How to text a reply after a first date

[Happy Lemming]

7 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

This is what my dates and I always do.  

We're in this crazy thing called dating together, why not plan what we want to do together!  

The problem is... she may want to do something that doesn't fit into his budget. 

If its beyond what I have budgeted for the month for dating, the woman will be disappointed that we won't be able to do that activity or venue.

If the guy picks (and plans the date), he has already taken into consideration the cost and knows it will fit in his budget.

[BreakOnThrough]

Do you think she's sitting around on a forum asking how to accept your next advance?  If you are questioning yourself already at this point, you already subconsciously know she's not interested in you.  I have dated numerous women, not ONE I had to chase, but if I did stupidly, it NEVER worked out.  If a woman is into you, she will make it VERY well known she is, otherwise, don't spin your wheels, keep your options open, she may come back, if she does, she is yours, don't chase is the crux of my post.

[poppyfields]

11 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

The problem is... she may want to do something that doesn't fit into his budget. 

If its beyond what I have budgeted for the month for dating, the woman will be disappointed that we won't be able to do that activity or venue.

If the guy picks (and plans the date), he has already taken into consideration the cost and knows it will fit in his budget.

It's not a problem at all, again they are determining what to do together. 

If something doesn't fit into his budget (like an elaborate dinner which is what he was thinking), then they decide (together) to do something else.

My issue with a man picking and planning the date is (1) it may not be something I am interested in doing (like an elaborate formal dinner which I loathe) and (2) he's controlling the date, I would prefer we both be in control of what WE want to do, together.

But who knows, this girl (assuming she's interested) may prefer a more "take charge" man who picks the day, time, place.

It's hard to know, so OP, take all our responses in, but at the end of the day, do what you feel is best and let chips fall where they may.
 

  

 

 

 

Edited February 24, 2022 by poppyfields

[dramafreezone]

16 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

The problem is... she may want to do something that doesn't fit into his budget. 

If its beyond what I have budgeted for the month for dating, the woman will be disappointed that we won't be able to do that activity or venue.

If the guy picks (and plans the date), he has already taken into consideration the cost and knows it will fit in his budget.

Well additionally, a lot of women aren't interested in planning the date.  When asked they just say "I don't know" or "you pick the place."  This is one area where the dating dynamic is still very traditional or old school in my experience.    IMO whoever asks out should do the planning.

Edited February 24, 2022 by dramafreezone

[Happy Lemming]

9 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

If something doesn't fit into his budget (like an elaborate dinner which is what he was thinking), then they decide (together) to do something else.

 

Then she is disappointed and he looks cheap (in her eyes).

If he spends more than he can afford (so he doesn't look cheap), he is angry (under the surface) during the date, because he just couldn't afford that activity/venue.

12 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

My issue with a man picking and planning the date is (1) it may not be something I am interested in doing (like an elaborate formal dinner which I loathe) and (2) he's controlling the date, I would prefer we both be in control of what WE want to do, together.

You can say "no" if you don't like an activity/venue.  Hopefully, he will have a "Plan B", if that doesn't appeal to you, then you could suggest some ideas.

[poppyfields]

20 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Well additionally, a lot of women aren't interested in planning the date.  When asked they just say "I don't know" or "you pick the place."  This is one area where the dating dynamic is still very traditional or old school in my experience.    IMO whoever asks out should do the planning.

That's correct, as a woman I am not interested in planning the date.  What I am interested in is a man who indicates his interest by letting me know he would like to see me again, I positively respond, and from there we decide together what to do.  

Perhaps I (and other women I associate with) don't fit the mold of what is "traditional" but when a man asks me what I would like to do, I tell him!  I give suggestions, and he might offer some suggestions himself.

Then we decide together.  I have a voice, I prefer to use it!  Not sit back passively waiting for him to decide, not my cup of tea.

That is how all my long term relationships started, like I said we are in this together.

That said, I do realize I may be atypical in this regard, so again to the OP, take all this in, but do what you feel is best for YOU.

Edited February 24, 2022 by poppyfields

[Happy Lemming]

14 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Well additionally, a lot of women aren't interested in planning the date.  When asked they just say "I don't know" or "you pick the place." 

This is very true!!

Even after being with my long term girlfriend for 10 years, she has no desire to plan our trips/adventures/vacations.

 

 

[Ami1uwant]

12 hours ago, justasht said:

How can you assume she is meeting others? I really didn’t get that vibe from her. Of course, I could be wrong. 
 

I know she said she really likes the outdoors, I think that would be better than dinner for a second date no?

You always assume they are dating or talking to others.

 

ask about a second dated. 

[jgolffan96]

Well, I sent the message at 12 PM EST and I haven’t heard anything yet so I guess it’s a no?

This sucks. 

[poppyfields]

9 minutes ago, justasht said:

Well, I sent the message at 12 PM EST and I haven’t heard anything yet so I guess it’s a no?

This sucks. 

What did your message say?

