Stret Posted April 14, 2022 Posted April 14, 2022 On 3/15/2022 at 6:52 PM, ItsTheDay said: Long story short (for ones that haven't read my prior post), my ex and I have reconnected/trying to reconnect about 10 months after our break up, which was an almost 8 year relationship. It's now been about 9 months since we reconnected and things have been going up and down but we've been a lot better at talking things through during the reconnection. We haven't been intimate during this reconnection besides kissing, cuddling and rubbing each other. That actually came to a halt during our last talk a few weeks or so ago. So it seems like our time after that has been limited. Used to see each other a few times a week, to twice a week and now once a week if that. Now this may rub some people here the wrong way, but around September/October her employer mandated that she had to get the vaccine. She wasn't happy about it and tried everything to not having to get it, they weren't having it so she had to get it which she did. Yesterday, she sends me a text saying she now has to get the booster. Where we live, it's like covid doesn't exist anymore. They dropped all the mask mandates and proof of vaccinated to get into the public places that once required it. So I asked her "they're making you get the booster?" She said "no they're not but if I do get the booster they're giving me a $50 visa gift card. Most people I know aren't having a bad reaction to it, only one person". I replied "so you can be bought?" She said "Why do you have to put it that way?", I said "Because of what you said". Didn't hear from her for about five hours so I texted her "did I upset you?" She replies... "I guess it's just I don't know unpleasant. I had nothing to say after that" I reply.... "Well you have to look at how you said it. You didn't originally want the shot but they made you or they would fire you. Now they're not making you get the booster but they'll give you money to get it. I didn't mean to come off as unpleasant, I'm sorry" She replies.... "It's just not kind and I tend to always feel judged and I don't like it. I have always disliked how you question me one my thoughts and choices. Like I can't change or that circumstances don't matter in that change of opinion or whatever. It's what you decided to say to me so it is what it is. It's just negative in nature and I don't desire to talk further with you". I replied... "I said what I said based on what I explained. Any change that I'm unaware of is not on me" She replies.... "Ok well forgive me then if I don't think your apology is sincere considering you started off with blaming me and your ending with blaming me. And I explained the change to you, the change was I already took the vaccine so why not get the $50 bucks for getting the booster". I just said ok and haven't heard from her since. I don't see how I blamed her for anything. I said what I said and explained why I said it. She didn't want to get the vaccine at all, she went to the extreme to try and avoid getting it and even was looking else where for another job but in her field they all required it. Now they bribe her with money to get the booster and all of sudden she "changes" her mind. Hence the text "so you can be bought?". I also don't see how I was judging her, she always throughs that in my face whenever I ask her a question. Just like this past weekend, I helped her out with something that I have been saying needs/should be done since 2017 (what it is, is not important) but back then she kept saying no it's not needed. Then last week she text me if I could send her the link to that one thing, so i did and she ordered it. I helped her with it, well I pretty much did it all and I asked her "why all of sudden now?" and of course I get "don't judge me". I said I'm not, I'm just asking because I've been saying this since 2017 and she just says well why not. I'm getting that heartbroken feeling and I don't know why. I'm just really frustrated over this. I would have started to have second thoughts about my partner who was against something until they were offered money (not just any money but close to nothing at all). If she changed her mind based on something else, that's different, but of course she would say she did because she knows how weak this makes her look. I wouldn't trust that at all. It is easier to get angry at you for holding a mirror up than to be ashamed of who she is. I can presume that both of you are from the UK by the way your conversation went. Do not apologize to anyone in this thread or to her and stand for what you truly believe even if you stand alone. You believe that she sold her beliefs for £50 and you find that as a character failure. That is why you are frustrated and don't know what you're feeling - you're not true to yourself trying to appease everyone and get approval for what you did, explain yourself to her instead to turn a cold shoulder and let her be the one to try and repair the situation.
Author ItsTheDay Posted April 14, 2022 Author Posted April 14, 2022 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Stret said: I would have started to have second thoughts about my partner who was against something until they were offered money (not just any money but close to nothing at all). If she changed her mind based on something else, that's different, but of course she would say she did because she knows how weak this makes her look. I wouldn't trust that at all. It is easier to get angry at you for holding a mirror up than to be ashamed of who she is. I can presume that both of you are from the UK by the way your conversation went. Do not apologize to anyone in this thread or to her and stand for what you truly believe even if you stand alone. You believe that she sold her beliefs for £50 and you find that as a character failure. That is why you are frustrated and don't know what you're feeling - you're not true to yourself trying to appease everyone and get approval for what you did, explain yourself to her instead to turn a cold shoulder and let her be the one to try and repair the situation. Actually, east coast US. She wasn't my partner, ex partner of 8 years really. We were trying to reconnect and see if we could build a relationship again, but she was too far gone and pretty selfish. She only wanted to run errands with me really. Go to the store, shop, watch TV shoes with etc. She saved the going out with her CorssFit friends. Similar to how the last year of our relationship was. Edited April 14, 2022 by ItsTheDay
Stret Posted April 14, 2022 Posted April 14, 2022 58 minutes ago, ItsTheDay said: Actually, east coast US. She wasn't my partner, ex partner of 8 years really. We were trying to reconnect and see if we could build a relationship again, but she was too far gone and pretty selfish. She only wanted to run errands with me really. Go to the store, shop, watch TV shoes with etc. She saved the going out with her CorssFit friends. Similar to how the last year of our relationship was. Unfortunately, the issues tend to return unless they were resolved. Good luck and only look ahead...
