'How can you deny her a sibling?

[Marti2022]

Hello,

I have been in a relationship for the last 11 years and we have a 3 year old child together. Ultimately our relationship has been on/off for the last year and a half, which was instigated by me though we had been unhappy and struggling with our mental health for some time (though supposedly only I was unhappy).

The back and forth of the last year and a half usually comes about because we reach an understanding with it and say we'll move on as co-parents and friends, but then within days or in some cases just hours there will be a change of mood on her part and she will make comments to me which ultimately make me feel immense guilt about it all either towards her or both her and our daughter, and then we end up "trying again". It's a cycle. 

Anyway, a few days ago she caught me off guard while our daughter was being very cute "mothering" one of her teddy's, by saying to me "HOW CAN YOU DENY HER A SIBLING?"

... I don't think I even answered her as I was completely caught off guard by this. (I do struggle alot with communication and proccessing etc, and am currently on the waiting list for an Autism diagnosis, which she actually pointed out she had suspected with me for some time)

I was just looking for some advice about this as I don't know whether to believe I am being manipulated emotionally or something, as ultimately the relationship just isn't working yet I keep being dragged back which then makes us both unhappy...it's very confusing. There have been many others examples of these comments etc but I obviously won't list them all here. Thank you for any help you can give. 

M

 

 

 

 

[stillafool]

If your relationship isn't stable and barely functioning the last thing you need to do is bring another child into it.  Yes I think she's trying to manipulate you into having another child to keep you by her side.  Don't fall for it.

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Marti2022 said:

 our relationship has been on/off for the last year and a half, which was instigated by me though we had been unhappy and struggling with our mental health. am currently on the waiting list for an Autism diagnosis, 

See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist. Get a good workup and accurate diagnosis.

Don't bring another child into an unstable environment. The musings of 3 year old are not a good reason.

Do either of you have drinking or drug problems? Do both of you work? What are her mental health issues?

Why is the relationship on off? Do you live together?

Edited February 18, 2022 by Wiseman2

[glows]

I put myself there in that scenario and the comment about “how can you deny her a sibling” sounds more like a sarcastic joke, a poor or lame ha-ha moment. The reason is because your relationship is so obviously on the rocks no one would think to have another child to pair your existing one with a sibling. Sorry, OP. Maybe she said it with a straight face but I would have laughed right there as it’s that sarcastic. 

Don’t pay attention to it and keep doing you. If you feel the diagnosis will give you more insight about yourself that’s fine. Be a great father and let go of this relationship. It hasn’t been working for awhile.

[emprosnet7]

A new baby is not a remedy for a troubled relationship, it will only bring more problems as things get more complicated.

[introverted1]

On 2/17/2022 at 5:00 PM, Marti2022 said:

ultimately the relationship just isn't working yet I keep being dragged back which then makes us both unhappy..

No one can drag you back in without your permission.  If you think being broken up is the best thing, then stick to your guns and quit with this on/off relationship. Seek counseling if that what it takes for you to be good co-parents to your daughter.