Ghibligirl Posted March 23, 2022 Posted March 23, 2022 Did you talk with her about this? tell her how you feel and if nothing changes or if she doesn't try, get out of there. If you have already talked to her, then there is not much you can do, just understand that in that sense they are not related, and since you need that to live together, the best thing is to get away
si-dog Posted March 28, 2022 Posted March 28, 2022 I am currently in the same boat, in terms of thinking of leaving someone. Guilt is a big thing. I have found in my current relationship if I am not feeling the way I am supposed to feel for the other person, I feel guilty about it. And this cascades and escalates internally. You are allowed to balance pros and cons of a relationship, and not feel guilty about it. The guilt leads to inertia and anxiety.
stillafool Posted March 28, 2022 Posted March 28, 2022 On 3/14/2022 at 2:20 PM, ShyViolet said: You absolutely need to break up with her, and soon, before you waste any more time. It's not selfish to end a relationship that's completely dead and not working. She sounds incredibly lazy and like she's given up. She has very poor life skills and needs to grow up. There is no reviving this relationship, it's dead. Time to end it. She sounds like a lazy slob and I couldn't put up with it. She will not change this is who she is. Let her go and find someone else who is more compatible. This time don't be quick to move in together. See how she keeps her place and her habits before you get involved.
Wiseman2 Posted March 28, 2022 Posted March 28, 2022 9 hours ago, si-dog said: . The guilt leads to inertia and anxiety. Agree. But the "guilt" doesn't come from wanting to end it. It comes from harboring a secret, being fake and stringing anyone along.
Stret Posted April 11, 2022 Posted April 11, 2022 She sounds depressed to me. The way you described her lifestyle is typical of a depressed person. Not being able to get up to do a small choir might not necessarily be a sign of laziness - laziness is not a diagnosis but a symptom of something deeper. 2
dramafreezone Posted April 12, 2022 Posted April 12, 2022 (edited) On 4/11/2022 at 4:24 AM, Stret said: She sounds depressed to me. The way you described her lifestyle is typical of a depressed person. Not being able to get up to do a small choir might not necessarily be a sign of laziness - laziness is not a diagnosis but a symptom of something deeper. I'm glad that you caught that because I missed it the first time. Not wanting to get out of bed, that's a bad sign, not one that I instantly correlate with laziness. I correlate it with someone that is dreading starting their day, because I've been there and I wasn't trying to be lazy, I was depressed. I hated my life at that time and I took it out on people that did nothing to harm me. I think depression makes you resent others for being happy and sometimes makes you want to spread the pain that's in you to other people. OP when someone's depressed it's not that they don't want to get better, it's that they don't know how and sometimes people just need help. Let her know that you're concerned for her health and maybe getting checked up by clinicians is something that both of you can commit to doing, whether YOU feel you need it or not. If you frame it as she needs to do better and there's nothing you need to do, then that's not going to be well received. Saying that you want both of you to get checked up would be a good demonstration of the idea that you're in this together, which is what a relationship is supposed to be about. If she resists then of course you can't make her do anything, but at least at that point you can say that you did everything you could to be there for her. Edited April 12, 2022 by dramafreezone
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