She is really clingy after date two. Should I RUN?

[Rosso18]

Hi guys, 

I've (34) been texting this girl (26) for a month and went on two dates with her. We both live in different cities and the communication is mainly online. However, we went on the first date and she seemed extremely shy and blocked when she saw me in person. I was the only one talking and she just followed and answered questions spontaneously. She asked me do you like me now when you finally saw me? Please tell me. I've responded that yeah you're pretty but looks ain't everything for sure. She said now that I saw you, I will never let you go.  

She was extremely excited with puppy eyes the entire date. She has been engaged previously and left her fiance the day before the wedding. She also dated another guy and broke up stating that she doesn't want to be second women in someones life. 

When I got back home she was like: please tell me that you like me, I want to hear it again from you! Wtf?! She repeat that question several times saying that she wants to hear that from me again. Than apologizing for texting me intensively. My first thought was that she really liked me, therefore she is super excited and little bit insecure about how I perceive her initially. 

On the second date, she was the same but started talking without filter and I really didn't like that at all. Like she is popping sentences without thinking first which is imature and odd.

Anyhow, the date was over and I was really confused driving back home. The next day she started texting me like a crazy person. She was euphoric and said I really like you and I'm extremely attracted to you like a magnet, my head is all messed up right now of thinking of you, what's happening with me I don't know how to describe it. What you doing to me right now is not fair...

But I didn't done anything. 😕  

Reading those texts was really weird cause I really don't know this girl at all and she is bombarding me with texts at midnight. However, one thing I know but I'm not really certain that this girl might have a BP or BPD symptoms. All signs are there cause in the past I've dated this kind of a girl who happened to ruined the best years of my life. She destroyed me mentally and physically. Now I have a feeling that each girl that I date know is a potential BP or BPD. 

My ex was: 

- 100% attetntion seeking, texts me 1000 texts daily 

- tell me you love me and you'll never leave me please 

- gets anxious and nervous if I don't text right away 

- no filter when talking, abusive attitude 

- major mood swings all around, from happy to I want to kill myself

- explosive attitude and apologizing after wards like nothing happened etc etc...

 

I don't know if I'm overanalyzing everything but my gut feeling is telling me that I should pass and that something is not right with this girl. Red flags all over the place. She appears unstable and extremely clingy which is definately not for me. 

I don't have the time nor the nerves to go through an emotional roller coaster again. Not in this life time ever. I'm really busy with my job and don't have time to text 24/7. 

Why do you guys think? Should I follow my gut feeling and walk away immediately? 

 

Thank you

 

 

 

 

[glows]

6 minutes ago, Rosso18 said:

She appears unstable and extremely clingy which is definately not for me. 

You don’t like nor respect her and I daresay you sound quite scared out of your wits here by her behaviour. I agree with you that something is severely off about her and I do think you’ve answered your own questions. 

For instances like this I’d have no issue blocking and deleting without hesitation. Any further conversation will be one-sided and out of touch with reality.

[Wiseman2]

28 minutes ago, Rosso18 said:

a month and went on two dates with her.

Cut your losses It's not working out and it's 2 dates. You both don't seem ready to date. Take a breather.

[Alpacalia]

It's highly unlikely you'd find her to be someone that you would be fond of or respect very much. This isn't the best place to start.

After two dates, it's unnecessary to analyze her to the hilt.

Getting inundated with texts and reaffirmation questions would give most people pause. Knowing that these things are not for you is a good thing.

Don't lose heart and find someone who is more in sync with you.

[stillafool]

Run, fast while blocking.  OMG, LOL

[Rosso18]

Thank you guys for taking the time to discuss my concern.
I've learned my lesson in the past. I'll withdraw completely from texting her and run for the heighest mountain. 
 

[glows]

1 minute ago, Rosso18 said:

run for the heighest mountain. 
 

And cover your tracks please (block). 

[Lauriebell82]

She has anxious attachment issues. Dating can be a huge trigger (as well as meeting someone new that they really like) for people with anxious attachment, and can ignite issues with anxiety, insecurity, and problems controlling what they say. 
 

Some people don’t care about dating people with anxious attachment features. For others its a big trigger. She doesnt sound like she’s for you. Better to find out now. 

[chillii]

Please find a gentle and kind way out of it though, try not to hurt her or destroy her confidence even more than where it is atm.

[ExpatInItaly]

I would let her know that there will not be a third date, rather than leave her hanging. 

Be kind but firm that you don't see this as a match, and then cut contact. 

 

[Maldives]

Sounds like love bombing. Intense then after awhile she dumps you like her exes. I've had this a few times in the past sounds like what I went thru. 

Her excuse will be she tried and tried and tried and gave up sound familiar leave lol 

Edited March 15, 2022 by Goodguy05

[Rosso18]

She texted me again yesterday 'Are you sleeping? 
 