Author ItsTheDay Posted April 18, 2022 Author Posted April 18, 2022 On 4/14/2022 at 1:59 PM, S2B said: 8 months back together and no sex? That’s never gonna happen when someone really really is into you!!! Wasn't really "back together", 8 months are trying to see if we could get back together.
Author ItsTheDay Posted April 29, 2022 Author Posted April 29, 2022 (edited) She reached out.... So after a little over two weeks after our talk, she reached out. Just to fill in on our talk. I told her I feel as if she does just enough to keep me at arms length and she agreed. She told me at first, she thought she didn't want a relationship at all, with me or anybody. Then when we reconnected, she thought she wanted to see if we could rebuild with the possibility of another relationship to now she actually thinks she just doesn't want a relationship with me. I told her that's how I felt for that past couple months. She told me that I need to forget about her, put her behind me and move on. I agreed, and that's what I have been doing. A couple days ago, she reached out. She said she needed to ask me something just to be sure and asked if I got the impression that she wants nothing to do with me anymore. I said that's exactly the impressing I got. She asked how did I get that impression, I explained our last talk and what she said about I need to forget her and so on. She said she wasn't trying to imply that she wanted me out of her life. We go back and forth and she mentions a couple times about how she isn't ready to have a relationship with me right now, I reminded her about our talk and that she said something completely different. She says this.... "I was trying to open the conversation with the realization that I was putting pressure on you to decide how much you want to continue to be around me when I was just hiding behind knowing that I wasn't ready to be in a relationship with you" "I have been under the impression that you have chosen hate and anger towards me and this is what you are wanting to do. I am feeling space and time between us is a good thing but I never wanted hate or anger" Again, I reminded her that telling me to forget about her, put her behind me and move on is completely different then what she's been saying in these text. "This is why I hate text. The way things I have been and the way things ended in that conversation has felt like leading with hate and anger towards me. To either get over me or it's the conclusion you have come to about me" I told her I feel as if this is another attempt at keeping me at arms length with her telling me something completely different than during our talk, she said no it's her attempt at trying to be cordial but she never wanted me out of her life. Then she says this.... "I refused to say this out loud because I don't want to give you false hope but I have always had hope for us. I am not going on with this again but I have not seen the change I have been hoping for with you to get back in this relationship again" This is where I kind of lost it with her. I told her for one, you need to be present in order to see any change in me and I have nothing to prove to you. You're the one who hasn't/wasn't loyal, trustworthy or honest with me. You neglected me, I never neglected you. You couldn't balance CrossFit and our relationship so you picked CrossFit over me, and I need to show you change? You're not seeing any change because you haven't changed. You still only wanted to spend time with me when it was convenient for you, when you and your CrossFit friends didn't have any plans or when you were in too much pain from CrossFit that caused you to not want to go out with them. She just says she's sorry and there are a lot of things she has been learning about herself and she wants time to continue to grow. What is going through her head?? Edited April 29, 2022 by ItsTheDay
assertives Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 (edited) 11 minutes ago, ItsTheDay said: What is going through her head?? This: 11 minutes ago, ItsTheDay said: I told her I feel as if this is another attempt at keeping me at arms length I mean, who is she going to do grocery runs with and call for help when she needs it with no strings attached if you are out of your life? Also, that whole chunk of text reads like she's saying alot of things without actually saying anything at all. It sounds eloquent and all, but it's just a smokescreen. I felt like there's nothing meaningful to go off on. Seriously, just tell her there's no hatred, let's release each other from this situationship and go forth in peace. And then block her everywhere. Hopefully by now you can tell it's just a pattern of back and forth and no progession with her. Even when you guys were still together, she hasn't prioritize your feelings or your needs. Don't waste your life anymore. Edited April 29, 2022 by assertives 1
Author ItsTheDay Posted April 29, 2022 Author Posted April 29, 2022 11 minutes ago, assertives said: I mean, who is she going to do grocery runs with and call for help when she needs it with no strings attached if you are out of your life? One of her friends from CrossFit, I'm sure. She told me before, she has options but she picks me. 16 minutes ago, assertives said: that whole chunk of text reads like she's saying alot of things without actually saying anything at all. It was a lot more but all pretty much read the same and was completely different than the talk we had in person. 17 minutes ago, assertives said: just tell her there's no hatred But I do think I have some hate towards her. I also think that was another reason of her to reach out to me, to make sure I don't hate her as she mentioned it a few times.
