Alvi Posted March 12, 2022 Posted March 12, 2022 I've been talking on-line to this guy since the last Sunday. At first, he was asking me lots of questions about myself and sending loooong messages about himself. Very interesting, inquisitive (not anything related to sex) and quite in depth questions he was asking me. But I didn't message him at all on Wednesday. I was busy all day at work and had to help my parents after. I was also having a bad case of PMS and I thought that he couldn't be that interested in me since he only texts me on the dating site and never asks me out. He never asked to talk or to text on a phone. I was feeling a bit down and depressed that day. I am guessing that he felt that I wasn't interested since he got no reply to his texts. He texted me again late on Wednesday and wished me good luck in my search. In any case, I messaged him on Thursday morning and explained that I was feeling down. He texted me right back saying that he is glad I am back. But ever since it feels like the momentum is gone. I feel a shift in the energy. He still texts me, but it takes him hours and hours to reply. His texts are very dry. He is not asking me much questions, basically tells me stuff like he is doing his taxes and is very busy. Feels like a brush off. I can't honestly blame him for this treatment but I did apologize to him and he did accept my apology so why punish me? I understand that he is probably talking and maybe meeting other women and that might be why his messages to me are so far in between. Anyhow, he asked me on Thursday asking if I would like to meet for a coffee or a dinner. I replied that I'd love to meet him for a coffee. I haven't heard anything back from him (again, he claims to be doing his taxes??) till yesterday eve. He asked me when I am free. I told him that I am free all day on Sunday. He texted me late at night that he is also free on Sunday. That's it. So now what? What do I text him? He did not pick up a time and a place to meet. I understand, I screwed this up, could have handled this better. But I wonder, is it too late. He seems like a good guy. I would love to go on a date with him to see if we are compatible. Should I just let it go or try to text him.
Happy Lemming Posted March 12, 2022 Posted March 12, 2022 How about you stop all of this texting and actually talk on the phone. If you agreed to a coffee date, usually I would think he should set up a time, place & date for this coffee meetup, as you have specified that you didn't want to do dinner and preferred coffee (as the activity portion of the date plan). But since there was a lot of miscommunication, etc. perhaps you should suggest a place convenient for you. Let him hear the enthusiasm in your voice that you are excited to meet him and get to know him better.
dramafreezone Posted March 12, 2022 Posted March 12, 2022 (edited) 18 minutes ago, Alvi said: I've been talking on-line to this guy since the last Sunday. At first, he was asking me lots of questions about myself and sending loooong messages about himself. Very interesting, inquisitive (not anything related to sex) and quite in depth questions he was asking me. But I didn't message him at all on Wednesday. I was busy all day at work and had to help my parents after. I was also having a bad case of PMS and I thought that he couldn't be that interested in me since he only texts me on the dating site and never asks me out. He never asked to talk or to text on a phone. I was feeling a bit down and depressed that day. I am guessing that he felt that I wasn't interested since he got no reply to his texts. He texted me again late on Wednesday and wished me good luck in my search. In any case, I messaged him on Thursday morning and explained that I was feeling down. He texted me right back saying that he is glad I am back. But ever since it feels like the momentum is gone. I feel a shift in the energy. He still texts me, but it takes him hours and hours to reply. His texts are very dry. He is not asking me much questions, basically tells me stuff like he is doing his taxes and is very busy. Feels like a brush off. I can't honestly blame him for this treatment but I did apologize to him and he did accept my apology so why punish me? I understand that he is probably talking and maybe meeting other women and that might be why his messages to me are so far in between. Anyhow, he asked me on Thursday asking if I would like to meet for a coffee or a dinner. I replied that I'd love to meet him for a coffee. I haven't heard anything back from him (again, he claims to be doing his taxes??) till yesterday eve. He asked me when I am free. I told him that I am free all day on Sunday. He texted me late at night that he is also free on Sunday. That's it. So now what? What do I text him? He did not pick up a time and a place to meet. I understand, I screwed this up, could have handled this better. But I wonder, is it too late. He seems like a good guy. I would love to go on a date with him to see if we are compatible. Should I just let it go or try to text him. Dating is like tennis. When you hit the ball over the net the other person has to hit it back. It can't be just one person hitting for both, doesn't work. He asked you a question, you answered so you have to wait for him to get back to you, just my opinion. Edited March 12, 2022 by dramafreezone
Author Alvi Posted March 12, 2022 Author Posted March 12, 2022 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: How about you stop all of this texting and actually talk on the phone. If you agreed to a coffee date, usually I would think he should set up a time, place & date for this coffee meetup, as you have specified that you didn't want to do dinner and preferred coffee (as the activity portion of the date plan). But since there was a lot of miscommunication, etc. perhaps you should suggest a place convenient for you. Let him hear the enthusiasm in your voice that you are excited to meet him and get to know him better. Actually a good idea! I am going to text him my number and tell him that I'd like to talk on a phone with him. Hopefully he is going to come up with a time and a place. If I ever hear from him that is, lol. Edited March 12, 2022 by Alvi
Author Alvi Posted March 12, 2022 Author Posted March 12, 2022 He just texted me that he is looking forward seeing me tomorrow. But again, no time and place is set. So, I am going to ask him to phone me and see what he says.
