unknown55 Posted February 25, 2022 Share Posted February 25, 2022 (edited) I'm a female, in my 20s and my partner is the same age as me. Is it normal that my partner, while we were lying in bed, hit the wall above my head after we had a bad day? He has never hit me. And I don't believe he ever would hurt me physically. Edited February 25, 2022 by unknown55 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 25, 2022 Share Posted February 25, 2022 21 minutes ago, unknown55 said: while we were lying in bed, hit the wall above my head after we had a bad day? How long have you been dating? Whose place did he have this tantrum at? Expressing anger through violence of any type is a red flag. You seem concerned about his temper and immaturity, is that the case? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author unknown55 Posted February 25, 2022 Author Share Posted February 25, 2022 10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: How long have you been dating? Whose place did he have this tantrum at? Expressing anger through violence of any type is a red flag. You seem concerned about his temper and immaturity, is that the case? A year and a half. This was at his place. Yes, I have been concerned for a long time. He's never hit me. It's only been the wall or throwing an object. I haven't been a great partner throughout our relationship. I've been an emotional mess, and he's helped me a lot through those tough times. It's hard to write everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 25, 2022 Share Posted February 25, 2022 6 minutes ago, unknown55 said: I have been concerned for a long time. He's never hit me. It's only been the wall or throwing an object. Yes red flags for out-of-control anger. You don't owe him anything for have personal problems and him sticking around. If you are scared, it's time to get out. Talk to trusted friends and family about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author unknown55 Posted February 25, 2022 Author Share Posted February 25, 2022 5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Yes red flags for out-of-control anger. You don't owe him anything for have personal problems and him sticking around. If you are scared, it's time to get out. Talk to trusted friends and family about this. He also doesn't like me talking to my friends and family about our relationship. He says he doesn't talk about my personal issues with other people. He's had to deal with a lot from me over the last year. Last year a took an overdose. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 25, 2022 Share Posted February 25, 2022 (edited) You probably already know none of this is "normal" or healthy. I hope you're receiving help for your addictions and are looking at recovery programs or going into rehab. Why are you both together? Do you need him? How often are you over at his place? Where are your parents? Edited February 25, 2022 by glows 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author unknown55 Posted February 25, 2022 Author Share Posted February 25, 2022 7 minutes ago, glows said: You probably already know none of this is "normal" or healthy. I hope you're receiving help for your addictions and are looking at recovery programs or going into rehab. Why are you both together? Do you need him? Are you sharing a place? Where are your parents? We don't live together. It was a suicide attempt, not an addiction. Yes, I'm currently on a waiting list for help. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 25, 2022 Share Posted February 25, 2022 1 minute ago, unknown55 said: We don't live together. It was a suicide attempt, not an addiction. Yes, I'm currently on a waiting list for help. Find the help you need for your mental health - that's your only and number one priority. Anything else, you can work around. Partners are replaceable especially dysfunctional ones. Are you working? Self-sufficient? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 25, 2022 Share Posted February 25, 2022 (edited) 14 minutes ago, unknown55 said: He also doesn't like me talking to my friends and family about our relationship. He says he doesn't talk about my personal issues with other people. Last year a took an overdose. Sorry this happened. Make sure you follow up with your physicians and therapists. Whatever you discuss with your healthcare providers is confidential, so discuss your fears and the violence. You can talk to whomever you trust about your concerns but do not tell him. Do not become isolated or live in fear. You seem to have good insight that this just doesn't seem right. Most of all take care of your physical and mental health. If you are feeling too stressed, call a mental health hotline. Edited February 25, 2022 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 25, 2022 Share Posted February 25, 2022 No, this isn't normal. It's abusive. Even though he's not hitting you, it's intimidation and the threat of physical violence. And from what else you said, he's trying to isolate you from your friends and family. This guy is really bad for you, and I think deep down you know that. You need to get away from this guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 25, 2022 Share Posted February 25, 2022 (edited) Yes... Many years ago, I dated a woman that needed to throw and break dishes when she got upset. When she came over to my house, I'd put away the good dishes and use a very cheap set I got from "Odd Lot". If she threw and broke one of the "Odd Lot" plates, no big loss. I really didn't care about them. I used to joke... well that is one less dish to wash, tonight. For her... it was something about the sound of the plate or dish breaking that would be a release. Then she'd settle down and be fine. For the record, she had also attempted suicide about 6 months before. I hadn't met her yet and learned of the suicide attempt many months after we had started dating and became exclusive. She wasn't violent towards me... just the plates. And no I wasn't afraid of her. Edited to add: Yes, she would hit the walls at her place (not mine). Not hard enough to break the drywall, but yes she was also a wall hitter. Again, I think this was a release (for her). Edited February 25, 2022 by Happy Lemming 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SingFish Posted February 26, 2022 Share Posted February 26, 2022 4 hours ago, unknown55 said: Yes, I'm currently on a waiting list for help. Sorry you went through that. Hope you find a therapist who will help you see things clearly and make the best decisions for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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