glows Posted March 20, 2022 Posted March 20, 2022 1 hour ago, Alpaca said: It's not online dating. We met randomly. But yes, I agree! I’d ignore it and if he keeps asking mindless questions stop seeing him. That shirt is tasteless. Is there any other potential or substance to this man? 1
Author Alpacalia Posted March 20, 2022 Author Posted March 20, 2022 (edited) 32 minutes ago, glows said: I’d ignore it and if he keeps asking mindless questions stop seeing him. That shirt is tasteless. Is there any other potential or substance to this man? Oh. I found it amusing for St. Patties. He was out with his friends (the shirt). It's actually a pun to a brand strategist I guess he has done work with. Solid career. He often talks about his passion for it. Also coaches at universities and runs tournaments. He is very athletic and loves sports. Charity work with underprivileged youth and community members. Has a passion for animals. Close to family members and nieces and nephews. I'll be mindful of any other questions though. Thanks glows! Edited March 20, 2022 by Alpaca 1
poppyfields Posted March 20, 2022 Posted March 20, 2022 1 hour ago, Alpaca said: He showed me a picture of him he took on St. Patrick's Day. He is opening and closing his jacket, and under it is a shirt that says "go luck yourself"; at first I thought, "Did he just tell me to go boink myself?" Lol, this move on his part could have gone one of two ways. 1. A highly interested woman would think it was hilarious. Playful and flirty. 2. A low or minimally interested woman would think it was silly and perhaps even off-putting. I could be wrong but it sounds like you were former? Alpaca I'm sensing good vibes here, have fun on your second and hope it works out the way you hope!
glows Posted March 20, 2022 Posted March 20, 2022 1 minute ago, Alpaca said: Oh. I found it amusing for St. Patties. He was out with his friends. It's actually a pun to a brand strategist I guess he has done work with. Solid career. He often talks about his passion for it. Also coaches at universities and runs tournaments. He is very athletic and loves sports. Charity work with underprivileged youth and community members. Has a passion for animals. Close to family members and nieces and nephews. Great. If you like these other parts keep seeing him. Keep in mind people can talk up a big game about their private life or career and then it’s actually not the case at all. See whether he walks the talk and enjoy your time together. 1
Author Alpacalia Posted March 20, 2022 Author Posted March 20, 2022 46 minutes ago, poppyfields said: >>how’s the dating scene treating you?<< So he asked this after you've already met and had a date? And have planned the second? I wonder why he didn't ask this during your first date? That would have been the time imo. Sounds to me like he really likes you and it was an indirect and rather passive way of finding out if you are multi-dating or at least discuss your dating styles (multi or one at a time). Without giving too much of himself away or showing his hand. In any event, it sounds like you really like him too (gut feeling based on your enthusiasm) and I'm glad you're happy with your answer! Yes. I don't know why either. The question kind of came out of left field. Oddly enough, I find myself really drawn to him. I don't usually feel this way right away. 1
poppyfields Posted March 20, 2022 Posted March 20, 2022 Just now, Alpaca said: Oddly enough, I find myself really drawn to him. I don't usually feel this way right away. I had a feeling that was/is the case. My spiny senses doing their thing. Try to not overthink and enjoy the journey. Easier said than done I know but it all sounds good so far, from what you've written. If you're inclined, keep us posted! 1
Ami1uwant Posted March 20, 2022 Posted March 20, 2022 17 hours ago, Alpaca said: Yes, that makes sense. I felt like it might be a trick question. I thought "oh snap, how to respond to this one, ." Response “ does it even matter if I want to sleep with you?” 1
Author Alpacalia Posted March 20, 2022 Author Posted March 20, 2022 1 hour ago, glows said: Great. If you like these other parts keep seeing him. Keep in mind people can talk up a big game about their private life or career and then it’s actually not the case at all. See whether he walks the talk and enjoy your time together. He's also on my social media so it seems pretty legit. But, thank you I will def keep my eyes and ears open. 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: I had a feeling that was/is the case. My spiny senses doing their thing. Try to not overthink and enjoy the journey. Easier said than done I know but it all sounds good so far, from what you've written. If you're inclined, keep us posted! Ha. I will. He was so cute today though.