Happy Lemming Posted March 12, 2022 Posted March 12, 2022 Just now, Alvi said: Actually a good idea! I am going to text him my number and tell him that I'd like to talk on a phone with him. I think one phone call will clear this whole thing up and you can get "the train back on the tracks". Personally, I'm not a good texter, I'm not fast enough. I also have a tendency to write in full sentences with punctuation (no abbreviations), then I run out of characters before I can finish my thought.
Happy Lemming Posted March 12, 2022 Posted March 12, 2022 2 minutes ago, Alvi said: But again, no time and place is set. He isn't very good at this "dating" thing. A date is a [Day - Time - Place - Activity], it has four components, anything less is not a planned date. And within the "place" component is should be determined if you are going to meet him or if he is supposed to pick you up. Day = Sunday, Time = 2:00pm, Place = meeting at "Coffee Perk" on corner of Main Street & 3rd Ave., Activity = cup of coffee and maybe a piece of cake/pie. It really is that simple. 1 1
glows Posted March 12, 2022 Posted March 12, 2022 If there are no plans made or at least a time to meet and where to meet the day before at the very latest, I’m no longer interested. My day starts early and there are things I’d like to do. Weekends are usually when friends and family are the most available so there’s no way I’d leave myself open to a stranger on the day of. See whether he responds by mid-day today and if not make other plans. Unfortunately he seems like an odd one with the long texts and then lack of planning.
smackie9 Posted March 12, 2022 Posted March 12, 2022 Lack of planning....red flag. This could mean a lot of things, but what I would see it as him waiting on another response from someone else down to the last minute.
Gaeta Posted March 12, 2022 Posted March 12, 2022 Why did you tell him you were feeling down? Did you mean down as in feeling sick or down as in a negative mood? 1
Wiseman2 Posted March 12, 2022 Posted March 12, 2022 3 hours ago, Alvi said: He asked me when I am free. I told him that I am free all day on Sunday. He texted me late at night that he is also free on Sunday. That's it. So now what? What do I text him? He did not pick up a time and a place to meet. Seems like he's playing games, no? Just slow it down to a fade. If he asks you out and you're still interested check it out, otherwise he's just wasting time.
Author Alvi Posted March 13, 2022 Author Posted March 13, 2022 7 hours ago, Gaeta said: Why did you tell him you were feeling down? Did you mean down as in feeling sick or down as in a negative mood? I told him that I was feeling sick. Didn't say anything about my mood. But I had a negative mood you can say. I've entered a peri-menopause stage so I am experiencing some mood swings.
Author Alvi Posted March 13, 2022 Author Posted March 13, 2022 Update: I sent him my phone number and told him that I would love to talk to him on a phone. His response? He said that his taxes are extremely difficult to do and he is frustrated. He did not phone me. Don't know what to say. I made other plans for tomorrow. Not going to wait for him. If I hear from him, I might squeeze him in but somehow I think this is it.
Author Alvi Posted March 13, 2022 Author Posted March 13, 2022 7 hours ago, smackie9 said: Lack of planning....red flag. This could mean a lot of things, but what I would see it as him waiting on another response from someone else down to the last minute. Could be. On-line is so frustrating.
Happy Lemming Posted March 13, 2022 Posted March 13, 2022 21 minutes ago, Alvi said: He said that his taxes are extremely difficult to do and he is frustrated. Then he should take them to an accountant. It should not take this long to do one's taxes. 22 minutes ago, Alvi said: He did not phone me. Then he doesn't want to go out with you. Dating is not this hard and you shouldn't have to push him this hard to plan a date. NEXT!! 24 minutes ago, Alvi said: I made other plans for tomorrow. Good for you!! 23 minutes ago, Alvi said: On-line is so frustrating. Then stop doing on-line dating. It's Saturday night... go out, have fun!! Maybe even meet someone!!
