Kengne Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 Really & truly.... I tht my days of starting threads on here were over, but here I am again. The guy I've been seeing for 5 mths... R.... broke it off with us this week. It's over. And I'm in semi-shock, semi-pain, semi-anger. (yeah I know that's three semi's but that's what it feels like - all of the above). So much was said... alot of it I still don't understand... but it all boiled down to: He cares about me a lot... he wants to be with me....but he just doesnt feel like he can handle a serious relationship at this time in his life because of all that is going on.... and he needs to be alone. He feels he cannot give me his 100%, his all, be there for me like he feels a bf is supposed to. (btw-yes I asked if there was smo else involved, he flat out told me no and I believe him...) Background story: this guy is a perfectionist & anal-retentive. His biggest fear in life - yup, failure. During our rel'ship he always told me how hated seeing me upset /annoyed/disappointed with him ... he said it stressed him immensely (and I witnessed this myself on numerous occasions). Regarding the things going on in his life:... he's a physio, and his patient load has been severely down these last few weeks... coupled with the recent loss of a lucrative massage therapy contract he had this SAME week... ... i know he's under alot of stress. But more than anything... i think the real underlying issues have more to deal with where he is at in his life... he once told me mths ago that he felt dissatisfied/unhappy/that smth was missing in his life... he felt like he hadn't achieved what he wanted to accomplish at his age (he's 28)... i.e. own his own home etc... he told me he felt the pressure to have smth to show... and he told me he envied my non-chalant/carefree attitude & wished he could be less serious abt life... bcuz I'm younger (i'm 22) All these things I knew... I knew! I knew...and I just sorta prayed he would be able to handle it all. You see, I've been down this road before with my ex-bf M of 4 yrs... and it killed me to watch him be so unhappy... I tht R was stronger/more capable... but I guess men really are the same... unable to multitask. They need to have their own house in order before they can be there for us (females). At the end of the convo.. he of course still wanted to be friends... stay in touch... who knows, down the road, maybe later we could give it another go?... that he didn't expect to NEVER talk to me again.... [insert platitude here].... But I refused. Told him straight up he could have ALL of me, or NONE of me. I also told him I am going to start dating other ppl... WHICH I AM... and of course he wasn't ecstatic about it, *go figure* but like he said he can't be selfish/unrealistic & expect me to wait for him (which I am not going to do). And that's how it went down. Now I'm left to mend the pieces of my heart back together again and I am sooooooooooo angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told him I wasn't mad at him (didn't want him to feel bad nor think he could have that much an effect on me)... but I am. I'm angry because I feel like he doesn't care about. I'm angry that he's given up on us.. bcuz of what he's going through. I'm angry that he could just let me walk out of his life... like it was nothing. I'm angry that he's going through these issues and there's nothing I can do to help... but give him what he asked ie the being alone. I'm angry that I'm even angry in the first place!! I just want to feel... nothing. And I know it will get to that point (I typically move on quickly)... but I'm angry because it won't be soon enough for me. I want to be at that stage.. yesterday. How do I deal with this? I'm at a total loss. At this point I'm enforcing strict NO CONTACT. I cannot fathom being just his friend... I have no desire nor energy for that... and I refuse to hurt me in the process, to help him...*gotta take care of urself 1st*... I just want to erase him completely from my life & from my memory... I want to move on from this, and it's the only way I know how. funnily enuff... I went through a break-up earlier this year... far more painful... but I feel like this is going to be harder to get thru and I'm even more angrier bcuz I feel like I've lost waaay more... and I'm sooooooooo angry!!!!!!!! Smo please help!!! Any thts.. comments.. advice... K.
barfool Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Wow. Well it sounds like a lot ofyour anger is justified. What's unfortunate about it is that you are spending all your time being angry and thinking over this relationship and not really starting to recover. I wouldn't suggest getting into another relationship right now, even dating might be tainted by the feelings you still hold about your ex-relationship. I would suggest spending some time on you. Take up a new hobby or do something you've always wanted to do. Maybe start keeping a journal and you may find out why some of these feelings are hanging around and then you can work through them. Go out with friends, not just to pick up guys, though. After a breakup is always a time of self-discovery since you had previously been part of a two-man team. Really put some effort into having fun. Just my 2 cents....
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