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Had one date weeks ago. He calls & texts heavily since then but seems to avoid linking again.

Ms.Jazzy

By Ms.Jazzy
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Ms.Jazzy Member

Ms.Jazzy

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I'm feeling confused about this guy I recently met ! So in early February I met a guy at a bar. We hit it off really well and exchanged numbers. Since then he calls and texts me just about everyday asking me how was my day etc. We both work heavy shifts during the week and we both have weekends off so we agreed early on that on weekends we could perhaps setup a date to link etc. After we first met we linked up a week later at a lounge for food and drinks and we had a great time! There never was an awkward moment and we seemed to really enjoy ourselves even to the point he gave me a kiss upon parting ways. He even called the following night asking if I made it home ok and we talked more. Since then he texts every day asking how's work etc but it's becoming redundant and I'm getting bored lol. I asked the following week if we could link again and he gave a very vague answer saying he's very busy that weekend but possibly we could link that Sunday. I said that's fine and I didn't press the issue, Sunday passed without me hearing from him. He called Monday apologized and said he had to watch his 5 year old niece. He called and texted me all week.. I asked him what did he have planned for the following weekend, he said no plans. I called him once or twice that Friday asking him if we still would link and he said no problem. Didn't hear from him all weekend but he called saying that he went to a party that following Friday and got wasted really bad and was sick all weekend with a hangover. At this point I feel like he doesn't want to link again at all but he loves to converse on the phone and recently told me how he's so into me but it doesn't show.  Should I give him a few more chances or hang it up?

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

I would start seeing and talking to other guys until he decides to call me for another date.  Keep in mind that there is inflation and it could be a money issue as to why he hasn't asked you  out.  Why don't you ask him out and if he still gives you the blow off next him and move on.

glows Established Member

glows

Posted
Posted
31 minutes ago, Ms.Jazzy said:

 it's becoming redundant and I'm getting bored

I think it's time to turn your attention elsewhere. This one is not working.

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Johnjohnson2017 Established Member

Johnjohnson2017

Posted
Posted
31 minutes ago, Ms.Jazzy said:

I'm feeling confused about this guy I recently met ! So in early February I met a guy at a bar. We hit it off really well and exchanged numbers. Since then he calls and texts me just about everyday asking me how was my day etc. We both work heavy shifts during the week and we both have weekends off so we agreed early on that on weekends we could perhaps setup a date to link etc. After we first met we linked up a week later at a lounge for food and drinks and we had a great time! There never was an awkward moment and we seemed to really enjoy ourselves even to the point he gave me a kiss upon parting ways. He even called the following night asking if I made it home ok and we talked more. Since then he texts every day asking how's work etc but it's becoming redundant and I'm getting bored lol. I asked the following week if we could link again and he gave a very vague answer saying he's very busy that weekend but possibly we could link that Sunday. I said that's fine and I didn't press the issue, Sunday passed without me hearing from him. He called Monday apologized and said he had to watch his 5 year old niece. He called and texted me all week.. I asked him what did he have planned for the following weekend, he said no plans. I called him once or twice that Friday asking him if we still would link and he said no problem. Didn't hear from him all weekend but he called saying that he went to a party that following Friday and got wasted really bad and was sick all weekend with a hangover. At this point I feel like he doesn't want to link again at all but he loves to converse on the phone and recently told me how he's so into me but it doesn't show.  Should I give him a few more chances or hang it up?

I'm guessing he is married or has a girlfriend. Single guys are available on weekends. Married/taken guys are not. That's my guess. if he wasn't interested in you, he wouldn't be texting you. 

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Ms.Jazzy Member

Ms.Jazzy

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17 minutes ago, Johnjohnson2017 said:

I'm guessing he is married or has a girlfriend. Single guys are available on weekends. Married/taken guys are not. That's my guess. if he wasn't interested in you, he wouldn't be texting you. 

I'm starting to think he is married or has a girlfriend was my first thought. I noticed he shares very little about his personal life and it's starting to make me question him... I think I'll just leave the ball in his court until he shows more effort to make time for me.

