karendonaire Posted March 4, 2022 Posted March 4, 2022 (edited) We have only been dating for 3 weeks. It was (and still is) hot and heavy - we were on about 7 dates over 2 and a half weeks. He went on a work trip for 4 days. I sent him some messages during that time asking how he is, etc. but didn't go overboard (marketing trip with suppliers, etc. - kept him busy). I just sent funny, teasing messages basically. Then I asked him if he is missing me in a jokey way. He just replied that he is not sure, he feels I am not interested in him that much. We've only known each other for about 3 weeks, went on a bunch of dates - it is kind of a red flag for me to get a question like this. I enjoy the time when i am with him but I have been in an slightly emotionally abusive relationship before, so I am a little vary. Especially after less than 3 weeks of knowing a person. We normally text between dates a little - sometimes I initiate it, sometimes he does - I am not the best texter. It takes me a few hours to get back to people (like 2-3 occasionally but when I am free, I text back right away). Anyways - am I overthinking this or is there any base to what I sense? Is it normal for someone to ask this after 3 weeks when we spent a reasonable amount of time together? Most of the times I say yes to dates, if I can't I offer other options. Sometimes I arrange something to do, sometimes he does. EDIT: I replied to him what makes him feel that I am not interested? He read it and didn't reply back (yet) Edited March 4, 2022 by karendonaire
Wiseman2 Posted March 4, 2022 Posted March 4, 2022 17 minutes ago, karendonaire said: We have only been dating for 3 weeks. It was (and still is) hot and heavy - we were on about 7 dates over 2 and a half weeks. I asked him if he is missing me in a jokey way. He just replied that he is not sure, he feels I am not interested in him that much. Agree that is a very strange reply. Just step back a bit.
Ami1uwant Posted March 4, 2022 Posted March 4, 2022 It’s a little unusual fir a reply. what has these dates been like?
Author karendonaire Posted March 4, 2022 Author Posted March 4, 2022 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: what has these dates been like? good. we laugh a lot when we are together, have similar interests, sex is good. i am myself when i am with him but of course, we have only known each other for 3 weeks... so it is fresh Obviously I am not contacting him every single minute but we send each other some text between dates. Edited March 4, 2022 by karendonaire
glows Posted March 4, 2022 Posted March 4, 2022 You asked a tongue in cheek non-serious question and are taking his response seriously? I read his response as a tease. He was being sarcastic and jabbing you back because he appears quite interested in you. Meaning and tone is lost in text especially if you don’t know someone well or are expecting the worst out of someone. Wait for him to return and meet in person to talk about this. I think you are overreacting or letting this get the better of you. You asked him what he means which appears you’re very overly concerned about his response which you don’t have to be. Don’t expect him to explain feelings for you over text. I’m sure this will be cleared up in a matter of minutes in person. 2
Ami1uwant Posted March 4, 2022 Posted March 4, 2022 1 hour ago, Ami1uwant said: It’s a little unusual fir a reply. what has these dates been like? Tones in texts can be read two very different ways based on your own bias and perception. thsts why I asked..what were these dates like in terms of communication and actions. Ehst style of humor and joking was there like sarcasm or poking each other in jokes? as above said…he could have been joking around here if you were texting in a playful was. 1
Pumpernickel Posted March 4, 2022 Posted March 4, 2022 1 hour ago, glows said: Don’t expect him to explain feelings for you over text. I’m sure this will be cleared up in a matter of minutes in person. That’s what I am thinking as well. Especially because you haven’t been dating for that long. He might just be playful. 1
ShyViolet Posted March 5, 2022 Posted March 5, 2022 5 hours ago, karendonaire said: I just sent funny, teasing messages basically. Then I asked him if he is missing me in a jokey way. He just replied that he is not sure, he feels I am not interested in him that much. This is such a weird thing for a guy to text. I'd be very put off by this. And also the fact that you asked him what he meant and he didn't reply.... not a good sign for this relationship. 2
ccas93 Posted March 5, 2022 Posted March 5, 2022 maybe he doesn't feel like you guys are "like that" yet, or maybe because you guys went on so many dates so quickly, he doesn't actually miss you that much and was trying not to lie and say he does. 1
