Reality Check: I turn 30 this year and I'm single. I didn't see this coming

[bjobrien]

I was out on the weekend. Still early days from my recent break-up. It's been just over two weeks. Someone asked me my age and I literally couldn't remember whether I was 28 or 29. The last 4.5 years have gone so quick and having my last two birthdays during lockdown - I literally couldn't think. I then realised that I'm 29 and turn 30 in two months. This realisation stung but also the realisation that I'm entering my 30s as a single and broken man hurts even more. I didn't really see this coming. My ex is 4-years younger than me, so I'm slightly envious at the wasted time with her. I don't feel like I've achieved much in the last 4.5 years so I've had an absolute reality check / wake up call that I need to get my life together and I can't waste anymore time. It sounds stupid, but any tips on dealing with the big 3 0 whilst coming to the realisation that I'm a single man in his 30s will be much appreciated. 

Edited February 21, 2022 by bjobrien
spelling

[Sun Seeker]

Sounds like you are just looking for an excuse to feel sorry for yourself, after a break up.

There is nothing doomy and gloomy about being single at 30 whatsoever.

Try to look at the positives such as by now you should know exactly what you want, and past experiences will help you navigate the dating world again more successfully.

[Happy Lemming]

Is there a reason you want to get married?? 

There are sooo many advantages to being single.  The main one is... if you get tired of dating a certain woman or someone better comes along, you can easily "exit" a relationship with minimal to / no costs or issues.  To get out of bad relationship takes 1 phone call or text and 30 seconds out of your life (no cost).  I dare say getting out of a marriage will cost you quite a bit more (time and money).

Being single... you get to decide what you want to do with your money/earnings. How you'll invest it, what to buy, what to sell... You also get to decide how you'll live your life, where to live, when to move, what job to take, etc. And if/when to retire!!

You are only responsible for yourself and don't have to take another person's views into consideration, you can do what is best for you!!

I'm 56 (male) and always been single and never married.  I do live with my long term current girlfriend, but she signed a (month to month - $1/month) lease and either one of us can decide to cancel it with 30 days notice. 

 

[PotatoHead]

Enjoy being single and in your 30's.  Focus on yourself, doing things you want, your career.  You answer to no one.  The right person will come along eventually.

I've never been single in my adult life and I think I missed out on a lot.  Now divorced with 3 kids.

Edited February 21, 2022 by PotatoHead

[Happy Lemming]

15 minutes ago, PotatoHead said:

I've never been single in my adult life and I think I missed out on a lot. 

@PotatoHead You make a very good point!!

I had a BLAST (in my 20's, 30's and 40's) traveling, going on various adventures, being nomadic (moving around every couple of years) and just enjoying the variety that came my way.

I know a wife would have "clipped my wings" and grounded me.  In addition to my travels, there is no way a wife would have let me take the financial risks, that I took. 

To the OP... embrace being single in your 30's... hit the ground running!!  Adventure awaits!!

[bjobrien]

1 hour ago, PotatoHead said:

Enjoy being single and in your 30's.  Focus on yourself, doing things you want, your career.  You answer to no one.  The right person will come along eventually.

I've never been single in my adult life and I think I missed out on a lot.  Now divorced with 3 kids.

@PotatoHead thank you for your kind response. I've already had 3 long term relationships so maybe it's good I stay single for a few years and become the man I want to be - hopefully getting to know my true self at the same time.

[bjobrien]

1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

@PotatoHead You make a very good point!!

I had a BLAST (in my 20's, 30's and 40's) traveling, going on various adventures, being nomadic (moving around every couple of years) and just enjoying the variety that came my way.

I know a wife would have "clipped my wings" and grounded me.  In addition to my travels, there is no way a wife would have let me take the financial risks, that I took. 

To the OP... embrace being single in your 30's... hit the ground running!!  Adventure awaits!!

Thank you @Happy Lemming I appreciate your optimism. An adventure is exactly what I need at the moment!

[Happy Lemming]

57 minutes ago, bjobrien said:

An adventure is exactly what I need at the moment!

Throw a dart at a map and go there!!  And yes, I've done that!!

[ShyViolet]

You are assigning way too much meaning to the arbitrary fact that you happen to be single when you are turning 30.   I didn't get the memo that we have to be in a relationship when a milestone birthday comes around.  Relationships come and go, and I'm sure you will have another relationship in the future.

I remember when I was turning 30, I was all low-key freaking out, like "ohhh, I'm getting old".  Listen .... 30 is still very young.  You have so many good years ahead of you.  

[Wiseman2]

You seem depressed. While heartaches hurt, you're unhappy in almost every area of your life.

Your GF never held you back or "wasted your time" 

According to you, you dumped her because you didn't love her, she wouldn't move aimlessly, she wouldn't change enough and she wasn't getting a job that you wanted her to.

It seems in her absence, even though you pushed her away, your facing your own demons rather than blaming her  for them.

 

Edited February 22, 2022 by Wiseman2