Bluerose99 Posted March 17, 2022 Posted March 17, 2022 Hi wonderful people, I met someone new, less than a week ago and we have a great connection. We speak for hours and hours by phone and message and he's driven the hour to see me twice already. We already are very open and honest with each other about everything, have the same opinions, and have talked about the good and the bad, and we are crazy physically about each other.. I've never had sex with anyone I didn't know well so need advice please I know I want things to progress the next time I see him.. but will this be too soon? Will he think less of me? I really like him a lot and want everything to be perfect but I want people's opinions on how serious he would be if it happens...I hope things will last with him and I don't want him to think badly of me TIA!
glows Posted March 17, 2022 Posted March 17, 2022 (edited) Are you asking what are the chances he’s in love with you? You just met less than a week ago. It’s not likely. Have sex if you want but treat it as no strings attached this early. You’re not in a relationship with this man either. He’s free to have sex with other women also while seeing you if you’re not exclusive. You’re also free to date other men. Edited March 17, 2022 by glows 2
Author Bluerose99 Posted March 17, 2022 Author Posted March 17, 2022 3 minutes ago, glows said: Are you asking what are the chances he’s in love with you? You just met less than a week ago. It’s not likely. Have sex if you want but treat it as no strings attached this early. You’re not in a relationship with this man either. He’s free to have sex with other women also while seeing you if you’re not exclusive. You’re also free to date other men. No I'm not asking if he's in love with me and I know it's early days. We already have both said we will only see each other and we feel really good together. What I'm asking is will a man take you seriously if you have sex right away
glows Posted March 17, 2022 Posted March 17, 2022 17 minutes ago, Bluerose99 said: No I'm not asking if he's in love with me and I know it's early days. We already have both said we will only see each other and we feel really good together. What I'm asking is will a man take you seriously if you have sex right away That depends on the man and you or what you both share. If you can’t answer this question about the man you’re seeing or are very concerned about his feelings changing or not taking you seriously, then don’t have sex with him yet. Walk yourself through your fears. What would happen to you in the worst case scenario if he changed his mind about you or doesn’t take you seriously? 3
ExpatInItaly Posted March 17, 2022 Posted March 17, 2022 1 hour ago, Bluerose99 said: What I'm asking is will a man take you seriously if you have sex right away Flip the script: would you take a man seriously if he has sex with you right away? 1
Wiseman2 Posted March 17, 2022 Posted March 17, 2022 1 hour ago, Bluerose99 said: I know I want things to progress the next time I see him.. but will this be too soon? Ok. Just slow your roll. Get to know each other better. There's nothing wrong with early sex. However there's also nothing wrong with getting to know each other. For example: Are you sure he's single and lives alone? Wait until you see first hand where and how he lives. Anyone can talk the talk and act like a dream date by agreeing with everything and being flattering. Make the next date near his place. You do the driving. 2
Author Bluerose99 Posted March 17, 2022 Author Posted March 17, 2022 46 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Flip the script: would you take a man seriously if he has sex with you right away? Yes. I would. But I don't know how men think
Author Bluerose99 Posted March 17, 2022 Author Posted March 17, 2022 42 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok. Just slow your roll. Get to know each other better. There's nothing wrong with early sex. However there's also nothing wrong with getting to know each other. For example: Are you sure he's single and lives alone? Wait until you see first hand where and how he lives. Anyone can talk the talk and act like a dream date by agreeing with everything and being flattering. Make the next date near his place. You do the driving. Yes he's definitely single and lives alone, I know from a mutual friend but also have seen his place on our video calls, it's very nice, clean, he is financially stable, no red flags. Thanks for your advice. We are going to a nice restaurant for dinner tomorrow near where I live (he asked me to chose anywhere I wanted) but he wont be coming to my place, not unless we are serious later on and in the future.. I know I should wait but there is electricity between us, and I really want to so I'm thinking I will..if not anything else, at least will have a great time..but I do hope for an ongoing relationship with him 1
