jgolffan96 Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 So I met someone on OLD and I am in the process of getting her number to ask her out for sometime early next week. I don't drink, but she does so I thought I would ask her out to a bar (and to change things up because coffee first dates haven't been the best for me so far). Would it be weird if I ask her out to a bar and I order a shirley temple? Pretty new to dating here...
Alpacalia Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 No, I would think it was adorable. A Shirley temple...what's not to like? 1
poppyfields Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 (edited) 17 minutes ago, justasht said: So I met someone on OLD and I am in the process of getting her number to ask her out for sometime early next week. I don't drink, but she does so I thought I would ask her out to a bar (and to change things up because coffee first dates haven't been the best for me so far). Would it be weird if I ask her out to a bar and I order a shirley temple? Pretty new to dating here... I wouldn't ask for a Shirley Temple (don't ask me why I may get beat up for it lol) but how about a non-alcoholic beer or sparkling water (perrier or pellegrino) with lime? Not drinking is nothing to be ashamed of, I usually have one or two depending on how strong then after that it's perrier or some other type of sparkling water. I cannot hold liquor well and prefer to keep my senses! Edited February 19, 2022 by poppyfields 1
Author jgolffan96 Posted February 19, 2022 Author Posted February 19, 2022 (edited) Just now, poppyfields said: I wouldn't ask for a Shirley Temple (don't ask me why I may get beat up for it lol) but how about a non-alcoholic beer or sparking water (perrier or pellegrino) with lime? Not drinking is nothing to be ashamed of, I usually have one or two depending on how strong then after that it's perrier or some other type of sparkly. I cannot hold liquor well and prefer to keep my senses! I’m going to ask. Why not a shirley temple? Edited February 19, 2022 by justasht
poppyfields Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 (edited) Just now, justasht said: I’m going to ask. Why not a shirley temple? Nope sorry not going there... But think about it, you're a man right? There I just went there, lol. JMO, some women might think it's cool. Alpaca did, so don't go just by me. I think the others I mentioned would be a better choice. JMO Edited February 19, 2022 by poppyfields
Author jgolffan96 Posted February 19, 2022 Author Posted February 19, 2022 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Nope sorry not going there... But think about it, you're a man right? There I just went there, lol. JMO, some women might think it's cool. Alpaca did, so don't go just by me. I think the others I mentioned would be a better choice. JMO Gotcha. So is it okay to ask the bartender what they have that’s non alcoholic or should I go in with something planned?
Alpacalia Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 Well, I thought it was adorable. So did my ex swat officer boyfriend (except he drank Roy Rogers) and he certainly was a man on all levels. 1
poppyfields Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, justasht said: So is it okay to ask the bartender what they have that’s non alcoholic... I think that's fine. The important thing is you don't feel shamed about not drinking which it sounds like you do a little bit. Be proud, own it. [ ] Edited February 19, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator debating 2
FMW Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 It would be fine just to order a Coke or other soft drink. Other options are Seltzer or Club Soda with wedge of Lime or Lemon. I have a musician friend who doesn't drink but is regularly playing in bars and clubs where most people are. This is his go to drink, sometimes with a splash of Cranberry juice. It doesn't stand out or draw attention. I would skip ordering a Shirley Temple unless you like really sweet drinks. Also it might make it appear that you are not used to or comfortable in a bar and might affect the flow of conversation. Just my opinion of course. 2
smackie9 Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 (edited) There are a lot of mature non alcoholic drinks / cocktails and beers to choose from. Just ask the bartender what they recommend. They are usually called mocktails Edited February 19, 2022 by smackie9 3
Happy Lemming Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 Years ago, I would be the "designated driver" for this woman I was dating and all of her girlfriends. She had this HUGE SUV, they'd all pile in and I'd drive them around to different bars/clubs. I drank Diet Coke the whole night and drove the crew. Most of the time, the bartender would give me my Diet Coke for free, because I was the "D.D." No one even noticed I was drinking a soft drink, all of the women had fun, they all got home safe and sound and I had some cold Guinness waiting in my girlfriend's fridge for when we got back to her place. Yes, just order a Diet Coke or Coca-Cola... no one will notice or care. 3
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 Once many years ago I asked a bartender to make me a cool non alcoholic cocktail. It was so delicious and presented in such a great way others at the bar asked for it. I know it was juice based but forget all the details but it was so good. 1
Lisa Posted February 19, 2022 Senior Moderators Posted February 19, 2022 We've just cleaned up some private conversations and ongoing debate about a particular drink. Please stay on topic.
Lotsgoingon Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 Just because she drinks does not mean you need to plan the night with that preference of hers in mind. She may or may not drink on a first meeting with someone. And then worrying about how she judges your drink means you are fitting around her, which amounts to giving away your power and confidence. You order what you want! Period. If you guys go on to seriously date, she will have to deal with you ordering Shirley Temples if you want. If you go somewhere solely out of the hope of pleasing the other person, and you edit your order out of the fantasy of looking a certain way, you’ve shot yourself in the foot. You might as well change your political views and other ideas to please her. Now, if you want to go a bar for the sexier energy and vibe, then fine. I would go ahead and tell her that if you order a non-alcoholic drink. "I don't drink, but I think bars are fun." But go as yourself, following your own preferences. If you and your date are a match, your preferences will be OK. 3
Wiseman2 Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 2 hours ago, justasht said: So is it okay to ask the bartender what they have that’s non alcoholic or should I go in with something planned? Any soda mixer is fine. tonic water, coke, sprite, etc. They all have those.