Gaeta Posted March 13, 2022 Posted March 13, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Alvi said: Update: I sent him my phone number and told him that I would love to talk to him on a phone. His response? He said that his taxes are extremely difficult to do and he is frustrated. The tax excuse is ridiculous. Block him and move to next. He's buying time because he's married or gf is over. Edited March 13, 2022 by Gaeta
Author Alvi Posted March 13, 2022 Author Posted March 13, 2022 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: The tax excuse is ridiculous. Block him and move to next. He's buying time because he's married or gf is over. It is getting weirder. He texted me that he is doing taxes and is going do do them all evening. He was doing taxes apparently all eve on Friday till he fell asleep at 5am on Saturday. And he is going to miss his favorite hockey game tonight just to do, guess what? Taxes of course. Who on earth does his or her taxes on the Friday and Saturday evening and throughout all night? Unless you replace word tax with sex, oh, I don't know, lol Are there any accountants on here that can tell this makes any sense? Do individuals do their taxes for 3-4 weeks straight on their own? Is tax doing process really that complicated? Me, myself, I buy a program to do my taxes, which takes me 2-3 hours to complete. But mine are very simple. Makes little sense that he is not hiring an accountant to do all that work. He apparently has a good job and a big house. Anyway, something is off here. I am very tempted to block him.
Happy Lemming Posted March 13, 2022 Posted March 13, 2022 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: He's buying time because he's married or gf is over. @Gaeta OMG!! You figured it out. I was beating my head against the wall trying to figure out why this guy just didn't call and set up the date. He couldn't call his wife or girlfriend was with him. He could text as it looks like he is playing with his phone or texting a guy friend, but of course he couldn't call because the wife or girlfriend would hear him talking to Alvi. 1
Happy Lemming Posted March 13, 2022 Posted March 13, 2022 Just now, Alvi said: Are there any accountants on here that can tell this makes any sense? Do individuals do their taxes for 3-4 weeks straight on their own? Is tax doing process really that complicated? Retired accountant... No, it doesn't take this long to do one's taxes. I've had some pretty complicated tax situations in the past. At the most, I've spent 4-5 hours doing all the preliminary work (which included reading all of the instructions on one form) and maybe 3 hours pumping it all into the forms and submitting it. He would receive a form 1098 for the house mortgage interest, that would take all of 2 minutes to itemize. Since he has a job and is not self employed, I can't see not getting the whole return done in a couple of hours. He is using the taxes as an excuse... block him and move on. 1
Author Alvi Posted March 13, 2022 Author Posted March 13, 2022 Thanks guys. Yes, he is either married or has a gf. I see it now. Seriously, doing taxes all Friday and Saturday night, who does that? Might use this line myself if I ever need some lame excuse to weasel our of something, kidding. Anyway, he is blocked now. 5
Gaeta Posted March 13, 2022 Posted March 13, 2022 8 hours ago, Alvi said: Thanks guys. Yes, he is either married or has a gf. I see it now. Seriously, doing taxes all Friday and Saturday night, who does that? Might use this line myself if I ever need some lame excuse to weasel our of something, kidding. Anyway, he is blocked now. You mentionned hockey, are you in Canada? If so, the tax limit date is April 30th, so his obsession with doing his tax asap isn't justified. Also, the fact he's not offerering an alternative date indicates he's not 100% free of his movement. Sorry for the disappointment.
Alpacalia Posted March 13, 2022 Posted March 13, 2022 (edited) Alvi, it sounds like he cooled off after you told him you were ill. Perhaps I am mistaken, but the next day, when he hadn't heard from you, it might have killed the momentum for him when you replied that you were feeling unwell (like you said in your initial post). Even so, once he insisted he wasn't available and dragged it out, you were right to cut him off. Edited March 13, 2022 by Alpaca
Wiseman2 Posted March 13, 2022 Posted March 13, 2022 11 hours ago, Alvi said: Anyway, he is blocked now. Good call, he sounds like a dipstick.
Lauriebell82 Posted March 13, 2022 Posted March 13, 2022 (edited) This just seems like its too confusing! Too much guessing, too many games. It shouldn’t be this hard early on. If it is, then you guys arent a good match! I understand some guys are not the best at planning/or last minute planners (my boyfriend being one) but even HE knew he had to take initiative and make plans for the first date. He set all that up himself. Most men know this! He still does this even now…things that are important to him, he makes sure he plans them out. I usually plan out the things I find important. Best to move on to someone more in line with where you are. Edited March 13, 2022 by Lauriebell82
poppyfields Posted March 13, 2022 Posted March 13, 2022 (edited) Alvi, in my experience with OLDing this very VERY early stage when you first start talking is so fragile, things can change literally on a whim. I think when you sort of "pulled back" on Wednesday due to your PMS and imagining him not being interested because he failed to meet certain expectations, yes the momentum was lost. He felt your somewhat negative energy in that regard and in turn HIS energy dropped. That's happened to me a few times, things start off great, and then either him or I will pull back slightly, and when we reconnect again, the energy is different and it's done. I don't see it as a bad thing though, what it means to me is it was not meant to be and better it ends now before it ever begins. Keep going, there is someone better for you out there, a better fit, a better match. Remember everything happens for a reason, usually a good one no matter what the outcome. I truly believe that. Edited March 13, 2022 by poppyfields 1
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