Maldives Posted March 20, 2022 Posted March 20, 2022 21 hours ago, Alpaca said: If someone asks you "how’s the dating scene treating you," what is a good response? I assume you just be honest with your response, yes? I'd respond with "well, I'm still on here does that answer your question"? 1
dramafreezone Posted March 20, 2022 Posted March 20, 2022 (edited) 21 hours ago, Alpaca said: If someone asks you "how’s the dating scene treating you," what is a good response? I assume you just be honest with your response, yes? "It's been good, nothing too crazy, how has it been for you?" I would *NOT* answer negatively, would not say it's been crappy, or no luck yet. If I heard a negative answer then that's probably a sign that she's not in a good headspace, just my opinion. And if you really like this person, dating *is* going well for you, so not *really* a dishonest answer. It only takes one good match. Edited March 20, 2022 by dramafreezone 1
salparadise Posted March 20, 2022 Posted March 20, 2022 4 hours ago, poppyfields said: Sounds to me like he really likes you and it was an indirect and rather passive way of finding out if you are multi-dating or at least discuss your dating styles (multi or one at a time). Without giving too much of himself away or showing his hand. Yes, I agree. I wouldn't read too much into it, but he might have been hoping you'd give an indication as to whether you have a bunch of plates spinning at once. There are also a lot of perfectionist daters out there, esp. women, who have such high expectations that no mortal man is ever going to be deemed acceptable. Either of these predilections makes a woman essentially undatable, at least in my mind and I assume most others who've been around the block a time or two. It's like a trip to Vegas... it's pretty easy to hit the nickel slots occasionally, and you hear stories about those who hit a real jackpot, but for the most part it's designed to get you to throw away your money and go home empty handed. In order for a woman to be truly eligible, she needs to connect to the individual, not be an optimizer/unicorn hunter, and not be playing the more-is-better numbers game. I'm betting your guy is really interested and wants to know if he should invest. 2
Author Alpacalia Posted March 20, 2022 Author Posted March 20, 2022 (edited) 46 minutes ago, salparadise said: I'm betting your guy is really interested and wants to know if he should invest. Yes. I'm wondering that myself. He asked me "if I was a flirt." So he's asking me some specific questions. I usually observe but I think I need to start asking him some as well. I'm not sure what angle he is approaching this from. Edited March 20, 2022 by Alpaca
Author Alpacalia Posted March 20, 2022 Author Posted March 20, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, dramafreezone said: "It's been good, nothing too crazy, how has it been for you?" I would *NOT* answer negatively, would not say it's been crappy, or no luck yet. If I heard a negative answer then that's probably a sign that she's not in a good headspace, just my opinion. And if you really like this person, dating *is* going well for you, so not *really* a dishonest answer. It only takes one good match. This was a sincere response. "It's great to date, I said! Work, school, and I go great together!" I think I said something to that effect. Was that not a suitable answer? Did I muck that up? lol Edited March 20, 2022 by Alpaca
salparadise Posted March 21, 2022 Posted March 21, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Alpaca said: Yes. I'm wondering that myself. He asked me "if I was a flirt." So he's asking me some specific questions. I usually observe but I think I need to start asking him some as well. I'm not sure what angle he is approaching this from. If you like him show a bit of vulnerability. I guess we're all different, but sincerity and vulnerability melt me. Both of the longer term relationships I had started with both showing that early. And contrarily, most of the one-and-done I've been on I didn't ask for a second because it wasn't there. High walls and such, impenetrable. I so appreciate a woman who is just who she is and isn't afraid of being exposed. I'm betting that he's looking for that, and that he's ready to open up too. Maybe. I'm speculating of course. When you say you don't know what angle he's approaching it from, do you mean is he looking for a partner vs. casual dating? Or is he just trying to get laid? It's possible that there isn't any angle at all. That's what I'm suggesting –– show him a bit of yours and he reciprocates by showing a bit of his. This is how relationships begin and progress. As long as you're both protecting, it stays flat and dry. I know these are vague terms, but hoping you get the gist. Edited March 21, 2022 by salparadise 2
AngryGromit Posted March 21, 2022 Posted March 21, 2022 (edited) On 3/19/2022 at 7:44 PM, Alpaca said: If someone asks you "how’s the dating scene treating you," what is a good response? My Answer I'm married, so Terrible The dating scene I mean, not my Marriage, I'm very happy with that. Edited March 21, 2022 by AngryGromit 1
Author Alpacalia Posted March 21, 2022 Author Posted March 21, 2022 31 minutes ago, salparadise said: If you like him show a bit of vulnerability. I guess we're all different, but sincerity and vulnerability melt me. Both of the longer term relationships I had started with both showing that early. And contrarily, most of the one-and-done I've been on I didn't ask for a second because it wasn't there. High walls and such, impenetrable. I so appreciate a woman who is just who she is and isn't afraid of being exposed. I'm betting that he's looking for that, and that he's ready to open up too. Maybe. I'm speculating of course. When you say you don't know what angle he's approaching it from, do you mean is he looking for a partner vs. casual dating? Or is he just trying to get laid? It's possible that there isn't any angle at all. That's what I'm suggesting –– show him a bit of yours and he reciprocates by showing a bit of his. This is how relationships begin and progress. As long as you're both protecting, it stays flat and dry. I know these are vague terms, but hoping you get the gist. Yes, partner vs. casual dating. We were just talking back and forth with each other and that was one of the questions he asked. He also asked me what my favorite color is and when my first kiss was (which I declined to answer). But I get what you're saying about being more vulnerable - I have to keep practicing that one! But I also don't want to overshare since it's so early. I like that we're finding out little by little about each other.
