8988 said: ....Why would someone do this?! I've had guys ghost me after sex before but never actually block me. Like it just seems a bit mean and unnecessary?.... It may be necessary if he has other women, such as a gf or wife, who might see you. It is a very shitty thing to do on his part. 1
chillii Posted March 21, 2022 Posted March 21, 2022 He called you up bc he was feeling like some fun , you happily go over and now it's done. Pretty simple , that's all he wanted. 1
dramafreezone Posted March 22, 2022 Posted March 22, 2022 On 3/21/2022 at 1:37 AM, As8988 said: I was going to stay the night when he suddenly came back from the bathroom and decided I should leave. I took offence and assumed he wasn't keen so I told him I got the hint and was pretty cold to him. I was a bit triggered because I have dealt with lots of shitty post-sex behaviour and to be honest could have acted differently but I'm not convinced the outcome would have been any different. The sequence of events is a bit confusing. What exactly did you say to him and when? Did you say something to him about his performance or something else that could have offended him before he went to the bathroom?
stillafool Posted March 23, 2022 Posted March 23, 2022 On 3/21/2022 at 4:37 AM, As8988 said: I have dealt with lots of shitty post-sex behaviour Why is this? 1
smackie9 Posted March 26, 2022 Posted March 26, 2022 I get it, you wanted to vent....but well tbh, this was a one and done that didn't go well. There was only one purpose for this meet up...to have sex which is fine if there are no expectations. You knew what you were walking into and you barley know the guy so I don't think you should have expected anything more from it. I'm not saying your feelings are not valid, but what more could you expect from a stranger...there are always risks. It's a gamble each time you go into a situation like that. Experiencing shitty post-sex behaviour is maybe something that needs to be looked at a little more closely. Oh well one of life's lessons right?
mortensorchid Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 Just move on. Whatever the case may be it wasn't supposed to be and it's just what it is. I don't know if it's the system failure or whatever else but it just wasn't right. Consider yourself lucky nothing really terrible happened.
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