assertives Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 3 minutes ago, ItsTheDay said: But I do think I have some hate towards her. I also think that was another reason of her to reach out to me, to make sure I don't hate her as she mentioned it a few times. All the more you need to commit to no contact and actually letting her go. Stop responding to her and stop analysing her behaviour. I have followed several of your threads on this girl and the resentment is seeping through in each new issue you post about her. Maybe it was good in the beginning, but the both of you seems to often trigger the other. Everytime you post an update, it just sounds like one party is digging and edging the other for yet another round of fighting. At this point, it's too much water under the bridge. Even if you guys do get back together, this will not be a healthy and fruitful relationship. 1
flitzanu Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 6 hours ago, ItsTheDay said: She reached out.... What is going through her head?? maybe she noticed that you stopped putting her on a pedestal for treating you like crap, not giving you sex, not giving you commitment, and not giving you anything except stress, so she needs to reel you back in so and keep you at her beck and call. block and walk dude, she is giving you zero respect. 1
glows Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 7 hours ago, ItsTheDay said: What is going through her head?? Maybe nothing.. same as before. Absolutely crickets. She texts you for attention just when it feels like you're about to close the door on this because she senses she doesn't have that attention anymore. It's unnecessary. People like that, just avoid at all cost. They need constant attention or to feel like they have options but aren't willing or able to give much of themselves. Try spotting that a mile away.
Stret Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 7 hours ago, ItsTheDay said: She reached out.... So after a little over two weeks after our talk, she reached out. Just to fill in on our talk. I told her I feel as if she does just enough to keep me at arms length and she agreed. She told me at first, she thought she didn't want a relationship at all, with me or anybody. Then when we reconnected, she thought she wanted to see if we could rebuild with the possibility of another relationship to now she actually thinks she just doesn't want a relationship with me. I told her that's how I felt for that past couple months. She told me that I need to forget about her, put her behind me and move on. I agreed, and that's what I have been doing. A couple days ago, she reached out. She said she needed to ask me something just to be sure and asked if I got the impression that she wants nothing to do with me anymore. I said that's exactly the impressing I got. She asked how did I get that impression, I explained our last talk and what she said about I need to forget her and so on. She said she wasn't trying to imply that she wanted me out of her life. We go back and forth and she mentions a couple times about how she isn't ready to have a relationship with me right now, I reminded her about our talk and that she said something completely different. She says this.... "I was trying to open the conversation with the realization that I was putting pressure on you to decide how much you want to continue to be around me when I was just hiding behind knowing that I wasn't ready to be in a relationship with you" "I have been under the impression that you have chosen hate and anger towards me and this is what you are wanting to do. I am feeling space and time between us is a good thing but I never wanted hate or anger" Again, I reminded her that telling me to forget about her, put her behind me and move on is completely different then what she's been saying in these text. "This is why I hate text. The way things I have been and the way things ended in that conversation has felt like leading with hate and anger towards me. To either get over me or it's the conclusion you have come to about me" I told her I feel as if this is another attempt at keeping me at arms length with her telling me something completely different than during our talk, she said no it's her attempt at trying to be cordial but she never wanted me out of her life. Then she says this.... "I refused to say this out loud because I don't want to give you false hope but I have always had hope for us. I am not going on with this again but I have not seen the change I have been hoping for with you to get back in this relationship again" This is where I kind of lost it with her. I told her for one, you need to be present in order to see any change in me and I have nothing to prove to you. You're the one who hasn't/wasn't loyal, trustworthy or honest with me. You neglected me, I never neglected you. You couldn't balance CrossFit and our relationship so you picked CrossFit over me, and I need to show you change? You're not seeing any change because you haven't changed. You still only wanted to spend time with me when it was convenient for you, when you and your CrossFit friends didn't have any plans or when you were in too much pain from CrossFit that caused you to not want to go out with them. She just says she's sorry and there are a lot of things she has been learning about herself and she wants time to continue to grow. What is going through her head?? One day you will breathe a sigh of relief that you're not with her. It is a horrible and exhausting thing when you start obsessing over what is happening in someone's head and that someone is actually taking you for a ride. You're better off cutting contact with her asap, forgetting she ever existed and looking forward to someone better in the future. She's told you so many words and said nothing. She doesn't care about you or your feelings, it's just convenient to have you around while she lives her life. Respect yourself more than to continue letting her treat you like a side show.
Wiseman2 Posted April 29, 2022 Posted April 29, 2022 Dragging this dead relationship around with you is like trying to walk through life with shackles on. Having her on your mind this much is like walking around in a chronic cold, nasty, rainy day. When you are ready to be free and happy, you'll let go.
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