[poppyfields]

17 hours ago, justasht said:

she mentioned in the date that she doesn't make herself "super available" and she apologized if she responded late to my texts to try to setup the first date.

Just reminding you of what she said here, so you cannot say you weren't warned.  She may respond later, or not.

Frankly I think anyone who announces on a date that they don't makes themselves "super available" is probably not all that interested and politely letting you know.

I really can't imagine any other reason for saying this.

But who knows; try and chill, talk to other women and if she responds, great, if not, oh well.  Next.

[jgolffan96]

8 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

What did your message say?

@poppyfieldsHey Sarah, I wanted to let you know that I had a great time getting to know you last night and I would love to see you again. Are you free this coming week to maybe go on a hike or grab dinner?

[poppyfields]

21 minutes ago, justasht said:

@poppyfieldsHey Sarah, I wanted to let you know that I had a great time getting to know you last night and I would love to see you again. Are you free this coming week to maybe go on a hike or grab dinner?

There was nothing bad or wrong with that message at all and if she were interested, trust me she'd be all over that.

That's how an interested person acts, they don't ignore messages or announce to their date how "unavailable" they are.

I am sorry this doesn't appear to be working out, but hey maybe she will surprise you and text back tonight!

Keep us posted.

 

 

[jgolffan96]

3 hours ago, poppyfields said:

There was nothing bad or wrong with that message at all and if she were interested, trust me she'd be all over that.

That's how an interested person acts, they don't ignore messages or announce to their date how "unavailable" they are.

I am sorry this doesn't appear to be working out, but hey maybe she will surprise you and text back tonight!

Keep us posted.

 

 

So I just got this response:

"Hey Justin! Sorry, crazy day between work & football and I am just finally settling down. It was great to meet you last night and I enjoyed getting to know you. I really respect you and I don’t want to waste your time, so I want to let you know that I don’t think this is something I want to pursue further. I do hope to see you out on the PGA tour in a couple years! I can see you’re passionate about it and wish you the best of luck with it."

This is really weird, is it alright if I politely ask why? Like I could say, "May I ask what made you not want to pursue this further?" 

This is awful....

[glows]

6 minutes ago, justasht said:

So I just got this response:

"Hey Justin! Sorry, crazy day between work & football and I am just finally settling down. It was great to meet you last night and I enjoyed getting to know you. I really respect you and I don’t want to waste your time, so I want to let you know that I don’t think this is something I want to pursue further. I do hope to see you out on the PGA tour in a couple years! I can see you’re passionate about it and wish you the best of luck with it."

This is really weird, is it alright if I politely ask why? Like I could say, "May I ask what made you not want to pursue this further?" 

This is awful....

No, do not question why. She told you why and was honest instead of ghosting you. The courteous thing to do is say thank you for letting me know and wish her the best. 

Try not to make too much of these brief first meets or encounters. Shake this off and simply move on to the next match.  

[Sun Seeker]

12 minutes ago, justasht said:

So I just got this response:

"Hey Justin! Sorry, crazy day between work & football and I am just finally settling down. It was great to meet you last night and I enjoyed getting to know you. I really respect you and I don’t want to waste your time, so I want to let you know that I don’t think this is something I want to pursue further. I do hope to see you out on the PGA tour in a couple years! I can see you’re passionate about it and wish you the best of luck with it."

This is really weird, is it alright if I politely ask why? Like I could say, "May I ask what made you not want to pursue this further?" 

This is awful....

No do not ask her as the answer is already known - she's just not that into you. There doesn't have to be a specific reason, and it really doesn't matter. She didn't feel 'it'. When you meet someone either you feel it or you don't. Thank her for being honest and wish her the best. Then delete her number or at least do not contact her again and move on to the next one. Don't take it too personally.

Next time, try to be a bit more confident in yourself. Always assume that the woman is interested and act accordingly, until she shows you otherwise. That means leading like every man should, being direct about your intentions to date her, and asking her out if you want to meet her again. No need to wait around trying to not act desperate. A confident man knows what he wants, and goes for it. If she doesn't feel the same about you then remember it's her loss.

[Yosemite]

You're trying to be a pro golfer? Do you have a steady, well-paying job as you try to make that happen? If you're close to 30 yrs old and are underemployed because all of your time is dedicated to trying to become a professional athlete..not many women are going to sign on for that. 

Is it time to make golf your hobby and look for a realistic career? It depends on your age. If you're younger than 25, you can keep trying to turn pro AND have an active dating life, but any older than that and it's going to make dating much harder for you. 

Becoming a professional athlete in any sport sounds like a pipe dream to most people and if you're mid-20's or older and it still hasn't happened for you, many women won't date you because they'll think that your head is in the clouds. 

Does your mom support your dream to become a professional athlete? 

[jgolffan96]

Just now, Yosemite said:

You're trying to be a pro golfer? Do you have a steady, well-paying job as you try to make that happen? If you're close to 30 yrs old and are underemployed because all of your time is dedicated to trying to become a professional athlete..not many women are going to sign on for that. 