Alpacalia Posted March 5, 2022 Posted March 5, 2022 (edited) 15 hours ago, karendonaire said: He just replied that he is not sure, he feels I am not interested in him that much. I agree that this comment is a bit 'off.' Particularly since it sounds as though you've been pretty accessible to him... Either he's being insecure or he was unsure how to respond to your "missing you" text because maybe it put him on the spot. Edited March 5, 2022 by Alpaca 1
glows Posted March 5, 2022 Posted March 5, 2022 13 hours ago, Pumpernickel said: That’s what I am thinking as well. Especially because you haven’t been dating for that long. He might just be playful. I’m not sure but that’s what I’m leaning towards. I wouldn’t immediately think someone was being malicious or suspicious especially if in person time spent and other interaction are all going well as ami1uwant was getting to the bottom of earlier. I think these things are better shelved for in person talks also. Personally I just do not have the space, time or any energy in my life to be harbouring questions about someone or questioning someone’s character if there’s no real reason to. All this can be sorted quickly in person and will reveal itself on its own. I hope you’re able to meet him soon, OP. 1
poppyfields Posted March 5, 2022 Posted March 5, 2022 (edited) 18 hours ago, karendonaire said: Then I asked him if he is missing me in a jokey way. He just replied that he is not sure, he feels I am not interested in him that much. It's sometimes difficult to distinguish playful banter/teasing from serious; was that comment followed by a wink or smiley emoji? A 'haha' or lol? That's a good way to tell or simply by how it's used in context with the rest of your conversation. Here, the way you presented it, it doesn't sound like playful banter, he sounded serious. I could be wrong, but my first take when reading was that is how HE feels (or doesn't feel) about you and he was projecting those feelings on to you. The fact he has not responded after you replied asking what he meant is further evidence he was not teasing, or being playful but rather HE isn't sure how interested he himself is, and was projecting and possibly wants out himself. Similar to when your partner accuses you of cheating when they themselves are cheating. That's my read anyway. Edited March 5, 2022 by poppyfields
Alvi Posted March 5, 2022 Posted March 5, 2022 18 hours ago, karendonaire said: EDIT: I replied to him what makes him feel that I am not interested? He read it and didn't reply back (yet) Has he replied to your message? I am rather curious. It doesn't feel like a playful banter on his part, but I could be wrong. Sometimes things get lost in translation when it comes to texting. Can't count how many times in my dating travels I have misinterpreted what someone has texted me and vise versa. Also, keep in mind, that he could be still dating or talking to other women since the two of you are not exclusive yet (you didn't say that the two of you agree to stop seeing others, so I assume that the two of you are not. Apologies if I am wrong). 40 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I could be wrong, but my first take when reading was that is how HE feels (or doesn't feel) about you and he was projecting those feelings on to you. The fact he has not responded after you replied asking what he meant is further evidence he was not teasing, or being playful but rather HE isn't sure how interested he himself is, and was projecting and possibly wants out himself. Similar to when your partner accuses you of cheating when they themselves are cheating. You might be right Poppy, I am getting the same vibe here. But if you haven't already, try clarify what he meant on a phone or better yet in person. Never be afraid to ask for a clarification.
smackie9 Posted March 5, 2022 Posted March 5, 2022 He's fishing to see if you are just playing him or if you are in it to win it. Instead of answering a question with a question, just be bold and reply with "Of course I'm interested..just wait till you get back and you will see" 2
BaileyB Posted March 5, 2022 Posted March 5, 2022 If I’ve dated a man for three weeks and we had been on seven dates and had sex - I’d be pretty unimpressed if he made this comment to me. Just saying -
BaileyB Posted March 5, 2022 Posted March 5, 2022 (edited) 24 minutes ago, Alvi said: It doesn't feel like a playful banter on his part, but I could be wrong. Sometimes playful banter has an underlying message… Quote The fact he has not responded after you replied asking what he meant is further evidence he was not teasing I tend to agree. Edited March 5, 2022 by BaileyB
Lotsgoingon Posted March 5, 2022 Posted March 5, 2022 The fact that you are even asking if it's a red flag means yes, it's red flag. His response was weird, a definite red flag. And then his lack of response is a red flag also. Absolutely you're getting some odd signals here. 1
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