Author jgolffan96 Posted February 19, 2022 Author Posted February 19, 2022 16 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: Just because she drinks does not mean you need to plan the night with that preference of hers in mind. She may or may not drink on a first meeting with someone. And then worrying about how she judges your drink means you are fitting around her, which amounts to giving away your power and confidence. You order what you want! Period. If you guys go on to seriously date, she will have to deal with you ordering Shirley Temples if you want. If you go somewhere solely out of the hope of pleasing the other person, and you edit your order out of the fantasy of looking a certain way, you’ve shot yourself in the foot. You might as well change your political views and other ideas to please her. Now, if you want to go a bar for the sexier energy and vibe, then fine. I would go ahead and tell her that if you order a non-alcoholic drink. "I don't drink, but I think bars are fun." But go as yourself, following your own preferences. If you and your date are a match, your preferences will be OK. I will not change myself for the other person. I will be myself, so tomorrow I don’t forget who I am. I only asked this because I have been going for dinner (once) and then mostly coffee for first dates from dating apps and they haven’t gone very well. Because of this, I thought I would change it up and go to bar , and since I don’t drink, I asked for some clarification since I have no experience going to a bar on a date, or really going to bars to meet people. I probably expressed this incorrectly in my original post. 1
poppyfields Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 OP, agree to order anything you want, but be aware of the caffeine in Coke if you're drinking at night..
Author jgolffan96 Posted February 19, 2022 Author Posted February 19, 2022 7 minutes ago, poppyfields said: OP, agree to order anything you want, but be aware of the caffeine in Coke if you're drinking at night.. i dont drink soda so I’ll have to use one of the ideas here or ask the bartender for a creation
Ami1uwant Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 3 hours ago, justasht said: Gotcha. So is it okay to ask the bartender what they have that’s non alcoholic or should I go in with something planned? I rarely drink alcohol. I take medication thst will interact with the meds. I will occasionally have a drink but it’s rare… like 2-3 times a year at most. when I’ve gone out to bar with friends they know I don’t drink much. Outside of creative microbrews I’m not a big beer drinker. A common thing I do drink is a rum and coke with half the normal alcohol and there are a few other drinks I might have. other times I just get a water or soda.
Happy Lemming Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 1 hour ago, justasht said: i dont drink soda... If you order iced tea, make sure its not a Long Island Iced Tea. 3
Lotsgoingon Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 So relax: remember a date is less about impressing someone and more about introducing yourself to someone and them introducing themselves to you. You are not trying to impress them--they should not be trying to impress you. Both of you should just be curious and interested in sharing. Sometimes you know within ten seconds of seeing the person that they aren't your type, same on their end. You don't have to share your craziest ideas, but you do want to give the person some sense of who you are. You're looking for someone you like who GETS YOU ... not approves of you, but who just gets you and appreciates you. And to slow down, all you really want to decide by the end is whether you are interested in a second date. 1
Author jgolffan96 Posted February 19, 2022 Author Posted February 19, 2022 5 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: So relax: remember a date is less about impressing someone and more about introducing yourself to someone and them introducing themselves to you. You are not trying to impress them--they should not be trying to impress you. Both of you should just be curious and interested in sharing. Sometimes you know within ten seconds of seeing the person that they aren't your type, same on their end. You don't have to share your craziest ideas, but you do want to give the person some sense of who you are. You're looking for someone you like who GETS YOU ... not approves of you, but who just gets you and appreciates you. And to slow down, all you really want to decide by the end is whether you are interested in a second date. Thanks for the great advice. I think where i struggle is the initial meetings and keeping the conversation flowing, like too many awkward pauses. Any advice or thoughts I could tell myself in the date to help with this?
Lotsgoingon Posted February 20, 2022 Posted February 20, 2022 Yes, go watch some youtube videos on small talk. So first step is you gotta turn up your curiosity. Dial it up. How did you get here? Where do you live? I haven't been to this place before. You been in this area? It takes practice, but over time you can get good at actually asking questions you want to know. Small talk is great for getting things started. People are just settling down. Gorgeous say out there today. I've been waiting for a day like today. (Only say that if it's true.) No magic, but if she looks really nice, you can say that--as long as you really mean it. The trick is to match your words to the bandwidth and intensity of your thoughts and feelings. Wow, you have a nice voice. You say it calmly if you the liking in low to medium. Say it stronger, Wow, you have GREAT voice! Love your voice. Only say that if it's true. The other thing is to relax about time. There might be some silence especially as people are beginning things. Don't rush to fill gaps. Some people panic at silences and then force themselves to say something and they say something dumb. You might want to practice describing yourself and your job. No complaining or negativity at first meeting. The big thing is to notice your own feelings. Notice anything she says that interests you or touches you or attracts you. This also takes practice.
mortensorchid Posted February 20, 2022 Posted February 20, 2022 I don't see anything wrong with not drinking no matter where you are. You should not drink with others you don't know and you CERTAINLY do not drink in front of others you work with. Why? Just because. I don't drink either. I don't know about why you don't but I don't because I have no tolerance for alcohol, even one drink can and does send me over the edge. And the best person to help me is me and I can't count on others.
Wiseman2 Posted February 20, 2022 Posted February 20, 2022 13 hours ago, justasht said: i dont drink soda Ok. Try not to make this inordinately complicated. Certainly there are beverages you drink. Most any bar/restaurant serves a variety of beverages. 1
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