How to text a reply after a first date

[jgolffan96]

I went on a first date Wednesday evening that I think* went well. She is a really nice and kind person and she mentioned in the date that she doesn't make herself "super available" and she apologized if she responded late to my texts to try to setup the first date. I thought that was overly kind especially since I did not feel that she was late in responding at all. She is also into the outdoors

Since she mentioned that and since I don't want to come off as super available either, I was thinking of sending the following tomorrow morning:

"Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I had a great time last night. I know we're both super busy, but I'd love to see you again. Would you want to grab dinner next week?"

Is this okay to send like first thing in the morning or say at lunch time? Trying to stay chill and not come across as desperate, while still saying I am interested. Thoughts?

 

 

 

[glows]

Sure. Send it. Tomorrow morning sounds good. 

You’re only making your interest known. If she replies then ask her what day or time is best for her.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, justasht said:

 she mentioned in the date that she doesn't make herself "super available" 

The "super available" thing is game playing nonsense. An interested person is available.

Just text you had a nice time and would she like to go for dinner next week, when would be good for her .

Keep it simple without games. It's a yes or no question.

If you get the busy signal, step back completely. Anything but a "yes" is a "no"..

You're both talking to and meeting others, so keep doing that.

[jgolffan96]

22 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

The "super available" thing is game playing nonsense. An interested person is available.

Just text you had a nice time and would she like to go for dinner next week, when would be good for her .

Keep it simple without games. It's a yes or no question.

If you get the busy signal, step back completely. Anything but a "yes" is a "no"..

You're both talking to and meeting others, so keep doing that.

How can you assume she is meeting others? I really didn’t get that vibe from her. Of course, I could be wrong. 
 

I know she said she really likes the outdoors, I think that would be better than dinner for a second date no?

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, justasht said:

"Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I had a great time last night. I know we're both super busy, but I'd love to see you again. Would you want to grab dinner next week?"

Then why text this? Most importantly don't play games.

After one date you're not exclusive so of course you're both talking to and meeting others.

[jgolffan96]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Then why text this? Most importantly don't play games.

After one date you're not exclusive so of course you're both talking to and meeting others.

I’m sorry I’m confused. Are you saying by asking her out for something outdoors that’s playing games? 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, justasht said:

I’m sorry I’m confused. Are you saying by asking her out for something outdoors that’s playing games? 

 It's not confusing.  If you want to see her again simply ask. (Whatever you want since first you stated dinner then outdoors etc )

Playing unavailable is playing games and that's not confusing either.

If you had a good first date, the next step is to be prompt in setting something else up. 

Try not to be confused by pickup artist advice such as waiting several days to contact or playing unavailable etc.

That may be were the confusion is.

Keep it simple. If you like someone, ask them out again. It doesn't matter what exactly you want as a date.

 

[Happy Lemming]

We don't you call and present a date plan to her... 

"Hi Sally, its Joe... I had a really great time the other night.  As luck would have it, my favorite comic is playing at the 'Laff Factory' downtown, this Saturday - 9:30pm show. And I know this great Tex-Mex place across the street, would you be up for dinner (before) and the show?"

Don't leave a "date plan" with holes in it.  Have a plan that sounds fun.  You want her to say "yes", so have everything planned out. (Date - Time - Place - Activity)

If she says "no", then have a plan B for another night.  If she shoots down your plan B, then ask her for her schedule and tell her you are going to try to "date plan" for that night and you'll call her back.

 

[poppyfields]

10 hours ago, justasht said:

she mentioned in the date that she doesn't make herself "super available"

What an odd thing for her (or anyone) to say, assuming she's interested.  How did you respond?  

If a man said that to me, I'd take it as either very low interest and/or a polite way of saying he's not interested at all. 

OR playing games. 

Interested people act interested, they don't erect walls or put up 'I'm unavailable' defenses, they're open, responsive and available.

My advice is simply move on from this one altogether. 

Edited February 24, 2022 by poppyfields

[dramafreezone]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Playing unavailable is playing games and that's not confusing either.

 

If we're being honest everyone plays the "unavailable game."  If you get a text and don't immediately respond even though you can, or get a call and don't pick up, then that's the unavailable game.  We all do it, it's a unflattering truth that we don't like to admit.  

OP unfortunately there is a thing as being too available.  What do people think stalking is, it is the most extreme, dysfunctional form of availability. 

It's not a negative comment on anyone, it's just the way we are wired as humans.  We tend not to value as much what is in abundance.  It goes for everything, including people's time.  Additionally, now it's embedded in dating culture.  There are books written over 30 years ago that literally tell women to be unavailable, tell me I'm wrong.

OP you have a choice to make.  You can wait on only women with high interest, who you don't have to play the "unavailable game" with, they'll answer your calls and texts immediately.  Attraction trumps everything.  Those women are amazing, but you're just not going to meet very many women because that type of attraction is rare right off the bat. 

Or you can go on more dates, and deal with lower interest women that are turned off by a guy that's super available all the time, but sometimes things click after a while with those women. 

