OLD - a positive experience (for once)

[vla1120]

I've had so many bad experiences on OLD and had given up, but was still engaging with men, mostly for entertainment purposes (oh the stories....) I usually do not get past the first or second discussion before they disappoint me (or I disappoint them) and we cut communication. Then I met this man I am talking to now. He is nice....SO nice. I keep waiting for red flags. So far, there are none. He did make one comment when we were first talking. He said he doesn't understand the whole non-binary thing or why a man would want to use a woman's restroom. I gently educated him (having had a cousin who committed suicide over 30 years ago because he identified more as a female than a male, and that simply was not acceptable in my conservative family.) I thought that might be the end of our communication, but he was receptive and said no one had ever made him think about the issue from my perspective. 

After talking on the phone for a few weeks, we met last Sunday. He even addressed Valentine's Day by saying "We just started talking and only just met today, so please do not be offended if I do not acknowledge Valentine's Day in a big way." He still wished me Happy Valentine's Day on Monday. He is not threatened by my career or how much money I make (as other men have been). He has one daughter with whom he is very close. He has a grandson who is in to airplanes. He already told them about me, and his grandson is obsessed by the fact that I work part time at the airport. I was pleasantly surprised he had already told his family about me, already. 

He is very easy to talk to and checks all the right boxes. Because of my unfortunate experiences on OLD (being asked whether I would be willing to wear a full body latex suit with my face covered, finding out one guy lost his license to practice medicine for having sex with his patients in his office, having one guy send a video of himself in bed - I'll leave the rest to your imagination, etc.), I think I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, but so far, so good! He won't let me pay for anything. In the past, I have usually paid because I wanted them to understand I was completely independent. He always insists on paying and I am not used to that. I did tell him I would find out when Sadie Hawkins Day is and I would pay on that date.

It's very, very early, but honestly, in my 61 years, I have not been with a genuinely "nice" guy. I spent 32 years with a self-absorbed cheater, a short stint with a scamming con artist, then 6 years with an emotionally abusive diagnosed NPD. I am not sure I trust my own judgment (I know my daughters don't trust my judgment and think I look for "fixer-uppers", as they call them.)

I know I need to stop looking for a problem. I just need to relax and enjoy this time. Part of me feels I am being unfair to him even trying to date considering I work 6, sometimes 7 days a week and really only have occasional evenings and every other Saturday to spend time with him. However, if he is willing to continue and the time I have is enough for him, then I shouldn't stress about it, right? 

I just wanted to share a positive experience, for once. Feel free to tell me to chill out and stop looking for problems!

[Gaeta]

vla1120: I am happy you are experiencing a positive online meeting but keep your feet on the ground, you've only met this guy 5 days ago. I'm not gonna tell you to not look for problems, as an experienced online dater I will tell you to take everything he says with a grain of salt, don't beleive what he says right off the bat, all this means nothing untill he keeps up with his good behavior for 2-3  months. Don't ignore your little voice when it tells you something is off. 

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, vla1120 said:

I think I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop

Enjoy getting to know him and dating. Let go of the past. Don't let it spoil the present and future.

[chillii]

Just for starters , higher earning women don't threaten men. Most men just aren't stupid enough to bother bc they'll see the expectations and also things being thrown in their face down the track from 100 paces blind folded. And why isn't she going for higher earning men anyway there's far more higher earning men around than women? That sort of attitude just says more about her than the men she ends up with.lf she's a decent person and humble and clear about it not even mattering , she won't have a problem. Know a few marriages where she earns more, so what.

A for this guy , if it's good so far and he doesn't care about your hrs so far, see where it goes if you'd like too. You know the ropes no rocket science needed just enjoy until further notice.

 

Edited February 18, 2022 by chillii

[poppyfields]

Hi @vla1120have you read my thread?

I recently had a positive OLDing experience myself, perhaps the sun and stars are aligned just right!   

Stay open, stay positive, while keeping feet on ground. 

That's what I'm trying to do anyway, good luck! 

 

Edited February 18, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

I think you're doing a really good job pacing things and being mindful.

He was open and receptive during your conversation.

Although I'm not sure why he raised that point in the first place. But maybe you both were just chatting about different things and it came up. 

Him not acknowledging valentines day so early on seems like a really good idea. I think I might have to follow that tidbit myself!

Due to the unfortunate experiences you've endured, it's only natural for you to be extra cautious.

Trust will be harder to come by. It is important that you treat yourself with gentleness as you go forward through this process.

Feel free not to move faster than you're ready. Keep an eye on yourself to ensure you stay within your comfort zone.

Enjoy learning more about one another!

 

[vla1120]

On 2/18/2022 at 10:49 AM, Gaeta said:

Don't ignore your little voice when it tells you something is off. 

Trust me @Gaeta, my spidey sense is on high alert! It is unusual for me to get past a few weeks of contact without some red flag popping. I just need to be careful to take things as they come, give the guy a fair chance, and not expect perfection by looking too hard for any little fault (while still being on high alert.) I get better vibes from him than I have anyone else in a very (very) long time. We'll see how it goes.

Thanks, everyone, for your advice and encouragement!  

[Haydn]

Don't worry.

But does he know his Cheeses?

Not knowing the difference between a good Pecorino Romano and a Gruyère can tell you a lot about a person.

Good luck.

 

[Allupinnit]

3 hours ago, Haydn said:

Don't worry.

But does he know his Cheeses?

Not knowing the difference between a good Pecorino Romano and a Gruyère can tell you a lot about a person.

Good luck.

 

Not only that but which wine pairs with which!