Scarcity Adds Value

[lana-banana]

4 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Even on this forum I've noticed it.  There is one particular poster who very rarely posts and when he does, it's typically just one brief paragraph.  

And he always gets a zillion likes (exaggeration lol) but he always receives many likes even though in truth he didn't say much or anything all that different from others and they received no likes! 

It's quite interesting.

What in the world does this have to do with dating? Are you seriously suggesting that a given poster gets more "likes because their voice is rare, not novel? Isn't it much more likely that whoever this is is just offering good advice?

Scarcity does not add value with dating, I don’t think. Honesty, both with yourself and others, adds value. If you don't tolerate bad behavior and model the way you want to be treated, you'll end up with people who meet your standards. 

Edited March 9, 2022 by lana-banana

[poppyfields]

4 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Also, why be sparse just to attract or hold someone's attention? 

Not sure if this response was intended for me, but I'm not doing this^, please read my subsequent posts. 

Thanks for chiming in! 

Edited March 9, 2022 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

13 minutes ago, lana-banana said:

What in the world does this have to do with dating? Are you seriously suggesting that a given poster gets more "likes because their voice is rare, not novel? Isn't it much more likely that whoever this is is just offering good advice?

Scarcity does not add value with dating, I don’t think. Honestly, both with yourself and others, adds value. If you don't tolerate bad behavior and model the way you want to be treated, you'll end up with people who meet your standards. 

Wow, OK, thanks for chiming in.

It was just an observation, I have no idea if it holds weight or not.

That's why I created the thread, to hear what others think about it.. 

Thanks again for sharing yours.

Edited March 9, 2022 by poppyfields

[dramafreezone]

1 hour ago, mark clemson said:

I think that's wise. The saying "absence makes the heart go fonder" has been around for a while, but so has the counterpoint "out of sight, out of mind". So not something to "tinker with" if one values the relationship IMO.

The key is the emotional attachment has to be established before that person gains value in your mind. 

Once that emotional attachment is established, you're thinking about them so effectively they are not out of your sight or your mind, they are just not in your presence.  That conflict is what causes us to "miss" people and increase our desire to resolve that incongruence.  Then it's like gasoline on a fire, the more you think the more you miss, the higher the attraction.

If someone does not have an emotional attachment to your mind, then they can be in your presence and you literally won't even remember that they were there.  We see people every day and a minute later we don't even remember anything about them.  That's how powerful emotional attachments are, we can clearly see someone we care about even if they're not in our presence, and we can forget about someone that just walked in front of us 1 minute ago because we don't have that attachment.

Edited March 9, 2022 by dramafreezone

[poppyfields]

Just now, dramafreezone said:

The key is the emotional attachment has to be established before that person gains value in your mind. 

Once that emotional attachment is established, you're thinking about them so effectively they are not out of your sight or your mind, they are just not in your presence.  That conflict is what causes us to "miss" people and increase our desire to resolve that incongruence.

If someone does not have an emotional attachment to your mind, then they can be in your presence and you literally won't even remember that they were there.  We see people every day and in 15 minutes we don't even remember anything about them.  That's how powerful emotional attachments are, we can clearly see someone we care about even if they're not in our presence, and we can forget about someone that just walked in front of us 1 minute ago because we don't have that attachment.

I think you are spot on about that! 

100% agree and true for me w/r/t this new relationship.

Perhaps for him too.

It's all good, at least for now, it's still early stages. 

 

[Wiseman2]

Maybe it's the other way around. Oversaturation causes nausea.

Same song too much, same food too much, too much texting, too much TV, too much, too soon, etc.

As far as marketing, Ron Popeil (Veg-O-Matic, Spray-on hair, etc.) invented the concept of "while supplies last"

[Trail Blazer]

I didn't know you had a boyfriend now.  Congrats!

There's been an age old relationship saying: "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"

In marketing, yes, scarcity and demand is a thing.  Take a company like Ferrari for example.  They will deliberately cap their production to remain exclusive.  Not everyone who can afford a Ferrari will be guaranteed a purchase of a Ferrari.

