Seems like I just have no success with dating apps.

[Uptown182]

4 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

You can play the numbers until you experience this again. But as this post exemplifies, strong instant chemistry is meaningless if you’re looking for something long term. He is an ex after all. 
 

I found with online dating my success came when I knew what I was looking for. I knew I wanted to get married and was looking for my “forever” partner. Kids was a maybe depending on if our relationship was conducive to having kids. But I was quite specific. Initial attraction went way down the list as long as there was some minimum threshold met. 
 

Years later we’re still together and yes, have had kids…

I agree instant chemistry doesn’t mean much, I’ve had a few dates in my lifetime where there was instant chemistry and then I never saw the guy again, or I only saw him a few times afterwards, it just so happens that in the last instance in turned into a serious relationship but I don’t find that to be the norm.  So for me strong chemistry on a first date isn’t all that important, but I guess there has to be some sort of click or chemistry to want to go on a second date with the person 

[poppyfields]

18 minutes ago, Uptown182 said:

I agree instant chemistry doesn’t mean much, I’ve had a few dates in my lifetime where there was instant chemistry and then I never saw the guy again, or I only saw him a few times afterwards, it just so happens that in the last instance in turned into a serious relationship but I don’t find that to be the norm.  So for me strong chemistry on a first date isn’t all that important, but I guess there has to be some sort of click or chemistry to want to go on a second date with the person 

I wholeheartedly agree that great chemisrty alone is not enough to sustain a relationship or even another date! 

There are other factors at play and it all must align together for everything to "work."

It's rare when that happens and often not easy, but having that initial chemisrty sure helps and something a couple has in their memory and can attempt to recapture when the going gets tough.  

 

Edited March 21, 2022 by poppyfields

[Ami1uwant]

3 hours ago, stillafool said:

I imagine I would too if I were a man and had that option.  But then again there's something to be said about having your family while young, you get to enjoy grandkids and perhaps even great grandkids together.  That's priceless.

With careers and such. Most aren’t starting to have kids till they are into their mid 30s at the earliest. In big metro areas this skews later.

[Ami1uwant]

3 hours ago, Uptown182 said:

I wouldn’t say there’s a commonality to the guys since I’m pretty open, my requirements are basically a nice person with a good job and  somewhat physically attractive to me.  I’m not a very good flirt when I first meet someone, I can flirt with someone I’ve known for a while, but I’m not good at or better yet can’t flirt very well with someone I just met.  To be honest, I think the last time I flirted on a first date was probably with my ex, but we just had very strong chemistry and clicked right away so it was effortless.

why did you have that chemistry with your ex?  How are you measuring it?

what was different then?how old were you/ how many years ago was this?

 

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, Uptown182 said:

I agree instant chemistry doesn’t mean much, I’ve had a few dates in my lifetime where there was instant chemistry and then I never saw the guy again, or I only saw him a few times afterwards, it just so happens that in the last instance in turned into a serious relationship but I don’t find that to be the norm.  So for me strong chemistry on a first date isn’t all that important, but I guess there has to be some sort of click or chemistry to want to go on a second date with the person 

I’ve had strong chemistry on first meet with women…I can count on one hand.  I don’t look fir instant chemistry but I do look fir back and forth flow in communication.

 

My rule…if there are no red flags on first meet you should get together again and have a better judge of things without the nerves of first meet.

 

.

 

 

[chillii]

6 hours ago, stillafool said:

This does seem to be a problem for women in this age range wanting a mate in this age range.  I have 2 friends whose daughters in their mid 20s are dating 40 and 41 year old men.  I'm not understanding why women that age want a man that much older.   When I was 25 I wouldn't even date guys in their 30s.  Something has changed and I'm not sure what it is.  Desperation maybe.  IDK because these aren't unattractive girls.

 

Nah it's nothing like that , l'm 50s and get it seriously from younger women all the time, 30s is the most common for me and good looking girls with great personalities too they'd be far from desperate.

Unfortunately l'm not interested in younger women though or l could honestly take my pick. l really don't know , but it seems like some sort of maturity thing they seem to like, only guessing really but reading the dating stories around, maybe they want that. Or they just plain like me, l really can't figure it out tbh.

 

 

 

 

Edited March 21, 2022 by chillii

[stillafool]

8 minutes ago, chillii said:

Or they just plain like me, l really can't figure it out tbh.

I think it's you.

[chillii]

9 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I think it's you.

Haaaa, God only knows.

[Uptown182]

36 minutes ago, chillii said:

 

Nah it's nothing like that , l'm 50s and get it seriously from younger women all the time, 30s is the most common for me and good looking girls with great personalities too they'd be far from desperate.

Unfortunately l'm not interested in younger women though or l could honestly take my pick. l really don't know , but it seems like some sort of maturity thing they seem to like, only guessing really but reading the dating stories around, maybe they want that. Or they just plain like me, l really can't figure it out tbh.

