Coworkers would befriend me then bash me in front of others

[lovers]

Kind of a running issue in my life. There are guys I have met through school and work who act real cool when its just us hanging out, but then act completely different when with others. They will proceed to make fun of me and crack jokes at my expense. I am pretty chill person and try not to let it bother me but it irritates me and frankly I don't find it funny at all. I am 30 btw so not some high school kid. I thought this stuff would be over as we get older. 

In my younger years with one friend he was just being mean spirited and I stopped hanging out with him, but now its through work so I have to interact with these people. I am not very friendly to people I don't know and not the first to reach out but this one coworker kind of forced himself into my life. Hes my current issue. Comes over to my area of work strikes up random conversations. Eventually I think hes alright but then he would antagonize me alot in front of others. he would crack" jokes" at my expense. For example during a meeting he made a random comment about my hairline or lack of it. Everyone was confused and no one laughed. I pulled him to the side and gave him a stern talking to. He got the message for a bit, but then after awhile its just same song and dance with him. I play along and give him a taste of his medicine and he doesn't like it. I told him that too. I have been nothing but respectful and chill with him. He isn't some young guy either he is 55 years old with family and kids. We are the same position at work. 

He comes up to me and says "hey objective the slacker!" out loud in front of others so everyone can hear which is not true. He obviously has alot of time on his hands to come up to my area of the work to chat me up all the time. Its mostly him talking and im just like uh huh and cool. He told the manager one time to come up to me to say that I need to work harder as a joke. I don't think its funny because he paints this narrative in people's minds and they will associate me with that. Which they have cause some younger coworker was like watsup slacker. He tries to paint this narrative but he should be looking into the mirror.  It pisses me off cause its antagonize/bullying and something I continue to deal with. I am competent and efficient at my job. In fact got promoted to manager type. 

[Wiseman2]

Update your resume and LinkedIn profile. Start browsing for what is out there.

 Is this a toxic workplace or is it just this clown who thinks bullying is fun and games.

You can complain to HR or a manager, but if the workplace has a toxic culture it's better to start looking for another job.

[glows]

12 hours ago, lovers said:

It pisses me off cause its antagonize/bullying and something I continue to deal with. I am competent and efficient at my job. In fact got promoted to manager type. 

These kinds of individuals will only understand an eye for an eye. If you’re not speaking their language you’re always going to be the brunt of their jokes. It’s an ape-like mentality.

You already know that his comments about you are designed to take the attention off his work or work ethic. If there’s someone else to bully or antagonize, others will be looking at you a lot more instead of focusing on him and he may be one foot out the door with warnings or other issues in the company. Who do you think filled your role before you arrived and why did he/she leave? 

You might want to rethink the company’s values and culture if it allows bullying like this to go on. Speak with your boss about it and address the issue first. 

[lovers]

On 3/13/2022 at 6:55 AM, glows said:

These kinds of individuals will only understand an eye for an eye. If you’re not speaking their language you’re always going to be the brunt of their jokes. It’s an ape-like mentality.

You already know that his comments about you are designed to take the attention off his work or work ethic. If there’s someone else to bully or antagonize, others will be looking at you a lot more instead of focusing on him and he may be one foot out the door with warnings or other issues in the company. Who do you think filled your role before you arrived and why did he/she leave? 

You might want to rethink the company’s values and culture if it allows bullying like this to go on. Speak with your boss about it and address the issue first. 

seriously such childish behavior, especially for someone who is almost twice my age. You would think he would be the mature one. 

[dramafreezone]

On 3/12/2022 at 5:27 PM, lovers said:

Kind of a running issue in my life. There are guys I have met through school and work who act real cool when its just us hanging out, but then act completely different when with others. They will proceed to make fun of me and crack jokes at my expense. I am pretty chill person and try not to let it bother me but it irritates me and frankly I don't find it funny at all. I am 30 btw so not some high school kid. I thought this stuff would be over as we get older. 

 

Running issue in your life?  Not wanting to victim blame but there may be an issue with the types of people you tend to befriend.   Most people are not looking to go around antagonizing others so that's weird that you keep running into this issue.

There are certain types of people that will pick on others that won't stand up for themselves.  If someone is harassing you at work you go to HR, that's why they exist.  If I were in your place, every time someone would bother me I'd go straight to HR.  HR would get tired of looking at me I'd be there so often.  They'll get the message once their career is at stake.  If HR won't do anything about it file a lawsuit.

Edited March 24, 2022 by dramafreezone