Should I boycott all dating and just do casual sex only?

[ironpony]

I was also told by my friends that the reason why my gf went for me is because since she is younger, she doesn't have as high of expectations put on me compared to how older have.  Do my friends have a point there?  But if that's true, isn't that a good thing though, because why would a person want their partner to put too high of expectations on them, and it's probably better if a partner is more easier going therefore?

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, ironpony said:

Oh okay thanks.  I just didn't know what was meant by 'buzzwords'.  Thanks, that makes sense.

[ ] 

I don’t know enough about you and I’m not taking time to do research.

a component in play with who you date is career/ financial success and career choices.  There are respected careers that pay lower ( government employee, teacher, social work, fire/ police/ military) that someone might not judge you on.

there is generally a trend in age and income so if you date someone younger you might appear to make more than thrm but with someone around your age they might be more financially successful than you.  This coukd bea big turn off to them.

 

because of the ASD you might be career limited on what you can do because you don’t have the personality fir it.

 

 

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, ironpony said:

I was also told by my friends that the reason why my gf went for me is because since she is younger, she doesn't have as high of expectations put on me compared to how older have.  Do my friends have a point there?  But if that's true, isn't that a good thing though, because why would a person want their partner to put too high of expectations on them, and it's probably better if a partner is more easier going therefore?

I don’t think expectations are the right word.  It’s more long term outlook.

 

a younger person is dating just to have fun.  They generally aren’t looking far out.  An older woman is asking herself …is this someone I can see marrying…if not..I’m wasting my time.

[ironpony]

6 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

I don’t think expectations are the right word.  It’s more long term outlook.

 

a younger person is dating just to have fun.  They generally aren’t looking far out.  An older woman is asking herself …is this someone I can see marrying…if not..I’m wasting my time.

Oh okay.  My gf told me she could see herself marrying me, so I guess that is unusual for someone her age?

[ironpony]

9 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

I don’t know enough about you and I’m not taking time to do research.

a component in play with who you date is career/ financial success and career choices.  There are respected careers that pay lower ( government employee, teacher, social work, fire/ police/ military) that someone might not judge you on.

there is generally a trend in age and income so if you date someone younger you might appear to make more than thrm but with someone around your age they might be more financially successful than you.  This coukd bea big turn off to them.

 

because of the ASD you might be career limited on what you can do because you don’t have the personality fir it.

 

 

This is how it seemed with women around closer to my age in the past, yes, they seemed more turned off by my career situation.

[basil67]

No, it's not unusual for your GF to say that she can see herself marrying you.  She's still immature/inexperienced and this is a rookie error.  

Regarding younger women, they may be cool with you now, but they won't be cool with you as you stay where you are in terms of maturity while they keep on maturing.  By the time she's 30, she'll will want a guy who's got the maturity of someone her age or older.

For what it's worth, I've seen quite young women outgrow their older husbands a number of times.    One friend was early 20's when she married her early 40's partner.  She told me that she loved him for his youthful outlook when she was young.  But she kept maturing and he stayed the same, she ended up seeing him as immature and reckless.  

 

 

[ironpony]

Oh okay, but is me is not not maturing because I am autistic or is that because of other factors?

[SumGuy]

3 hours ago, ironpony said:

Oh okay.  My gf told me she could see herself marrying me, so I guess that is unusual for someone her age?

I wouldn't take that as she is going to propose or she would say yes if you proposed.  More she if comfortable with you and the relationship, e.g. likes how it is progressing, and has no strong issues with you/not seeign red flags.

I would think it is more usual to say such things when young, or with less deep intent, than when older.   

[ironpony]

8 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

I wouldn't take that as she is going to propose or she would say yes if you proposed.  More she if comfortable with you and the relationship, e.g. likes how it is progressing, and has no strong issues with you/not seeign red flags.

I would think it is more usual to say such things when young, or with less deep intent, than when older.   

Oh okay this makes sense.  It was just said before that she is probably dating to have fun, but 'have fun' to me, means no exclusive commitment where she was going for the exclusive commitment, which made me think she wanted more than fun.

Edited February 20, 2022 by ironpony

[SumGuy]

2 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Oh okay this makes.  It was just said before that she is probably dating to have fun, but 'have fun' to me, means no exclusive commitment where she was going for the exclusive commitment, which made me think she wanted more than fun.

"Have fun" means different things to different people.  It can mean exclusive, as n we only sleep with each other, but no expectations this will be long term, we have low level expectations on availability, etc.

I believe I caught you are on the autism spectrum. Iif so these kind of things can be beyond baffling.  They are baffling and imprecise enough for the neurotypical.  Here is where communication is important where the contours of what someone means is important to you.  Not the little details, but the bigger ones like are we exclusive . 

A lot of times for me I go more by actions, and just go with the flow.

[ironpony]

Oh okay thanks.  It's hard to go by her actions if she wants a long term relationship or not.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, ironpony said:

Oh okay, but is me is not not maturing because I am autistic or is that because of other factors?

She will continue to mature as she gets older and gains life experience.  

[ironpony]

Oh but wouldn't I too?

[basil67]

1 hour ago, ironpony said:

Oh okay thanks.  It's hard to go by her actions if she wants a long term relationship or not.

She has said something about imaging marriage with you.  This suggests she’s not looking for a casual relationship

[basil67]

2 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Oh but wouldn't I too?

