Wiseman2 Posted March 7, 2022 Posted March 7, 2022 9 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: IMO if you're going to do online dating, you should be prepared to subscribe to sites with superb reputations in the OLD world. You're potentially talking about a lifetime partner right? I think that's well worth a premium monthly price, and there's a much lower chance (though not impossible) that you're going to run into scammers or fraudsters. But you have to also come to the realization that dating whether online or not involves risk. Agree. It's no guarantee you'll find dates/a relationship/the one. However there's a layer of screening if someone pays with a credit card as far as ID and at least they're not messaging you from a sleeping bag in the subway. Trying to use pay sites for free until a come-on message arrives is the worst strategy of all. It's neither here nor there. So is having a sham/incomplete profile. Both of these methods are sure to fail. Some pay sites require a subscription to communicate/view profiles, whatever. Some free sites offer subscriptions for more bells and whistles. You'll need to decide your needs, demographics, budget, etc. and then decide which ones you want to try. Why not try a pay site and a free site? 2
max3732 Posted March 7, 2022 Posted March 7, 2022 17 hours ago, lana-banana said: Even legitimate dating websites, like Match and OKCupid, have essentially "bots" that are meant to message new users and keep them engaged. It's a scammy tactic all around, but it doesn't necessarily mean the platform is illegitimate. That's what I think happened with me. On Match I had around 20 likes and 4 messages but no idea who sent them. I decided to bite the bullet and signed up for it. I check the 20 likes and they're completely outside my preferences and have incomplete profiles. The 3 messages I think were legitimate but only 1 seemed remotely like what I was interested in. Had I been able to see the profiles I probably wouldn't have signed up. So I feel like they manipulated me
Happy Lemming Posted March 7, 2022 Posted March 7, 2022 18 minutes ago, max3732 said: I decided to bite the bullet and signed up for it. I check the 20 likes and they're completely outside my preferences and have incomplete profiles. Same thing happened to me 20 years ago... Yes, it has been 20 years since I briefly tried "on-line dating" and the exact same thing happened to me. 2
SumGuy Posted March 7, 2022 Posted March 7, 2022 Ever hear the saying you get what you pay for? With a free site you get just that, and as they are "free" you will get plenty of scammers using them. After all, scammer has a cost of goods to consider as well. It's not that a pay site can't rip you off as well, but do some diligence, look at independent reviews, take a limited membership. What dating site can't do for you is get you a date, you have to do that hard work yourself. It shouldn't surprise you in the least that a site wants you to pay to read a message, IIRC most free sites say that somewhere. Free to register and free to search does not mean free to use a messaging service. There is another saying, you can't con an honest man. If you expect something for nothing, a free lunch, you are just one step closer to getting scammed or conned. 2
dramafreezone Posted March 7, 2022 Posted March 7, 2022 2 minutes ago, SumGuy said: Ever hear the saying you get what you pay for? With a free site you get just that, and as they are "free" you will get plenty of scammers using them. After all, scammer has a cost of goods to consider as well. It's not that a pay site can't rip you off as well, but do some diligence, look at independent reviews, take a limited membership. What dating site can't do for you is get you a date, you have to do that hard work yourself. It shouldn't surprise you in the least that a site wants you to pay to read a message, IIRC most free sites say that somewhere. Free to register and free to search does not mean free to use a messaging service. There is another saying, you can't con an honest man. If you expect something for nothing, a free lunch, you are just one step closer to getting scammed or conned. Correct. Though I will say there is another option on the opposite spectrum of free, which is matchmaking. They can actually vet potential dates based on preferences and set up the meetings, basically do everything and there's a low risk of scamming, but matchmatching is extremely cost-prohibitive. But goes back to your premise, you pay more to avoid sifting through bots, scammers, or matches that are just nothing close to what you want. OP, you are invariably going to either pay with your time or your money, it's just about what's more important to you. 1
SumGuy Posted March 7, 2022 Posted March 7, 2022 29 minutes ago, max3732 said: That's what I think happened with me. On Match I had around 20 likes and 4 messages but no idea who sent them. I decided to bite the bullet and signed up for it. I check the 20 likes and they're completely outside my preferences and have incomplete profiles. The 3 messages I think were legitimate but only 1 seemed remotely like what I was interested in. Had I been able to see the profiles I probably wouldn't have signed up. So I feel like they manipulated me I wouldn't say that. They as in who? The women who liked you and messaged you? Match doesn't control who users like or message (unless you block or something). It's not their fault who you were after wasn't after you when you looked. Also hit rate of 33% on message for women reaching out to you is not bad. A like is such a low bar, it really is just an invite to check her out...you shouldn't blame a girl for trying. When I was on Match I certainly got likes and messages from women that were no way compatible with me, several it would have been very clear if they had read my profile. So what, just ignored them and focused on those I liked and proactively messaged those I liked...and yes I would sometimes message women where I did not make their height cut-off (shocking) but made it clear I did not. It's not like men don't just spam out messages to pretty faces without reading a word of a profile. From my interaction with women when OLD, it seems to be rather rare men who read women's profiles...at least that was the experience of the women I was interested in. If you want someone to curate or pre-filter then e-harmony used to do that (may still do). They only presented matches to you that lined up with the profile they construct from your answers to their many questions.