 

 

 

 

I think the belief is older men value a younger a women more than men their age do, plus in my experience older men play less games.  Doesn't shock me one bit if good looking man in his 50’s is getting a bunch of looks of women in their 30’s.   

[Uptown182]

7 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

why did you have that chemistry with your ex?  How are you measuring it?

what was different then?how old were you/ how many years ago was this?

 

I don’t know that chemistry can be explained or if there’s a reason for it, I think it just happens.  But I do remember I felt very comfortable very quickly around him, which is rare for me.  
 

This wasn’t that long ago, a little over 3 years ago.  We were together for a year then on and off for another year.  

[chillii]

lt doesn't have to be explained though , happens when it happens it's just natures way in these things really.  But there are types in that sort of thing too, degrees.l remember meeting someone back in the day and on the surface you would've thought it was all there boom, but there was a difference .

[Ami1uwant]

9 hours ago, Uptown182 said:

I don’t know that chemistry can be explained or if there’s a reason for it, I think it just happens.  But I do remember I felt very comfortable very quickly around him, which is rare for me.  
 

This wasn’t that long ago, a little over 3 years ago.  We were together for a year then on and off for another year.  

I understand it can happen. What I’m trying to figure out….was something done differently? Using a different app, we’re you living in a different location? What was your attitude on dating?

I’ve had times when I had some chemistry with someone when I wasn’t looking for it.  I work fir a large company. I was at a meeting with people from different departments.   Me and this woman started talking after the meeting and it just flowed.  I seemed out talking to her again disincentive our paths wouldn't naturally cross.  I talked to her and found out she was engaged and got married to someone. We are good friends. She acknowledges this that if she wasn’t already involved who knows what coukd have happened.  I didn’t know much about her personally at the time in terms of views and shared interests et all.

Do you have a female friend who could observe your behavior on a first date?

 

 

[Weezy1973]

10 hours ago, Uptown182 said:

I don’t know that chemistry can be explained or if there’s a reason for it, I think it just happens.  

There’s always a reason for it. It isn’t magic. Usually it’s because of some combination of superficial similarities and mutual attraction. It happens in non romantic contexts too. Certain people are your friends, others not so much. You work better with certain colleagues than others. You like some teachers more than other etc. 

[Uptown182]

1 hour ago, Ami1uwant said:

I understand it can happen. What I’m trying to figure out….was something done differently? Using a different app, we’re you living in a different location? What was your attitude on dating?

I’ve had times when I had some chemistry with someone when I wasn’t looking for it.  I work fir a large company. I was at a meeting with people from different departments.   Me and this woman started talking after the meeting and it just flowed.  I seemed out talking to her again disincentive our paths wouldn't naturally cross.  I talked to her and found out she was engaged and got married to someone. We are good friends. She acknowledges this that if she wasn’t already involved who knows what coukd have happened.  I didn’t know much about her personally at the time in terms of views and shared interests et all.

Do you have a female friend who could observe your behavior on a first date?

 

 

Nope nothing was different, I’m even using the same app.  

[Uptown182]

20 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

There’s always a reason for it. It isn’t magic. Usually it’s because of some combination of superficial similarities and mutual attraction. It happens in non romantic contexts too. Certain people are your friends, others not so much. You work better with certain colleagues than others. You like some teachers more than other etc. 

agreed but I don’t think it’s easy to explain why, it’s either there or it’s not for whatever reason 

Edited March 22, 2022 by Uptown182

[dramafreezone]

I'll add that there's is a *lot* of dating advice out there, and a lot of commonly held beliefs on how people should conduct themselves when attracting the opposite (or same) sex.

Every person is different though, and chances are if you are taking a lot of the available advice, you may be doing something that just does not fit *you*.  There is so much of "you should do _____ or _____" that the dating pool acts the same in large part, when we are so different as individuals.

We need to begin examining a lot of what we're told and carefully determine if that advice is right for us as individuals, as opposed to blindly accepting it because it worked for some people or because that's the way things have always been done.

Edited March 22, 2022 by dramafreezone

[Trail Blazer]

Some people have a lot of success with dating apps and some people do a lot better finding dates IRL.  I guess it depends on your personality as well as factors like where you live, your social circle, career choice, etc.

I don't do well dating IRL.  Why?  I don't have any opportunity to meet women with the way my life is structured.  Also, I just can't be bothered trying to "pick-up" by cold approaching, etc.

OLD, on the other hand, worked really well for me.  I'm aloof in real life, prefer to keep to myself.  However, I'll go out of my way to help someone of they need it.  But finding a date?  OLD every time, for me.

Your problem sounds like you're a little cold and uptight.  If you have a great date, are you prepared to let them know first?  Or would you insist they chase you up, maks it known how they feel as ask you out?