I think the pertinent thing here is that, unless the commodity we're referring to naturally harbors a high level of intrinsic value, then scarcity of said commodity will not increase the demand, but rather negatively impact sales objectives.

Your boyfriend obviously holds you in very high esteem, otherwise your lack of presence would irritate him, not cause his feelings to gravitate closer. 

And in saying that, even then, it's a very fine line between a healthy period of absence and a rapid deterioration from of a relationship due to one party feeling neglected and not getting their needs met.

In what kind of amounts to a zero-sum game, the cachet one experiences when their availability limited, thus depriving the other party of their presence, can very quickly fall of a cliff when that party determines that the juice is no longer worth the squeeze and they walk away.

[poppyfields]

4 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

For me... if I hear "No, I'm not available" a few times, I'll move on.

Date planning takes effort, time and research. If I don't feel like the woman wants to make time to see me, I must not be all that important.

I really don't want to waste my time and money going after a woman that is seeing 5 different guys and trying to suss out which one is the most worthy or she is so busy with other aspects of her life that I'm on the back burner all the time. 

No thanks, I'll move on to someone who wants to see/date me.

I need to be important to her.

HL, in reading this^ again and observing all the "likes," I'm wondering where your response came from?

Certainly from nothing I posted as (1) I have never said "I'm not available" without explaining why and offering another day and (2) I'm not dating any other guys, he is the only man I'm dating and he knows it and (3) each time, I have legit been busy, it's not some "hard to get" game I'm playing, I can't stand games. 

Oh and No. 4, HE is sometimes unavailable too when I have I initiated. 

Anyway, no biggie, just curious what inspired your response, thanks. 

Edited March 9, 2022 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

18 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

I didn't know you had a boyfriend now.  Congrats!

TB, it's the same guy I posted previously about, the man I met recently from OLDing. 

I'm pretty sure you responded to that thread. 

 

Edited March 9, 2022 by poppyfields

[basil67]

When it comes to marketing, scarcity only has value if you want that product and care about it's scarcity.  Judging by all the people driving regular cars, living in regular cars wearing high street or thrift store fashion, I think a lot of us don't care about scarcity.   I will argue that abundance is also a selling point.  "Buy one, get one free!" is a thing.  So is "Warehouse sale!".   My big home appliances are generally bought as factory seconds. 

When it comes to dating, if a guy didn't have enough time for me, I'd move on.  Some of us like a simple life without the complications of scarcity.  

[Trail Blazer]

9 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

TB, it's the same guy I posted previously about, the man I met recently from OLDing. 

I'm pretty sure you responded to that thread. 

 

Mmmmm.  For some reason I thought things had fallen through with that one?  Obviously I have my wires crossed.  Haha, too many days spent in the oilfields for me! 

Thank God I'm flying home tomorrow morning!  My needs a recharge and my girlfriend's scarcity endurance threshold is starting to max out.

[poppyfields]

Just now, basil67 said:

When it comes to dating, if a guy didn't have enough time for me, I'd move on. 

Even his scarcity was for legit reasons and you were REALLY into him?

If so, fair enough. 

[Haydn]

I didn't realise people are products...  (In that sense)

Rather a lot of mentions of that here. 

Thank the god of Greek cheeses i have never acted in a way to seem unavailable or to be 'fashionably aloof' 

Possibly when i was 18, but that was a misguided belief that i was drop dead gorgeous and then Sabine Beauregard put me firmly in my place. And when your 18, you have a brain the size of a Weasels wedding tackle. 

Of course we miss our nearest and dearest if we don't see them but to go out your way to be unavailable is a tad idiotic.

OP, it is a bit of an odd thread to start if you have no intention of being unavailable.

Possibly if everyone said, it's a great idea.........

Just what i think about it.

Have fun everyone.

 

 

 

 

[Happy Lemming]

4 hours ago, poppyfields said:

The less available I am

 

18 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

(1) I have never said "I'm not available"

In answering your original post, "the less available I am" means "I'm not available"...

In general if a woman is only minimally available to go out with me, the less I (meaning me) want to attempt to date her.  I can't speak for your boyfriend.  If he reacts well to this tactic, that is him, not me.