max3732 Posted March 7, 2022 Posted March 7, 2022 4 hours ago, SumGuy said: I wouldn't say that. They as in who? The women who liked you and messaged you? Match doesn't control who users like or message (unless you block or something). It's not their fault who you were after wasn't after you when you looked. Also hit rate of 33% on message for women reaching out to you is not bad. A like is such a low bar, it really is just an invite to check her out...you shouldn't blame a girl for trying. When I was on Match I certainly got likes and messages from women that were no way compatible with me, several it would have been very clear if they had read my profile. So what, just ignored them and focused on those I liked and proactively messaged those I liked...and yes I would sometimes message women where I did not make their height cut-off (shocking) but made it clear I did not. It's not like men don't just spam out messages to pretty faces without reading a word of a profile. From my interaction with women when OLD, it seems to be rather rare men who read women's profiles...at least that was the experience of the women I was interested in. If you want someone to curate or pre-filter then e-harmony used to do that (may still do). They only presented matches to you that lined up with the profile they construct from your answers to their many questions. Out of the 24 who liked or messaged me only 1 looked remotely like my type. Turns out she had a lot of issues and also kept things from her profile. I'm not sure if the "likes" from those women who didn't message me were real. Some of those profiles were just a picture and basic info. Who pays for Match and doesn't fill anything out? Wouldn't it be more honest/fair for Match to show you who is messaging or liking you so you can decide if you're interested? 1
basil67 Posted March 7, 2022 Posted March 7, 2022 (edited) 38 minutes ago, max3732 said: Wouldn't it be more honest/fair for Match to show you who is messaging or liking you so you can decide if you're interested? That would defeat the whole purpose of how Match is set up. If you want to see who's interested before responding, try a different platform Edited March 7, 2022 by basil67
Trail Blazer Posted March 7, 2022 Posted March 7, 2022 Just now, basil67 said: That would defeat the whole purpose of how Match is set up. If you want to see who's liking you, try a different platform Exactly. That's not how psychology works. Match knows exactly what it is doing.
max3732 Posted March 7, 2022 Posted March 7, 2022 9 minutes ago, basil67 said: That would defeat the whole purpose of how Match is set up. If you want to see who's interested before responding, try a different platform Isn't Match supposed to be setup to help you find the right match? I know they have to make money, so couldn't they restrict you from responding unless you pay? On the flip side of that I think I've wasted a lot of time messaging people who long ago went off the website. They should also tell you who is a paying customer and who isn't. What platform would you suggest?
Ami1uwant Posted March 8, 2022 Posted March 8, 2022 7 hours ago, SumGuy said: I wouldn't say that. They as in who? The women who liked you and messaged you? Match doesn't control who users like or message (unless you block or something). It's not their fault who you were after wasn't after you when you looked. Also hit rate of 33% on message for women reaching out to you is not bad. A like is such a low bar, it really is just an invite to check her out...you shouldn't blame a girl for trying. When I was on Match I certainly got likes and messages from women that were no way compatible with me, several it would have been very clear if they had read my profile. So what, just ignored them and focused on those I liked and proactively messaged those I liked...and yes I would sometimes message women where I did not make their height cut-off (shocking) but made it clear I did not. It's not like men don't just spam out messages to pretty faces without reading a word of a profile. From my interaction with women when OLD, it seems to be rather rare men who read women's profiles...at least that was the experience of the women I was interested in. If you want someone to curate or pre-filter then e-harmony used to do that (may still do). They only presented matches to you that lined up with the profile they construct from your answers to their many questions. Match does in fact use profile bots to like your profile. It’s guilty of saying you are active user when you just open an email. eharmony does profile matching. Match created a similar matching site called Chemistry iirc.
Trail Blazer Posted March 8, 2022 Posted March 8, 2022 2 hours ago, max3732 said: Isn't Match supposed to be setup to help you find the right match? I know they have to make money, so couldn't they restrict you from responding unless you pay? On the flip side of that I think I've wasted a lot of time messaging people who long ago went off the website. They should also tell you who is a paying customer and who isn't. What platform would you suggest? A dude I work with thinks Badoo is good. But I dunno, man... he's in a very populous state, significantly more than mine. Perhaps more than yours, too, assuming you're even in the U.S. I've only ever used four; Match was the first I've ever used and I found someone with whom I had a one-year relationship. That happened within a week of joining. Other than that, just the usual Tinder, Bumble and PoF. What one's have you tried? It's probably best to list the ones which you've used and don't rate, so that others don't list the same sites/apps you've previously used but not found much or any success with.