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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3 minutes ago, Ms.Jazzy said:

I'm starting to think he is married or has a girlfriend was my first thought. I noticed he shares very little about his personal life and it's starting to make me question him... I think I'll just leave the ball in his court until he shows more effort to make time for me.

Well if you think this why not just next him now?

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Ms.Jazzy Member

Ms.Jazzy

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9 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Well if you think this why not just next him now?

I guess I was somewhat in denial and was hoping he might have been different from other guys plus it's been awhile since I got this much attention from a guy so I was holding out hope this outcome would be different. But I guess I should next him

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Alvi Established Member

Alvi

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Posted
18 minutes ago, Ms.Jazzy said:

I'm starting to think he is married or has a girlfriend was my first thought. I noticed he shares very little about his personal life and it's starting to make me question him... I think I'll just leave the ball in his court until he shows more effort to make time for me.

Not necessarily he has a wife or a girlfriend. It could be that he is multi-dating. Also, he might want to keep you around interested just enough in case his bigger better deal is not going to work out. It happens quite a lot with the on-line dating. 

I would recommend you moving along. Don't waste any more of your time and energy on this guy.  He knows that you are interested and where to find you if he wants.

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Ms.Jazzy Member

Ms.Jazzy

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12 minutes ago, Alvi said:

Not necessarily he has a wife or a girlfriend. It could be that he is multi-dating. Also, he might want to keep you around interested just enough in case his bigger better deal is not going to work out. It happens quite a lot with the on-line dating. 

 

This is what I hate about dating because I would love to be someone's first priority and their number 1. If he is entertaining someone that he likes more I don't want to be his rebound or his second choice. I'm better than that!

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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Ms.Jazzy said:

he texts every day asking how's work etc but it's becoming redundant and I'm getting bored

Yes he's a timewaster if it was only one good date and just texts after that.

He may be seeing others or sitting on the toilet texting, who knows?

At any rate texting is not dating so fade out and date others.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 3/9/2022 at 1:18 PM, Ms.Jazzy said:

Should I give him a few more chances or hang it up?

Hang it up. He's not acting like a man who is into you. He's acting like a man who's already got the field covered, but likes keeping you warmed up in the bullpen in case one of the others doesn't want to act nice.

I'd stop contacting him altogether.  When he texts and asks, just tell him that you're not looking for a pen pal situation or a texting adventure ad nauseum and wish him well in his search.

Edited by kendahke
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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Posted (edited)

Rip the band-aid off quickly...Block/delete move on. 

Edited by smackie9
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Ms.Jazzy Member

Ms.Jazzy

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14 hours ago, kendahke said:

Hang it up. He's not acting like a man who is into you. He's acting like a man who's already got the field covered, but likes keeping you warmed up in the bullpen in case one of the others doesn't want to act nice.

I'd stop contacting him altogether.  When he texts and asks, just tell him that you're not looking for a pen pal situation or a texting adventure ad nauseum and wish him well in his search.

Update: I think I'm done and I'm glad I didn't get too invested in him so it's easier to move on plus I'm seeing issues bubbling to the surface but last night was the last straw. So  he called me late at midnight and I can tell he was very intoxicated, I can tell by his tone and it was very off putting. He said he came from a bar and had a few drinks and wanted to know if I can come by his place. Mind you I've never been to his place before and plus I'm offended that he brushed me off on dates for the past few weeks but don't mind if I drive to see him late at night whIch I know means a booty call which I'm not interested in. He claims it wouldn't be about sex and we can just cuddle and talk but I told him I wasn't interested. He then apologized and said that he was sorry and that he was drunk and I basically told him to sleep it off and have a good night. I think he has a drinking problem because a few days prior, he told me he stopped by a bar for a happy hour on HIS LUNCH BREAK at work. So all red flags so I'm done!

 

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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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41 minutes ago, Ms.Jazzy said:

He said he came from a bar and had a few drinks and wanted to know if I can come by his place. 

Yes. Delete and block him. He turned out to be a loser. Dodged a bullet.

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Pumpernickel Established Member

Pumpernickel

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1 hour ago, Ms.Jazzy said:

He claims it wouldn't be about sex and we can just cuddle and talk

Yeah, whatever, "not about sex" ...... Sheesh! The audacity.