If a woman is unavailable too many times, I tend not to believe her excuses and think she is dating other people. I begin to think that I've become the "back burner" guy... good enough when no one else is around.

[poppyfields]

2 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

For some reason I thought things had fallen through with that one?  Obviously I have my wires crossed.  Haha, too many days spent in the oilfields for me! 

Lol, I understand and easy to do!  I often mix up threads too.

But nope, we're still on, it's been pretty consistent. 

But again, still early stages, but I really like him, so hopeful it lasts. 

Edited March 9, 2022 by poppyfields

[basil67]

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Even his scarcity was for legit reasons and you were REALLY into him?

If so, fair enough. 

If hasn't got the time to date me, how am I supposed to get REALLY into him? 

[poppyfields]

Just now, Happy Lemming said:

 

In answering your original post, "the less available I am" means "I'm not available"...

In general if a woman is only minimally available to go out with me, the less I (meaning me) want to attempt to date her.  I can't speak for your boyfriend.  If he reacts well to this tactic, that is him, not me.

If a woman is unavailable too many times, I tend not to believe her excuses and think she is dating other people. I begin to think that I've become the "back burner" guy... good enough when no one else is around.

What about when YOU are legit unavailable or is that different? 

Anyway he knows why my time is limited, he doesn't question it nor feel insecure about it, he knows it's legit. 

Same for me about his limited time. 

As I said, we both have a good understanding about each other, take nothing personally and enjoy our time together and getting to know each other. 

If that wouldn't or didn't work for you, so be, to each their own, it's not for me to judge. 

 

 

[basil67]

Come to think of it, I did once dump a long term boyfriend who I was really into because his weekends were all very busy (with legitimate things) and he had little time for me

[poppyfields]

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If hasn't got the time to date me, how am I supposed to get REALLY into him? 

Fair point, but we liked each other from the first date.  Felt that immediate click or "connection."

Actually, even before the date as we talked for a while before meeting.

Anyway, it's not like we never see each other, we see each other at least once a week. 

It's just that there were times he would initiate and I wasn't free -- school or my terminally ill brother who takes up a good bit of my time and energy these days as it's getting close to the end we think.

Same for him when I've initiated.  Seeing a new client last minute which has happened a few times.  

 

Edited March 9, 2022 by poppyfields

[Happy Lemming]

@poppyfields I promise to get back to you and answer all of your questions and concerns, later.

"V" and I were invited to a last minute party and I'm doing some quick baking, so we don't show up empty-handed. 

 

[basil67]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

Fair point, but we liked each other from the first date.  Felt that immediate click or "connection."

Actually, even before the date as we talked for a while before meeting.

Anyway, it's not like we never see each other, we see each other at least once a week. 

It's just that there were times he would initiate and I wasn't free -- school or my terminally ill brother who takes up a good bit of my time and energy these days as it's getting close to the end we think.

Same for him when I've initiated.  Seeing a new client last minute which has happened a few times.  

 

You said earlier that this thread wasn't just about your relationship but about scarcity in general.   I was replying with my experience on the topic - that it has no value to me.

[poppyfields]

Just now, basil67 said:

You said earlier that this thread wasn't just about your relationship but about scarcity in general.   I was replying with my experience on the topic - that it has no value to me.

Yes I know and thank you, I appreciate it.

And I was responding to your questions, it's all good basil. 

[basil67]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

Yes I know and thank you, I appreciate it.

And I was responding to your questions, it's all good basil. 

Sorry for the confusion, my question was meant to be rhetorical.  I should have simply made a statement.

[poppyfields]

Not sure why, but this thread appears to have turned somewhat adversarial, with assumptions about me being made by some posters that have no basis in fact.

Or misinterpretations.

I appreciate all the responses but I respectfully request it be closed now as I got all the info I needed. 

Thanks again everyone!

Edited March 9, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Not sure if this response was intended for me, but I'm not doing this^, please read my subsequent posts. 

Thanks for chiming in! 

It was in general.

Not sure how comparing people (to gas) or to a "product" is inherently a good thing. 

But to each their own.

 

Edited March 9, 2022 by Alpaca