Trying to understand her true intentions with me.

February 26, 2022

Facts:

She's 26. Im 31. Attractiveness (Being Honest) she is like 4-5 and Im like 5-6) We knew eachother since we were kids around 9 years old but I moved away early on to another state. Not until we were both adult (Her 24. Me 29) I found her on Facbook and we started catching up. At that point I lived 2hrs away so she decided to visit me.

Long story short, the beginning of the relationship was good even though it was long distance. We would we take turns visiting eachother every other weekend or evening up to a month with not seeing eachother. We went on trips, little mini vacations and we were having a blast. As a note I was paying for mostly everything and she would pitch in for food other things. She didn't have much money and I have a good paying job.

Before I continue: Her personality is somewhat odd or I could never really understand it. Some info about her.

1. She's had 2 legitimate relationships her whole life up until me. A couple dates.

2. When she drinks(gets buzzed) she gets more daring to try things but when she is sober you can not get her to do anything daring(super reserved). She told me she had s$x with a guy at a party buzzed back in her day. When she was sober and dating me , I would persuade her to send me nude pics but she always refused. Then one weekend she had a girls night out(She drinks). She facetimes me and then starts showing me her breast as a tease.

3. After the her 2nd relationship she never got back into a relationship until she got with me 5 years later after her last.

4. She is poor with text messaging. She doesn't read or respond my messages correctly. Sometimes she writes back with sentences that dont make sense.

5. It always seemed like her friends and ex's were taking advantage of her by the stories she would tell me.

6. She grew up not showing affection or receiving affection from her parents. Hug greets are weird to her even from her friends.

Then,

When we had gone to one of our mini vacations. She asked me to look something up on her phone while she was doing her hair. I open it and she had Snapchat currently open. I noticed that there were a couple messages that were directed to guys i didn't know. And most of the message replies were only a day to 3 old. I open the most recent message and realized she had sent the guy pictures of her (Not sexual) (Selfies). I asked her who was he and she panicked. Then we had a huge argument. She goes under the sheets and starts doing things with her phone. I kept telling her to let me see her phone I want to see the other messages. She cried say no, and then I told her if she does not let me see it then we are breaking up. I even told her, " Look if youre talking to other guys just let me know. It's okay. Just tell me the truth" She denied it. Then we leave that vacay and I break up with her. She begged to get back together I said no. Then 3 or 4 days later we see each other and sort of work things out and get back together. I loved her by that point and I was willing to accept it and move on.

Then,

We continue our long distance relationship. Then one weekend I decided to surprise her by visiting her on a Saturday night. As a note, she mentioned a week prior to that weekend that her friend was having a birthday party for her dad. At that point we had not seen eachother for a month because we were both busy working. I text her 10min before arriving in her area. She tells me she needs to go pick up some boxes from one of her friends that she ordered. I was like okay. We meet. She didn't bother hugging me or giving me a kiss or simply be excited to see me. I was bothered but hid it from her. We hang out for a bit. Then she tells me that its going to take her 43mins to go and 43mins to comback plus how ever long she stays talking with her friend. I was suspicious but I tell her okay. It was 830pm. Then I go out and hang out at the bars until 12am. I get to the hotel by 1:10am and text her if she was coming. I call her 2x, no response. Then she texts me that she's dropping the boxes at her house. ( I believed that she went to pick up the boxes but I know she went to her friends party afterwards. Then I get frustrated so I leave the hotel and head home. She calls me and we have this argument. Even before this we were already having some issues that I was bottling up inside. So I let her have it. I basically told her that she prioritizes being with other people than me. She could have easily canceled her plans with her friends and had given me the night for us. But that didnt happen. We both get upset at eachother and we decide to break it up.

Then a 2 weeks later. I talk to her trying to get answers and clarity to what was going on with her. She doesn't really give a me a clear response but Im like okay. We're both hurt and kinda want to get together but things were different. I was willing to drop everything from the past and try again. Even though she agreed to do the same her actions made her feel distance to me. Then one weekend I surprise her by staying the night where she lived. Before we saw eachother that night she was going to have a girls night out then see me afterwards. It was 2am when she calls me and tells me that she was on her way to the hotel. She gets to the hotel. I try hugging her or give her my jacket because she said it was cold. She refused both of them. We get inside and right away she get into bed and me too. We cuddle for a bit and then we get down to business. It was the greatest love making for the both of us that night. Prior to that I knew she was kinda buzzed. We were doing things we never did before. Key NOTE: We did very intimate things except KISSING. Ill reach for a kiss but she would alwasy turn away. In other words she was leading and pushing me in ways to let me know what she wanted. We had gone so many rounds, it was great. It was clear she was definitely pleased. She was never like this in bed before. It was always hard to read what she liked and didnt like in bed. She was the most challenging partner Ive come to try to figure out how to please.

Then BOOM:

As a note: I was also a little more than buzzed that night so it was really hard to control or forsee when I was going to ejaculate. I decided to buy Plan B as a precaution for that night in case we did decided to make love and I was not in full control of myself. Note: We are both in consent and both agree to use Plan B when necasary. We had actually used it a couple times before for certain accidents that had happened.

