Magicmontazzle Posted March 10, 2022 Posted March 10, 2022 Made friends with a guy last summer He works same field as me Friends until January when he admitted he liked me and asked me out - he organised a second date before we even went out on first date He admitted he wants to go slow He is 38/M I am 35/F Both never married and no children Been about two months now of weekly meetups - various activities - Not staying over or sex yet but he is very warm and intimate when we are together. My choice as I have been rushed into sex in the past with disaster zone all over it. It is a strong boundary of mines that I do not have sex or start staying over until we are in a relationship. He has gone on a three week break back to his home country I texted him a bit in the airport - no news since he landed over there and he did not respond to my last text whilst he was in the airport. That was on Monday So no communication since he left here. Radio silence. I did sent a message yesterday to ask if he had arrived and send pictures as I have lived in his home city. No reply. He has made a few distancing attempts - he wants to take it slow, a couple of times did not return my calls and also once we have arranged to do something on a Tuesday and he cancelled as had to cover at work. In fairness we both work during COVID and there has been many colleagues off. On the plus side he did ask if I wanted to take a trip with him if we are still seeing each other in Autumn and also said he was going to speak to him family and settling down in my country as he now has permament job here. He is an introvert and quite quiet but I really do get a bad feeling about this period of silence. I suppose its probably my gut instinct really. I did see him on Sunday and it all seemed OK and he said he had decided he would get me a gift but he also said he would be frustated at dating him as it is going so slow. So all in all it is a mixed picture which is kinda upsetting me. I feel really sad about it as there has been some promising moments. Any advice and please dont come in with any ‘if he wanted to he would’ ‘he is just not that into you’ - obviously I am aware of this.
Wiseman2 Posted March 10, 2022 Posted March 10, 2022 6 minutes ago, Magicmontazzle said: Been about two months now of weekly meetups. He has gone on a three week break back to his home country. he was going to speak to him family and settling down in my country Sorry this is happening. It's all very new and casual, so all you can do is wait until he comes back. Is he scheduled for an arranged marriage in his country? What is your fear about him?
Author Magicmontazzle Posted March 10, 2022 Author Posted March 10, 2022 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this is happening. It's all very new and casual, so all you can do is wait until he comes back. Is he scheduled for an arranged marriage in his country? What is your fear about him? I am really really starting to get scared that this could be happening he said he was running out of excuses to his parents to not get married and was going to ask if they would be ok with him settling with a european woman. He said he did not think it would be an issue i did text with no reply he has never done that my fear is that it is over and he just does not have to heart to tell me
Author Magicmontazzle Posted March 10, 2022 Author Posted March 10, 2022 He looked sad everytime he spoke about going back
Wiseman2 Posted March 10, 2022 Posted March 10, 2022 17 minutes ago, Magicmontazzle said: I am really really starting to get scared that this could be happening he said he was running out of excuses to his parents to not get married and was going to ask if they would be ok with him settling with a european woman. Unfortunately his family, culture, values and traditions have been with him a lot longer than a few weeks dating. It's best to cut your losses rather than find out that he's married and just casually seeing women on the side. There's nothing to be afraid of. It's a few weeks dating, no intimacy/sex so very casual and best to walk away. 3
Author Magicmontazzle Posted March 10, 2022 Author Posted March 10, 2022 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Unfortunately his family, culture, values and traditions have been with him a lot longer than a few weeks dating. It's best to cut your losses rather than find out that he's married and just casually seeing women on the side. There's nothing to be afraid of. It's a few weeks dating, no intimacy/sex so very casual and best to walk away. Should I message him to let him know or just leave it mixed messages are always a no from his end anyway not sure why he would mess me around and continue to date me
Ami1uwant Posted March 10, 2022 Posted March 10, 2022 36 minutes ago, Magicmontazzle said: Should I message him to let him know or just leave it mixed messages are always a no from his end anyway not sure why he would mess me around and continue to date me Wait till he returns. Just because he grew up in a different culture dues not mean he buys into that. He’s not going to reply to you because he doesn’t want to get questions about who you are.
Author Magicmontazzle Posted March 10, 2022 Author Posted March 10, 2022 5 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: Wait till he returns. Just because he grew up in a different culture dues not mean he buys into that. He’s not going to reply to you because he doesn’t want to get questions about who you are. Questions from who?
Ami1uwant Posted March 10, 2022 Posted March 10, 2022 40 minutes ago, Magicmontazzle said: Questions from who? You said he’s traveling to visit family. He’s not likeky telling family about your existence. If he’s sitting there replying to texts with others around him, he’ll get questions. 1 1
glows Posted March 10, 2022 Posted March 10, 2022 (edited) Has he responded to you yet? If he has not, don’t keep texting or calling. You’re worried understandably and a bit annoyed but busy yourself with other things until he reaches out to you. When you see him in person you may want to address his behaviour or ask him about the on/off replies or why he seems distant. Just work on your timing and make sure he is the one reaching out and connect with you once he gets back. Stop chasing so hard if someone isn’t responding or seems lukewarm. Edited March 10, 2022 by glows 1
stillafool Posted March 10, 2022 Posted March 10, 2022 I normally don't expect communication when someone travels to see their relatives or friends. I leave them alone to enjoy their visit. I would just assume he's having fun with his relatives and if he does decide to marry someone there he will tell you. I think you're getting yourself all worked up for what could be nothing. Just go out with your friends and try to have fun until you hear something. Even if he does get with someone over there at least you never had sex with him.
