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abuse? please help


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i'm not sure if this should be posted here so please forgive me if it isn't, and i wanted to post it anonymously.


well, i haven't been in many relationships, two to be exact.


but it is the first one i wish to talk about. yes this is another one of those "was it emotional abuse?" topics, and "does it explain why i am the way i am?"


we were together for quite a while, but we hardly saw eachother in the time that we were together (it was last year), he always made excuses for not going to places with me, he never even came over to see me (he was a horrible boyfriend i know, i don't need to be told that, i just don't know if it was actual emotional abuse) he used to get angry over any little thing, he refused to answer phone calls to me, he would disappear for days without telling me and then shout at me when i told him i was worried, he hated me showing my feelings, he put me down a lot, especially related to my looks, he even once suggested cosmetic surgery and there is more but i don't want to post it here on a public board. after the relationship, i felt so beaten inside that i actually thought that i couldn't live without him, i later realised what a fool i had been, but i think it's still affecting me.


i still feel extremely insecure about myself and i get emotional over even the smallest of things, i'm much more clingy now too, i can't help it, i found the man of my dreams after i was dumped by the "bad boyfriend" and i blame myself for losing him, he was perfect and understood all that i had been through, he really was amazing and i miss him so so much, i wish that i could have him back. he says he stopped loving me, but said he didn't know why.


could what i had in the previous relationship have been abuse? and could it have affected me to the extent that i am now cursing my new relationships before i begin? i know that i'm much more loving and extremely clingy, i worry lots and suffer anxiety attacks of losing people (well at least i did with the perfect boyfriend, i used to panic to my friends about losing him, i loved and still love him so much) and i really feel that it was my fault.


was it abuse and has it ruined me? do i need to find help for this? :(

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  • 4 weeks later...

That is emotional abuse. There are a lot of books and information on it, spend some time in the library or your favorite bookstore. The thing about emotional abuse is its almost guaranteed that you wont know its happening to you untill some time later. Just coming to an awareness now is perfectly normal, educate yourself though, before you get into any more relationships.


p.s. You are not ruined, part of abuse is convincing you of that though, dont buy it.

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You're in the right place. I'm sorry this has happened to you, and, yes, such abuse can make you gun shy, so to speak, in your other relationships. You can even have such fear the other will leave you that you repel the very thing you most desperately want.


I wonder about the clinginess and why you stayed with this guy in the first place. Have there been times when you were abandoned or emotionally neglected in your childhood?


Catalyst is right. Definitely check out some books that look helpful to you or do a search on Google.com for emotional abuse and see where that leads you.


Best wishes!

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