OP you have to do what you feel is best, if that involves making some errors and learning from them so be it.

Edited February 24, 2022 by dramafreezone

[glows]

What is the big issue, J. Just text or call her today and ask her out to dinner. Don't be a nervous ball of energy. Keep us updated and good luck. If she doesn't respond, so what? Next.

[jgolffan96]

Just now, glows said:

What is the big issue, J. Just text or call her today and ask her out to dinner. Don't be a nervous ball of energy. Keep us updated and good luck. If she doesn't respond, so what? Next.

@glows@dramafreezone @Wiseman2 Okay will do, I haven’t asked her yet because I was busy this morning. Is it okay to go ahead and ask her for a hike this weekend or is that too soon?

[glows]

A hike seems involved. I don't like hiking with people I don't know well. The trail can be long and I don't want to be stuck on one with a person who is too slow or talks too much. That's just me. You're doubting yourself quite a lot. Why not something easier like a dinner date, done in two hours and go home. 

[poppyfields]

Yes, please let us know the outcome.

Good luck hope it works out. 

[jgolffan96]

Just now, glows said:

A hike seems involved. I don't like hiking with people I don't know well. The trail can be long and I don't want to be stuck on one with a person who is too slow or talks too much. That's just me. You're doubting yourself quite a lot. Why not something easier like a dinner date, done in two hours and go home. 

@glowsBecause we went for drinks at a restaurant for the first date and talked a ton so I felt like it would be like a repeat of the same; and we both enjoy the outdoors. She actually really likes the outdoors so I thought it would be more exciting and interesting vs just a dinner? 

[jgolffan96]

@glows @poppyfields is this weekend too soon?

[glows]

Ok, ask her if she would like to hike with you. Check the weather.

[jgolffan96]

1 minute ago, glows said:

Ok, ask her if she would like to hike with you. Check the weather.

@glowsCrap. Weather is no go on Sunday.

[dramafreezone]

17 minutes ago, justasht said:

@glows@dramafreezone @Wiseman2 Okay will do, I haven’t asked her yet because I was busy this morning. Is it okay to go ahead and ask her for a hike this weekend or is that too soon?

Why not ask her when *she's* available?

If you give a hard date, it's just asking for a rejection.  She may already have plans.  Ask her when she's free to get together.

[poppyfields]

A hike seems too "friendshippy" to me. 

Assuming she is interested and says yes, take her for drinks and apps to share, someplace with good vibe and music, nothing elaborate or formal. 

She's probably got every man and his brother asking her for "dinner." 

Yawn.  Stand out from the crowd, be creative.  Be different from the standard contrived BS. 

You want an atmosphere where her attraction has a chance to increase, and you can escalate the physical, like a kiss. 

Hikes come later, once dating for awhile or in a relationship.

 

Edited February 24, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

I don't see anything wrong with her text.

She is being courteous and letting you know ahead of time that she doesn't always respond back right away.

Not sure how the conclusion being drawn is "game playing."

Try not to jump to conclusions this early on.

 

[Wiseman2]

23 minutes ago, justasht said:

@glowsCrap. Weather is no go on Sunday.

Too soon. Avoid last minute. Simply state you had a nice time and would like to see her this coming week. Why not ask what she would like to do?

The point is to convey an interest in seeing her again.

Locking down an overly specific day, time, place, activity, etc. may lead to a "no" and you may not know why. Perhaps she doesn't want to hike or this or that or whatever, so leave it open ended so that you can gauge interest.

 But stop stalling and overanalyzing how/what to even ask. The problem is you're running all these scenarios in your head about when, where, what etc., and you haven't even determined interest.

So skip the overly specific plans and first gauge interest by stating you would like to do something this week. If it's "I'm busy" or "I see you as a friend" then you've wasted a lot of time on specific plans without first figuring out if she wants to see you.

Edited February 24, 2022 by Wiseman2

[glows]

38 minutes ago, justasht said:

@glowsCrap. Weather is no go on Sunday.

Is Sunday the day you're free? Ask her if she'd like to do something with you this Sunday if she's available. Figure out something together. 

[poppyfields]

43 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

But stop stalling and overanalyzing how/what to even ask. The problem is you're running all these scenarios in your head about when, where, what etc., and you haven't even determined interest.

I was just going to say this!   First determine interest.  You might even try developing a rapport; I love that myself, although I realize not everyone is like me.  

If she appears open and interested, tell her you'd like to see her again, ask her availability.  If she gives you days she's free, make a plan.  If she stalls or makes excuses, next.  Again interested people act interested.

Second date, nothing too elaborate of formal.  JMO as always but it wreaks "trying too hard."  

It's really not supposed to be this complicated although I understand the anxiety.

Let us know!

 

Edited February 24, 2022 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

25 minutes ago, glows said:

Figure out something together. 

This is what my dates and I always do.  

We're in this crazy thing called dating together, why not plan what we want to do together!  

Edited February 24, 2022 by poppyfields