Alpacalia Posted March 10, 2022 Posted March 10, 2022 Investing too much emotional energy before realizing where the relationship is won't work. You are either prioritized and are a priority, or you are not. It's impossible to determine if he would be a great partner if he doesn't demonstrate it to you. Right now he's not. In all, it sounds very casual. Let him enjoy his visit and see what happens when he returns. 1 1
smackie9 Posted March 10, 2022 Posted March 10, 2022 Wait til he gets back and see....if things are still blah, then proceed to dump him. 1 1
ShyViolet Posted March 10, 2022 Posted March 10, 2022 6 hours ago, Magicmontazzle said: Any advice and please dont come in with any ‘if he wanted to he would’ ‘he is just not that into you’ - obviously I am aware of this. If you're already aware of this, I'm not sure what else you want us to say? This is pretty much it 1 1
Author Magicmontazzle Posted March 10, 2022 Author Posted March 10, 2022 would any of yous block and delete for this radio silence for four / five days?
ShyViolet Posted March 10, 2022 Posted March 10, 2022 8 minutes ago, Magicmontazzle said: would any of yous block and delete for this radio silence for four / five days? I would not necessarily block and delete, I would just stop contacting them and see if they contact me again. If they never contact me again then I'd stop chasing them and move on. 2
glows Posted March 10, 2022 Posted March 10, 2022 1 hour ago, Magicmontazzle said: would any of yous block and delete for this radio silence for four / five days? If it’s bothering you so badly and you are realizing you don’t care for this for a number of other reasons then let go. For example, his words don’t match his actions or you find you’re not compatible in other ways, then there’s no use keeping him on your radar. He’s not a match. The issue is you are only annoyed with his silence while on holiday or focusing on this only. Is he someone you think you’d like to see more of or no? 1
Wiseman2 Posted March 10, 2022 Posted March 10, 2022 1 hour ago, Magicmontazzle said: would any of yous block and delete for this. radio silence for four / five days? You don't have to block him, but be prepared for the fact that he is heading for an arranged marriage and you two will never be more than friends. Never block/delete as a game or punishment. It's to permanently get someone out of your life.
chillii Posted March 10, 2022 Posted March 10, 2022 Nooo, don't go doing such childish bs, give it time it's only been 5 days. He's had to travel to home, his family, arriving back there , who knows what's going on yet. But the silence could still be legit given he's pretty introvert and that it's only been a few mths and he wanted to go slow, or there could be reasons or family hassles /drama, who knows. it's a bit weird yeah buttttt, see what happens yet.
kendahke Posted March 11, 2022 Posted March 11, 2022 11 hours ago, Magicmontazzle said: he said he was running out of excuses to his parents to not get married and was going to ask if they would be ok with him settling with a european woman. He said he did not think it would be an issue It's an issue. If he's running this stuff past his parents at 38 yrs of age, then that tells me his parents aren't going to be ok with him doing this. 1
kendahke Posted March 11, 2022 Posted March 11, 2022 5 hours ago, Magicmontazzle said: would any of yous block and delete for this radio silence for four / five days? you're way too invested for someone who's just gone on 2 dates and you really don't know anything about him. This is nothing but drama because you lived way too much of this fledgling involvement out in your head. Why not find something to do with your time--like you used to when you didn't know him. Surely all of the things that make you interesting didn't evaporate when he turned up!! 1
Author Magicmontazzle Posted March 11, 2022 Author Posted March 11, 2022 59 minutes ago, kendahke said: you're way too invested for someone who's just gone on 2 dates and you really don't know anything about him. This is nothing but drama because you lived way too much of this fledgling involvement out in your head. Why not find something to do with your time--like you used to when you didn't know him. Surely all of the things that make you interesting didn't evaporate when he turned up!! We have spoken to each other for 10 months - we have dated for 2 months. no idea where you get 2 dates from.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 11, 2022 Posted March 11, 2022 I wouldn't delete and block him, no. That's a knee-jerk reaction that you will probably regret later when you're still wanting answers but will feel a bit silly unblocking him. It doesn't bode well that he's gone totally silent, in my point of view. Yes, he's visiting family but it really does not take more than a couple minutes to touch base. If he wanted to be in contact, he would be. But I would wait and see what he has to say. I wouldn't send him any more messages, but I would brace yourself for this not going the way you'd hoped. 1
introverted1 Posted March 11, 2022 Posted March 11, 2022 11 hours ago, Magicmontazzle said: no idea where you get 2 dates from. On 3/10/2022 at 7:57 AM, Magicmontazzle said: Been about two months now of weekly meetups - various activities - Not staying over or sex yet but he is very warm and intimate when we are together. Ok, so 8 dates and no sex. Still way too soon to be this invested in the guy. 1
stillafool Posted March 11, 2022 Posted March 11, 2022 (edited) 19 hours ago, Magicmontazzle said: would any of yous block and delete for this radio silence for four / five days? Your ego is hurt. If you block and delete him do it because you know this relationship isn't going anywhere. He will marry a woman of his parents choosing. Edited March 11, 2022 by stillafool 2
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