That’s a discussion for your psychologist.  We don’t know how your autism affects your maturity and decision making

[ironpony]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

That’s a discussion for your psychologist.  We don’t know how your autism affects your maturity and decision making

Sure, I should look into that, thanks.  She is autistic too so I thought maybe her maturity may stay similar too, if that's the case.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, ironpony said:

Sure, I should look into that, thanks.  She is autistic too so I thought maybe her maturity may stay similar too, if that's the case.

We can only guess.....

[ironpony]

Do you think the chances of me being in a good relationship are more high if it's with an autistic woman, because if I can't mature because of the autism, then more likely, she will not either, and this we are on a similar playing field likely?

[ASG]

5 hours ago, ironpony said:

Do you think the chances of me being in a good relationship are more high if it's with an autistic woman, because if I can't mature because of the autism, then more likely, she will not either, and this we are on a similar playing field likely?

It is possible. 

However, don't take possibility as an absolute rule/mandate. 

From how you post here, you seem fairly functional, even if a bit stunted on the social/communication side (this is a leighmans opinion!!) 

Neurotypical women might have trouble with that. But they also might not!!! 

Autism is a spectrum and not a definite thing, as I'm sure you know, so it's very hard to say either way. 

I think the question here is... Are you satisfied with your relationship with your GF? 

Don't think about what other posters might have said in other threads about your relationship. 

Does your relationship make you happy or is it more a source of worry and concern? 

[Wiseman2]

People with ASD have relationships all the time. However your current GF also has ASD according to you. 

You like to tell yourself that because she's too young and naive that this makes it easier for you.

However she has an exceptional amount of drama that continually confounds you.

Therefore it's not about age or ASD, it's about too much drama. That happens in relationships that are unhealthy.

[ironpony]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

People with ASD have relationships all the time. However your current GF also has ASD according to you. 

You like to tell yourself that because she's too young and naive that this makes it easier for you.

However she has an exceptional amount of drama that continually confounds you.

Therefore it's not about age or ASD, it's about too much drama. That happens in relationships that are unhealthy.

well it's weird because things have been going really well lately and most of the time it's going pretty well it's just once in awhile she has these outbursts I guess you could say but then they just go away as if they never happened. So I guess I could just treat it like that where it's just disposable and it just goes away and just never mind those and concentrate on the happy parts in between? I asked my friend's opinions and they said that they think we're great together and you know it's just the outburst here and there so it should be okay if they have a point?

[basil67]

2 hours ago, ironpony said:

well it's weird because things have been going really well lately and most of the time it's going pretty well it's just once in awhile she has these outbursts I guess you could say but then they just go away as if they never happened. So I guess I could just treat it like that where it's just disposable and it just goes away and just never mind those and concentrate on the happy parts in between? I asked my friend's opinions and they said that they think we're great together and you know it's just the outburst here and there so it should be okay if they have a point?

This bolded is just horrible @ironpony     Given that she's spoken of marriage, it's pretty clear that she doesn't view you as "disposable", this approach would be an unbearably selfish and hurtful approach.

If you can't love her for who she is and respect that she's seeing this as a long term thing, then end it.  Don't just use her for fun and company.

[mark clemson]

WRT to "outbursts" there's really no telling. As you know people change over time. These outbursts might fade away and stop being an issue in less than a year, OR they might intensify and become "core" to her personality (aka a "Karen" type). There's really no telling.

In a true LTR lasting decades, it's not really possible to predict how both partners will change. She, or you, could die, become crippled, get a devastating physical disease, or become mentally ill. OR everything could turn out just fine for 30 years. There could be all manner of other significant issues/ups and downs. There is really no way to know these things.

Choosing a "perfect" partner is no guarantee of success, nor is rolling with a partner with substantive flaws (if there are other good qualities that draw you to them) a guarantee of failure. All other things being equal, it's no doubt better to pick a great partner with few issues as a starting point, but nothing will guarantee outcomes in life.

Edited February 20, 2022 by mark clemson

[ironpony]

5 minutes ago, basil67 said:

This bolded is just horrible @ironpony     Given that she's spoken of marriage, it's pretty clear that she doesn't view you as "disposable", this approach would be an unbearably selfish and hurtful approach.

If you can't love her for who she is and respect that she's seeing this as a long term thing, then end it.  Don't just use her for fun and company.

Oh sorry, what I meant was, maybe her issues with certain buzzwords and things like that are disposable in the sense, that she always seems to come around happy after and forgets about them.  I mean my parents have had their arguments here and there, and they are still together, so maybe an argument here or there is normal and I worry about it too much?  I was told by people I know that I do tend to overanalyze things for example.

[basil67]

OK, thanks for clearing that up. 

To be clear, she doesn't have issues with certain "buzzwords".  Rather, she uses the buzzwords to describe social issues that are important to her.    Whether or not you or we agree with her stance, I can only imagine that she'd be greatly offended if she knew you were treating the views which she holds dear as "disposable".  I think it would be wiser to have a conversation where you suggest that the topic will not likely be resolved and it's a conversation which is best to avoid for the sake of peace.  

And yes, your multiple threads about so many issues are evidence that you overanalyse things.  Have you ever thought of taking a break from chat boards to help you avoid getting caught up in these overanalysing loops?

 

Edited February 20, 2022 by basil67