basil67 Posted March 17, 2022 Posted March 17, 2022 2 minutes ago, Bluerose99 said: Yes. I would. But I don't know how men think Just as all women don't think the same way, men don't either. All you can do is trust your instincts. That said, just two months ago you were talking about how you'd found an amazing guy who you adore. And obviously that relationship has since ended, but now you're getting a bit excited about this new guy who you barely know. Have sex if you want, but try to keep a lid on your emotions until you see if this has legs. 2
Wiseman2 Posted March 17, 2022 Posted March 17, 2022 23 minutes ago, Bluerose99 said: I don't know how men think You don't need to know how men think. You don't need to put the shoe on the other foot. All you can do is slow your roll and visit his area and wait for an invitation to his place. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 17, 2022 Posted March 17, 2022 1 hour ago, Bluerose99 said: Yes. I would. But I don't know how men think Not all men think the same. And if he judged you for having sex early on, he’s a hypocrite because he would be doing exactly the same thing. 1 1
Ami1uwant Posted March 17, 2022 Posted March 17, 2022 4 hours ago, Bluerose99 said: No I'm not asking if he's in love with me and I know it's early days. We already have both said we will only see each other and we feel really good together. What I'm asking is will a man take you seriously if you have sex right away Many men look at women as a conquest. How is the distance between you two? Right now he wants you so he makes an effort but what happens in a few months when the drive becomes tiresome. This might fail firdistance reasons 1
princessaurora Posted March 17, 2022 Posted March 17, 2022 You could always just escalate things slowly and see where that takes you. Generally, that's what I used to do when I was dating. Like maybe next time just maybe touch each other and the date after that oral (if you're comfortable with that), then maybe piv the following date. Your instincts will tell you when to stop and that's usually what I let mine did. Men just need to know sex will eventually be on the table, not necessarily on the table that second. An hour isn't that bad of a distance. Me and my now husband were almost that and we still got together alot. He even moved away for a year for a job and we took turns seeing each other on weekends. If things progress ya'll will figure it out. But for now, I would just enjoy getting to know him and let your gut tell you when it's time. As long as you're doing other physical things with him, he'll feel desirable and most likely wait till you're ready for sex. 2 1
stillafool Posted March 17, 2022 Posted March 17, 2022 49 minutes ago, princessaurora said: As long as you're doing other physical things with him, he'll feel desirable and most likely wait till you're ready for sex. I think she's the one who is ready for sex now. 1
glows Posted March 17, 2022 Posted March 17, 2022 3 hours ago, Bluerose99 said: Yes. I would. But I don't know how men think Everyone is different. Avoid stereotyping men and women and enjoy the date. If you’re anxious and worried don’t go through with it and you are allowed to change your mind for whatever reason. You are even entitled to changing your mind about him or wanting a relationship after you have sex. Dating is about observing one another and so far there has been very little opportunity to do so. Take your time. 1 1
smackie9 Posted March 17, 2022 Posted March 17, 2022 See where the night takes you. If it happens it happens. 2 1
Weezy1973 Posted March 17, 2022 Posted March 17, 2022 6 hours ago, Bluerose99 said: ,I met someone new, less than a week ago and we have a great connection…I know I want things to progress the next time I see him.. but will this be too soon? Will he think less of me? I really like him a lot and want everything to be perfect… Nobody knows the answers to these questions. But, you’ve known each other for less than a week which means you’re both practically strangers regardless of how much you’ve talked and shared with each other. You’re very attracted to him which is great, but doesn’t mean the two of you are compatible long term. Chances are things aren’t going to work out. Not because there’s anything wrong with you or him, just because most people aren’t compatible enough to be in a relationship together. So if you’re comfortable having sex with someone where the dating ends up fizzling out and it won’t impact you (how you see men, how you see yourself etc.) then it’s not a problem. That being said, if you’re looking for something long term, it doesn’t really matter if you have sex sooner or later does it? You don’t have to force it either way. 3 1
