Wiseman2 Posted March 19, 2022 Posted March 19, 2022 4 minutes ago, Kindle500 said: So as time went on I realized that lots of activities, even gathering with HER friends, revolved around drinking, taking shots, beer pong, bars etc... I'm in my early 40's and without sounding like a tight ass I kinda don't want to deal with that. You dodged a bullet. She may be a lovely person but today's party girl is tomorrow's alcoholic.
Author Kindle500 Posted March 19, 2022 Author Posted March 19, 2022 15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: You dodged a bullet. She may be a lovely person but today's party girl is tomorrow's alcoholic. Well I don't see her as a party girl, but the drinking just surprised me and made me nervous. So it put me (among some low key incompatibilities) in a state of doubt. I really believe that she is a person worth knowing, but for me not as a "boyfriend." Maybe some other guy who wants those things as well.
glows Posted March 19, 2022 Posted March 19, 2022 14 minutes ago, Kindle500 said: Well I don't see her as a party girl, but the drinking just surprised me and made me nervous. So it put me (among some low key incompatibilities) in a state of doubt. I really believe that she is a person worth knowing, but for me not as a "boyfriend." Maybe some other guy who wants those things as well. She doesn’t have to be a roaring alcoholic for you to dislike the idea of spending more time with her. People generally gravitate toward others with the same ethics and morals, beliefs, interests. You absolutely did the right thing. The only challenge is seeing her at work regularly and marvelling at her functionality or talent. You seem to admire her but you also know you can’t get any closer and it’s a pity.
ShyViolet Posted March 19, 2022 Posted March 19, 2022 The title of this post is not true at all. You didn't break up with her "for no particular reason." You had some very valid reasons.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 19, 2022 Posted March 19, 2022 2 hours ago, Kindle500 said: So as time went on I realized that lots of activities, even gathering with HER friends, revolved around drinking, taking shots, beer pong, bars etc... I'm in my early 40's and without sounding like a tight ass I kinda don't want to deal with that. I'm in my early 40s now too, OP, and past that part of my life. Doing shots, playing beer pong...that was fun in my 20s. It's not my kind of entertainment anymore and I wouldn't be compatible with a man who still partook. Having some occasional drinks, sure. But regular drinking? Meh, not interested. Been there, done that, left it behind and I'm totally fine with that choice. You did the right thing ending it. No need to feel guilty. 2
dramafreezone Posted March 19, 2022 Posted March 19, 2022 (edited) On 3/18/2022 at 6:08 AM, Kindle500 said: Hi I dated a woman for 4 months. We met at work. She is new and we started having lunch together and going for walks at lunch. We hit it off and started dating. However, within 4 months it lost steam for me. I also saw some incompatibilities that for me were kind of deal breakers for me. So I ended the romantic relationship. I told her it just wasn't working for me, and that if I could not invest 100 percent in the relationship then I felt it would have been irresponsible of me to keep it going. She took it hard , but after 3 days we both agreed (to her credit) that we can at least be work friends and continue our work banter, lunches etc...she we have to work together. So far it's working. I also learned never to date a colleague in a professional setting. My issue is that I feel immense guilt and I feel really bad for my decision. So I am working on that. Thaks There are always reasons. Indifference for that other person is a reason, and people breakup because of that all the time. It just sounds like the relationship ran its course. It sounds like she was fun at a time where you needed it, but now you don't need that in your life anymore. Obviously her lifestyle wasn't an issue in the beginning or this would've never started in the first place. Every person that comes into your life isn't meant to be there for the long term. Some remain for a lifetime, some for part of the life, some for a fraction of your life. Some are there to teach us something, to help us grow in some way, or to get us through a tough time. That's just the way it is in general and in romance, that's not a negative comment on you or them. Edited March 19, 2022 by dramafreezone
Calmandfocused Posted March 19, 2022 Posted March 19, 2022 Op I agree with Ex Pat I’m in my early 40s too and I wouldn’t dream of engaging in such activities. In my 20s? Yes frequently- it was fun. Now? No way! You see, when adults get older, their responsibilities increase. Practically, financially & emotionally. Fundamentally what her drinking and lifestyle is telling you is that she is irresponsible. Presumably a man of your age is looking for a woman with a bit of responsibility and maturity? In which case her drinking lifestyle (and drunk behaviour) doesn’t fit that brief. I don’t blame you! So yes you did have a very good reason for breaking up with her. Dealing with the consequences of alcohol abuse is no walk in the park…
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