Is it time to make golf your hobby and look for a realistic career? It depends on your age. If you're younger than 25, you can keep trying to turn pro AND have an active dating life, but any older than that and it's going to make dating much harder for you. 

Becoming a professional athlete in any sport sounds like a pipe dream to most people and if you're mid-20's or older and it still hasn't happened for you, many women won't date you because they'll think that your head is in the clouds. 

Does your mom support your dream to become a professional athlete? 

I started two years ago and I have made incredible progress while working in a full time job yes. I am not going to give up. #1 rule - believe in yourself and it can be done.

She also works with professional athletes as a side business so I really do not think that is the reason. There are way too many stories of too many people that have been successful as a pro golfer that started late or people told them to quit for me to listen to someone that is not encouraging.

No regrets. 

[glows]

It probably has something to do with whether this person wants to support someone on their way to achieving their dreams or whether she wants to date someone already living their dream. Some are finicky about that and to each their own.

I think you ought to continue pursuing your goals. I’d take this as a good experience asking someone out and don’t be afraid to meet new people. 

[Yosemite]

1 hour ago, justasht said:

I started two years ago and I have made incredible progress while working in a full time job yes. I am not going to give up. #1 rule - believe in yourself and it can be done.

She also works with professional athletes as a side business so I really do not think that is the reason. There are way too many stories of too many people that have been successful as a pro golfer that started late or people told them to quit for me to listen to someone that is not encouraging.

No regrets. 

I've obviously never met you, so I wouldn't know if becoming a professional golfer is realistic for you. (That's why I asked if your mom supports you in this because she would have a better idea than I do.)

My point was that if you're 25+, it's going to make dating harder...that may not be what you want to hear, but it's true. That doesn't mean that you should quit golf, just that you should understand that trying to go pro is going to make dating more challenging. 

For this particular woman, since she's in that industry, she may know how hard touring life is for people who aren't at the top or she may have seen injuries end a few promising careers, so she may not want to date you for those reasons. Or it could be something totally different. 

[Noproblem]

if I am into outdoor

dinner is not my kind of idea of fun date

 

[Noproblem]

3 hours ago, Yosemite said:

I've obviously never met you, so I wouldn't know if becoming a professional golfer is realistic for you. (That's why I asked if your mom supports you in this because she would have a better idea than I do.)

My point was that if you're 25+, it's going to make dating harder...that may not be what you want to hear, but it's true. That doesn't mean that you should quit golf, just that you should understand that trying to go pro is going to make dating more challenging. 

For this particular woman, since she's in that industry, she may know how hard touring life is for people who aren't at the top or she may have seen injuries end a few promising careers, so she may not want to date you for those reasons. Or it could be something totally different. 

 

This girl simply didn't like him, she wasn't even into him from the start.

She right away said I don't like to make myself avaiable.

that means she was just giving it a try, because she didn't  have any options at the moment.

 

In my opinion, he shouldn't even date right now, coz any heartbreak will effect his dream badly.

It's not worth it. He should focus focus focus and work hard. 

Follow your dream now op, work hard, and then date later when you establish yourself.

 

 

 

 

Edited February 25, 2022 by Noproblem

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, justasht said:

This is really weird, is it alright if I politely ask why? Like I could say, "May I ask what made you not want to pursue this further?" 

This is par for the course. One and done meetings are very common. Just brush it off and move forward.

That's why you need to determine interest first and early on before elaborate second date planning.

The reason for this is exactly what happened here. It didn't work out so you move on more efficiently without stalling out or burning out.

Never, under any circumstances, backpedal and ask someone why. It's pointless.

[Wiseman2]

17 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Not sure how the conclusion being drawn is "game playing."

"I'm not that available" is a preemptive strike. That's why it's a red flag .

[dramafreezone]

14 hours ago, justasht said:

I started two years ago and I have made incredible progress while working in a full time job yes. I am not going to give up. #1 rule - believe in yourself and it can be done.

She also works with professional athletes as a side business so I really do not think that is the reason. There are way too many stories of too many people that have been successful as a pro golfer that started late or people told them to quit for me to listen to someone that is not encouraging.

No regrets. 

Congrats man, and good luck to you. I just started golf last month and I'm 42, and definitely already fanatical about learning more.  I'm envious of you and wish I'd started much younger as I think I would've wanted to try to make it to be PGA.

Something like that, is going to require your solitary focus and sacrifice which I'm sure you already know.  I think the majority of the successful PGA pros had to practice and undergo a ton of coaching instead of hang out with friends, or dating.  

Regarding this woman, my advice is don't ask why she doesn't want to pursue it further.  You're thinking like us typical guys, you want to try to analyze and fix the situation.  She's just doesn't have a high enough attaction to you, that's why she doesn't want to move forward, and there's nothing you're going to do in the short term that's going to fix that.  Be thankful that she at least texted you and told you, more often than not they will just ghost you.  She ended this in the way a respectful adult would.

Good luck to you and I think if you do make it to the PGA tour this won't be the last you've heard of this woman.

Edited February 25, 2022 by dramafreezone