Oh man, I've made a huge mistake by going out on that second date. I'm very bad at dropping someone cause I do not want to hurt their feelings. I will probably just thrown my phone in a river and dissapear from the face of earth. 

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, with due respect, you're over-dramatizing a simple situation. 

Be mature about it and let her know you don't feel this is a match. Then block/delete. 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Rosso18 said:

She texted me again yesterday 'Are you sleeping?

Delete and block. These are the types of cases where you fly away fast as you can.

Tell her it's not working out. Make it a 'me, not you' thing. Then block.

She'll find someone else soon enough, don't worry. 

People who attach themselves to others this quickly and indiscriminately like ticks, find new meals right away.

[chillii]

Welll, maybe l'm reading her wrong butttt who knows.

Good luck anyway op,

[Lauriebell82]

7 hours ago, Rosso18 said:

She texted me again yesterday 'Are you sleeping? 
 

Oh man, I've made a huge mistake by going out on that second date. I'm very bad at dropping someone cause I do not want to hurt their feelings. I will probably just thrown my phone in a river and dissapear from the face of earth. 

You only went on 2 dates. Sounds like you have avoidant issues if you want my honest opinion. No wonder someone anxious can do such a quick number on you like this! 
 

You may want to look up “anxious/avoidant trap.” That is probably why you keep attracting these types of partners. Anxious and avoidant people tend to attract but then repel each other just as fast. Please just let her down gently. Thank her for the dates but that you don’t wish to pursue anything further. Treat her with respect. Please don’t ghost her. This will cause a further spike in anxious behavior and she will continue to text you repeatedly (something avoidants don’t realize THEY precipitate by not dealing directly and honestly with people) 

[stillafool]

7 hours ago, Rosso18 said:

She texted me again yesterday 'Are you sleeping? 
 

Oh man, I've made a huge mistake by going out on that second date. I'm very bad at dropping someone cause I do not want to hurt their feelings. I will probably just thrown my phone in a river and dissapear from the face of earth. 

You need to suck it up and tell her you're not interested.  I don't think it's your responsibility to manage her feelings and if she's this clingy she's probably used to getting dumped anyway.  You will probably have to block her after you tell her you're not interested because more than likely she'll still try to talk to you.  Good luck.

[glows]

7 hours ago, Rosso18 said:

She texted me again yesterday 'Are you sleeping? 
 

Oh man, I've made a huge mistake by going out on that second date. I'm very bad at dropping someone cause I do not want to hurt their feelings. I will probably just thrown my phone in a river and dissapear from the face of earth. 

It wouldn’t have come through if you had only ended it civilly and blocked her. Tell her you don’t sense any chemistry and wish her the best. Block. 

 

[smackie9]

Just tell her you are not the right guy for her if you want to butter this lightly. Just say you are not the type to give the attention she needs. And then block/delete. 

[mark clemson]

Don't project based on your Ex, but yes it does indeed seem like there significant problems here. Many people actually have some traits of personality disorders and this is more pronounced for some folks than for others.

Just tell her she's ok, you wanted to give it a real try, hence the 2nd date, but you don't think you're compatible and so you're done. Don't be surprised if she suddenly turns very negative at that point, some people do - in that case block her. If she asks for explanations, just say you're not into big long discussions about things like that and so won't discuss it, particularly after two dates, but you're sure. If she continues to pester you after that, then block her.

This is going down a bit of a rabbit hole, but IF she starts to stalk you (probably won't happen, but could), consider explaining to her that you've started to look elsewhere and will be dating others. Also document it, and depending on whether she "gets weird" consider having a police report filed (suggest you don't tell her you're going to do that, so she doesn't come after you with bogus claims, but it's good to be the first one on record). That way if she escalates stalking you already have something on record to point to if you need to bring in authorities.

 

[ShyViolet]

It sounds like she has some very real mental issues.  How is this even a question?  You definitely need to RUN and not let this go any further.  Send her a simple text that you will not be seeing her anymore, and then block.

[Annabanna]

On 3/15/2022 at 6:30 AM, Rosso18 said:

She texted me again yesterday 'Are you sleeping? 
 

Oh man, I've made a huge mistake by going out on that second date. I'm very bad at dropping someone cause I do not want to hurt their feelings. I will probably just thrown my phone in a river and dissapear from the face of earth. 

Sorry, but this made me laugh!! L

I'm the same, I get myself into situations where I can't say no to people. It's very frustrating.

Going back to your original post, I think you have answered your own question. You have been through similar before and you can't risk your mental health by dating someone who clearly has alot going on. Sounds like she is very insecure. You put put all the work in and then she could dump you like her ex. 

I would move on, send her a text saying you don't think it's going to work. You have alot going on right now with your job and you can't give her all the attention she needs. Wish her well, but then draw a line. Don't get pulled back into a lengthy conversation.