Alpacalia Posted March 17, 2022 Posted March 17, 2022 There's always a defining moment OP... You'll know when it happens. Then it's pounce time. 1
Author Bluerose99 Posted March 17, 2022 Author Posted March 17, 2022 4 hours ago, basil67 said: Just as all women don't think the same way, men don't either. All you can do is trust your instincts. That said, just two months ago you were talking about how you'd found an amazing guy who you adore. And obviously that relationship has since ended, but now you're getting a bit excited about this new guy who you barely know. Have sex if you want, but try to keep a lid on your emotions until you see if this has legs. Thank you! Yes, I ended the relationship with the last guy.... people here were right, I needed more than that, but I did really think he was amazing, just couldn't give me the time I needed. This time I'm going to do exactly that, trying not to get emotionally attached but just to enjoy getting to know him, you are right. I just don't have much dating experience I do get a bit over excited sometimes and I have to cool it down.... 1
Author Bluerose99 Posted March 17, 2022 Author Posted March 17, 2022 4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Not all men think the same. And if he judged you for having sex early on, he’s a hypocrite because he would be doing exactly the same thing. Yes true. And if he judges me I won't want to be with him in any case 1
Author Bluerose99 Posted March 17, 2022 Author Posted March 17, 2022 3 hours ago, princessaurora said: You could always just escalate things slowly and see where that takes you. Generally, that's what I used to do when I was dating. Like maybe next time just maybe touch each other and the date after that oral (if you're comfortable with that), then maybe piv the following date. Your instincts will tell you when to stop and that's usually what I let mine did. Men just need to know sex will eventually be on the table, not necessarily on the table that second. An hour isn't that bad of a distance. Me and my now husband were almost that and we still got together alot. He even moved away for a year for a job and we took turns seeing each other on weekends. If things progress ya'll will figure it out. But for now, I would just enjoy getting to know him and let your gut tell you when it's time. As long as you're doing other physical things with him, he'll feel desirable and most likely wait till you're ready for sex. Things already escalated. I instigated it.. and he responded positively..but I love your advice. My gut is telling me to go for it, it is what I want..but I was just worried about how I might seem. To put things into perspective the last time I had a new partner was over 20 years ago, and I haven't had sex for 3 years since breaking up with that partner...that's why I haven't had the dating experience all these years. But I'm burning up
Author Bluerose99 Posted March 17, 2022 Author Posted March 17, 2022 3 hours ago, stillafool said: I think she's the one who is ready for sex now. Over ready, I'll fall off the tree if I don't
Author Bluerose99 Posted March 17, 2022 Author Posted March 17, 2022 4 hours ago, Ami1uwant said: Many men look at women as a conquest. How is the distance between you two? Right now he wants you so he makes an effort but what happens in a few months when the drive becomes tiresome. This might fail firdistance reasons It's not so far really and I'm happy to drive to him too. I'm guessing there are many reasons it could fail so I'm not going to worry about any of them right now
stillafool Posted March 17, 2022 Posted March 17, 2022 40 minutes ago, Bluerose99 said: Over ready, I'll fall off the tree if I don't Then don't worry about what he thinks one way or the other. As ExpatInItaly said he can't judge you when he is doing the same thing. 1
BaileyB Posted March 17, 2022 Posted March 17, 2022 9 hours ago, Bluerose99 said: What I'm asking is will a man take you seriously if you have sex right away Possibly. It depends on his motivation - is he looking for a hookup or is he looking for something long term. If it’s a hookup, he will take what he wants and move on. If it’s something long term, it may not bother him at all. Only time will tell. Have sex with the man if it’s what you want, but do it with the full knowledge that you are both very much in the infatuation stage of a very new relationship. There are no guarantees - despite the connection that you feel with the man, you don’t actually know him. And, it will be even more difficult to do your due diligence as it relates to the man and the relationship when you have all the hormones flowing… 1
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