pepperbird2 Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 A while back, I stated a thread on here about how I am adopted and found out that my bio other was sexually abused by a first order relative, and I am the end result. She was really young, and while I was able to find her, meet one of my aunts and have been in contact with my two half siblings on her side. I had used 23 and Me back when I first started looking so my DNA results were there, and I had two really strong matches-one who shows up as being my niece ( she's my cousin) and someone who shows up as my half sister. I don't know for sure that she is, as the consanguinity ( a nice way of saying sexual molestation by a relative) throws the results off. I've been debating whether or not to try and make contact with her. In most cases, I would say an adoptee shouldn't be afraid to make contact, but this feels different. If I do, she's going to want to know how I can be my bio mother's child and also be her half sister-if I am. I don't want to turn her life upside down- and if I tried to make contact, isn't that what would happen? Do I even have the right to do that to someone? What if she was abused as well? It could even be that the DNA is off and we aren't half siblings/cousins. I know no one can tell me exactly what to do, so I'm just looking for opinions. I joined a forum for sexual abuse survivors, and got some opinions from them. Anyone care to weigh n. Should I just leave well enough alone? Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 I think you have a right to contact her. Whether or not you should is another issue. If you have the strong need and desire to pursue contact with possible relatives that's probably not going to go away and you might always regret it if you don't at least try. Of course you might regret it if you do. Tough call. I think I would probably reach out, if it were me. If you've thought it through (it sounds like you have), then act on what your instinct tells you. Just be prepared for for any outcome, positive or negative. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pepperbird2 Posted February 23, 2022 Author Share Posted February 23, 2022 16 hours ago, FMW said: I think you have a right to contact her. Whether or not you should is another issue. If you have the strong need and desire to pursue contact with possible relatives that's probably not going to go away and you might always regret it if you don't at least try. Of course you might regret it if you do. Tough call. I think I would probably reach out, if it were me. If you've thought it through (it sounds like you have), then act on what your instinct tells you. Just be prepared for for any outcome, positive or negative. It's hard to know what to do. Back when I first started looking for my bio family, I thought it would go the way so many do. You find your bio relatives,make a connection and go from there. That's not going to happen here. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 23, 2022 Share Posted February 23, 2022 17 hours ago, pepperbird2 said: and also be her half sister-if I am. Sorry this is happening. It seems natural to want to know one's roots. As far as this undetermined relative, just say the commercial DNA test results state there is a relation if you want to reach out.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 23, 2022 Share Posted February 23, 2022 I'd keep it bland as suggested above and mention that she came up as a listed relative. She's on the 23&Me database and can look at where you are at on the tree or graph and make a decision on whether she'd like to respond to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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