Wiseman2 Posted March 8, 2022 Posted March 8, 2022 (edited) 9 hours ago, max3732 said: Isn't Match supposed to be setup to help you find the right match? I know they have to make money, so couldn't they restrict you from responding unless you pay? Free apps are better for people who want a more eBay-like experience, where you browse a catalogue of pics and only pay (for a cup of coffee, whenever) when exactly what you want is in the inventory. It's also important to realize dating apps are not NGO humanitarian organizations, dedicated to finding love for people. Regular people just sign up looking for dates. That's it. As far as beefs about a pay-per-view basis and being annoyed that they're not your specific type, it's not how subscriptions to anything work. It's like having a subscription to the NYT... Some articles you'll like some not but to read any of it you have to pay. Edited March 8, 2022 by Wiseman2
SumGuy Posted March 8, 2022 Posted March 8, 2022 16 hours ago, max3732 said: Out of the 24 who liked or messaged me only 1 looked remotely like my type. Turns out she had a lot of issues and also kept things from her profile. I'm not sure if the "likes" from those women who didn't message me were real. Some of those profiles were just a picture and basic info. Who pays for Match and doesn't fill anything out? Wouldn't it be more honest/fair for Match to show you who is messaging or liking you so you can decide if you're interested? I assume by your type you mean interest and not looks, no one (and certainly Match) can know what another's type is in looks. This kind of thing I think is e-harmony's selling point, you only see people who "match" you on their questionnaire. Not putting effort into a profile, that right there was a yellow flag to me; passed on many likes based on that. To each their own, I get it is work. I spent some time getting my profile together. I can say on all the likes that I got which I followed up on they were real. Seems to be the way women seeking men can interact well. They send you a like, a quick low risk action, and then on the guy to get back. I didn't mind as if responded always messaged me back...and met if I asked. I didn't ask to meet everyone. You think it would be in Match's interest to let you see who reached out to you, would increase subscription. Then again, I believe they are pretty upfront with what you get for free. In short, Match is a paid service, the free part is really just to give you a taste I believe. If you really want to use it for OLD need to subscribe.
SumGuy Posted March 8, 2022 Posted March 8, 2022 15 hours ago, max3732 said: Isn't Match supposed to be setup to help you find the right match? Not my understanding, they are set up so you can find your match. Although I do recall they had more premium subscriptions where you can get help writing your profile, and they would probably help you with search terms. In that regard they have alot of terms and categories to help on searching, but they are basic or common deal breakers (like kids/no kids). Quote I know they have to make money, so couldn't they restrict you from responding unless you pay? On the flip side of that I think I've wasted a lot of time messaging people who long ago went off the website. They should also tell you who is a paying customer and who isn't. On the latter, you can see if a profile is locked, and I thought it told you if they had not paid and so couldn't receive messages. If you encountered a lot of those who had not paid then I suspect they also had minimal profiles, in short they really were not using Match and just spaming and hoping for more for free than was offered. Quote What platform would you suggest? Said it before, would suggest e-harmony. Their stichk seems to be answer all our questions and we'll find you a match. I got tired of it but have to admit started with it because overwhelmed when started OLD and I did find someone dated seriously for over a year. There are also matchmaking services and sites that do a lot of work they say if you have enough money to join, but do not believe they are free or cost less than Match.
max3732 Posted March 9, 2022 Posted March 9, 2022 On 3/8/2022 at 9:47 AM, SumGuy said: I assume by your type you mean interest and not looks, no one (and certainly Match) can know what another's type is in looks. This kind of thing I think is e-harmony's selling point, you only see people who "match" you on their questionnaire. Not putting effort into a profile, that right there was a yellow flag to me; passed on many likes based on that. To each their own, I get it is work. I spent some time getting my profile together. I can say on all the likes that I got which I followed up on they were real. Seems to be the way women seeking men can interact well. They send you a like, a quick low risk action, and then on the guy to get back. I didn't mind as if responded always messaged me back...and met if I asked. I didn't ask to meet everyone. You think it would be in Match's interest to let you see who reached out to you, would increase subscription. Then again, I believe they are pretty upfront with what you get for free. In short, Match is a paid service, the free part is really just to give you a taste I believe. If you really want to use it for OLD need to subscribe. By type I mean basic, quantifiable info about the person. They can certainly know what I'm screening for or ask for your preferences (children, smoking, background, etc). Every single like was from someone who I would have filtered out with a basic screen). It seems like the free part is just used to scam people into paying. When you message someone and never hear back you don't know if they're even able to reply. If everyone on the service was a paying member you could at least be confident that the person could respond if they wanted to do so.
Author kleaners Posted March 9, 2022 Author Posted March 9, 2022 On 3/8/2022 at 9:56 AM, SumGuy said: Said it before, would suggest e-harmony. Their stichk seems to be answer all our questions and we'll find you a match. I got tired of it but have to admit started with it because overwhelmed when started OLD and I did find someone dated seriously for over a year. There are also matchmaking services and sites that do a lot of work they say if you have enough money to join, but do not believe they are free or cost less than Match. I hated E-Harmony. If I recall correctly, it didn't provide any space for someone to write about themselves.
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