crystal797979 Posted February 21, 2022 Posted February 21, 2022 I would love some perspective as I'm overthinking/slightly freaking out about a new guy I really like and am about to meet in person for the first time. We met virtually back in the fall as we're both in the same career path (tv) and I gave him internship advice. He's in his last year of college and I'm 2 years out of it and a bit further along in the same field. After meeting over zoom, we've been texting pretty much the past few months more and more. It started off mainly about job stuff (I helped him get an internship, though not at my company) and it has now evolved into something more friendly or beyond. In the process, he's come out to me about being gay (I am as well; we're both early 20s). Our chemistry is fantastic as we bond over a ton of similar interests and the conversations flow easily. I think he likes me because of the below reasons but am not 100% sure. I'm going to finally go meet him next week and presumably will find out. While you can't obviously read minds, what do you objectively think? Do I have a good shot heading in? Reasons I suspect he likes me: -He initiates majority (prob 80%) of text convos and has found random reasons to reach out. Continues to initiate convos too even as I've ramped up banter. Happen usually a few times a week. -Convos often run into late night/12am until falling asleep and run an hour+ -When he found out it was my birthday, he was one of the very first people to text me at like 12:04am the night of -Matches my flirtyness/teasing in convo -When I mentioned once that I was somewhat close to his area, he texted saying "and you didn't come visit? Sigh. Jk Jk" -I wished him a great start to his week and he replied with the very excited smiling emoji Reasons I'm skeptical: -No SUPER outward flirting - ala. "you're cute"; "I like you" -He always initiates convo w/ tv talk, though that could just currently be his only way in -Doesn't initiate the flirty banter but instead follows my lead/matches -I think he's recently out as gay/inexperienced perhaps? I finally decided to tell him I'd be back in the area visiting and that I'd like to hang. He excitingly said yes. I've been avoiding just outwardly expressing my feelings because of the mentoring/gray area of that all. Thoughts on all this?
Wiseman2 Posted February 21, 2022 Posted February 21, 2022 Wait until you meet in person. He seems down for a hookup.
glows Posted February 21, 2022 Posted February 21, 2022 It’s tricky and boils down to your professionalism regarding your work and career. You seem enticed but it may be also due to lack of adequate options (in dating). My thoughts are that you’ve been daydreaming quite a bit and perhaps working from home has created some isolation, building up meeting a colleague or mentee relationship into something else other than a professional relationship. In regards to where he is at he may very well be willing to have a fling with you or see where this goes but it could make things uncomfortable should it not work out or rumours spread. Some have no issues dating in the workplace. I disagree with it personally. Pursue at your own risk and take your head out of the clouds. He’s your junior and you may be flattered by his attention but he’s not your equal or someone you see yourself with in the long term.
ShyViolet Posted February 21, 2022 Posted February 21, 2022 I think once you meet in person, it will become clear whether this is a romantic/dating thing and whether the two of you have chemistry. Don't judge it based off of the texts. You're saying that you really like this guy, and yet you've never even met. Please remember, YOU don't even know if you really like this guy anyway, until you meet him in person and see how the chemistry is. Until you actually meet in person, you like the idea of him and the fantasy of him that you've built up in your head.
smackie9 Posted February 21, 2022 Posted February 21, 2022 This is what confident people do...they take the risk, and ask for a date because they like them, not because of the right signals. Stop fretting about it and ask him out for drinks or dinner. 1
stillafool Posted February 21, 2022 Posted February 21, 2022 (edited) 13 hours ago, crystal797979 said: -I think he's recently out as gay/inexperienced perhaps? What? Are you saying he came out as gay recently? If so, forget him he will not turn heterosexual for you. Edited February 21, 2022 by stillafool
Alpacalia Posted February 21, 2022 Posted February 21, 2022 (edited) Try to wait until you meet before deciding on whether or not you like him. Right now you're projecting feelings onto someone that you hardly know. Besides, it can be ego-boosting for some to chat with someone they find attractive, because they can have your attention for basically no effort. He just has to lie on his couch and text. Plus when you text him too much before meeting, you might not catch his real self via text. In text, he may seem completely different than he does in person. He might be juicy through text but maybe not in person. I'm not trying to be a joy-killer here, just trying to get you off the ledge a bit. Especially with all his late night texting and flirty talk... Having said that, have fun on your hang out! Edited February 21, 2022 by Alpaca 1
dramafreezone Posted February 22, 2022 Posted February 22, 2022 (edited) If you've not even met the guy in person yet this is a bunch of worrying over nothing IMO. People don't usually agree to go out on dates with people they don't like, but attraction is like a thermometer. Attraction for most dates is going to be lukewarm, and increase over time. It seems like you expect his level of interest to be super high right off the bat, which is rare. Why not just see if you two have chemistry? What if you get on the date and there's not the energy that you had in the virtual realm? Just go on the date to have fun, with no more expectations other than that. Don't put too much into this first meeting. Edited February 22, 2022 by dramafreezone
mortensorchid Posted February 26, 2022 Posted February 26, 2022 If he likes you then I suppose he would do something more direct. He'd say something like "you're cute" or something. Men usually will and they usually will tell you if and when they aren't interested in you. At least in my experience they have. Then again not many have had as many blows to their self esteem as me according to comments made. But I digress... If he doesn't say then he doesn't feel. Fact.
dramafreezone Posted February 26, 2022 Posted February 26, 2022 10 hours ago, mortensorchid said: If he doesn't say then he doesn't feel. Fact. Eh, this is painting with a very broad brush. Guys don't always say or tell what's on their mind. *Some* guys will give a woman strong verbal indicators that they like her and some won't. We don't all communicate in the same fashion. Only thing to do is to go on the date and see if there's chemistry IMO. Like I said, guys don't typically agree to go out with women they don't like.
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