(And even if he was genuine, then who TF wants to "cuddle and talk" with a drunk guy? He probably smelled like bar. Gross.)

1 hour ago, Ms.Jazzy said:

I think I'm done and I'm glad I didn't get too invested

Me too. Good riddance.  

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glows Established Member

glows

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2 hours ago, Ms.Jazzy said:

Update: I think I'm done and I'm glad I didn't get too invested in him so it's easier to move on plus I'm seeing issues bubbling to the surface but last night was the last straw. So  he called me late at midnight and I can tell he was very intoxicated, I can tell by his tone and it was very off putting. He said he came from a bar and had a few drinks and wanted to know if I can come by his place. Mind you I've never been to his place before and plus I'm offended that he brushed me off on dates for the past few weeks but don't mind if I drive to see him late at night whIch I know means a booty call which I'm not interested in. He claims it wouldn't be about sex and we can just cuddle and talk but I told him I wasn't interested. He then apologized and said that he was sorry and that he was drunk and I basically told him to sleep it off and have a good night. I think he has a drinking problem because a few days prior, he told me he stopped by a bar for a happy hour on HIS LUNCH BREAK at work. So all red flags so I'm done!

 

I would close the door on this too. Thank goodness you didn't go out on any other dates with him.

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Lauriebell82 Established Member

Lauriebell82

Posted
Posted

Close the door on him. Move on. I met guys like this when I was online dating who either wanted something super casual where they were looking for someone to chat up and occasionally see but not to develop a relationship. He would have told you from the getgo if he was looking for a relationship. If he did not, his intentions are clear. Now matter how “into you” he is, he isnt into a relationship with you. 

Lauriebell82 Established Member

Lauriebell82

Posted
Posted
On 3/11/2022 at 11:00 AM, Ms.Jazzy said:

Update: I think I'm done and I'm glad I didn't get too invested in him so it's easier to move on plus I'm seeing issues bubbling to the surface but last night was the last straw. So  he called me late at midnight and I can tell he was very intoxicated, I can tell by his tone and it was very off putting. He said he came from a bar and had a few drinks and wanted to know if I can come by his place. Mind you I've never been to his place before and plus I'm offended that he brushed me off on dates for the past few weeks but don't mind if I drive to see him late at night whIch I know means a booty call which I'm not interested in. He claims it wouldn't be about sex and we can just cuddle and talk but I told him I wasn't interested. He then apologized and said that he was sorry and that he was drunk and I basically told him to sleep it off and have a good night. I think he has a drinking problem because a few days prior, he told me he stopped by a bar for a happy hour on HIS LUNCH BREAK at work. So all red flags so I'm done!

 

Oh he wants a hookup for sure! Great job saying no! 

Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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On 3/9/2022 at 12:41 PM, Alvi said:

Also, he might want to keep you around interested just enough in case his bigger better deal is not going to work out.

I agree. This is the most likely scenario. It sounds like he's keeping you as backup. He could also really enjoy your personality and/or having someone to talk to/text all day/all week long but not be that attracted to you or feel romantic chemistry toward you which is why he is stalling to go on a date again. he sounds like he is stalling for sure. Also don't underestimate that the sort of attention you give him serves as an ego boost that he wants and needs. This combo IMO is the most likely scenario of what is going on. 

I don't think you should make yourself as available. He's not your boyfriend--he's not even taking you out or meeting up with you other than one time in February. Right now the fact that he can constantly be in touch with you means he knows you are creating space for him whether that's consciously or unconsciously. He also is probably not worried that you are giving time and attention to anyone else because of how accessible you are.  If you want to know where you stand with him, don't be as accessible. Good luck

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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted

>>He claims it wouldn't be about sex and we can just cuddle and talk<<

Lol, sorry for chuckling but this is the oldest and lamest line in the book and if you've learned nothing else from this experience, it's that any guy who says this to you is 100% full of * !

It's code for hook up and if that's not what you want, immediately next. 

  • 2 weeks later...
jdesey Established Member

jdesey

Posted
Posted

this guy has one foot still in a relationship that is not 100% over... I am very sure of that.. move on

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