After we had finished. We lay in bed and I tell her that, "Hey I think I came in you a couple times because I couldnt tell if I pulled out in time. I got Plan B just in case" She got mad tell me how I couldn't control myself. But I remind her Hey I got plan B its okay. Then she tells me that Plan B is not the problem but that she was just mad. Then she starts talking to me about how she had different opportunities back in her day to date guys that were interested in her and now they have kids with other girls. She said that that could have been her. This reminiscing talk got me so confused. I didnt know if I should be jealous, mad, or think deeper about it. I dont say anything because I did not want to start a fight. She lives home and I leave the hotel that night as well.

Before she left I ask her. Hey so I know we're both hurt still but where do you stand in the idea of getting back together or working towards that? She tells me we just have to see. That was such a vague response so I push her further by rewording the question. She finally says, I do want to get back together but we'll have to see. I was like okay. We'll see how it goes.

Weeks later. Now our communication is super poor. I try sending her emojis with messages and she is just text only. I ask if Im moving too fast or if my hearty emojis were bother her. She said no. She takes way longer to respond. She tells me sorry that she couldnt respond but I see that her Snapchat active points had increased immensely during the period I was waiting for her to respond. Point is she was messaging other people and telling me she didnt have time. But she did mention that she can come visit me the weekend after.

So my question is? Does she still have feelings for me? Am I now a fxxkboy to her? What's going through her mind?

February 26, 2022

What about the plan B? Do you think you might be having a child on the way in a few more months?

February 26, 2022

37 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

What about the plan B? Do you think you might be having a child on the way in a few more months?

She took it on the spot. lol

February 26, 2022

Check back in 9 months….

February 26, 2022

The mom talk: The pull out method is like playing Russian roulette...your precum has sperm in it, so anyone can still get pregnant even if you "pullout" in time. That's just dumb.

February 26, 2022

I’m sure you know she’s distancing herself from you. Maybe you need to hear it from a third party. She’s realizing you’re not the man she thought you were. What is with the surprises or spontaneously meeting her when she already has plans on a busy night or weekend? I don’t understand this. It seems you’re trying valiantly to keep this going but it’s not a relationship at all. It’s long distance and she is/isn’t employed? Or doesn’t earn enough to pull her weight? Does she live with her parents or with family?

I think you’ve both stopped engaging with one another and it’s mostly about sex. She even appears to resent you, hinting that you or her have fallen short in this situationship. She wants marriage and kids and perhaps wants a traditional marriage where the man is the primary earner or provider yet she doesn’t seem like much of a catch herself otherwise you’d be engaged by now. You’re emotionally attached but she’s probably not the woman you might see yourself marrying.

Regarding a possible pregnancy, just be a good father if that’s the case. If not, be more careful in future. This woman and you are not a match.

February 26, 2022

12 hours ago, RickyLee828 said:

12 hours ago, RickyLee828 said:

Attractiveness (Being Honest) she is like 4-5 and Im like 5-6)..

Is this^ a significant detail? I'm curious about it's relevance in this context and why you mentioned it.

12 hours ago, RickyLee828 said:

12 hours ago, RickyLee828 said:

Then she starts talking to me about how she had different opportunities back in her day to date guys that were interested in her and now they have kids with other girls. She said that that could have been her.

What jumps out at me here^ is she wants to get married, settle down and resents you because it doesn't appear that's where you're going with her.

It's the reason for her underlying (or not so underlying) anger towards you.

How long have you been dating? Have you discussed closing the distance and/or getting married at some point?

February 26, 2022

15 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

Check back in 9 months….

I will.

February 26, 2022

6 hours ago, smackie9 said:

The mom talk: The pull out method is like playing Russian roulette...your precum has sperm in it, so anyone can still get pregnant even if you "pullout" in time. That's just dumb.

We had already agreed if we had a kid we would be okay.

February 26, 2022

5 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Is this^ a significant detail? I'm curious about it's relevance in this context and why you mentioned it.

What jumps out at me here^ is she wants to get married, settle down and resents you because it doesn't appear that's where you're going with her.

It's the reason for her underlying (or not so underlying) anger towards you.

How long have you been dating? Have you discussed closing the distance and/or getting married at some point?

I mentioned as just extra information. before we got together she spoke to me about the guys she was talking and they all seemed not financially secure or had lots of baggage or they just wanted sex from her. In their eyes she was not wife material but for me she was the world.

On the contrary. We both were planning on getting married. I was already working on purchasing land for a manufactured home so she could move with me.

We dated 3 years before getting together.

February 26, 2022

5 hours ago, glows said:

I’m sure you know she’s distancing herself from you. Maybe you need to hear it from a third party. She’s realizing you’re not the man she thought you were. What is with the surprises or spontaneously meeting her when she already has plans on a busy night or weekend? I don’t understand this. It seems you’re trying valiantly to keep this going but it’s not a relationship at all. It’s long distance and she is/isn’t employed? Or doesn’t earn enough to pull her weight? Does she live with her parents or with family?