poppyfields Posted March 21, 2022 Posted March 21, 2022 (edited) 50 minutes ago, salparadise said: If you like him show a bit of vulnerability. I guess we're all different, but sincerity and vulnerability melt me. Both of the longer term relationships I had started with both showing that early. And contrarily, most of the one-and-done I've been on I didn't ask for a second because it wasn't there. High walls and such, impenetrable. I so appreciate a woman who is just who she is and isn't afraid of being exposed. I'm betting that he's looking for that, and that he's ready to open up too. Maybe. I'm speculating of course. When you say you don't know what angle he's approaching it from, do you mean is he looking for a partner vs. casual dating? Or is he just trying to get laid? It's possible that there isn't any angle at all. That's what I'm suggesting –– show him a bit of yours and he reciprocates by showing a bit of his. This is how relationships begin and progress. As long as you're both protecting, it stays flat and dry. I know these are vague terms, but hoping you get the gist. This^. And to address what's bolded, try viewing this experience and him as having no angle at all, but rather he's trying to be real with you and get to know you. Why? Because he's interested. He may be asking questions because he may view you as guarded and elusive, not quite so open and forthcoming (which you've admitted to being early in) and the questions are a way to get to know you. Break down the walls a bit. I say go for it! Try something new on. Less guarded, more open and trusting until he gives you reason to not be. It's the reverse of what most advise, which is DON'T trust until he gives you reason to. Which has never really worked positively for me or other women I associate with. Men can sense that resistance and distrustful, guarded attitude, and it's a turn off for them especially when their motives are genuine and sincere. Just as @salparadisesaid. Great post. I've actually had men tell me this when describing why they stopped seeing a particular woman. Doesn't mean oversharing or spilling your feels. It's a balance. We are all afraid of getting hurt, that's nothing new. It's the knowing you will be OK no matter what the outcome that allows you to take more risks with your heart. Become more open and vulnerable. And the pay off is huge! Again just my my take Alpaca, good luck! Edited March 21, 2022 by poppyfields 1
Author Alpacalia Posted March 21, 2022 Author Posted March 21, 2022 Just now, poppyfields said: This^. And to address what's bolded, try viewing this experience and him as having no angle at all, but rather he's trying to be real with you and get to know you. Why? Because he's interested. He may be asking questions because he may view you as guarded and elusive, not quite so open and forthcoming (which you've admitted to being early in) and the questions are a way to get to know you. Break down the walls a bit. Again, just me take. I say go for it! Try something new on. Less guarded, more open and trusting until he gives you reason to not be. It's the reverse of what most advise, which is DON'T trust until he gives you reason to. Which has never really worked positively for me or other women I associate with. Men can sense that resistance and distrustful guarded attitude, and it's a turn off for them especially when their motives are genuine and sincere. Just as @salparadisesaid. Great post. I've actually had men tell me this when describing why they stopped seeing a particular woman. Again just my my take Alpaca, good luck! I like the advice too. Some guys have said that they like that I have so many layers and that every day it's like a new layer. But men have also told me I am a bit on the mysterious side. In the past I have always just gone into it trusting, but this time I'm trying to be smarter. Danke! I'm gonna try to roll with it
poppyfields Posted March 21, 2022 Posted March 21, 2022 (edited) Just my experience but the men who prefer "mystery," "challenge" and elusiveness are the "players" for lack of a better word. The men who are sincere about wanting a relationship will love your openness and vulnerability (again it's a balance - not too much, not too little). I've had men tell me this too when describing why they fell for me. Edited March 21, 2022 by poppyfields 1
basil67 Posted March 21, 2022 Posted March 21, 2022 Indeed. My daughter's boyfriend says he loves that he never has to try and figure out what she's thinking. 1
Author Alpacalia Posted March 21, 2022 Author Posted March 21, 2022 2 hours ago, poppyfields said: Just my experience but the men who prefer "mystery," "challenge" and elusiveness are the "players" for lack of a better word. The men who are sincere about wanting a relationship will love your openness and vulnerability (again it's a balance - not too much, not too little). I've had men tell me this too when describing why they fell for me. I've certainly attracted those. But I've also attracted two of my best long-term relationships so it can go either way. It's part of my personality. My friends that I have known forever know this about me and have certainly commented on it. Trying to work on being more open in that regard.
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