I think you’ve both stopped engaging with one another and it’s mostly about sex. She even appears to resent you, hinting that you or her have fallen short in this situationship. She wants marriage and kids and perhaps wants a traditional marriage where the man is the primary earner or provider yet she doesn’t seem like much of a catch herself otherwise you’d be engaged by now. You’re emotionally attached but she’s probably not the woman you might see yourself marrying.

Regarding a possible pregnancy, just be a good father if that’s the case. If not, be more careful in future. This woman and you are not a match.

You're right. She is and has distanced herself from me.

The spontaneous meeting was not uncommon for us. I had already done it a couple of times and it worked out great. The last time we hadn't seen eachother for a month so I'd assume it wouldn't had been that bad. My mistake unfortunately.

I am valiantly trying to keep it going. The 3 years of dating and then 1 year of being in a relationship were great! She was worth it in my eyes. We had no problems but there were underlying issues that slightly gave me red flags senses but I ignored them.

She only earns enough to pull her own weight. She lives with her parents and doesn't pay rent but only makes enough to pay car payment, bills, and has a little extra, not much.

Lately, Ive been the one trying to engage and see if we could work it out. Because I felt like the issues we were having were fixable.

Yes I felt that she began resenting.

We both want to establish a family together. I have the means to provide for her. She isn't much of a catch herself yes, but her personality was perfect in my eyes. She was wife and mother material from what I experienced with her. I wanted that.

If we accidentally have a baby you bet your butts I'll be there every step he/she takes.

But yes, As a heavy hand on my shoulders, im accepting she might not be the one.

February 26, 2022

You both don’t communicate well. This is huge. Be certain that this will be such a struggle if you build a life with someone who can’t communicate. As it stands you’ve broken up and she doesn’t want to date you or get back together so it’s about as far from marriage and living together as it can be. She’s holding you at arm’s length. I’m not certain how you can gauge someone’s loyalty and ability to run a household when she’s never actually done that, not even on her own or not having lived on her own. She seems young and naive. I realize this probably attracts many men.

I think you still care about her deeply but I don’t understand the appeal about her and she’s playing you for a fool. “We’ll have to see” is a shoddy response and tells me she just wants companionship before she decides to move on or find your replacement.

I hope you slowly distance yourself from this and don’t waste your youth or your life over someone who doesn’t want to be with you.

February 26, 2022

It doesn't sound like you are even that into this woman. For that matter, it doesn't sound like she's that into you either. You start out your post by saying she's not that attractive (a detail that wasn't even relevant to the story so I'm not sure why you included that). You've already broken up multiple times. This just sounds like a bad relationship.

And can I just say, you need to educate yourself a little more about birth control. Stop using plan B as birth control, that's irresponsible and not the proper way to do things.

February 26, 2022

14 minutes ago, glows said:

You both don’t communicate well. This is huge. Be certain that this will be such a struggle if you build a life with someone who can’t communicate. As it stands you’ve broken up and she doesn’t want to date you or get back together so it’s about as far from marriage and living together as it can be. She’s holding you at arm’s length. I’m not certain how you can gauge someone’s loyalty and ability to run a household when she’s never actually done that, not even on her own or not having lived on her own. She seems young and naive. I realize this probably attracts many men.

I think you still care about her deeply but I don’t understand the appeal about her and she’s playing you for a fool. “We’ll have to see” is a shoddy response and tells me she just wants companionship before she decides to move on or find your replacement.

I hope you slowly distance yourself from this and don’t waste your youth or your life over someone who doesn’t want to be with you.

I do agree how she could seem naive and your're right it does attract men.

I do care about her but yes I do feel like im being a fool here. You're spot on with she still wants companionship before she decides to move on.

I am gonna have to slowly distance myself. Its gonna be hard for a while but Ill be fine Thank you for your input.

February 27, 2022

Are you still actually dating or is it usually on off like this?

What are you trying to say? You broke up and you're now in the friendzone?

You're talking about having kids together yet she's barely texting anymore?

It's a bit confusing.

February 27, 2022

On 2/26/2022 at 3:26 AM, RickyLee828 said:

Does she still have feelings for me?

I don't think so, no.

This is trainwreck. It's time to let it go, as it appears she already has.

February 27, 2022

3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is trainwreck. It's time to let it go, as it appears she already has.

Agree. The best thing you can do is get to a clinic for STD testing. Many clinics give out free condoms so you're not wasting money on emergency contraception.

February 27, 2022

23 hours ago, RickyLee828 said:

We had already agreed if we had a kid we would be okay.

Ya until it really happens.

March 10, 2022

On 2/26/2022 at 4:20 PM, RickyLee828 said:

We had already agreed if we had a kid we would be okay.

Really? With your relationship not solid at all? Not a good plan.
Plan B is for emergencies, not regular birth control.

Plan B makes some women very sick and should only be taken when absolutely needed.

Why are you still pursuing someone who was cheating on you?

Edited March 10, 2022 by JRabbit

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